Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Hope you enjoy this small read :) Please, RnR
xo
/
It takes him 17 visits before he convinces her to come back.
17 visits.
Monty finds her on a hunting trip. Yeah. Monty finds her on a hunting trip. He recognizes her in an instant, despite her get up, and for a second, she's frozen in fear, and worry and apprehension.
"Clarke," he whispers. "I can't believe its you." She thinks she hears a small tug in his voice- something that's not etched in hatred. When he looks at her, he's smiling, his eyes shining, and she somehow finds it in herself to smile back at him.
"Monty" she breathes. And the name almost sounds foreign to her. He holds her hand, tight, and she wonders briefly when anyone at camp decided Monty was someone who needed to be part of a hunting party.
"Lets go," he tugs. "Everyone's going to be so happy to-"
He stops when she doesn't follow.
"I can't Monty."
His eyes search her face, for something she's not sure is there, and then he looks down at the ground. His hands are trembling, and he refuses to look back at her. A gnawing feeling in her stomach makes her take a step forward.
"I'm here every 9 days, at sunrise," she whispers. Because if anyone in this world deserves to never shed a tear, its Monty. "Always at this marked tree." He looks up at her, still sad, but not completely unhappy, and nods. "May we meet again," she mumbles.
"May we meet again."'
/
The first time he comes to meet her, he comes alone- and when did Monty have such a great sense of direction? He tells her about the camp, and everyone else. Clarke doesn't have it in her to ask about… him. And for some reason, Monty doesn't bring it up either. He tells her about Jasper's nightmares, and Raven's bitterness. He tells her about Octavia's blatant hatred for her, and Lincoln's loyalty. He tells her that her mom and Kane are officially a thing.
She rolls her eyes despite herself, and he hits his shoulders to hers, smirking.
/
Every meeting ends the same way.
He holds her hand, and sees if she'll stand with him.
She doesn't, and she feels the disappointment rolling off of him in waves.
"May we meet again," he says sadly.
"May we meet again."
/
The 8th time he visits her, he brings Raven. She feels a numbing paralysis, and debates running off.
"Its okay," Monty smiles. "She wanted to come."
Clarke briefly wonders if he wanted to or not.
"Are you done sulking?" Raven tries.
She sighs and sits on the log where they meet. "Not just yet."
Raven sits down next to her, and brings out a blanket, a thermos of soup, and some water.
"Just remember," she says, quietly. "You saved my life. You saved all our lives."
She doesn't really want to talk about this, so she slowly opens the lid to the soup and takes a sip.
Raven gets the hint, and doesn't bring it up after that.
/
The 13th time Monty comes, he brings Octavia. Her hair has no more braids, and Clarke is reminded of the girl who landed here. 16, and ready to strip down to her underwear to go swimming.
The thought of Octavia yelling "we're back bitches!" even makes Clarke crack a small smile, before realizing that the younger Blake- where is the older one?- still hates her.
"Still running away, I see," Octavia says sharply.
She knows that if Octavia really hated her, the way she claimed to, she wouldn't be here.
"Octavia…"
"Are you coming back now?" Octavia asks, cutting her off.
"I can't."
"Of course you can't."
"After what I did-"
"Living out here, pretending to be a grounder won't make up for what you did, Clarke," Octavia snaps. "Grow up."
Clarke wonders when Octavia grew up so much herself.
/
It's the 17th time that makes her follow them home.
Monty, her mom, and Kane.
"Clarke…" her mom breathes. She walks up to Clarke slowly, as if she may disappear, before hugging her tightly.
A few stray tears flow down Clarke's cheek, and she is so surprised by the fact that she can still feel emotion, that she doesn't take in that her mom and Kane are also holding hands.
"Mom."
"Lets go home, honey…"
Home.
And she does.
/
She regrets it instantly. Sure, Monty, and Raven and Wick, and Octavia and Lincoln talk to her, even smile, but no one else does. Jasper can't even make eye contact with her, and then she sees the one person who occupied her mind for at least 90% of time she was away.
Away.
It's been at least eight months.
At least.
