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Chapter 2

A/N: You ask, I deliver. I held off on this because it got much more recognition than I thought it would and I really didn't wanna ruin it with a shitty second chapter. But here it is and it's much longer than I expected, sorry. I'll tame my anxiety and pray it lives up to your standards. This took 5 days of groaning, yelling at myself, 4am ideas and a lot of coffee, be proud of me.

They're older now and it focuses on more mature subjects (I don't mean fickle frackling you dirty minded dorks) and some hit close to home, so this was the slightest bit hard to write. Also the way I describe a certain topic is only what I know and have experienced myself, so I'm not meant to offend anybody! Enjoy and review/favorite so I don't die inside thinking you hate it.

Description: "I know I'm not much of a romantic but I'm pretty sure it doesn't start with a hammer."

.

She's 20 when Farkle finds out a brunette in the back of his university class receives a higher mark than him on the midterm. And he goes off his rails. He doesn't tell Maya her name, she isn't sure he knows it himself but she listens to his rants and watches his flailing arms, partly because she has to. Apart from holidays, it's nearly impossible to squeeze herself into his busy schedule, but she's proud. He got into the best college in the state and they were all there to watch it happen. When his letter came, they were at Lucas's new apartment. It was small but it was tidy and she helped him pick some of the furniture. It took 3 months of arguing and leaving magazine clippings in random places of the apartment for him to finally agree to the leather couch she liked.

"You do know it's my apartment right?"

Like she didn't spend 96 percent of her time there anyways. But Farkle refused to sit on (her) couch, compulsively doing circles around it, mumbling incoherently. "Just open it, someone open it! I can't look!" She was gonna do it just to get him to sit the hell down but Zay snatched it from her hands

"Hmm. It's quite light man, I wouldn't get your hopes up." Despite knowing Zay likes to screw around and tease him, Farkle fainted and ended up banging his head against Lucas's stupidly shaped coffee table. His celebratory party was held between white walls, beeping monitors and vending machine sandwiches. She decided then that she was never gonna let him live that down. He has a scar on his eyebrow that'll never let him forget it.

And everything was good, everything was almost perfect and she hated it. She took the year off to paint and to really find herself before spending money she didn't have on a higher education, but she was happy. Lucas started NYU, Riley was visiting California to protest on animal testing in one of her community groups. You wouldn't expect that from someone studying to be a lawyer at Yale, but it's Riley. Besides that, she's always coming back with 15 bracelets as souvenirs and never takes them off, it drives her crazy. Zay scoffed at the idea of college and got a job with his Dad's friend in construction, but it payed well. She half expected Riley to set up an intervention for him and make everyone write speeches on how he can achieve so much more with his life. Maybe even get her to fake cry.

But everything was good, and she hated it. Because when you've hit rock bottom, you can only go up, but when you've reached the peek of your happiness, the only way to go is down and she was patiently waiting for something to ruin it.

.

She's 22 when Christmas rolls around and her mom calls to tell her not to bother coming over since she was working a triple shift. It doesn't really bother her, she's used to it, she expected it. It only really hits her when she realizes how alone she's gonna be when Lucas tells her that his family's going to Texas for the week and that Riley had somehow convinced the Matthews to go with him. She doesn't go because her plan was to visit her mom, and they were already on their flight and it's not like she could afford a plane ticket anyways. She doesn't wanna seem desperate but she calls Zay. They've grown closer and he's one of the few people she can stand to be around for more than a few hours, but he tells her he's going with Riley's family as well. Of course, she was doing well holding herself together until she breaks down on Christmas eve. She paints through the night, her favourite pajamas are drowned in a mixture of colors and it just makes her cry more. But it was Christmas day and she just needed wanted sleep.

She wakes up to 9 missed calls and someone flicking her light on and throwing her covers off.

"You know, when my friends called me, I expected something along the lines of 'Hey Farkle, Merry Christmas, you're a genius and we'll never live up to your level of intelligence. " She rolls over, burying her face in her pillow, hoping the presence of the other person wouldn't notice her and just leave. "Instead, I get Lucas asking me to stop by and make sure you didn't set the house in flames because you won't answer his calls. Or Riley's."

She lifts her head from the pillow, "Farkle, Christmas or not, I will not hesitate to dismember your body and dispose of you in a lake somewhere." She snaps as the bed lowers beside her while he stares at her in disappointment.

"Okay, Farkle is here to talk. Let it out."

She growls and sits up. "I'm fine, now jus-" She pauses when a burning sensation arises on her thigh. She tilts her head and glances up at the brown haired boy before excusing herself to the bathroom.

When the doors locked and her pants are off, the irritation is more noticeable. She sits on the tub and spreads her legs, starring at the Ink as if it's gonna disappear. What if it does? What if it's itching because it's gonna disappear? She starts breathing heavy. No, no that's not right. When Riley's disappeared, it didn't hurt, it just got lighter. Her's isn't changing color, it's inflamed, puffed up like she just got it done at the parlor. It's too early for this, she decides, and rubs ointment on it before walking back out.

