Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight franchise, or any of the associated characters. I generally count this as a good thing.
Summary: There were a great many instances in the Twilight Series that could have been solved or prevented entirely by the simple act of picking up a phone and calling someone.
Chapter One: New Moon
Rosalie sighed, placing the phone back in its cradle.
Honestly, sometimes she wondered if Alice or Edward was the bigger Drama Llama. From what she recalled of her dim human memories, Rosalie had never had much patience for needless drama, but that seemed to be the only kind the Edward or Alice ever stirred up
Rosalie had a higher tolerance for Drama that served a purpose, certainly, like a scandal when her father was competing for a promotion at work, because at a time when banks all over the country were folding and unemployment was high, a banker's daughter had to be aware of opportunities.
If Edward and Alice ever cooked up that kind of Drama, Rosalie would find it a lot easier to stand them. It was part of why she loved Emmett so much; he was so honest and uncomplicated, and she had been falling a little bit in love with him even when he was human and she was spending her hunting trips wondering if faking an animal attack would be too extreme just to arrange an introduction to the handsome young mountain ranger.
And, of course, neither Alice or Edward would be the ones blamed for the entire fiasco, despite Alice having been in Forks a full two days before Rosalie had taken it upon herself to inform Edward. Really, was it so impossible for Alice to pick up the phone and call them to say there had been a mistake and not to worry?
Rosalie just wanted her family back together, and Edward had clearly not been so attached that he was willing to Change the Swan girl, then why should Rosalie expect him to be so attached as to do something dramatic and foolish?
"Besides, what would have stopped Edward from calling Bella's house, or the Police Station, or something to confirm it for himself, if he didn't believe her, or even just for the sake of confirmation. Idiot.
Well, at least this was something that could be easily fixed, unlike the situation that had brought them to this point in the first place.
Rosalie pulled out her BlackBerry Pearl, not due on the market for another few months, but Rosalie had been intrigued by the technology since 1983, and helped with the testing phase. She swiftly googled 'Volterra castle' and dialled the VIP contact number.
That number was for Vampires, for genuine VIPs who had to make security arrangements for a tour (and usually wound up shaking Aro's hand), or ordinary people who were so convinced of their own importance that the Volturi considered themselves to be doing the world a favour by having them for a meal. The rest of the time, they fed off those who had witnessed something they shouldn't, or had Alec use his gift on tourists while human assistants drew a pint or two of blood, and convinced the human tourists that their dizziness was just an effect of the Tuscan heat.
An effective method, but impractical for anyone else.
Emmett returned while Rosalie impatiently waited for the call to go through, his arms encircling her from behind. The lingering thrill of the chase, and the blood rushing through their veins, always made for some exciting times after a hunt. Carlisle and Esme would doubtless not be back for a while. The distant crash of a tree falling sounded like one of their adoptive parents tackling the other to the nearest flat surface.
A woman answered the phone. "Casa di Volterra."
Rosalie spoke in English, rather than risk a misunderstanding in Italian. "I need to speak with Aro on a matter of urgency, or at least pass on a message."
The woman changed to English. "Of course, what is the message?"
That was a bit of a relief. As much as she would never admit it, the thought of talking to the vampire rulers personally was a daunting one. "My brother, Edward Cullen, is on his way to Volterra to request death. He is the victim of a misunderstanding, and Carlisle would appreciate it if you would refuse his request and have a guard sit on him," (Behind her, Emmett muffled a snicker. Rosalie elbowed him to be quiet.) "...until my sister gets there to bring him home."
The secretary agreed. "Of course, signora. I will bring Aro your message immediately."
Rosalie smiled, closing her eyes in relief. "Gracias. Oh, and there may be a human with her. She knows of Vampires, but we plan to turn her as soon as we can do so without drawing undue attention"
She hung up, pushing away a pang of regret. Rosalie would not wish the life of a vampire on anyone, much less a girl who had so much potential. Bella had opportunities that were not available to women in Rosalie's lifetime, a family who loved her without conditions, but she seemed determined to throw them away. Perhaps Bella foolishly believed that she could have it both ways, becoming a vampire and keeping in touch with her mortal friends and family.
Rosalie felt sorry for Chief Swan, who had committed no wrong but to love a daughter who allowed others to make her decisions, and who had been welcoming to the Cullens, at the cost of some of his own long friendships. It would be hard, calling Bella her sister with a straight face when she was exactly the kind of weak-willed, ambition-less fool that Rosalie had despised, but for the sake of her family avoiding the wrath of the Volturi, Rosalie would grit her teeth and do it.
A slight squeeze from her husband's strong arms brought her attention back to the present. Well, perhaps there were a few advantages to living forever. She turned to Emmett, taking his hand with her most seductive smile. "Edward and Alice are both dramatic idiots, and Bella isn't dead. Did you have a good hunt?"
Emmett lifted her up, tossing her over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. "Why don't I show you?"
He bolted up the stairs to their room, Rosalie's giggles trailing behind them.
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.
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A/N: I stopped writing in the Twilight fandom a while back, but reading some of Das Mervin's Spitefics inspired a plot-bunny. If there are any other scenes you can think of that could use a healthy injection of common sense, let me know.
Constructive Criticism is welcome, Flames are not. Essentially, if this is the worst idea since voting Tony Abbott into office, tell me WHY.
Thanks,
Nat