I got distracted. Not horribly so, but still.

I was looking through tumblr, because I sometimes do that for no particular reason, and I saw something along the lines of, 'Every time I get a B rank in the vs. Charlie missions, I always get so worried for those children's safety because the ball caught on fire!'

And thus, I thought, good goddesses, that's true, why does no one even make any sort of remark about that. So this was born to fill the void.

Phantom R had little problem dealing with this newcomer who claimed to be a private eye, who was really nothing more than a kid about his age with a football in a trench coat. He kicked the ball right back at his adversary with easy, fluid motions. He had easily found the rhythm and stuck to it. Everything was fine; he had even smacked the kid with his own ball a couple times.

A huge issue arrived midway into their battle, though. The ball turned a bright orange-red, and for all intents and purposes, appeared to actually be on fire. The thief couldn't help but freeze in shock upon seeing it. Because of this, he was hit on the head. When he regained his senses, he was, thankfully, not on fire, and the ball had lost its unique coloration and was back to a bland black and white. And it was also heading straight for him.

Reacting quickly, he successfully kicked it away. And the battle continued with no flames surrounding the ball, so the phantom convinced himself it was just a trick of the light, and that he was tired. After a minute, though, the apparently magic flames returned. Phantom R nearly screamed as it came for his head. He ducked and the ball flew past him.

Across from him, Charlie was raising an eyebrow, unable to understand why the otherwise smooth thief had freaked.

Said thief had had enough weirdness for one battle. He took advantage of his foe's confusion and ran forward, jumping and roundhouse kicking his enemy into a tree, not slowing down his panicked run in the slightest.

Though severely pained to the point of nigh-unconsciousness, Charlie managed to stare, confused, at the back of the retreating thief. Hearing a whine, he turned to see the phantom's dog, who had an equally confused look on his face.

"Do you know what just happened?" Charlie asked the dog, not really expecting an answer, but hoping for one all the same.

To his surprise, the dog understood his question and whimpered and shook his head as though saying, 'I'm not quite sure either.'

Fondue then suddenly realized he was basically conversing with the enemy while his partner was retreating, so he took off, leaving the positively befuddled wannabe private eye to sit there and think.

The next day, at the Paris Opera, the two (three if you count Fondue) met again.

"I trust you won't run away in a hurry again?" Charlie asked with a mocking tone.

"I had a decent reason for running," Phantom R informed his foe.

"Sure," Charlie muttered, pulling out the ball that had frightened the thief so in their first encounter and kicking it.

"Aren't you afraid you'll lose this?" Phantom R asked, easily hitting it back. "All I have to do is duck again."

Charlie chose to not respond to this so he hopefully wouldn't get any bright ideas.

The battle was not unlike their first. Surprisingly, though the ball had smacked its owner enough times that the thief was sure the poor kid had a concussion at this point, it surprisingly had not been lost.

To make the battle even more like the first, the ball once again burst into flames. Rather than return the ball when it came speeding towards him, he decided to, instead, sidestep out of the way, causing the ball to finally be lost.

"Why?" Charlie screamed, frustrated. "You had no issues, and then suddenly you decide the ball carries the plague! Make up your mind!" He stomped over to the thief, intent on hitting him over the head.

Phantom R raised an eyebrow. "Do you not notice that your ball caught fire midway through both of our battles?"

Charlie paused. "Excuse me?" He asked, confused.

"Yeah, I'm not kidding! Your ball catches fire right when I'm getting into the groove!" Phantom R insisted.

"What?" Charlie asked, looking to Fondue for support on his side. Said dog looked just as confused as the first time he had paid attention to him. "Even your dog doesn't know what you're talking, R. You're clearly crazy."

"I am not!" Phantom R insisted. "Your ball will randomly seemingly burst into flames!" The poor, probably delusional, phantom looked back and forth between the kid, who had a 'what the heck is going on' look on his face, and his dog, who was whimpering, probably because he thought his master had lost it.

Charlie sighed. "Phantom, j-just come on. That's not possible."

Phantom R deflated. "I know what I saw! It happened twice!"

"Maybe you should just stop talking," Charlie advised. "At the rate you're going, it looks like you're trying to get marked as insane."

"I am not!" The thief yelled.