"You know," Farkle starts, circles around the bed, grabbing something in his hands. "Maybe you could've gotten away with being fine if you didn't leave all these depressing pictures around. " Her eyes drop to her last painting from last night tightly in his hands. God dammit. She was so tired by the time the sun came up that she didn't bother cleaning up. She doesn't even think she closed the paint jars. Merry Christmas to her, she's done absolutely nothing yet and is already 50 dollars in debt from dry paint.

Farkle leans back, turning the picture around to fully examine it. She can see the criticism ready to roll off his tongue and stalks over to him, ripping it from his hands. "I've changed my style, it's not that big of a deal." She mumbles as she walks away into the living room, examining it herself. Jeez, looking at it in the light, it's rather depressing. It was just a row of black doors, one after the other in an empty space. She hides the canvas board under her desk when she hears Farkle follow closely behind and turns around with her hands on her hips. He crosses his arms in response, raising his brows. Her shoulders droop and her hands drop to her sides. "Promise you won't laugh." She says hesitantly.

"I promise to listen, but laughing is an uncontrollable bodily function."

She sighs. "I'm all alone on Christmas, Farkle. Everyone's down in Texas while I'm here, drowning in self pity. It just makes me think that in a couple years, that'll be an every day thing. Everyone out doing something they love and I'm drawing doors, crying into the black paint. "

Farkle purses his lips and walks by her towards the kitchen. She rolls her eyes, following after him. "Everyone isn't in Texas. I'm not in Texas. I have a reason for that by the way." He explains, reaching up for the poptarts on the top shelf.

"There's a stool beside the fridge." She mutters, climbing up to sit on one of the bar stools behind the counter.

"Her name is Ellie." He tells her through a mouth full of strawberry poptart.

"I know that Farkle, it's on your ankle."

He shakes his head. "The brunette at the back of the class that got a higher mark than me. Her name is Ellie."

"Oh my god! Farkle! Your soulmate!" She hugs him and he decides that he's never gonna let her live this day down either.

.

She's 24 and finds herself in the college bathrooms, starring down at the inflamed tattoo. A couple days after the first time it happened, it went away and she never looked into it but now it was happening again. It's her last day of classes, which she didn't even really need to attend but Riley had guilt tripped Farkle and Lucas to fly to Toronto for a seminar on endangered animals in third world countries. She got out of it with some excuse she doesn't care to remember but since she had nothing better to do today, she went to her last classes. Besides, she's not gonna throw herself into an awkward situation if she didn't have to. Lucas has been acting weird for almost two months, distant, always like he had something on his mind. She can't remember the last time they even had sex, and that was a big part of their relationship.

Her fingers hover over the ink, she was resisting so hard not to scratch it. Once is a coincidence, twice demands attention. She's never read anything about burning, not anything she can remember from all the articles and newspapers when she was in high school.

When she gets home and smothers her leg in anti-itch cream, she drops onto the couch with her laptop and gets to work. 3 hours later, passed accidentally clicking porn sites and online pizza delivery, she finds a man who studies soulmate tattoos for a living. His website is filled with all upcoming seminars he'll be hosting. Supposedly people fly from all around the world for this guy to get answers.

New York- August 1st

A month from now. She's already decided she's gonna go, scrolling through questions from desperate people.

I'm 38 and haven't met my soulmate?

My soulmate, my girlfriend, died after getting hit by a drunk driver. Am I gonna be alone for the rest of my life?

My boyfriend has two tattoos, what does this mean? Please help me?

Maya pulls her hands away from the laptop in shock. Two tattoos. Riley. The bracelets on her wrists. Her burning tattoo both times they left the country together. Lucas acting weird around her. You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

.

Riley, Lucas and Farkle get back a week later. In that week, she's managed to smash all of Lucas's plates, his lamp and a picture frame of the 5 of them from Zay's 21st birthday. She's spent days with so much built up anger, by the time she shows up at Riley's apart there's no energy left in her.

Riley's door swings open and she stares at Zay lifelessly. Shit. She runs her hands over her face. She never even thought about how this would effect Zay, they're in the same boat.

"Hey stranger, Riley's in our room." She lets out a weak smile before sliding by him. She freezes when she gets to the bedroom door and cringes, turning around.

"Hey, Zay?"

She watches him look up from the kitchen counter, "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You'll find out."

When she open's the bedroom door, Riley's already engulfing her in a hug. She bites her lip and stays rigid against the brunette.

Riley pulls away, stitching her brows together. "What's wrong?" She asks slowly. This was a bad idea, she should run, she should leave. She doesn't wanna know, she never wants to know. She'll go the rest of her life just not knowing. She'll break up with Lucas and live in a bachelor apartment somewhere in Mexico and live life just getting by on her profits from her paintings. "Maya, tell me. Right now." Her voice is more harsh, or as harsh as Riley could be.

Swallowing back everything she just thought, Maya pulls out a small bag, shoving it towards the other girl. "I got you something."

