Look at me now, I'm falling
I can't even talk, still stuttering
This ground of mine keeps shaking
All I wanna be, yeah all I ever wanna be,
Is somebody to you

Somebody To You – The Vamps

SOMEBODY TO YOU

This is a terrible idea. A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea. But Kate is standing at his door anyway, one bag holding a duffel bag and the other poised to knock.

She should leave. Just let Castle keep him for the night. It makes the most sense. After all, it's a dog, for heaven's sake. Castle probably doesn't even need the reinforcements. He can handle it himself. Besides, Kate could use the good night's sleep.

Before she can turn away, though, the door opens to reveal Castle, a leash in his hand and a smile on his face.

"Beckett!" he exclaims, his voice infused with nothing but joy. "Perfect timing. I was about to take Royal for a walk. Care to join us?" He steps aside and sweeps his arm towards the living room. "Feel free to just drop your bag if you want to come. Unless..." His voice trails when he takes in her face, sees the hesitation. "Unless you just want to stay in? I can open you a bottle of wine and you can drink in peace if you just want to relax alone for awhile."

Kate drops her bag just inside the door and buttons her coat back up. "No, I'll come. It'll do me some good."

Castle's grin is infectious, and even Royal lets out a quiet woof when Castle locks the door behind them. They walk in an easy silence to Sixth, then turn north. Soon they're at Washington Square Park, where they let Royal loose to run in the dog area. They find a bench to sit on, and Castle resists the urge to sit next to Beckett and slip his arm around her shoulders. No, he doesn't want to push her, wants her to initiate anything that may happen between them. She'd referred to her wall a few months before; as far as he knows, that wall is still there.

His writer's instincts tell him that it's slowly starting to crumble, however. She's started to tease him again, and since the sniper case she's gone out of her way to initiate nice gestures. Bringing him coffee, offering to pick him up on the way to a crime scene, they've even gone to dinner a couple of times. As partners celebrating the end of a case, and nothing more, of course. And he only walks her home to make sure she gets there safely, because he's a gentleman. Of course.

So Rick stays a respectable several inches from Kate but keeps her in his peripheral vision, always watching, observing. She's leaning back, relaxed on the bench, gloved hands folded in her lap as she watches Royal play.

Well, pretending to watch Royal. Kate is only vaguely aware of the dog at the moment; he's safe in a fenced in, supervised area of the park, but Castle is sitting right next to her, the tension in his posture palpable. She knows he's watching her. It's what he does. And while there are plenty of times when she thinks it's creepy, this is not one.

The silence on their walk over was easy, relaxed. But here, inches from the man she loves but is not ready for, it's different. Kate wants to reach out and take his hand, curl up into his side, and let his arm pull her close. But something holds her back. Something's always holding her back.

Kate huffs softly, and feels her face flush when she sees Castle turn to her.

"Everything okay?" he asks, his tone teasing.

Kate throws him a tight-lipped smile. "Yeah, it's just getting a little chilly," she lies. She's not cold at all, not with the heat he's radiating.

Rick immediately stands. "Oh, we can head back." He starts to call out Royal's name, but stops when Kate's hand is in his.

She doesn't even think; her hand reaches out and grabs his without any prompting from her brain. Her first instinct is to pull her hand back, but when she sees the soft look in his eyes she only squeezes and pulls him back down. "It's fine, Castle. Let's stay a little longer."

Castle settles back onto the bench, keenly aware that Kate has scooted herself closer, and hasn't let go of his hand. Part of him wishes she'd let go so he could drape his arm around her shoulders. But when he hears a soft sigh moments before her head drops to his shoulder, he doesn't move a muscle.

"This is nice," Kate says quietly, so quietly it almost doesn't travel over the sounds of the city. Resting her head on his shoulder had been purely instinctual; she hopes it isn't too forward, but she's already holding his hand, so what the hell?

Rick can't resist; he drops his cheek to the top of her head. "Yeah, it is," he agrees, his thumb tracing slow circles on the back of her gloved hand. "I could sit here forev-" He stops himself before he can say something that will scare her off.

But right now, Kate Beckett is not scared. She doesn't even flinch, just lifts her head to look at him, hazel meeting blue. "Me too," she whispers, her eyes briefly flickering to his lips and back up again.

She leans forward, breath shallow, and Castle can feel her warm breath against his cheek. He closes his eyes, ready to meet her halfway, when a loud woof jerks them apart.