He sees her- she just knows that he does, but only comes up to talk to her after he has checked up on the guards.
"Clarke," he nods. And he seems distant. Something is wrong.
"Bellamy…" she sighs. And she wants to hug him. So much. So hard.
"I-" she starts when he starts to say "You-"
They both stop and look at each other, and somehow, there isn't an easiness between them anymore.
"How have you been?" she gets out.
"Fine," he nods, scanning the camp. He seems to want to be everywhere and anywhere, but with her.
"You probably have a lot to-"
"Yeah."
He pulls on his gun strap and starts to walk away.
"Maybe we could… talk?" she blurts, taking half a step in his direction. "After, I mean…"
"Sure, Clarke," he says again, not even turning around to look at her. "Whatever you want."
And she feels, like there was an accusation in there somewhere.
/
It's been a year.
A year since she left. She's back at the camp for three months. And she's still having nightmares.
She wakes up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, her breathing hard. She pulls her shoes on, and goes outside her tent to look for some water, when she walks into him.
Bellamy.
He's been polite to her.
Polite.
Bellamy has been polite. The idea makes her snort sometimes.
"I heard screaming," he announces, pure business. She blushes and rakes a hand threw her hair.
"Sorry."
He shrugs, and turns around. "I'll leave you to it then."
She closes her eyes, sighing and runs after him.
"Bellamy, wait…"
"Not now, Clarke."
"Yes now!" she exclaims.
"No!" he yells, spinning around to look at her. "I get to decide this time." She blinks.
"Just tell me what to do," she whispers. "To make this all go away."
He looks at her for a second longer than she expects, and then takes a step closer so that he's towering over her.
"Whatever the hell you want."
/
She doesn't get any sleep that night.
Or the one after.
Or the one after that.
/
She helps her mom in the med bay most days- staying away from everyone else. Raven comes in to check in on her once in a while, but they never talk about the things that matter. About him. She feels less whole than she ever did surrounded by these people—her people, and looks to her mother every time, hoping that it will remind her why she came back.
You are my people.
Sometimes, it works.
Mostly, it doesn't.
/
She's sitting by a bon fire well into the night after another nightmare, when Lincoln comes to sit next to her. He doesn't say anything, or do anything. Just sits next to her, silently- and just the serenity of it makes her want to lean into him and cry.
He stays up with her every night like that for 19 days, until she starts to sleep at a decent time again.
/
It's almost 59 days after she gets to speak to Bellamy- alone. They've gone on hunting trips together, with the others, and even sat in on council meetings… but, 59 days after her last visit from Lincoln, she gets to talk to him.
Because they're both in containment.
Because they both may have been exposed to a contagious virus.
For a while, she sits on one side, and he sits on the other. And neither speaks.
When Kane comes down to bring them some food, he looks at him, almost smirking, before shoving them two plates from under the door.
"Eat up, you two," he says, gruffly. "Monty's still working on a cure."
Clarke reaches over for a plate. Bellamy doesn't.
She picks at the food quietly, her appetite lost for the most part.
"Did you want some of my soup?" she says quietly. If she sees Bellamy tense at her voice, she doesn't comment on it. "It has that, uhh… plant… you like?"
She clenches her jaw, at how her voice is wavering from nerves.
"I'm fine," he bites out.
She nods, but leaves the soup for him anyways. "Do you want to talk?" she whispers, scared that her voice is betraying her.
"About what?"
"You?" she shrugs. "Me?"
"There's nothing to talk about, Clarke."
She shifts closer to him. "Then why haven't you been able to look me in the eye since I came back? Why haven't you spoken to me directly outside of hunting missions and council meetings?"
He shakes his head, obviously trying to bite his tongue.
"Come on Bellamy," she cries. "Talk to me."
"It's nothing, Clarke. You did what you had to do."