Riley tilts her head, giving her a look before placing her hand in the bag. Her expression turns from suspicious to cautious when she looks back up at the blonde, letting the bracelet dangle from her fingers. "What, um...what is this?"

Maya slaps a smile on her face. "Put it on." She says quickly, watching Riley pale in front of her. "Go on. Take those ones off, this one holds a lot of value and I wanna see you wear it." She pushes.

Realization hits, Maya can tell, in Riley's eyes and the light in them fades. "How did you find out?" She whispers.

Maya barks out a dry laugh, snatching the bag and placing it on the nightstand. "It's funny, all of a sudden every time you and Lucas left the country together my tattoo would burn. Weird right? Then I remembered oh, hes also been acting really weird recently-"

"There's a logical explanation for that If you let me explain."

She holds a hand out to silence her, taking the smallest step forward. "Then I remembered all those bracelets. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen you not wear one on your right wrist since we were 17. Weirdly coincidental right? But I'd say pretty accurate. Wouldn't you?"

"Maya, stop-"

"I wanna see it for myself."

"Maya, no."

"This affects more than just you, Riley, take off the god damn bracelets before I do."

Riley peels back the bracelets, one by one, each letter revealing itself at a time and Maya tears her eyes away. She drops her head as one of her tears hits her shirt. She drowns out Riley's rushed words and flinches as an arm reaches out for her. "Don't. Don't do that. Don't touch me, don't come near me." She spits harshly, looking back up at Riley's clouded eyes that resembled hers and starts walking backwards. "6 years?! You hid this from me for 6 years?! From EVERYONE?!" She hears the door open as Zay steps in, but she doesn't care. "When were you gonna tell me, Riley? O-or did you just decided for everyone that hiding it was best suited for you, so it was perfectly fucking fine?!"

Riley wipes the tears from her face, "It doesn't mean anything, Maya. Since the day in the bathroom when we were 17, it's always been gray, please believe me! I'll explain it to you, just please listen to me, trust me."

How could she speak so calmly when Maya was ready to die? When she feels like the walls are closing in and she couldn't breathe? She swallows hard when Zay grabs Riley's wrist, interrupting the brunette's rant that no one cared to listen to. She watches his jaw clench and the color drain from his face, his hands tighten around her wrist before he lets go. And then he leaves and the door slams and the apartment goes dead and Riley drops to her knees.

And she thinks this is the beginning of the end of the high five.

.

New York- August 1st

She sits in the parking lot, starring up at the large tent from behind her window shield. She knows she's already late and she's already started the car twice to leave but she finally gets out, slamming the door closed. She closes her eyes and places a hand on the side of the car to support herself from falling. She hasn't been this active in three weeks, buried under her covers to hide away. She had to turn her phone off because every time he called, the pain sunk deeper and she couldn't handle the aching in her bones anymore. She needed answers, even if she had to live her life alone from this point on. She wanted to know why she had to get all hope ripped away from her, and why she had to suffer. If there was a god, he's definitely pushing to see just how much she can take before she breaks. She rustles around in her purse to find the Advil before she can even think of getting enough courage to go in there.

She leaves Riley's apartment almost right after Zay, driving to the one place that clouded her mind.

"Where it is, Lucas?"

"Maya, it's like the ass crack of dawn, and after a week of ignoring me, you come in demanding me to take my clothes off?" Lucas mutters, almost humorously when he sits up in bed. She stands in the doorway because she honestly couldn't bare to be closer. The farther the distant, the stronger she was. The more power she had over herself because she just wanted him to hold her and tell her stupid inspirational stuff like he usually did so she could make fun of him.

"Did you know that Riley still has your name on her wrist?" His brows furrow but he doesn't respond. "Did you?!"

"No! Maya, I had no idea." He argues, picking himself up off the bed. "Don't you think I'd tell you something like that?"

She closes her eyes as he steps closer. "Do you still have feelings for her?"

A deep voice distracts her from her thoughts and her eyes flutter open to look at the tent again. She locks her car and approaches it agonizingly slow, listening to the source of the voice. He had an accent, British maybe. She was really bad at accents.

"You ma'am with the red hair. I've noticed your constant rubbing of your neck, why don't you tell us why you're here?"

Yeah, definitely British.

She grabs one of the flaps to open the front of the tent but retracts her hands. She needed to pace herself, whatever happens in there will change her life and she wasn't sure she was ready to deal with the outcome. It will either stamp her as a Lost Soul and set her back out into the miserable world, or it could make her realize she over reacted and realize what she's lost. Either way she's pretty much fucked. She starts pacing around the tent, noticing the rips and tears in the sides and the holes, telling her just how long this man has been doing this. And she listens to the voices behind the thin tarp because they're smoother and more gentle than the ones in her head.

"Since I was a little girl I've wanted to find a prince charming, the man of my dreams. He had to be funny and quirky and make me laugh. We were gonna have kids and live in a house. He'd be a doctor. And then I woke up one day at 14 years old with a girl's name on my collarbone and I don't understand. I'm straight, what did I do wrong?"

