Hey guys! I feel kinda bad for only posting once a week. So, I thought this might make up for it. I hope to update twice a week, with this series be at least one of them. This will somehow inspire me to go on. Also, it's short and easy for me to type.

Also, special thanks to Sariniste for giving me permission to do this. She has her own series of this going on, but with Bleach characters. It'll have the same title as this, but with "Bleach" instead of "DGM". I'd check her out if I were you. Her writing is brilliant and hilarious!

Hope you enjoy!

Dear DGM Fanfiction Authors,

I'm really flattered to see how you all thought so highly of me. I was surprised that of all of the 14,800 fanfiction, 7,700 contains me. That's nearly a half. I'm truly astounded.

But I'm sorry to say, I'm not interested in a romantic relationship, let alone have time for it! Seriously, escaping the Black Order, Apocreeper, and the Noahs is first priority. At least I learned something from Master.

Speaking of him, that's another reason for me to not look forward to any romance anytime soon. I do not want to be compared to him and his womanizing indecencies.

And then there were these...ships. *blushes* First of all, I'm not gay. I can guarantee you about that. There is no way I'll find Kanda attractive. He's just a comrade and friend and nothing else. Same goes for Lavi. Well, Lavi is more like a neet and someone who I feel like messing around with. And Link is my mom. No way will I think of doing such things with any of them!

And really? Tyki Mikk? He's the enemy, for Innocence's sake! He killed me once, remember? With butterflies. And then there were those with the Millenium Earl…*shudders* And I don't know why you pair me up with Nea, when I have no clue on who he is. Pairing me with Noahs who literally have the same faces does not fare well with me.

Lenalee is like a best friend and sister model to me. I have no romantic relationship going on with her. Plus, I do not want to be chased by Komurins everyday in my life. One was enough. Lou Fa is sweet, but I only find her as a friend.

Also, there is nothing going on between Road and I. She stabbed me on my eye! With a candle. And her stealing my first kiss does not mean we're together. Again, she attempted to stab me with more candles ever since I attempted to exorcise Tyki. She's my enemy!

Ah, well. I think that's about what I have to say. Oh, wait. Hold on. I think there's more...

*Scrolls down FFnet to find more stories. He sits rock-still as he saw some particular ones.*

*Speaks slowly as horns and dark aura appear* I do not comprehend how you authors will pair me up with Master. He is my Master and nothing more. There is no "us". There is no "forbidden love". There is only him, his womanizing debacles, mountain-heavy debts, and wine-and-smoke addiction.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must clear my mind from seeing such atrocities. And last time I checked, D. Gray-Man is a shounen manga containing tragedy and sorrow, not yaoi.

Sincerely,

Allen Walker

P.S. If I ever turn out to be gay, I'll be the one topping, not the one bottoming.

Please leave reviews.