Hey, everyone! So, here I am. So, there's a lot I need to say, and I need you all to be quiet for this.
Guys, I have been homeschooled for the last 2 and a half years. About 2 months ago, in the beginning of August, my life changed. My parents told me I was going back to school.
This was a huge change for me, and honestly, writing was the last thing on my mind. My family has been through a lot in the last two years. I gained a sister, and almost lost a mother. This has been a recovery year. But its been hard. Life kicks you while you're down, that much I've learned. I'm stronger now, but it wasn't easy. I'm in school again, so I'm busy all the time.
The reason I tell you all this, is because I keep getting reviews like these:
"when are you coming back Bethany Tucker?"
"update update update update update update update update update update update"
"Update"
I never left. I'm still here, and I check the comments on my stories every single day, more than once. It kinda hurts when these things are all you have to say.
Then on some of my other stories, such as the talent show: "it doesnt matter if people dont give u lyrics you still need to update"
"I see you've out Faya [Fakle M, Maya H] in your description. Please don't make it faya"
Guys, these tick me off beyond words. I know y'all mean well, but these are rude! I dont even really want to continue that story. My computer lost all of those songs, so now I have nothing. And I got so many, and I could use so few. And my ships are my choice. I will write what I like. I dont take requests on ships. Sorry.
I would like feedback on my stories, not demands to update. I mean, how would you feel if you worked hard on something, and then when you asked what people thought of it, all they did was scream at you for more immediately, when that last thing took you months? It wouldn't feel so good.
It's been hard. And I just need support. I will update when I update, and the more you demand it, the longer it will take. I have had a story in the works since this spring, and it is still not done. It may never be. I need you all to understand that. I am my own editor, and I am hard on myself, on top of living the busy life of a highschooler with 5 younger siblings to take care of.
I wrote this drabble tonight, after watching girl meets Texas. To the guests who keep on asking me if I am worried that Rucas might not happen, the answer is no, I am not. I have faith. I believe that the writers are trying to fool us into thinking that Rucas wont happen, but I dont think that Lucas will give up on Riley just like that.
Anyway, without further ado, I present, Snowfall
Love, Bethany
...
"I fell for you like snow. Softly, slowly, but surely."
...
"How're you?" I ask.
I can't put my finger on it. One minute, Maya is making fun of Lucas, and the next... I don't even know how to put it. I was concerned for Lucas too, but... I was there to support him.
"I couldn't watch," she says, staring ahead, at nothing in particular. "I don't know why... I just... I couldn't watch."
Then it hits me, and hard. Maya... And Lucas... Maya likes Lucas! All the teasing, and the making fun of him... It makes sense.
Wait... Maya Likes... Lucas. My Lucas. Maybe he isn't supposed to be mine, though.
"I know why," I say, slowly, as I try to process what I have just concluded.
Maya turns to look at me, her blue eyes taking on the hue of the sky.
"I know you think I love him like a brother..." I begin.
"You know?" She looks genuinely surprised. As if I didn't know! She's my best friend. My sister. We can finish each other's sentences. I know her better than almost anyone else. Also I heard her say it.
"I've known that you thought that for a while."
"Riles," she starts. "Whatever you feel... That's up to you, I-"
"Maya! Its up to you to tell me whatever YOU feel," I exclaim. "You shouldn't be afraid to tell me anything."
Maya remains silent.
"You're my sister, and I've always wanted a sister," I say.
"Me too," Maya offers, quietly.
"Sisters should tell each other their secrets... Don't you think?" I ask.
Maya looks away.
I begin to speak, trying to knock down the walls I didn't even know were there.
"You couldn't watch him, because you were afraid something would happen to him. Because you LIKE him."
Maya stares ahead, her face, while not changing in expression, seems more intense.
I continue.
"You make fun of him because you like him," Maya turns to look at me. Now I can see that her expression is not one of intensity, but one of vulnerability.
"And you never told me that either."
Now its my turn to sit quietly.
I can't do this to her. How can I just take away potential happiness from someone who has known so little happiness in her life?
I can't.
How could I keep her from achieving love? What kind of best friend would I be then?
"Well," I say. "You're right. I love him like a brother. That's how I love him."
The lie burns in my mouth. It's painful.
Maya looks at me, as if trying to detect something, but then she looks away. She can't see the lie. I've hidden it, and hidden it well.
Walking into Pappy Joe's house, I see Zay, Lucas, and Farkle, all staring at the gleaming silver trophy.
I'm proud of him, Lucas did well. I just wish I didn't have to say what I am about to say to him on the same day he one that trophy.
"Hey, Lucas, can I talk to you?" I ask.
"Actually, I have something to say to you, Riley," He says, standing. His smile... The thoughtful look in his warm, meadow green eyes... Aren't making this any easier.
"If it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would've gotten on that bull, and if it wasn't for you, I don't know if I would've survived in New York." He pauses, then says, "You're really important to me."
It's like a punch to the gut. He's one of the most important people in my life. And I'm about to let him go.
I plaster a smile on my face, trying to hide my real feelings.
"You're really important to me too, Lucas," I say. "We've always been really good at talking to each other, but we've never been too good at holding hands."
A look of confusion passes over his face.
"And then we tried being a couple, and we couldn't even talk to each other. I don't want that."
The silence in the room is deafening. I can see the hurt and confusion in his eyes. Before he can stop me, I continue.
"I want to know you're always there to talk to. You're my brother, Lucas. And I'm your SISTER."
Lucas looks at me in disbelief.
"THAT'S what you think we are?" he asks.
"That's what I think we are," I confirm.
There will be other boys, I tell myself.
I kiss him on the cheek, as if to say goodbye.
I look him in the eye.
"I love you, Lucas, and now I know how."
Then I turn to look at Maya. She looks shocked.
"How do YOU feel about him, Maya?" I ask.
There, It's done. The deal is sealed, and I have given Lucas to Maya.
Before she can answer, I walk out, and I let go.
The tears begin to fall, and I wish they wouldn't.
Everyone always said that Lucas and Maya were fire as a couple. Now we'll see.
The thing is, I always thought that Lucas was... I don't know, the missing piece. My missing piece. But maybe he's Maya's.
What do I do now? Forget? I think that is what I'm supposed to do now.
I need to forget all the times he called me his princess. Forget all the times he smiled at me, for me. Forget the fairytale moments.
I need to forget the way he said my name. I need to forget the way I felt when I kissed him. I need to forget the butterflies, and the smile that wouldn't leave my face after he would talk to me.
All these things now belong to Maya. So the right thing to do, is to forget, right?
But I am human, and I am selfish.
I don't want to forget.
There will be other boys. There will be better boys.
But this feels like a lie.
Have you ever met someone, and felt like you were meant to be around them? That you were meant to find each other? I feel that way about all my friends. Maya, Farkle, and Zay.
But it's different with Lucas. I don't know how, but it is. Lucas and Maya are fire. Exciting, dangerous, and beautiful. But to me, Lucas and I were a single snowflake. Breathtaking, gentle, and something that only came once. Perfect.
He made my insecurities feel like strengths, and he replaced my embarrassment with pride.
However, it doesn't matter how I feel. I must forget, and bury all the remaining feelings deep within me. It doesn't matter anymore.
And it especially doesn't matter, that I have always preferred snow to fire.
Hey! How was it? Lemme know in a review. Love you all! Thanks for reading.
See ya soon!
Beth