A weird feeling runs over her, but it's comforting. Like she wasn't alone, and that she wasn't a one in a million case. She sits by the door and pulls her knees to her chest and just listens. All these people have so many worse cases than her. Like the one on the website about his girlfriend dying. At least the man she was so embarrassingly in love with is still alive, whether he's with her or not. Even after the things she's said.

"Maya, stop. You're looking for something that's not there! How many times do I need to tell you that?"

"Feelings don't just go away Lucas, don't give me that shit. My tattoo burns whenever you two go somewhere, it's not a fucking coincidence that she still had your name imprinted on her fucking body!"

"Why does it matter who has my name when I have yours?! Why isn't that important?!" His hands reach to grab her's as she pulls away.

"The fact that you still haven't given me a direct answer to your feelings for her speaks volumes. We need time apart. I can't do this. I thought I could, but I can't- I-I need time to think." She sniffles to hold back all the emotions ready to poor out of her, but she wasn't weak, or at least no one was supposed to know she was.

His face drops, "A-Are you breaking up with me?" His voice cracks. She doesn't reply and he turns around, running his hands through his hair. "Please don't do this."

"I gotta go."

"Maya, Please." She doesn't look back because she hears desperation in his voice and she knows there's a mess of tears about to break him at any moment and she just can't.

.

Then the voices from the tent stop and she rushes to pick herself up off the ground because maybe it's over. But then the British accent echos through the silence and she hears his voice again. "While I appreciate you coming to listen, girl sitting outside of my tent, I and everyone else here would much rather you join us inside." Oh god. Oh god that's so embarrassing. How did he know? She was so quiet, shit, shit shit. She has to go in now, she doesn't even have a choice.

She pulls the tarp back as twenty pairs of eyes stare into her soul from 4 rows of chairs. It was set up like a wedding chapel, a stage was set up at the end of the aisle and she finally puts a face to the voice. She stays glued to the entrance as a middle aged women steps up on the stage, whispering something in the man's ear. He takes his eyes off her, taking a breath. "Unfortunately our time has come to an end. I look forward to meeting the ones I didn't get a chance to talk to at our next seminar." Everyone turns back around and she lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding in. "The whereabouts will be on the website, have a safe night everyone."

She's almost relieved and goes to blend in with the crown piling out of the tent when someone clears their throat behind her. God, someone needed to give her a break once in a while. "I sense you came here to do more than sit beyond my tent. " She sighs and turns around to meet the gray haired man struggling to get off the stage with his cane. He looks up expectantly at her. "Tell me the name." He says softly. He winces as he goes to sit in one of the fold-able chairs in front of the stage, letting his cane hang from the back of it.

"Um." She pauses. "My name is...Maya. His name is Lucas," She says quietly and starts walking down the aisle. "And her name is Riley."

The man raises his chin, "Ah. Two names?" His voice is filled with curiosity and his eyes wander around the room while he waits for her to take a seat across from him.

She snorts as she sits down. "No. My best friend, Riley, she has two names."

"Hmm." He hums and she glances at the floor. His eyes were so intense, like they held all the knowledge in the world. Like she didn't need to explain further, that he's already figured everything out. "And this Lucas, he's one of those names?"

"Yep."

"Interesting." He glances over his shoulder. "Amanda hold off on the packing, this needs my immediate attention." He turns back to her. "Well you know, Maya, Soulmate, by definition, is someone best suited for you, someone who gets you, understands you, appreciates everything that you are. An underlining love. And that could potentially be a spouse, but it may also be a close friend. It's such a rare case, I've heard crazy things but you definitely got yourself into a sticky situation."

She's never heard of having a friendship soulmate, it almost sounds like bullshit, but at this point after seeing it for herself, she's not having many doubts. "Okay," She draws out. How does she go about this? "Let's say you're right. How do I know which is which?"

"Well that depends. Which one is darker?"

"Riley got his name at 14 and it was dark. But then it started to fade. A couple years later I find his name in bold on my thigh. I just found out a month ago that she's always had his name, just never told anyone. It's light, so light if you didn't look close enough, you'd skip right by it." It's probably why it took her 6 years to notice. Pathetic.

The man leans back in his chair with a knowing smile. "Does this Lucas have her name on his body?" She shakes her head . "Is his tattoo darker than yours?" He continues but her brows stitch together at the question.

She never actually thought about it, but yeah. His tattoo was slightly darker than hers. "Yeah, I've never really taken notice in it before."

The man let's out a strangled laugh."Then darling, you have absolutely nothing to worry about-"

She barks out a dry laugh, interrupting him. "I wasn't finished. Almost a year ago they went to Texas, his home town to visit family, and my tattoo started to burn. Irritation, inflammation. At first, fine, it's nothing. Couple months later they go to Toronto and it happens again. And he started acting distant, always zoning out." She starts rambling because there were so many plot holes and she needed all the answers. She couldn't believe how fucked up her situation was and how he was so calm about it.

