AN: I started writing this story as an attempt at a novel, but since I was using Twi-characters, I thought I'd post it. It's dedicated to a friend of mine and based on her own experiences. We used to talk about it a lot, but I never felt ready to write it. Hope you like it. :)

—

Girl of Dreams

—

I was having one of those dreams again. About her. Us. I didn't know her name. I'd never even met her. I'd only seen her. Watched her. The dreams were different all the time but this one was a good one. We were married or something. Or at least together. Relaxing at home. A nice house, small and quaint with flowers in pots and meadows all around. A cottage in the country, perhaps. We were sitting on a swinging bench that hung from the veranda. Dressed in jeans and sneakers. Me with my hair down and hers chopped short as it always was. My subconscious wasn't smart enough to invent a whole personality for her so there was no actual dialogue in the dream. No words. No sound at all aside from the melodic chirping of birds somewhere in the sun beyond the porch. That was all. Nothing else. Just me and her and that vague feeling of happiness. Happiness without reason or logic. Happiness just because. My arm was around her and there was a strange radiance to the scene, like sunlight in a camera lens. Smiling. Rocking. She had her legs tucked under her on the bench and now she looked at me. A smile moved over her lips and I wanted so badly to tell her something. To tell her I loved her. To tell her to stay. Because I knew it was just a dream and I knew any minute I would wake up. She tilted her head slightly, as if to ask if something was wrong. I still couldn't speak and she seemed to notice my difficulty. She seemed to realize it was just a dream as well and her smile went a little sad, a little wistful. But then it perked up again, as if to assure me everything would be alright, and for a second I actually believed it. Then I woke up.

—

Chapter 1:

—

Quietly, with a gasp. Her eyes snapped open and the happiness in her heart evaporated as instantly as the dream itself.

Ugh.

Reality.

Laying on her side she blinked at the alarm clock on the nightstand beside her wedding picture with her husband. 8AM. Still early. Her husband must've heard her wake because now she felt the bed shift as his hand caressed her shoulder.

"Morning, babe," he said.

"Morning."

"Bad dream?"

"Something like that."

She rolled onto her back to accept a kiss good morning. Routine. The curtains were closed and the room was dim and gray. She endured his lips with her eyes open, blinking once sleepily, and she gave him a weak smile as he pulled away.

"What time is it?"

"Eight o'clock," he said, and then he smirked suggestively. "Kids are asleep."

"They are, are they?"

"Let's not squander this opportunity, hm?"

His lips came down to her throat. She craned her neck and tried not to grimace, but she was tired, she had to pee, and she was possibly a latent homosexual, and she really did not want to do this.

"Baby," she said, pushing at his chest. "Baby, I haven't even brushed my—"

Before she could finish the fire alarm in the kitchen suddenly began shrieking through the house.

"—teeth," she said.

The husband groaned and detached himself from his wife. Bella suppressed her relief and hurried out of bed to see what was going on.

She was tying her robe as she came into the kitchen and what she found was her ten your old daughter jumping up and down in her Hello Kitty pajamas and waving a spatula at the fire alarm. There was flour in her hair and flour all over the sink and thick gouts of smoke were billowing upward from a pan on the stove.

Bella twisted the knob to turn off the stove and dumped the half-raw but completely burnt pancake into the sink while the alarm continued to blare.

"Nessie, what are you doing? Haven't I told you never to touch the stove without my supervision?"

"I wanted to surprise you."

"You did, sweetie, you did."

Bella had grabbed a dishtowel and she was waving it at the fire alarm to clear the smoke. A heavy gray haze hung clung to the ceiling. Jake had been right behind her and now he was pulling up a chair to stand on and the fire alarm finally quit screeching as he fumbled with it and pulled out the battery.

Bella let the dishtowel sag and looked at her daughter. Nessie was still pouting.

"It was the stupid stove's fault," she said. "I forgot to turn it down."

