Hey guys! A levels have taken over my life and so I'm currently going to be on hiatus but here is the last chapter until I come back next summer. I'm so sorry for my disappearance but I'll be back before you know it! I might update once in a blue moon when I have some free time (fingers-crossed!). This story still has a long way to go, so don't abandon it, I have over ten drafts waiting to be edited! :D

One drink had turned into four. Four into an entire bottle and now here I was with a splitting headache and not much recollection as to how the latest episode of the Vampire Diaries had ended last night. My duvet pooled around my waist, my blue hair a frizzy mess around my head. I was definitely going to have to get used to this new hairdo...

I'd woken up screaming Johnson's name, shaking. Ice dusted the duvet and my limbs. I knew what I had to do today - I had to try to bring him back to life.

"Loki..." As soon as I said it I realised. I realised he wasn't here, he wasn't allowed to be. I wanted him to be. I wanted him to be by my side to comfort me. He was the only other person who had been there when it had happened, when I'd killed Johnson. My throat tightened at the thought of it, I hated it. My eyes watered. I was a murderer.

I touched the emerald jewel on my wrist. It was entirely selfish, driven by me not wanting to be alone but I didn't lift my finger, hoping Loki would appear before my eyes.

Loki's blue eyes appeared first followed by his body. The sunlight streamed through my curtains making the golden armour shine on his body and the horns on his head gleam.

"I-I didn't think it would work..." I rubbed my eyes, watching as Loki perched on the edge of my bed every bit of grace and elegance. "I'm sorry, I just... I couldn't-"

Loki disappeared, reappearing by my side. He pulled me into his arms, resting his chin on top of my head. The warmth of him was enough to settle my nerves, to stop the tears, to help me piece myself back together. "What you are about to do today is an honourable act, one of which I wish I could only do for all of my victims, Midgardian." Zeus jumped onto the bed, nudging his head under Loki's hand for him to stroke. "Hello, little one," Loki purred, scratching between Zeus' ears.

I laughed at the term of endearment, turning in Loki's arms to look up at him. "I have to try to bring Johnson back."

Loki's free hand found mine. His fingers interlocked with mine. "I understand, Midgardian, I truly do."

I looked down at our fingers, admiring how my skin still had a tinge of blue to it. "Everyone thinks it's for him - for Johnson - but really it's just me being selfish. Every night since I took Johnson's life I haven't slept properly. I can't stop thinking about what I've done. I can't stop hearing his voice, reliving his death. It's not just feeling bad every second of the day knowing I get to live and Johnson doesn't. It's knowing that I could do something about it... I can do something about it." I pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them close to my chin.

Loki pulled me closer. His breath against my ear and cheek. "Although I tried not to poison that delicate mind of yours I know that I have," he sighed.

I pulled out of Loki's grasp, shaking my head. "You haven't-"

"Freya..." Loki held up his hand to silence me.

I glared at him but said nothing.

Loki's raven hair fell from behind his ears as he shook his head. It brushed across his cheeks making his blue eyes seem brighter, almost colder. "You would not have killed Johnson if you had not felt the way you do towards me. What I call poison, you call love. You would have let him kill me if you had not cared about me. You would not have even been in the same hotel room as me, let alone the same hotel."

"Bullshit," I snapped, sitting up on my knees.

Loki raised an eyebrow, a smirk lighting up his features. "I assume there is a good reason for your unladylike language?"

I nodded my head. "Yes, but first stop the poetic, Shakespeare crap and then I'll stop with the expletives. Here I was thinking you couldn't get any more ridiculous what with the helmet and all..."

Loki glared at me, sitting up and towering slightly above me. His lips parted, probably to object with my statement.

I put my index finger to his lips. "Shhh, okay? You asked why I called what you said bullshit. It was because I would have jumped in the way even if I didn't love you because that was the right thing to do. You hadn't done anything wrong and you didn't deserve to die, not in that moment, not that day. Sure you've been bad, which is a friggin' understatement to say the least, but in that moment you had done more good then bad. You'd saved me from the ice, from the cold, hell, you saved me, Loki. Instead of being a knight in shining armour, you were my knight in a crazy horned helmet. I will never forget that."

Loki's pale hand circled my wrist and took my finger away from his lips. He reached forward, his hand stroking my cheek before he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "I find whenever you are trying to compliment me there is always an insult tied to your compliment, my dear." Loki leant forward his blue eyes even closer to me - a glorious blue with flecks of green. This close to me I could feel the heat radiating from his body, the cold underneath it from his Jotun blood. His signature smirk brightened his face, his lips curled at the ends.

