Title: First

Summary: She looks beautiful as she walks down the aisle, glowing brighter than he has ever seen her.

Characters: Geum Jan Di, Yoon Ji Hoo

Status: Complete

Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst, Sorrow

Disclaimer/Letter from the Author: I really liked "Boys Over Flowers", although I am joining the fandom too late. I liked how it ended and who everyone ended up with, but I also think that I would have liked Jan Di to ended up with Ji Hoo also. I really like their dynamic and relationship.

Italics symbolize thoughts or important passages in the story. Bold italics signify flashbacks.

"Boys Over Flowers" and its characters are not mine to claim, however the original plot of this fandom is. Please ask permission before any reuse of any part of this fanfiction.

Copyright Marie Meyers, First, 2015. Rights Reserved.

First

She looks beautiful as she walks down the aisle, glowing brighter than he has ever seen her.

Today is Geum Jan Di and Goo Jun Pyo's wedding ceremony. Today, Yoon Ji Hoo stands with his hands clasp behind him, the best man, beside Goo Jun Pyo, the groom. His tux is traditional. He's heard many women whisper he looks good in it.

He can't wait to take it off.

He's too hot in the cool cathedral. His heart is racing too quick. His palms are sweaty and he's yearning to get away.

This is not how he, the best man, should be. The groom stands proud, shifting from one foot to the other in anticipation and excitement.

He should be as ecstatic as the groom, but he is not. He shouldn't wish to flee, as if it were his own wedding and he was suddenly too uncertain to continue; he knows that it's because it is not his wedding that he wants to run away.

He wants to marry the bride. He shouldn't be giving her away.

Yet, he's spent the last eight years giving her away, ever since he returned from Paris to find that she and Goo Jun Pyo's mutual disdain for one another had transcended into something more. He was astounded when he had heard of their relationship, in part because he had known first hand how much she didn't want to be with Jun Pyo.

"This relationship...is it true? Did I arrive too late?"

When Jan Di hadn't denied it outright, at first he thought it was just as well; he still had feelings for Min Seo-hyun, and his heart was still mending itself.

But the more time he spent in Geum Jan Di's presence, the more her nosiness and selfless nature sought to heal the wounds in his heart, the smaller those wounds were and the quicker they healed, until he couldn't help but wipe her tear stained cheeks and press his lips to hers chastely.

"How can I not like a girl like you?" he'd asked her.

But really, he was speaking to himself, out of incredulousness, in awe of his foolish and ridiculous behavior months prior. How could he have not seen it before?

"Do you plan on going to work all the time, while pretending I don't exist?"

"Yoon Ji Hoo, I don't understand what you were thinking. How could you come here. Why?"

"I couldn't let you leave. I had to chase after you. Min Seo-hyun, I love you. I can't be without you."

"Is this earnest? Do you truly mean this?"

"How could I not? Min Seo-hyun -"

"-But I'm not the only woman in your heart, now am I?"

"That girl...I wonder if she thinks of you."

"Why do you bring her up, every time I hold you in my arms?"

"Because when I let you hold me, you ponder things. I can tell by the way your face changes. I can see it in your eyes when your thoughts are far away."

"Min Seo-hyun..."

"You wonder about it, too, don't you? Whether or not that girl is lonely without you by her side."

"Min Seo-hyun...I...do I burden you?"

"Do you want me to say yes, so you won't feel guilty for the feelings in your heart?"

"I love you, Min Seo-hyun. I always will love you."

"But?"

"...But I wonder if she's lonely without me by her side. I wonder if she's smiling. I wonder if she's crying."

"You're lonely without her, too, aren't you?"

"I'll stay if you tell me to stay. Because you are my first love."

"Ji Hoo..."

"Tell me to stay, Min Seo-hyun. I beg you. Tell me to stay."

"Even if you do, even if I say, your heart like this...it's a burden to me, Ji Hoo. It's a burden."

"Min Seo-hyun -"

"It's a burden to you, too."