Bella rolled her eyes and tossed the towel onto the counter. Jake was peering into a half empty bowl of batter and now he poked at it with his finger.

"Hey, are those M&Ms?"

Nessie nodded excitedly. "Mmhm. It was my idea."

Jake was impressed. He licked his finger and turned his attention to the small pile of pancakes that had cooked successfully before the pan had become overheated. He tore one in half and shoved some in his mouth, paused to see how good they were, and then nodded enthusiastically. Nessie smiled proudly.

Bella wiped out the pan and relit the stove.

"Here, sweetie, let me help," she said. "You have to cook them on low or they'll burn."

"I know that, I just forgot."

Bella grabbed the bowl of batter and tossed her chin at Jake.

"Honey, go check on the boys," she said. "They didn't sleep through the alarm, did they?"

"Looks like it."

"Well, great. I guess the next time there's a fire they can just burn to a crisp in their beds. Nessie, how could you be so irresponsible?"

"It was the stove!"

Jake patted Nessie's head. "It's okay, Nessie. Mommy's just grouchy cuz she didn't get any this morning."

Bella had scooped some batter into the pan and she turned to glare at him over her shoulder as the mixture sizzled ominously.

"Sleep, I mean," he said. "Didn't get any sleep."

"Go get the boys."

"Yes, ma'am."

Jake ruffled Nessie's hair and headed out down the corridor.

Bella soon had the kitchen in some kind of order, the surfaces wiped down, a second pan frying up some bacon, and eventually the boys managed to struggle out of bed and come join them for breakfast. Glasses of orange juice were poured, coffee was brewed, and plates of pancakes and bacon and scrambled eggs were laid out. Nessie got offended when anyone ate anything other than the pancakes and the boys bickered over the last piece of bacon. Danny had bought a soccer ball to the table and he ate with it in his lap and the cat curled around Nessie's ankles until she gave it some scraps and Jake ate seconds and then thirds and then finished what everyone else left. Bella kept track of the proceedings vaguely but mostly she was just sipping her coffee and glancing at the clock on the wall.

Today was Sunday.

Sunday was gym day.

Finally breakfast was over and the boys were hustled off to their room to get changed for soccer practice. Bella went and got her purse and her phone and her keys and she found her husband stacking the dishes into the dishwashing machine as she came back through the kitchen.

"Okay, honey, I'll see you later," she said. "After I drop the kids off, I'm heading straight to the gym. Can you pick em up when they're done? I wanted to get a really long work out today."

"No problem, although don't you think you should take a day off at some point?"

"I can't slow down now. These abs aren't going to define themselves, you know."

Jake closed the dishwasher and turned to his wife with a grin while he dried his hands.

"I'm just saying," he said. "You're already full blown milf material. Might be time to just relax and enjoy it, if you know what I mean."

Bella smirked and adjusted the strap of her handbag.

"I'm no milf," she said. "Just an ordinary soccer mom—literally."

As if on cue the boys trooped in wearing their soccer gear, boots and small navy shorts, tops with no sleeves, making noise, punching each other. Bella gave her husband a kiss on the cheek and then shooed the boys outside into the car.

The oval wasn't far and soon the boys were tumbling out the car while Bella leaned out the window and told them to be careful. They waved to her, jogging backwards, and she watched them until they had safely joined all the other boys in their uniforms who were juggling balls and practicing drills.

The gym was in the city, closer to work than home, and it was a much longer drive. As usual butterflies began to circle and flutter in her stomach as she got closer. Like a girl going to a date.

In the parking lot she took a moment to spruce up her makeup in the rearview mirror and tie her hair into a high ponytail. Her hair was long and dark and her face was…nice, she supposed. Healthy skin. Brown eyes. She wasn't twenty years old anymore—she hadn't been for almost twenty years—but she took care of herself and in many ways she was in the best shape of her life.

Once she was done she tucked her makeup back into her purse, took a deep breath, and got out of the car.