The only sound in the room right now was Loki's even breaths paired with my rapid intakes of oxygen. Loki's cologne washed over me as my thumb traced his cheek. His helmet disappeared with a shimmer. "You're not a hologram..." I muttered, my thumb now tracing his lips. "And there's nothing poisonous about loving you - it's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"I shall not disagree with you I shall simply agree that you are the best thing that has happened to me, my dear." Loki's bottom lip moved underneath my thumb as he spoke. It made goosebumps rise on my arms.

I brushed my palm against his cheek, the sharp angle of it against my skin. "I thought you'd be a hologram, but you're real. Really real."

Loki reached up and took my hand in his, interlocking our fingers. "If I were to be a hologram, could I be able to do this?" Loki tilted his head to the side, not looking away from me. My vision was slowly taken up by electric blue. His lips touched mine, softly at first, and then Loki's hands were on either side of my hips. My hair splayed out around me as I lay down. Loki hovered above me. His tongue traced my bottom lip. I ran my hands up his back. The God of Mischief and Lies was here with me, and he was mine. Where my skin touched his it burned - a pleasant feeling of warmth that sent sparks through my body. I buried my hands in Loki's leather jacket, pulling him closer to me. I needed him closer, wanted him closer.

Loki moaned against my mouth, his hands pulling my hips closer against his.

I smirked, hooking my leg around his hip and flipping us over. Loki's tongue was in my mouth, my hands in his hair. He tasted of tea surprisingly, something I wouldn't have thought they'd have on Asgard. And something else, it was similar to the foreign smell about him - a strong, wild note to his entire being.

Footsteps sounded on the stairs. Wanda. Shit.

I pulled my lips away from the God's, staring down at him, trying to catch my breath. "Definitely not a hologram."

Loki's blue eyes lit up, looking more green against the emerald of my bed sheets. He sat up, his lips mere centimetres from mine. His eyes were alight with one emotion - mischief. "She will not come in here without knocking..." It would seem that the God didn't want to stop, even if it meant being caught.

I clambered off of Loki, holding my hand out to help him stand. "We can't risk being caught, Loki."

The God took my hand, an inane grin spread across his face. He towered above me, leaning closer. His breath rushed across my face. "You speak words of wisdom..." Loki pressed his lips to mine, mumbling against them. "Words I think I may not take heed of..."

"Goodbye, Mischief." I pulled my lips from his for a brief moment to speak before Loki pressed his lips back against mine. I didn't let go of his hand, keeping his blue gaze.

Loki's lips pulled up at the corners underneath mine. His lips moved from mine as he laughed. "I think that nickname may be better suited to you after the mischievous move you just pulled."

"Says the one who isn't meant to be here..." The God's leather armour was cold under my hands as I pulled him into a hug, pressing my lips to his one last time. "I. Love. You," I told him between kisses. "And don't you forget it."

Loki's lips lingered against mine. I tried my best to memorise each crevice, each touch and every inch of him. I kept my eyes closed when he drew away from me. I didn't want to see him disappear, see him leave.

"Goodbye, my dear," Loki whispered against my lips before kissing the top of my hand was in my hair, trailing through it as I felt him step away. "Be strong, our destinies may have been entwined from the start of our lives but we have both survived without each other long before we ever met. No matter how catastrophic our lives were before we met, we survived without each other some how."

I shook my head, smirking. Loki was gone from the room as if the last fifteen minutes had never happened. I picked up Zeus, cradling him against my chest for comfort.

"I almost forgot: I love you too." Loki whispered from behind me.

I turned around, knowing all too well that Loki wouldn't be there. But it was okay, I was okay. I was going to bring Johnson back.

The truck rattled slightly as Wanda went over yet another bump. I stared up at the ceiling, a baseball hat and hoodie concealing most of my face. The standard disguise for any superhero these days. Wanda had insisted that I lay down on the seat so no one could see me. A brilliant idea at the time that had now turned into an painful one... I had cramp in my left leg and I couldn't feel my right leg and as for my neck it definitely had a kink in it.

"If you are going to secretly make love to Loki in your room I would advise you to use protection." Wanda kept her eyes on the road, a smirk lighting up her face. She wore a simple black dress and ballet pumps, her hair in a neat french braid at the back of her head.

"What?!" I shot up from my hiding place. The car had stopped at some traffic lights, thankfully no one was around us.

"I sensed his presence. I checked on you and what I saw... Whoa..." Wanda laughed, shaking her head. Her hands were glowing red as she drove.