Even now, thinking back, he can't pin point the exact moment he began to love her with his whole heart. No matter how many times he sits at the clinic in his grandfather's old chair, drinking a shot of whiskey to stop his yearning, his yearning never stops. It's visible to him day by day, when he opens the clinic doors in the early morning, and it's even more pronounced when the last patient has gone.

He feels it when he wanders the rooms of his empty house, devoid of physical presence now besides his own, but with memories of love and laughter soaked through every crevice. The clinic was her haven. The house was her haven. His car was her haven. His jackets still have a small lingering scent from her. He sees her beside him when he walks the streets of Seoul.

Life itself tortures him, bringing him memories of her that he breathes into his lungs with every inhalation.

She's beautiful as she walks down the aisle, glowing brighter than he has ever seen her. Her hair grown long now, tinted with a beautiful red, her body fully matured and filled out. Her dress is white and flowing, adorned by glittering diamonds embezzled in the satin and train. She doesn't wear a veil, but a small tiara, looking finally like the queen he's always known her to be.

So many times, he's wished that the photos he still has saved, of her and him dressed as bride and groom, were real. So many times, since the start of the Wedding March, has Ji Hoo pretended that she was walking down the aisle to take his hand.

When the March ends, and she stands before him and her groom, her eyes lock on his first. Her lips part, and he watches as she slowly takes all of him in. Her actions make his heart clench painfully, because he knows that she loves him, and that it's just that she wishes to have forever with Jun Pyo more. He wonders, vaguely, if his emotions have leaked from his stare, if she sees his plea for her to ask him to steal her away.

But then, Jan Di smiles. It's a brilliant smile, beautiful and solely for him and the world that they have lost themselves in, and he knows that if it wasn't for him then she couldn't stand before a Holy Man of God and proclaim her eternal devotion. He feels and hears the emergency bell ringing in her heart, hears her plea begging him to give her strength, begging him to stay beside her.

It's because of this smile that for seven years he's loved no other woman but her. It's this smile that made him want to follow her to death, to the end of time. To Shinhwa's Medical University, to Macau, to anywhere. To everywhere. It's this smile that makes him love her with all that he has.

And through his desperate desire, through his self loathing and jealousy towards Jun Pyo, this assurance that she needs him...it brings calm to the raging storm and calamity that is his heart.

So he can't help it. Ji Hoo smiles back at her, a secret smile that only she can see.

It's only in this moment, when he smiles in turn, that the tension leaves her shoulders and she turns to face her beloved, her future husband, offering him a smile of his own, different than her smile towards Ji Hoo, but with as much adoration.

And when the priest begins, Ji Hoo forces himself to listen. When the priest asks for objections, Yoon Ji Hoo objects, but only within his thoughts. And when it comes the time for Jan Di to swear her solemn vow, he watches only her. Sees only her. Pretends that standing beside her is himself.

When she says, "I do," he pretends those words she is speaking for him and him alone.

But when Jan Di and Jun Pyo kiss, this fantasy is shattered, just a fraction. Reality strikes his heart fast and without mercy, like a serpent, spreading cold and venom through every vein and turning his heart almost to stone. Almost to stone, because for the past eight years he has loved her, and even now, he loves her.

Even now, his hope, love, and need for her only grows and grows.

When Goo Jun Pyo and Goo Jan Di turn to face everyone, beaming and crying with joy, Ji Hoo feels his hands come together, clapping with joy and sorrow, heart full of both, as he cries along with the bride and groom, in anguish and in happiness.

(Happiness, because Jan Di was smiling.

Anguish, because she was his bride first.)

[Fin].

AEN: Aaand there you have it! I am actually pretty excited to finally be posting these stories. I hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I liked writing them! If you did like this story, please leave a review! You can also like this story and follow me! This is a secondary account, so if you're intrigued by my writing style, please check out my main profile for more stories.! There is a link to that account on this profile page!

Thank you for your time!

-Marie