The gym was mostly empty this time of day and she didn't see her right away. She got changed in the locker room and got started, mounting the bicycle in yoga pants and a sweatshirt. She pedalled hard and fast, working up a sweat in no time. She kept glancing around the gym but there was nothing but the usual cast of muscle heads and fitness enthusiasts. By now she was beginning to wonder if the girl was even going to show today. She was getting nervous and she wiped at her forehead with her sleeve like a junkie waiting on a fix. Just one glimpse, that's all she needed. Just one little fix to get her through the week.

Bella looked down and continued cycling and when she looked up again her feet began to slow down.

There she was.

The tracklist of her iPod had switched to a poppy love song and the ballad played in her ears as she gazed across the gym at this girl she had a crush on. Somehow she had missed her coming in and she was already changed into her gymwear. Black capris with a pink stripe up the outside leg. Pink spandex sportsbra. She was doing the warm up she did sometimes, a casual jog around the indoor jog track, and as she came around the bend her eyes met with the watching eyes of Bella.

Time slowed. Sunlight spilled from the glass ceiling overhead and bathed the girl in a surreal radiance. Shorthaired. Exquisitely pretty. Bella had stopped cycling at all. She was just sitting there while the vocalist in her ears serenaded the moment and filled her with wave on wave of intense attraction. The girl noticed her there and gave her a smile that almost blasted the other woman off her bicycle. Bella's heart gave one huge thump and she looked down quickly. She had a towel in her hands and she used it to wipe her face and when she looked up again the girl was gone as if she really were too perfect to be real.

For a long time Bella just sat there and then she swallowed with her dry throat and let out a shaky breath.

Abs, next.

This had been going on for months now. Bella didn't know her name, but in her mind she referred to her as GOD. A little acronym she had invented. Girl Of Dreams. She had first seen her here at the gym and all it had taken was one glance. That was it. After that nothing had ever been the same. One look, and bam. You are now in love—with another woman. That had been the trippiest part. Sure, she had played softball in college, and yes, she did prefer comfortable footwear to fancy footwear. But still. Gay? Bella found it hard to believe and even harder to accept. She wasn't homophobic, but she was a happily married mother of three, and so she wasn't all that eager to embrace an impromptu lesbian awakening.

But that didn't mean she wasn't allowed to ogle, and ogle she did. Later on the girl reappeared and Bella noticed that she seemed to have someone with her. A girl of similar age with dark hair and a decent body. They were powerwalking on treadmills and at first Bella thought they were friends but at one point they laughed and shared a kiss. Bella felt a pang of jealousy but she noticed how the other girl seemed to be very awkward about it, wiping her mouth, glancing around to see if anyone noticed. GOD only smiled and rolled her eyes.

Bella extended her workout until the girl and her friend were gone and then she showered and drove home with her hair still damp and her body as weightless as if her bones were filled with helium. Smiling. Daydreaming.

At home she had chores to get on with, laundry to wash and a bathroom to scrub. The boys played basketball in the driveway outside and she could hear them laugh and yell at each other as she cleaned the toilet. Soon it was dinner time but it was the husband who was the cook of the house. Him and Nessie. Jake wore a chef's hat and he poured Bella a glass of wine and she sipped it and hovered about the kitchen in case there was anything she could do. Nessie was standing on a stool and chopping a carrot and both parents kept a close eye that she didn't cut her finger. Bella smiled at all this even if inside she was a little pensive.

They ate together at the dining table and afterwards they put a movie on for the kids and after the movie was over they put the kids to bed. Nessie was a year older than the boys and she went right to sleep but the boys required to be tucked in and at least half an hour of conversation by lamplight before they became drowsy. They occupied single beds against either side of a dresser spread with a cluster of action figures and finally she kissed them each on their brows and turned off the lamp. She pulled the door partway shut as she went out and both boys called for her to leave the hallway light on, as if she would actually ever forget.