"Why are your hands glowing red?" I touched her hand - it was warm, scorching. I pulled away, waiting for an answer.

"I'm altering the reality around the truck - we're an old couple right now to everyone around us." Wanda turned right. The church was at the end of the road. The same as it had been all of those years ago... This was it.

"Damn, so much power over here." I tried to laugh but I couldn't. I felt sick. My stomach twisted. My head pounded. Sweat ran down the back of my neck and made my palms sticky. Everything felt warm, too warm. It didn't feel like it was the beginning of Winter at all. "You're the most powerful Avenger there is, Wanda, imagine what you could do if you really wanted it, the world would be on its knees for you."

"Says the one who can make an eternal winter. And don't say that again, you sounded like Loki." Wanda took a hand from the steering wheel, putting it on my knee. "Whatever happens in there, whether or not you bring Johnson back, it doesn't define you Freya. I know your dreams have been nightmares every night since his death. Killing him didn't change who you are, the cold hasn't changed who you are either. You're my best friend, and you always will be, okay?"

"Thanks, Wanda." I touched her hand, giving it a squeeze. "And as for sounding like Loki, that's what I was going for."

Wanda chuckled, the truck slowing down. "Time to go do your thing, Freya."

Wanda had dropped me off near to the entrance of the church and gone to wait with the rest of the Avengers before the funeral started. Steve had distracted Johnson 's mother and father and the vicar allowing me to slip into the church.

The aisle was short, a dusty carpet in front of me. My footsteps echoed too loudly, each step a deafening thud. I wish it had taken longer to reach his body, to reach the conclusion of my escapade with Loki. The small amount of light shining through the stained glass windows cast eerie shapes around me.

"This was all my fault..." I murmured, staring down at his body - the blue tinge to his skin, to his hair, the way his chest was perfectly still. "This is my fault." The guilt gripped my chest - heavy and choking. The 'What If' was a deafening roar in my head: how events could have been different... What if they had been different? I might not have been dead to the entire world, to the Defence Council. Loki wouldn't have been exiled from the Earth. But he would have been dead... Which would have been worse. I shook my head, there was no need to overthink what might have happened when in front of me was what had actually happened.

Johnson's hand was cold in mine as I picked it up, putting my hand over his. Maybe if Loki hadn't turned up, things might have been different between us. Johnson might still have been alive. I pulled my hand away from his, stepping back from the coffin - a small step - but I needed the distance.

The ice crackled in my hand. It pulsated forming the one thing I knew Johnson would recognise. So he would know it was me that brought him back to life, that I was okay.

I placed the rose into Johnson's hand, closing his fingers around it. I touched my lips to his stone cold forehead. I could feel the cold underneath my fingers on his chest. My fingers were pale against his chest, splayed across the deep black of his suit. It had been a few days or so yet the cold still lingered, it was inside him as if I had put it there just now. The cold pulled to me. It drifted through his body towards me. Who was I kidding? I couldn't reverse the cold.

I closed my eyes, stepping away from his body. "I am so so sorry, Johnson. Rest in peace. I thought I could-" I looked away from his body, my cheeks warm and wet. "But I can't."

"You can." Loki's voice was as clear as if he was in the room with me. "I know you can, Freya."

I took a shaky breath. My shoes squeaked on the wood of the stage. The cold followed me. I couldn't see it but I definitely could feel it. It hit me hard, knocking the breath out of me. I took another step away from Johnson's body; drawing the cold away, pulling it away from his body. It was like a dementor taking the soul from a body - it was incredibly hard to stop. I held out my fingers watching as the blue faded from Johnson's face.

"Get away from him! From my son! My baby!"

Hands wrenched me away, but the cold still followed. The ice followed my fingers. I let my hand fall to my side. I'd done enough.

Johnson's father dragged me out of the door, the ice following me.

"Stay away from him." Johnson's mother glared at me once before walking back into the church, her husband following her. "I told you we should have gotten security, Andy."

Johnson's father shook his head. "Katherine, the Avengers are here, we don't need security."

I tugged my hood, over my face, avoiding both of their glares.

The Avengers were outside in black suits, watching me. Each of them in their black suits or dresses, waiting for me to say something. Some other people stood outside the church as well: Maria, Phil and Fury. And then there were Johnson's relatives of various ages.

A glass smashed inside the church followed by a raspy breath.

I stepped away from the church doors, walking away. I'd done it. The relief was overwhelming. I let myself smile.

Steve caught my gaze. "Thank you."

I nodded, quickening my walking pace. "I didn't do it for you, for anyone here. I did it for Johnson, for myself."