She scrunches her face up, in confusion. "Yeah, I did, Bellamy! Why are you so angry at that? Why don't you understand that I couldn't stay here! That I couldn't live with myse-"
"Because it was selfish!" he yells, making her jump. She looks at him, her eyes glazed over with tears. "You left, because you couldn't live with it. Because you couldn't see their faces. Well Clarke, I couldn't leave. And I had to stay here- and watch them- for you! I had to make sure everyone was still okay. I, unlike you, actually had to deal with what we did. I had to talk Jasper down when he woke up screaming in rage in the middle of the night. I had to tell Monty it wasn't his fault, when he cried. I had to bear the consequences of our actions alone, because you chose to run."
He quiets down, his breathing still harsh and rapid.
"And I don't think I'll ever be able to trust you again."
She crawls back to her corner, and they don't speak again after that for the rest of the 70 hours they're in there.
/
She starts apologizing after that. To everyone. One at a time. Monty, Raven, Lincoln- they're okay.
Octavia. Octavia is harder. But she still gets through to her after a week.
Her mom, Kane, give her a hug.
And finally, she finds herself at Jasper's tent with the moon shining high above.
"Jasper?" she croaks. "Can… I… Can I come in?"
He opens the flap to his tent and nods.
She sits awkwardly on the ground, while he sits on his makeshift bed. It quiet for a while, and she hates that she can't find her voice suddenly.
"So what'd you do for eight months?" Jasper asks, a bit hesitantly. She looks up at him, and starts to tell him of the small cabin she made. Of the people she met, and the skills she learned. She tells him that she thought of coming back every single day. "Why didn't you?" he asks, quietly.
"Because of you…" she replies. He looks at her, eyes cast down, and hands trembling, and she gets on her knees and looks at him. "I'm so sorry, Jasper," she says, her voice breaking. "So sorry."
Jasper looks at her, nodding, and she thinks that maybe they'll never be okay again. But at least, he won't hate her.
"I understand, Clarke," he nods. "I forgive you."
She gives him a tight hug, before she runs out his tent, and finds a bush to throw up in, while tears stream down her face relentlessly. She's not sure how long she sits there for, but a little before first light, she decides to go find some water. She's walking over to the river, when she hears a growl behind her.
Slowly, turning around, she sees the same beast that gave her the gash on her right shoulder.
Bellamy's history books called it a Tiger.
She's frozen- in fear. She has no weapon on her, and she's too far from camp to yell for help.
Taking a deep gulp, she looks behind her slowly. Maybe it can't swim. Maybe she could jump in.
Memories of Octavia being attacked the first day they landed rush her mind, and her mouth goes dry.
The beast takes a threatening step towards her, and she takes one back- crunching on leaves and snapping a twig.
Her breath hitches.
And then three shots are fired.
She's shaking by the time tiger falls at her feet. She looks up into the clearing- only to see Bellamy walking down to her, gun in hand.
"What are you doing out here?" he asks, frantically. "Are you okay?"
His eyes are searching her over, and he's holding her shoulders tightly. It's the first touch in over a year.
"Water," she breathes. "I wanted water."
He relaxes, and lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.
"You can't just walk out of camp like that, Clarke!" He chastises. "You out of all people know the dangers."
She nods, still a bit shook up. "I, I know," she nods. "I know. I'm sorry." They're quiet for a few steps and he hands her a container of water. "How did you find me?"
"I've known exactly where you were at every second, of every day since you came back," he replies, gruffly, and she's so shocked, that she feels herself stop.
"What?"
He turns back to look at her, his eyebrow raised, silently questioning why she'd ever expect anything different.
"Bellamy…" she starts.
"I know," he nods. She smiles slightly, a heavy feeling lifted off her chest, and she walks beside him, like they used to. She can feel his arm brushing against hers slightly, and takes a moment to realize how much she missed this.
When they reach camp, she sees their people looking back at them, smiling. "I shouldn't have-"
He cuts her off. "I need you," he breathes. "They need you." Just like when they leaned against a tree so many moons ago. "So if you need forgiveness, Clarke. You're forgiven."
She looks up at him, nodding.
This is her second chance. This time, she can do what's right. Prove to Bellamy, and the 100 that they matter to her- they're all that matter to her.
She doesn't think twice this time.
This time, she walks back into camp with him.
End.