Before bed she sat at the dresser in the bedroom she shared with her husband and rubbed moisturizer into her hands. Jake was doing pushups on the floor and when he was done he sprang up with a bright smile as if not exhausted in the least. His workouts were less lengthy than hers but he was blessed with a high metabolism and combined with his work as an auto mechanic it wasn't difficult for him to maintain his muscular physique. He went for a quick shower and came back wearing nothing but shorts and paused in the doorway to admire his wife's body as she bent over to turn down the bed.

"So how many more pounds left to go?" he asked, showing interest like a good husband, always supportive.

"Just a few," she said. "Mostly just here."

She patted her stomach. Jake nodded and grinned at her proudly.

"I really admire how you've transformed yourself, babe," he said. "Juggling the kids and work and all that weight loss. It's pretty incredible. You've changed so much in that gym."

Bella snorted and wondered if he'd the feel same about her inward change toward other women.

"Yeah, well," she said. "Let's hope I don't change too much."

"You up for another late night workout? Kids are asleep for real this time."

"Actually, um, I'm pretty wiped. I think I pushed myself too hard today."

"You look perky enough to me."

Bella rolled her eyes but she was too guilty to refuse twice.

"Fine," she said.

Jake grinned and climbed in after her and cupped her face. She ignored the stirring of awkwardness in her stomach and tried to simply appreciate the fact that she had a wonderful and affectionate husband.

"You just relax," he said. "I'll take care of everything."

With that his lips lowered to her neck and he didn't notice the cringe that crossed her face.

—

The girl from the gym was named Alice and currently she was in a similar situation to Bella's husband; in bed with someone who didn't quite want to be there.

They were still almost fully clothed and only fooling around, Alice making sure to go slow, not to frighten her, Angela on her back, frowning through the kiss. The room was lit only by the bedside lamp and on the floor were two pairs of sneakers beside a pink top that Alice had been daring enough to discard. They had only been dating two weeks and Angela, strictly speaking, wasn't quite gay or even bi. Her moans had a undertone of awkwardness to them and her jaw seemed to have trouble loosening for Alice's tongue. She took little advantage of Alice's toplessness and only let her hands rest on Alice's back below the brastrap. Alice stroked her hair, trying to soothe her, but her own emotions were building, and eventually she chanced a grab up Angela shirt.

Mistake. As soon as Alice's hand closed around one of those soft warm breasts Angela flinched and drew back.

"Oh," she said. "Um…"

Alice sighed and retracted her hand.

"Sorry," Angela said. "I just…"

"Too fast?"

"A little."

Alice sighed again and ran a hand through her short pixiecut. Angela shuffled away and got off the bed and started putting her sneakers on.

"Sorry, Alice," she said. "I'll get the hang of this soon, don't worry. It's just so weird, you know?"

"Actually, no, I wouldn't. It's fairly natural for me."

"I guess I just need a bit more practice. Never dated a girl before."

Alice was sitting on the edge of the bed and at first she nodded a couple times. But then she shook her head and decided to just get it over with.

"Look, Ange," she said. "I like you, but…"

Angela had been bent over to tie a sneaker and now she straightened up with a drained face. "Oh no."

Alice laughed at that and rose from the bed to fetch up her top from the floor. "Look, I think we both know this is a waste of time," she said, pulling the top over her head. "If you're not gay, you're not gay. Simple as that."

"But I like you."

"I know, Ange, but I don't want a girl who likes me. I want a girl who wants me."

Angela's shoulders slumped. She still had a sneaker dangling from a hand. Alice gave her a smile to let her know there were no hurt feelings even if deep in her tummy there was a little stinging there.

"I think we should just call it an experiment and leave it at that," she said. "What do you think?"

Angela looked at her. "Is that what you want?"

"I think it's for the best. I mean, let's face it. Can you ever picture telling your parents about me?"

Angela winced as if she bit into a lemon. Alice chuckled once.

"That's what I thought," she said.

Angela put the second sneaker on and Alice walked her to the door of her apartment in her socks. Angela went slow with reluctance and turned back before exiting into the corridor.