"Where is she going?" Johnson's mother. "Wait, come back! Stop." She was running towards me.I could hear her heels clicking on the stones of the church courtyard.

"Ma'am, sometimes not all heroes want to be seen, just like how not all heroes wear capes." Phil spoke over the noise of the crowd now gathered outside of the church.

I paused, glancing over my shoulder. Phil stood by Johnson's mother's side, a hand on her arm.

"Thank you, you brought him back, took away the cold. You brought him back from where that frozen bitch put him. I wish she was still alive and then I could kill her myself." Her voice was cold and full of hate.

I flinched at her words, balling up my hands into tight fists. "It was the least I could do, honestly. And as for Miss Frost, I can assure you she won't make any mistakes ever again, I promise. Where she's going she won't be able to hurt anyone."

"Who are you? You saved my son."

I also killed him... At least that's what I wanted to say. Instead I just nodded, continuing to walk away.

Karl's grave was at the same church. My jeans were muddy as I knelt by his gravestone. "Maybe I could save you too..." I put a hand to the floor. The cold wasn't the same as it had been with Johnson. It was a weak force, almost gone. It lingered not far from the headstone, deep underground. It had to be in his heart. "Karl..." I whispered, raising my hand and touching the headstone. It was cold under my touch, the white marble bright against the grass. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't." Emily said from behind me. She wore a black dress, a tissue in her hand.

I turned on my knees to face Emily. She had to understand. She had to want him back too. "But, I can-"

"He's been gone for two years, Frey." A single tear fell down her cheek, rushing towards the earth.

"But I want him back..." I looked back to my big brother's headstone.

"It's been too long. He can't come back now, Freya. The world has kept going and it wouldn't be fair on him."

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Emily sat down next to me. "I heard about it all, how Loki's gone. I was also in charge of monitoring the cameras in your room... Damn he looks like a good kisser."

I elbowed her, shaking my head. "Shut up, Em."

"It's true then," Emily laughed.

"Of course, it's true. Every single agonising detail," I whispered. "Em?"

"Yes?" Emily whispered back. It must be something about whispering that makes everyone follow in suit as if they are supposed to be whispering too.

"The guilt hasn't gone... I thought bringing Johnson back would make it go away - the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach." I shook my head, pulling my hood down off of my head, casting the stupid baseball hat to the side. I shouldn't even be wearing a superhero disguise anyway, I was the villain.

"Sometimes even when we've done all that we can to rid us of the guilt it still lingers. I wish I could tell you that you'll forget, that the guilt will disappear but you won't forget and it won't disappear. So instead you'll just have to learn to deal with it, be the strong woman you've always been, Frey." Emily's voice came closer to me as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Back at the church you said you were going somewhere. Where are you going, Freya?"

I hugged Emily back. She must have worn the same perfume since she met Karl, it's familiar smell enveloping me. "I was thinking of going to America, to start a fresh. Or Mexico..." I laughed. Maybe Stark still had that cabin or shack in the mountains?

"Well, where ever you go don't forget about me." Emily hugged me tighter. "You're all I've got, frosty." I knew she wouldn't try to stop me, she'd always been like this towards me though... Just letting me learn on my own as long as I was safe, like my mum...

I chuckled as Emily let go of me, helping me stand up. She pulled me into a hug, her breath on my ear. "He wanted to see you, I couldn't say no. I'm sorry but it will make the guilt better I promise."

I pulled away from Emily.

Johnson. He stood to my right in his suit, blue eyes trained on me. No hatred marred his features, nor any sign of anger. Instead he looked somber, as if he was at peace. "Thank you, Freya."

"Don't thank me, I was the one who killed you." I shrugged, watching Emily walk away. The clearing had become all too quiet, nothing moved except Johnson. I couldn't bear to look at him, not now.

"God look at me, please." He stepped closer to me. I had no choice but to look at him. His blue eyes which in no way reflected Loki's held me in place. They didn't glint with mischief like Loki's did yet they did look at me the same way Loki did... God, no. He couldn't. Not after all I'd done to him. I turned my head to the side, looking away from Johnson. No.

Johnson let out a loud sigh. "Freya, please."

I at least owed it to him to listen to whatever he had to say no matter how much I disagreed. I locked gazes with Johnson. "What ever you're going to say, what ever you're going to do, it won't undo what I did to you. You're talking to your murderer, remember that." I shoved my hands into my pockets - a cold sweat on my palms.