"Hmm. And Riley...does she have feelings for him?"

"At first it didn't matter what she said, she had the name right there, it was an immediate revelation that she did. But then Zay, the other name on her back, he found out at the same time I did. When he left, she broke down, she was devastated..." She hesitates, pulling her fingers together nervously. "I've never seen her like that. He means a lot to her, I just didn't realize that until I went and ruined it all."

"And your tattoo burns when they're away?" She nods and he sighs. "Alright. First thing, your best friend does not have feelings for your boyfriend."

"He-He's not...I mean...I told him I needed time to think. I wanted to see you first before making any decisions."

"Because of Riley's tattoo?"

"Yes."

"I see. Well. She doesn't, as I'm sure you already knew. You're here because you question his feelings, not Riley's. The reason she had a gray tattoo and he doesn't is because sometimes someone can be best suited for you, but you're not best suited for them. Even in the sense of friendship. And the fact that his tattoo is darker than yours means you're best suited for him and that his feelings are a little stronger than yours, but I believe that's just because you like to hold back. I'm good at reading people, Maya. I'm good at thinking outside the box. Like the Sherlock of soulmate tattoo's. Pays well too."

She's never met a cockier old man in her life. But it did all make sense. She hopes to god he's not right because if he is, then she just fucked up the best thing in her life. Or things. She hasn't talked to Riley either over the past three weeks. Some things still didn't make sense though. "What about the inflammation and itching?"

The man laughs as he grabs his cane from the back of the chair. The woman from earlier who told him the seminar was over was reaching for his arm to help him up. She looks between the two with confusion. They weren't done, why is he getting up? "Is this Lucas in New York right now?"

"Yeah, we live like 20 minutes apart." She replies, still confused as hell and stands up after him.

The man places a hand on her shoulder with a shake of the head. "Your tattoo burns, not because he's with Riley, but because he's too far away. That's a case I've dealt with before. A man, about 45 had a wife who went on a business trip in another country and his tattoo started itching. He was scared it was a sign that it may fade, but in fact it's just because she was too far away. From what I've experienced, it only happens to the strongest of bonds. I suggest you run home and kiss his ass because you'd be stupid to throw away something most yearn for. "

.

It takes her two hours to get to his apartment from the seminar, she blames it on the speeding ticket for why she's at his house at 2am. She's huffing what air is left in her lungs. Her chest hurts, her hair is damp with sweat and maybe she can do this tomorrow and take a nap just right outside the door. She feels like she's dying. No, she was dying, now she's dead. She lifts herself up from leaning forward on her knees and knocks on the door. She pauses, biting the inside of her cheek. Nothing. She knocks again, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. Silence. Wait. She digs through her purse, pulling out a key with a satisfied smile and lets the door swing open to a dark apartment. She creeps in and anyone who didn't see her face around her daily would probably think she's trying to rob the place.

After a full search of the house she was kind of concerned on why he wasn't at home at 2am. The pizza boxes piling up on the coffee table concerned her a little more. For the past two years, meeting new people, he's become a health freak. She blames half of it on his mom. That and his obsession with keeping things tidy. He was always on her ass about how unhealthy she eats and her towels she leaves on the floor after showers He never complains after they shower together though.

She cleans up the mess anyways and decides she might as well wait until tomorrow to confess her love and beg for forgiveness. She glances out the window when a gush of wind hits and takes in the snow storm before glancing down at her sweater. Car or not, she was gonna freeze her ass off.

She buries herself in the closet, pushing back all Lucas's sweaters and shirts to find something of her's. She's here all the time, she knows there's something here she can wear, come on. She flings her hand up to the hand to the shelf above the rack, pushing around random items until a shoe box tumbles over the edge- banging her on the head along the way to the ground.

"Fuck, ow, Jesus Christ!" She hisses, kicking the box across the room in a fit of anger. She lets out a disgruntled huff before taking a breath and going to pick up the box. She glances at the box before her eyes land on a little blue one that had tumbled out of it. Should she respect his privacy? She almost laughs. This was practically her house too and she wants to know what's in that box. She peels it open, glancing down at the sparkling diamond. Oh.

OH.

She picks it out of the box and holds it between her fingers. She never liked flashy, shiny, over the top things, Lucas knew that. The ring was simple. A gold band with a gorgeous diamond in the middle and two smaller diamonds on either side. Oh god she wanted to put it on and run to Riley's and gush about him like she was back in high school. That's why he was acting so distant and distraught. Oh god she screwed up so bad, she needed to fix this right now. She broke up with him, he's never gonna ask her to marry him now.

She puts the ring back in the box, and puts everything back in it's place. She's gotta fix this.

.

When she gets home she nearly jumps out her god damn skin when she spots a figure on her couch. "Riley, what the fuck?"

The brown haired girl shoots up from the couch, rubbing at her eyes. "I, uh...sorry. I was waiting for you and must have fallen asleep."