"Stop, Rhythm Thief!" A voice yelled.

The two teens turned to see the inspector, who had somehow gotten onto the roof.

"Great, just what I need. Another person who will think I'm crazy," Phantom R groaned.

"Dude, your dog probably doesn't think you're sane anymore. Just give up," Charlie told him.

"I told you! Three times, I saw your football randomly catch on fire!" Phantom R screamed.

"I will only believe you if I see it and not because you dunked it in kerosene and held a lighter up to it!" Charlie told him.

It was at this point that the inspector was utterly confused, but decided to step in anyway, considering the slippery thief seemed intent on showing his child that the ball they had been kicking back and forth for the past couple minutes had caught on fire. "Um... Charlotte, what is going on?" He asked.

"Charlotte?" Raphael asked.

Charlie sighed. "Yes, that's my real name. You thought I was a male, didn't you?"

Phantom R nodded dumbly.

Charlie looked back to her father. "Anyway, to answer your question, father, I was trying to apprehend this thief, but he's now freaking out and claiming my football can spontaneously combust."

The inspector looked around for said ball. "Where is it?"

"It fell off the roof," Charlie replied, shooting a glare at the phantom. "He sidestepped after it 'caught on fire'. Up until that point, he had just kicked it back."

"Stop saying that like I'm crazy!" Phantom R yelled.

"You are crazy, you loon!" Charlie yelled in return.

"Um...?" The inspector wasn't sure what to do. He certainly wanted to tackle the thief to the ground, but feared he would run away then.

"I'll show you!" Phantom R yelled, clearly hellbent on showing her that her ball can in fact catch fire for no apparent reason. He jumped off the building, in the direction the ball fell.

Charlie and her father ran to edge where he jumped off. "Think he'll actually return?" Vergier asked.

"I'm not quite sure. For all I know, that was just a clever ruse to get away. But he acted like that the first time we met, too. He kicked me into a tree and didn't even stop for a second as he ran away in what looked like panic."

"He kicked you into a tree?" Vergier asked.

"Yep," Charlie responded with an annoyed expression.

As it turned out, Phantom R had initially intended to return to the Vergiers, football in hand. And then it hit him over the head like a ton of bricks that he could easily escape, and take the magically combusting ball with him. Maybe then he could figure out the secret. The only snag? Fondue had thought that he was going to return, which was reasonable, and as such was probably waiting patiently on the roof.

He looked to the ball that had driven him nuts, and then thought of Fondue. With a sigh, he started walking.

Easily jumping his way back onto the roof, Phantom R drop-kicked the ball back to its owner. "Now fight!" He demanded.

Charlie raised an eyebrow, but kicked it to him nonetheless. The two kicked the ball back and forth for a good five minutes, but nothing happened.

"Why won't you burst into flames?!" Phantom R yelled, annoyed, smacking the ball with enough force to break a wall.

Charlie hasn't excepted him to kick it with such force, and when her foot came into contact with it, there wasn't enough power behind her kick, and she was knocked off her feet. "You are clearly delusional," she grunted from the floor.

Phantom R stared at her for a second. Then he looked at Fondue and said, "Come on, boy." Fondue yipped happily. The thief retrieved the ball. "Oh, and I'm taking this. I will learn its secret." With those parting words, he jumped off the roof, Fondue close behind.

"What just happened?" Vergier asked as he stepped up to the edge of the roof.

Charlie pushed herself into a sitting position. "A notorious thief claimed my football can combust and then he stole it..." She answered, somewhat stunned.

"Hope you don't care too much about that ball."

"Even though I can replace it, I kinda want it back, just so I can see if I can figure out what he's talking about."

"You probably wouldn't figure it out anyway."

"Probably."

"He's nuts."

"Agreed."

When Phantom R roundhouse-kicked Charlie into the tree, I couldn't stop thinking of the Postman in LoZ MM Group of Weirdos, a fanfiction where Link's stupid and is joined by the bosses of the games. In one of the chapters, I believe Link steps in the Postman's path and is kicked out of the way, and the Postman continues on without missing a beat. In one chapter, he's even given boss subtitles, and kicks Anju through a wall.

I had fun writing this. Because it was just so odd. I'll try to get back on track from now on. I have so many other stories I should be working on.