"You had every right to kill me, I was being an idiot. I should never have tried to shoot Loki. I was in the wrong and whatever guilt you're feeling now, you don't deserve it at all." Johnson seemed far too sincere, keeping my gaze the entire time. "Loki found me after you brought me back and apologised for everything that happened, if I was going to blame anyway for my death it would be him, but I don't even blame Loki, Freya." Johnson seemed oddly calm about coming back from the dead, saying that I had been calm too I suppose. "I understand what he means to you but I also understand what you mean to him. He's changed Freya, like the Beast did with Belle's presence in Beauty and the Beast. He's still a psychotic God of Mischief and Lies but he's a hell of a better man."

"You're not going to tell anyone are you? That Loki came to Earth?" I kept Johnson's gaze, daring him to say yes. If it came to it I would freeze his mind, make him forget everything that had happened, even make him forget meeting me. The cold made my pockets freeze, ice spreading across the outside of the fabric.

"No, he apologised to me. I won't tell a soul, I promise." Johnson took another step. He was now standing right in front of me. His hands touched my pockets.

I stepped away from him. "Don't, I'll kill you again."

"I know you love Loki but I just have to prove something to you before I never see you again..." Johnson pressed his lips to mine. They were warm, enticing. But no electricity touched my skin, made my heart beat frantically in my chest. Nothing happened. It was just a kiss.

It wasn't right at all though: I could kill him. I didn't move. I stayed frozen to the spot. I couldn't pull away after all I'd done to him, so I'd just let him have the moment.

Johnson pulled away from me, pushing a strand of blue hair behind my ear. His hand rested on my cheek, his eyes searching my face for something he knew wasn't there. "I needed you to know that you're not dangerous, you never were."

I nodded, a single tear falling down my cheek. It froze there, held in place by the cold - a sculpture of sadness. The guilt in my stomach lessened slightly.

Johnson used his thumb to remove the tear from my cheek before his hand fell to his side. "If you ever decide that you don't want a God as your lover I'll be here. If-"

I pressed a finger to Johnson's lips. "I will never want normal before you even say it. Besides you could do far better than me, Johnson. I could never look at you and not remember what the ice did to me, what happened with Loki."

"Then I'll say this instead: if you ever need me then I'll be there. No matter what it is, I promise I'll try to help you. I can't undo what I did to you, part of me knows that I'm the reason for the ice taking control of you, but I can sure as hell try to make up for it in whatever way that I can." Johnson bowed his head to me, stepping back.

"Until we meet again, Johnson." I nodded, watching Johnson walk away. I put a finger to my lips. Well that had escalated rather quickly...

"Personally I would have frozen him again for that." Loki stood by my side. His face looked like thunder - his gaze a blistering blue, his mouth a thin line and his jaw muscles clenched.

"It's okay, I froze instead. It meant nothing to me, the world didn't stop spinning when he kissed me."I laughed at the appalling cliche, turning to the jealous god. Loki was in his usual attire, his golden armour glinting in the setting sun. He wasn't very low-key at all...

"I know, but that didn't make it any easier watching you kiss him. You could have any man that you wanted here on Midgard yet here we are." Loki took my chin in his hand, blue eyes scanning my face.

"Any man, but not a God." I wrapped my fingers around his wrist, moving his hand from my chin. "Now quit the trying to put me off of you, it'd not working. It never will."

"Heimdall asked me about you today, he said you were a beautiful Midgardian." Loki held my cheek in his hand instead, my grip still on his wrist. "He promised to watch over you for me, make sure you do not get into too much trouble."

"All the time?" I did not want some God with all seeing eyes watching me every minute of my life. What if I needed the loo?!

Loki chuckled. "He will not be watching you every minute of the day, Freya."

"Good, because that would be creepy." I took Loki's hand in mine. "You should probably go before someone stumbles on us."

Loki hummed, his lips pressing against mine. "Until we meet again, Midgardian." Loki winked, disappearing with a small flash of light.

"Call me later on tonight." Wanda smiled at me as I shut the door of my truck.

"Will do." I nodded, stepping back as Wanda drove back the S.H.I.E.L.D base.

The house was quiet. The door shutting was the only noise as I walked into the living room. White. Everything was covered in dust jackets and covers. What the hell?

Phil was perched on the sofa. It too was covered in white. Phil himself wore a new, immaculate, black suit and was freshly shaven. He motioned with his hand for me to sit down. "I'm going back to America. I want you to come with me."

I sat down across from him. Where was Zeus? And America? It wasn't a question like it had been years ago. "But what about the house?"

"It'll be here when you come back." Phil kept my gaze. "I want you in my line of sight for now after everything that's happened, Freya." No mention of Loki at all. Why was he avoiding it? Was it for my sake or his?