"What are you doing here, it's late, you should go home."

"You weren't answering my calls. I couldn't...I can't function knowing you hate me. You have to believe me, Maya, I never meant for any of this to happen-"

"I know, Riles." She sighs, walking over to the couch.

"W-when we went to Toronto, he kept talking about proposing. He was so nervous and stuttering and had no idea what to say and I was helping him. I don't know why his name is on my skin, but I do know my feelings, and they're not for him."

"I know." She mutters, almost inaudible.

"What do you mean, you know?" Riley questions, sitting back down on the couch.

"I got answers. And I'm sorry for everything, I just don't know why you thought keeping it a secret would do any good for any of us."

"Zay hates my guts."

Maya finally sits down beside her. She's created this whole mess and she didn't know how to fix it. Riley looked so torn up about it all. The large bags under her eyes and the knots in her hair indicated so."I don't think so, peaches."

"He got Lucas and Farkle to take most of his stuff from our apartment, he won't even look me in the eye. That's hate."

"No, that's heartbreak. He just needs time."

"For why? For why does he need time?"

"I've only spoken to him twice in the last month, but I know the signs of depression. It's different for him. With me, the problem was outside of our relationship. With Zay, his soulmate had another name. He didn't have a plan B, he didn't have a second name to cling onto if the first one didn't work out. When he saw Lucas's name...I'm sure he just lost it."

Riley slums back against the couch. "Okay, so I'll help him."

"No, Riles, you can't."

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot do, Maya. He's my boyfriend."

"At the moment, no he's not." Maya says honestly.

Riley shakes her head, giving her a look. "We didn't break up..."

"What I mean is, who he is right now, that's not your boyfriend. That's a confused broken man who needs time to figure shit out." She continues and Riley sits back up with wondering eyes.

Riley sits back up on the couch with the saddest eyes she's ever seen the other girl wear. "Ill help him figure it out. Whatever he needs. I'll protect him from his demons and the dark shadows. I want him back, Maya." The brunette whimpers and Maya's heart just freaking shatters.

"Riles, depression doesn't work like that."

"What, do you have a Ph.D in depression now?"

She might as well have, she's been through it more than enough times to resite it word for word. "Look at me," She grabs the brunette's face in her hands. "Depression isn't some grotesque, inauspicious monster that lurks in the shadows waiting until it can suffocate you and drown you in your own self pity. It's cute and fluffy. It's fur is splashed in your favourite color and it has a warm smile. It's inviting and it's your friend." She drops her hands. "It's why so many people don't realize they're depressed or deny it. You stop hanging out with your closest friends and stay inside because it's safe and comfortable, it tames your anxiety and lets you hide from the problems you can't face. It makes you think that that's what you want. You start sleeping in later and you believe it's because you don't go out as much, not because you're awake at night screaming at the voices in your head to stop. " She pauses for a moment. "It fools you into believing you're not eating as much because you're sleeping in later, not because you just don't have enough energy to get out of bed."

"Maya-"

"And you getting little spurts of happiness, you know? It's not all rain clouds over your head every time you step outside. And these little bits of happiness makes you believe you're actually happy, when really, you can't remember the last time you truly were."

"Stop." Riley pleads but she ignores it.

"Then people start to take notice, and they start to tell you, and you're too sensitive and you're angry. You build your walls back up and you're defensive, because how could you possibly be depressed when you're happy? How could they possibly know that when it's your body and it's your life and you would have realized it if you were?"

There's a silence before Riley places a hand on her shoulder. "Maya...are you depressed?"

"I told you, peaches, I'm always okay. My point is, you can't push Zay. All you can do is be there when he's ready, listen to what he has to say. Just listen. And then maybe you'll figure out how to help him."

"I'll be there when you're ready too, Maya."

She'll be waiting a hell of a long time then.

"Are we okay?" Riley asks cautiously.

Maya breaks out a small smile. "Yeah, we're okay."

Riley nods back, putting a comforting hand on her leg. "Have you talked to Lucas? I didn't wanna say anything but Farkle told me he's a mess." Her voice is smooth but her expression tells her that she's cautious about bringing up the topic. It broke her heart hearing that that was because of her.

"I went to fix everything tonight, but he wasn't there. And I found the ring," She goes to explain but Riley interrupts her with a gasp, slapping her thigh.

"You saw it! How! Tell me! Oh my god!"

"I accidentally saw it in the shoe box, but look, it doesn't matter now. He's never gonna propose after the things I've said, Riles."

Riley pulls her hand away and with the straightening of her back and the lift of her chin she says, "Feminism, Maya. Take control of the situation," She lets out in a 'duh' voice, "If you think he won't propose to you, propose to him."

.

By the time she finds a wedding band, she can't feel her feet. The snow was centimeters above her shoes and her jeans were soaked but the excitement running through her veins was enough for her not to complain too much. When she gets to his apartment she drops the duffle bag at the foot of the door, kneeling down in front of it. The trench coat protects her bare knees and digs through the bag, shoving the ring box and hammer to the side to find a set of keys. She lets herself inside quietly and slowly put the bag down as quietly as she could.