"Can we still be friends?" she asked.

Alice nodded although she was certain they wouldn't. "Sure. We'll see each other every day at work."

"Okay. And thanks for not being mad, Alice. I'm sorry it ended up like this. I really thought…"

"Thought what? That gender doesn't matter? I used to think that too. Then I grew up a little."

Alice gave her a wink and Angela blushed. There was definitely attraction there but only the surface level kind. The kind that never lasts. Alice smiled once more and closed the door and that was that.

The two girls worked together at a local Starbucks and the next day they kept a small distance from each other and only exchanged a bit of chitchat, as if the relationship had never occurred at all. Alice was a bit down all day but she perked up in the afternoon on her way to the gym. There was a woman there who had been checking her out for months and she had come to appreciate the attention even if she had never even spoken to that other woman. It was probably the longest time anybody had ever showed interest in her and at this point it even felt oddly romantic.

She entered the premises and wandered further into the din of music from the speakers and the clang of weight lifting equipment. She had her gym bag over her shoulder and she scanned the place for her admirer and found her on one of the exercise bikes as usual. The woman had her head down, her hair dark and long and damp with sweat, and she didn't see Alice there. Alice smiled and continued on into the change rooms.

When she came out she was wearing her tight black capris and she had applied a little makeup. Just a little. She wanted to make sure the woman noticed her so instead of cutting across the gym toward the treadmills she took a meandering route that wound directly past the row of exercise bikes. Slowly, saunteringly. The woman still had her head down and when she looked up her feet spasmed on the pedals, locked up, staggered into motion again. If she had been on the road she probably would've careened into somebody's mailbox. Alice suppressed a smile and continued on, rolling her hips and feeling very minxy.

At the treadmills she unslung her gymbag and looked back. The woman was still watching her but trying to be discreet. You could practically hear her heart hammering from here. Alice bent to her gymbag and straightened up again with a waterbottle. She then unscrewed the lid and turned slightly for the woman to see and while the woman watched she wrapped her lips around the bottle and tilted back a sensuous swallow. The woman actually stopped cycling for a moment. Alice saw her from the corner of her eye and she smiled to herself and restored the bottle to her bag before climbing onto the treadmill and setting a steep incline. Something nice and intense for the woman to watch.

Over the next few days she thought about that woman more and more. Wondering if she should say hi sometime. See if she was interested in more than just staring. She was single again, so why not? The woman might've been a bit older than the kind of girl Alice usually dated but Alice always did like older women. And maybe that was exactly what she needed at this point in her life. Someone mature. Someone who didn't have to figure themselves out anymore.

At work she began to speak with Angela less and less and within two weeks the friendship had pretty much dissolved as Alice had predicted. It was disappointing but nothing Alice wasn't used to. She was watching Angela from behind the counter while Angela was refilling the mug for some guy, smiling at him, flirting, clad in an apron and carrying a coffeepot. Alice had a pair of plastic tongs in her hands and she looked down to resume restocking the muffincase.

The bell over the door tingled and Alice looked up to see her bestfriend Zafrina enter the shop. Tall, black, cocky and confident with a smirk that never seem to leave her lips. She noticed Angela talking to that guy and she went over to Alice and cocked a thumb in that direction.

"See that? That's why I told you never to date a straight chick."

"We broke up, Zaf. She can talk to whoever she wants to talk to."

"Did you ever at least have sex with her?"

"Nah. She wanted to keep trying but I could tell it was going nowhere."

Zafrina shook her head and tore a piece from a muffin and popped it into her mouth. "Well, I told you not to even bother."

"I know, I know. Hey, you wanna come try out this gym I've been going to? There's a chick there who might be into me, but I need to consult your finally honed gaydar before I talk to her."

"Sure."

They went on Sunday morning, the only time Alice could be certain the woman would be there, and together they mounted treadmills side by side and took turns glancing over their shoulders at that woman on the exercise bike. Many times they would catch the woman looking over and it didn't take long for Zafrina to come to a conclusion.