I nodded. It was fair enough considering everything I'd done, put him through. "What about Zeus? He has to go through quarantine?"

"Already sorted he's already at the airport with the helicarrier. The only thing missing so it can leave is you and I." Phil moved forward on his seat, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I don't want a Johnny Depp - Amber Heard crisis that's all... No animals going anywhere they shouldn't be." I stood up, heading to my room.

"I had people pack for you - there's nothing left in your room." Phil stood up too.

"What about my truck?" I turned to my Uncle.

Phil looked down to his shoes. "It's associated with you, Wanda's putting it into storage on the helicarrier until things die down as we speak. For now I'll have a driver take you where you need to go and guards watch you 24/7." Coulson moved away from me, heading towards the front door.

"Coulson?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

He stopped just before the living room doorway. Phil didn't turn around.

"We're not coming back anytime soon are we?" I whispered.

"No, we're not." Phil still didn't turn around.

I let the ice flow from my feet, creating a wall in the living room doorway. Phil couldn't leave now, even if he wanted to.

"Talk to me about it, say something."

"There's nothing to say. I was happy you were happy and then Johnson was killed." Phil shrugged, slipping his hands into his pockets.

"Murdered, Phil."

Phil let out a deep sigh. "Frey-"

"No, okay. Listen to me. You were the reason I was part of S.H.I.E.L.D and now because of everything that's happened you're holding yourself responsible. Don't. We've had this conversation too many times, I'm not having it again." I took a step towards him. "I know you know I brought Johnson back but you're not said anything about it. Please say something and stop avoiding it all as if it never happened." I touched Phil's shoulder. "It happened, and I know I can never stop apologising for what I put you through."

"The Helicarrier will be leaving soon - can we talk about this in the car?" Phil turned around to look at me then as the ice wall fell behind him. "We'll talk about your rebellion, about Johnson, about you letting the ice control you. About everything."

I nodded once, but I could tell we weren't going to talk about everything. Never once did Phil mention Loki. He was still avoiding the sorest subject and I knew then that's why he was hurting. I had sided with Phil's killer and it had done more damage than the ice or any weapon could have done.

I followed Phil to the car in silence. I needed it before all hell broke loose in the car, when I brought up the one subject that I knew Phil didn't want to talk about. I picked up my door keys, locking the door behind me. The door was cold underneath my palm. "I'll come back here, one day. I promise." I didn't know who I was talking to: my parents or Karl or Loki? Who knows?

The car doors slammed shut and then the engine roared. This was it.

I waited until we reached the end of the road before I spoke, before I opened the can of worms awaiting me. "Say it, Coulson."

"Say what?" Phil's hands tightened on the steering wheel.

"You know what. You won't even say his god damn name." I kept my hands in fists in my lap. There was no avoiding the avalanche that was coming towards me now. "I loved him, hell I still do love him, Phil. I am in love with Loki Odinson - your killer, your enemy, one of the people you despise the most."

"You figured it out."

"Of course I figured it out. I'm not stupid." The anger was simmering between the both of us. I could feel the tension in the air.

"You know he apologised for killing me, he looked me right in the eyes and solemnly promised he would never hurt me again." Phil took the third exit at a roundabout, his eyes never leaving the road.

"He's a better person now," I mumbled.

"And so are you, believe it or not." Phil hit the indicator, turning onto the slip road for the motorway.

"I'm not going to mope around just because Loki is gone, Phil." I pulled on my seat belt. It felt like it was strangling me. "Let me help S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Don't you think you've helped enough?" Phil's voice was bordering on angry as he joined the motorway.

I looked at Phil. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel. His words had hurt, a lot but I couldn't let it go. "Phil, I did what I had to do to. Surely, you understand-"

"No, Freya!" Phil hit the steering wheel. "You killed Johnson. You protected a raving lunatic. But worst of all I thought I'd lost you, I thought you'd died and then I lost you to the cold after you came back, after I thought Fury was going to let the Defence Council kill you. You've put me through so much. I'm only human Freya, I can only take so much." Phil's voice was quiet towards the end, strained.

"Phil, I never meant to hurt anyone, least of all yo-"

"I was the one who shot you."

I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. Phil had been holding his gun when I had jumped in front of Loki but I never dreamed that it could have been him to pull the trigger.