Okay, you can do this. Forget about the butterflies. Let them die in the acids in your stomach. You're not scared he'll say no, or call the cops when you damage his property. It'll be fine. It'll all be fine. And if he says no, you have a plane ticket ready for Mexico.

Blowing out the breathe she was holding between her cheeks, she pulls out the hammer and pads across the wooden tiles to the window. She could barely see anything through the condensation and the fog of the snow. He's gonna kick her ass, she thinks, when she swings the hammer back behind her and then towards the window. The glass shatters and echoes like a bullet and the wind hits her hard in face. She wipes the melted snowflakes off her cheeks and smooths out her trench coat when a door swings open. She lifts her head to a wide eyed shirtless Lucas. He freezes in the doorway, placing a hand on the frame as realization hits. He takes in her trench coat, then the broken window and down to the hammer hanging from her fingertips. He lets his head fall back, closing his eyes. "No words. I have no words."

"Lucas-"

He puts his hand out to stop her, squinting his eyes. "What..." He pauses like he still can't comprehend what's happening, running a hand over his face. "what are you doing?"

"Obviously performing a grand romantic gesture with my limit resources. Brings back memories am I right?" she gestures to the glass surrounding her feet and her trench coat with a smirk.

He rolls his eyes, annoyance clear on his features. "Yes, Maya, you broke another one of my windows in the dead of winter. Your grand gesture will cause my balls to frostbite and fall off."

"Okay, but I'm completely naked," She strung out in an awkward melody as he threw his hands up in disbelief.

"I know I'm not much of a romantic but I'm pretty sure it doesn't start with a hammer."

"Don't judge the hammer, it cost more than you think." He raised an eyebrow. "Okay, I borrowed it off Riley-will you please just take in the fact that I'm trying to apologize?"

"Well you're not doing a very good job." He growls, dropping his hand from the door frame and walking past her to examine the window.

She sighs dramatically, throwing the hammer to the couch. It bounces off and smashes onto the floor. She winces watching his head drop before glancing back at the couch. "Was waking up Mr. Darby downstairs apart of your grand gesture too?"

"Lucas, I'm sorry, we just really need to talk. Please?" She begs.

He stares at her for a long agonizing minute before stepping over the glass, pushing by her. Her eyes follow him to where he eventually drops down on the couch, clearly unimpressed. This was not going as planned at all and she was gonna throw up. The fact that there's a possibility that he won't forgive her was petrifying. Hey, Lucas, marry me? No thanks, you're a bitch.

"So?" He questions when she doesn't move. He's probably regretting not changing the locks sooner.

She walks over to the couch, circling to the other side, leaving a good distance between them. "So." She responds.

"Good talk." He deadpans.

"Sorry, I just...okay, look," She turns to face him, bumping her bare knees against his over his sweatpants. He doesn't move away and it's the best she's gonna get right now. "When I figured it out- when I realized her tattoo never faded, I was hit with all these feelings that I couldn't understand because this meant things were gonna change. I didn't need to research it because I knew what it meant and I was scared out of my mind because I realized I was so in love with you, I couldn't just lose you after everything. I couldn't lose you to my best friend. That maybe I had watched you slip through my fingers without even realizing it and I couldn't let you break my heart. So I didn't listen and I pushed you away because I'd feel like I was in control and chose to end all this before you did."

He runs his hands through his hair, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Maya, how many times do I need to tell you I'm in love with you, only you, for you to realize, oh hey maybe he actually does?"

"Do you still have feelings for me? " She chokes out.

"I see your name every time I get dressed, it's kinda hard to forget about you." She rolls her eyes. He lets out a dry laugh. "I've been in love with your psycho ass since I was 16. Feelings like that don't just disappear because I want them to, Maya."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are."

"Do you forgive me?" He tilts his head to look at her, and he's starring with that intense gaze again. She shifts uncomfortably when a smirk creeps onto his face.

"I forgave you as soon as you smashed my window in. I just wanted to see how far you'd go professing your love for me. It's a once in a lifetime thing and I regret nothing. "

"Has anyone ever told you that deep, deep, deep down, you're an asshole?"

He lets out a laugh and wraps his hand around her thigh, pulling her closer. Her thin arm knocks against his large one and their nose's bump from the close distance. His breath fans her face. He was in full control, her body was a noodle. He was gonna take advantage of this, she loved to be in control but he had full power over her now.

He closes his eyes, pressing his head against her's. "Stop thinking so hard." He mumbles into the silence.

She swallows hard as his other hand reaches up to tangle in her hair. "I don't think I have the ability to think at the moment." She squeaks causing him to laugh. He grips the hand on her thigh tighter, pulling her leg over his own before colliding his lips with hers. She kisses back, restraining her hands to her lap because if she let her hands wander she was never gonna get to the proposal. He tilts his head, deepening the kiss and moving his hand higher up her thigh. She swallows her moan in the kiss and slips her tongue into his mouth. He pauses, pulling away excruciatingly slow. She stares back in confusion. Did she push too far? She didn't even get to touch him, she almost whimpers at the loss of contact.