"Oh yeah," she said. "That's a gay woman right there if I ever seen one."

"You sure?"

"Totally. She's staring at your ass right now. And considering I'm right here next to you, you should take that as a huge compliment."

Alice giggled and did feel quite complimented. Next to the tall Nubian beauty beside her she did feel mildly outclassed but the woman on the bike seemed to have eyes for Alice only.

"You don't think she might be a little old for you, though?" Zafrina asked.

"No way. An older chick is exactly what I need. Someone who's got their shit together and knows exactly what they want from a relationship. Someone mature and understanding. Someone with nice big boobs."

"Well, she's got that last one covered. Everything else is speculation."

"You think I should ask her out?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Well, what if she's not single?"

"Then why would she stare at you?"

"I don't know. Do you really think she's staring at me?"

Zafrina chuckled and hit a couple buttons on the controlpanel and came to a stop. Alice halted her own treadmill as well.

"Alice," Zafrina said, blotting her sweaty forehead with a towel. "She can't keep her eyes off you."

Alice grinned radiantly with her face all red and bright from the exercise. Zafrina smiled as well and stepped down from the treadmill and grabbed up her bag.

"Alright, I'm gonna shower at home," she said. "Good luck."

"Thanks, Zaf."

Alice waited till her friend was gone and then took a drink of water from her bottle and wiped her forehead while sneaking peeks across the gym. Nervousness was fluttering in her stomach and she couldn't remember feeling like this since highschool. Finally she screwed the cap back on and stowed the bottle in her bag and started over toward the woman on the bike.

Bella looked up and her heart stopped.

The girl was…

…coming over?

Instantly her heart restarted and kicked into panic. She didn't know what to do. She kept cycling, hoping the girl was only going to pass her by, but she didn't. She smiled directly at Bella and made her way directly to Bella's side.

"Hi," she said.

Bella had only seen her lips move. Everything else was dim in her ears as if she were slowly sinking underwater. With a shaky hand she tugged her earplugs out of her ears and swallowed a gigantic lump in her throat.

"Excuse me?"

"Hi," the girl said again, speaking loudly over the noise of the gym. "I'm Alice. I noticed you from over there, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out for a drink sometime?"

Bella couldn't reply. Her pumping legs faltered and came to a stop as if her body were simply failing. She couldn't believe it. The girl had asked her out. As if it were nothing. As if…

"Um," she said.

The girl took this for reluctance and held up her hands. "I mean, it's cool if you don't want to, I was just…"

"No, no, it's just… I'm not… I mean, I don't…"

Bella's tongue felt like a fish flopping in her mouth. It was too thick. It didn't fit. The girl had raised her pretty little eyebrows and she was waiting.

"Okay," Bella said.

"Okay what?"

"A drink. Sure."

The girl nodded and gave a giggle. "Great. Well, let me give you my number. I don't want to interrupt your workout. Just give me a call sometime, okay?"

The girl had taken a fashion magazine from her bag and she scribbled a number on one of the pages and tore it off. Bella was sitting there on the bike. Swaying. Dizzy. Throbbing all over. Every muscle pulsating. The girl handed her the scrap of paper and their fingers brushed in a crackle of sparks that shivered through her like electricity.

"Thanks," she said.

"Sure thing," the girl said. "Bye."

"Bye."

"Oh, wait. What was your name again?"

"Bella. Just…Bella."

"Okay. Call me, Bella."

"I will."

The girl was walking backwards and she waved once, a cute little wriggle of her fingers, before turning and heading toward the change rooms.

Bella stared at her butt till she was gone. Then she looked down at the number she was holding in both hands in her lap. She looked at it for a long time and then she slipped it into her pocket and started cycling again with weak and wobbly legs.

—

AN: Well, that's chapter one. I slimmed down my style a lot for this one, because like I said, it's supposed to be a draft for a novel. Any comments appreciated. Thanks. :)