"Fury has been covering for me ever since that night because he didn't think it was a good idea me telling you. But here it is, out in the open: I killed you. You were dangerous. You had no control. So we decided it would be best to shoot Loki, to get him out of the equation to calm you down. The worst part of it all though was that we knew you'd jump in the way. That was the plan all along. I knew you'd jump in the way. You were a Code Red they said I had no choice, that I had to." Phil sped up, pulling off of the motorway and taking a sharp right into an airbase. He stopped the car on the run way surrounded by forest. The Helicarrier was in front of us, agents rushing in and out of it carrying various equipment.

I stayed silent. What was I supposed to say?

"They all keep telling me that it was for your own good, for everyone else's safety but I can't think like that. I can't even comprehend that. I can't blame you for my actions, it doesn't seem fair. I shot you because I couldn't bare the thought of Loki corrupting you, that the kid I knew was gone. And then, I-" Coulson let go of the wheel, resting his head on it.

"Phil you did your job, there's nothing to feel guilty about." I reached across the car, putting a hand on his arm.

"You feel guilt for Johnson's death but you brought him back and I'm proud of that. But I killed you, Freya and for ten minutes I was in a world without you because of me. Job or no job, you're family and I shouldn't have done it." Phil turned the car off, sitting rigidly in his seat. "I can't look at you now without reliving that same moment over and over again."

"I came back, Uncle Phil, didn't I?"

"Yes." Phil didn't move.

"Then there's nothing to feel guilty about. I'll stop feeling guilty about Johnson and you'll stop feeling guilty about me." I let my hand fall from Phil's shoulder. I hoped I'd done enough to get him to look at me. "We're never coming back to England are we?"

Phil turned to look at me, shaking his head. "You're not, no. It's too dangerous."

"For who?" The question was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"For those around you, you need to be near those who can kill Loki at first sight and won't flinch, those who can help you understand the full extent of your powers. You're still a code red. If we lost sight of a nuclear warhead then we'd be in trouble and it's the same with you, Freya." Phil kept my gaze, shaking his head.

"I can control the cold now. I'm safe, Coulson. I promise I won't do anything to hurt anyone, I've done enough." I pleaded with him. He couldn't do this. He couldn't make me a prisoner.

"Yes, but no one can control you." Phil put a hand on my shoulder. "I can't guarantee that you'll be on the heroes side if a fight were to arise."

"You know me Phil, I haven't changed." I left his hand on my shoulder no matter how much I wanted to shake it off. "I wouldn't side with the bad guys unless the good guys were in the wrong."

"No you haven't changed, but you've grown up. You've filled your boots, you've chosen where you want your life to go. Even if it's not all too clear right now and the details aren't precise you know the direction you want to go in." Phil squeezed my shoulder.

"And where do you think that direction is?" I kept his gaze. I knew the answer but I needed to hear Phil say it.

Phil dropped his hand from my shoulder. "Towards Loki. That day outside of S.H.I.E.L.D... I've never seen you so happy and that's why I know that if he turns up you'll be on his side and not mine. You chose Loki once and if and when he comes back you'll chose him again. I know you won't stop until you find a way to be with him, Freya. The way you look at him and the way he looks at you, that only happens once in your life."

"Don't you dare make me choose, Coulson." The temperature in the car dropped at least five degrees by my own choice.

"You can't give me an answer though, can you?" Phil shook his head, turning away from me.

"Phil, please."

"No, it's okay. You love me and him but it's a different kind of love for the both of us. When the moment comes you'll most likely try and save us both. And that's what I'm worried about. That one moment of indecisiveness could cost you your life." Phil watched the agents outside, scurrying to and fro like ants.

"I'd choose you." I kept my voice even and strong trying not to let the tidal wave of emotion behind it break through.

Phil moved quickly, meeting my gaze. The answer had shocked him. It hurt me that he thought I would abandon him to save Loki. I had but not now, I wouldn't abandon him. "Why not him?"

"You made sure he was never coming back so I'll never have to choose between him and you, Phil." I undid my seat belt. "And his name is Loki, he's not Voldemort so you can use his name. Say his name. Scream his name. Shout his name for all I care because he won't hear you all the way in Asgard." I opened the car door.

"Freya, I never meant to send him away to hurt you. I was the one who got the material for Stark."

"I love you, Phil. You're the one of the only family members I have left and I'm sorry if that doesn't mean anything to you anymore. What you just said hurt like hell - you basically just told me you don't trust me anymore which I can understand, but next time just say it out loud."

"I do trust you though, Freya."

"So why do you think I won't consider your life over Loki's? He's a bloody God, he can look after himself!"

Phil stayed silent.

"It's because you don't want to lose me to him do you?"

"I can't trust Loki, Freya."