Castle takes a deep breath and blinks a few times before looking over at Royal. He's standing at the fence, wagging his tail and panting, and Castle silently curses the four-legged creature. "That's probably our clue," he says much more cheerfully than he feels, and pull away to retrieve Royal. He ignores the pink that's spread over Kate's cheeks, tells himself it's from the cold, not from their almost-kiss. "You ready? It's getting late."

Kate stands and stuffs her hands in her pockets to stop herself from reaching out to Castle. "Yeah, it's getting too cold for him anyway," she admits, nodding her head towards Royal.

"Have you ever thought about it?" Castle asks on their way back, drawing Kate from her thoughts.

She takes a sip of the hot chocolate he'd insisted on buying her from a street vendor. "Thought about what?"

Castle shrugs. "Getting a pet. Dog, cat, whatever. I mean, I know you like animals. Except for tigers, of course."

"Yeah, definitely no tigers," she teases, nudging his shoulder. She takes a few steps to think about her answer. "I've thought about it, yeah. But my schedule is so inconsistent, it wouldn't be fair to a dog or a cat. I had a beta fish once, for a couple weeks."

"Just a couple weeks? What happened?"

"Involuntary manslaughter." Kate scrunches her nose at the memory. "I decided to change its water but I forgot to use the purified water, so it suffocated from the chemicals."

"Katherine Beckett, fish killer." Castle pretends to be shocked. "I don't know if I can be friends with a murderer."

"Manslaughter, Castle. It's different," she retorts with a smile. They're silent for a few more minutes, and before she knows it they're inside Castle's building and heading to his apartment. It isn't until they're inside, with their coats hung and Royal curled up comfortably on the couch, that Kate continues.

"It would be nice, though."

Castle looks up from where he's grabbing two wine glasses. "What would?"

Kate shrugs and slides onto a stool across from him. "Having a pet. I think about it. It would be nice to have that companionship, someone to come home to.""

She holds his gaze, watches his go from comprehension to desire in a matter of moments. She feels herself flush as his eyes bore into her. Kate isn't just talking about a pet, and she has a feeling Castle knows that.

Castle abandons the glasses on the counter and comes around to sit on the other stool. "I hope you find it," he says quietly. "That companionship. You deserve to." He reaches up and cups her cheek lightly.

Kate closes her eyes and leans into his hand. This. This is what she wants. "Rick," she whispers, and she opens her eyes to find his gaze boring into her, seeing into her soul. "You love me," she states, no room for question.

Castle doesn't even blink. "Yes, I do."

"I'm trying, Castle," Kate says, leaning back, immediately missing the contact when he drops his hand. "I'm seeing a therapist, I'm trying to get past everything, to be perfect for you. You deserve the best of me, the best I can be."

Castle takes her hand. "I understand if you're not ready. I will wait for you as long as you need. But Kate, I don't want the best version of you. I just want you. Whether it's you doing a bad-ass takedown or having a panic attack in the middle of a case." He squeezes her hand in reassurance when her head snaps up, both of them remembering that case. "I love you for who you are, Kate, not who you think you should be."

Kate blinks furiously, trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall. "I can't," she chokes out. "Not yet. I need to be able to give you all of me, and I can't do that yet. Not while there's still my mom's case, my shooting. I am so sorry, I know you want this, I do too, but—"

"Hey." Castle stands and pulls her into a hug when her tears fall, and he lightly strokes her back while she grips his shirt and buries her head in his chest. "It's okay, Kate," he says after her sobs subside. "I promise you, I am not going anywhere."

Kate sniffles a few times before pulling back and giving him a watery smile. "Thanks, Castle."

Castle returns her smile with one of his own. "Always."

Kate slides off the stool. "I'm going to get some sleep." After a brief hesitation, she leans up to brush a kiss to his cheek. "Goodnight, Castle." She detours past the couch to give Royal a scratch behind an ear, then after a brief glance at Rick, ascends the stairs, bag in hand.

Castle plops down next to Royal, petting him absent-mindedly. "Waddya think, Royal? Think we have a chance?" When he looks down, however, the dog is fast asleep. Castle rolls his eyes and stands. "I think we do," he says to himself, heading towards his bedroom. "I think we have a hell of a chance."

A/N: Thanks for reading! The story about the beta fish actually happened to me about 4 years ago. RIP Seeley Booth the beta. I'm sorry I forgot to purify your water.