Lucas reaches up and runs a hand across her cheek and smiles. She's never been so confused but his cheeks are the slightest shade of pink and he's getting up. Wait what? Why's he getting up?

"My turn." He says bluntly before turning around and disappearing into the room.

What?

A shiver runs through her spine. She casts a glance at the snow creating a puddle under the window. Oh god, her eyes widen, the ring. She checks to make sure Lucas is still in the bedroom then jumps off the couch to the duffle bag. She drops to her knees, ow, in front of it, rustling through it. Where's the ring?! She has too much shit in this bag, it's ruining everything. She pulls out stale crackers in a ziplock bag and squints at it in disgust. She doesn't wanna know how long she's left those in there for.

"Maya, listen," She raises her head as Lucas steps out of the room, with now a white shirt on. Her eyes land on the blue box in his hand. Oh you've gotta be kidding me. "I don't understand any of this, what's happened, why any of it happened...I'm more confused than you are, trust me. All I know is going a month not talking to you, or being woken up at 4am to you burning all my food because you're hungry. Or hogging all the blankets...it killed me. I don't care if a hundred girls turn up with my name on their body for the rest of their life, because I only wanna spend mine with you."

Fucking shit, ass, cock, fuck. No, don't do this. Find the ring, Maya, god dammit.

"Are you even listening?" He says after a moment and she hums back a respond, digging her head in her purse. "Well, this is awkward."

GOT IT!

Lucas huffs, grabbing her face between his hands when she stands up and turns her towards him. "I'm trying to ask you something and be romantic, and you're really ruining it." He states, before dropping down to one knee. Her own box burning a whole in her hand. "Maya Penelope Hart, wi-"

"No!" She blurts out.

"I...oh." He pauses. "What?" His brows stitch together. "Um. Okay. Well, this went differently than I would have hoped. I didn't have a plan B..."

She starts shaking her head frantically, raising the box in her hand to him. "No, I mean I came here to propose to YOU."

He blinks back at her in silence for a few seconds. "Okay...well I clearly beat you to it."

"Doesn't matter. I'm proposing."

"Maya , I already proposed you can't just-"

"Lucas, just shut up, okay? I love you. No, I'm in love with you. I know I hardly ever say it, and that's because of how I was raised. My mom...she didn't say it often, mostly because she wasn't around to. My father wasn't exactly Dad of the year either. I've really only ever told Riley I love her and meant it. Because she's been with me through thick and then, but Lucas...I mean, okay? And you'll be the third person I've ever told without crossing my fingers behind my back. I don't care about Riley's tattoo, or the black and whites and grays in between. I want to be here, with you now. I wouldn't give it up for the world. I want to spend the rest of my miserable life with you, listening to your fortune cookie speeches and how I eat too much pizza. Or thinking you've tricked me by putting kale in my smoothies, when I actually just drink it to make you think you've won." She see's him stand up slowly, "So Lucas Friar, Will you ma-"

He shakes his head "No!"

She rolls her eyes and stands up. "Don't just say no because I said no!"

"Well that's how it works! You can't just ruin my proposal because you want to make your own! Do you even know how many times I practiced that? I had to sit with Farkle for three hours while he tskk'd and groaned and corrected everything. I was sweating like a pig! I'm 25 and had to stop myself from STUTTERING during that speech, you can't just ruin it like that!"

She stalks towards him, balling his shirt into her fist and smashes her lips into his, like she did when they were 17. Because he wouldn't shut up and she was actually starting to feel bad, and she can't win if she feels guilty.

She pulls back to see his anger fizzling out. "I'm sorry, Huckleberry. We don't have to rush, we can wait, okay? We have our whole lives. And you can propose, I promise."

"Thank you." He grabs her hand, pulling her back to the cough to finish what they started and she drops her crossed fingers from behind her back, biting back a smile.

.

She waits impatiently the next day, curled up on the couch as the sun starts to shine through the seams of the cardboard Lucas had tapped over the window the night before. She glances down at her soggy, half eaten cereal. She had woken up and hid Lucas's blue box in the air vent a couple hours ago so he couldn't find it when he comes out fuming at what she did last night. She lets a wide smile spill onto her lips. Maya Hart always wins. She goes to put the bowl down on the coffee table when she hears her name strung out in a growl. She purses her lips as Lucas walks out of the bedroom slowly, holding up his hand to show her wedding band wrapped around his finger. He raises an eyebrow, his face straight, but she could tell he was holding in a smile. She can't wait to tell everyone that she proposed first and watch him roll his eyes and try to explain her sabotage.

"Maya: 1, Huckleberry: 0"

"Maybe you forgot smashing all my plates, lamps, picture frames and now window." He says with a smug smile as her face falls. "Maya: 0, Huckleberry: 500 dollars richer."

Dammit.