"I understand that, I really do, Phil. But you need to understand that he saved me from the ice and I trust Loki with my life." I got out of the car, walking away from Phil. I stopped, turning back to Phil, the car door still open since I hadn't bothered to shut it. "I hope that one day you'll learn to trust him the way you trust me. I'm not asking for it straight away but I am asking for you to at least give Loki a chance please." I turned on my heel, walking towards the Helicarrier. I'd said enough for now.

We'd been in the air for over an hour now. I'd found a deserted training room to sit alone in. Well alone as possible, considering the cameras winking at me in the darkness. The ice made different animals on the floor - a rabbit, a lion, a snake, a zebra. They all moved on their own as if they were real creatures. Each a cold, brilliant ice blue.

A knock sounded on the door before Stark entered the room. He edged past the lion, eyeing it cautiously. "If that thing eats me I will not be pleased, Ice Queen."

I laughed, waving my hand and banishing the ice.

Stark looks to the cameras in the room, hitting his watch. "You'v got me to supervise you now, no need for cameras anymore." He sat next to me. His brown eyes scanned my face as he leant back against the wall. "You okay?

"Yeah, okay as I'll ever be. Phil told me it was him that took the shot to kill Loki which killed me." I watched the clouds outside the window as we hovered thousands of miles above the ocean.

"I could tell. He looked in a pretty bad shape when he finally came onto the Helicarrier." Stark rummaged around in his pocket before producing his phone. He held it out to me - a picture of a lavish living room took up the screen with sofas and a glass balcony over looking what I assumed to be New York. "They won't let you back at S.H.I.E.L.D or anywhere near it but you're more then welcome back at the tower. I have loads of spare rooms and -"

"Why?" I looked away from the picture to Stark.

Stark frowned at me, brown eyes narrowing. "Why what?"

"Why are you being nice to me?"

"You've lost so much and I can tell what Phil said to you in the car, it was the last straw. You deserve a bit of sunshine, Freya." Stark wrapped his arm around my shoulder, giving me a squeeze.

"I just want it to all be peaceful," I sighed, watching Stark. He seemed to have adopted the big brother role over me somewhere between the Defence Council's execution and now.

Stark smirked, laughing. "As Ultron once said to me: I think you're mistaking peace with quiet."

"I guess I'll just settle for quiet then." I played with the bracelet around my wrist. Stark's presence was a comfort, it was better than being alone with my thoughts right now anyway.

"I helped design that for Loki," Stark whispered in my ear, wrapping his arm tighter around my shoulder. "He's not the only one who likes to rebel."

"I should have known..." I looked to Stark. "Thank you, what you're doing, you don't have to."

"I want to." Stark winked at me. "Besides, we gotta find out what you're really capable of. I'm interested what that ice can really do. Are you more powerful than Wanda or is she more powerful than you? Can you summon Santa and his reindeer?"

"I don't even know," I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"Speaking of reindeer... If you do choose to live with me, which to be honest I don't really think you have a choice anyway... Reindeer games can come into your room undetected everywhere else has cameras but I said no to them putting them in your room, which will be in the tallest tower of the building. You'll be like Rapunzel or Quasimodo."

"Thank you, Stark." I stood up. "For everything."

Natasha and Bruce walked into the room then, hand in hand.

"Guys, people are in this room. If you're looking for some alone time please don't do it in here." Stark began to walk over to them, smirking.

Natasha rolled her eyes, giving Stark the middle finger whilst Bruce blushed. His hand caught a water bottle on the side next to him...

I extended my hand. The water bottle froze in the air, covered in a small dusting of ice as if it had been in the freezer for a short amount of time.

Natasha reached down and put the water bottle on the side. "How did you do that?"

"I have no clue..." I shook my head, looking down at my hand. That hadn't been what I'd expected to happen at all.

"Well seen as though we have a while to go until we reach America, we may as well see what you've got, Ice Queen." Stark hit a button and a whole wall of computers lit up. "Let's get this show on the road - let it go, Elsa!"

I laughed, rolling up my selves. "Say it again and I'll freeze your mouth shut, Anthony Stark."

"Damn, she's using my full name, I'm in trouble." Stark stuck out his tongue at me, hitting his watch so that his suit would begin to form.

Natasha caught my gaze. "Do your worst," she laughed.

Bruce laughed. "Just don't make too much of a mess of him, I'll end up having to put him back together and all he does is moan."

I turned to Tony, already in his Iron Man suit. I knew one thing in this enormous mess I'd made: I was going to find a way to be with Loki. Somehow. And it looks like I'd have help.