When Sam wakes up, he's freezing. And, not just in the way people say nowadays when it's slightly chilly outside. Everything in him is freezing. It hurts to breathe. He doesn't even think he can move. But then he does. He's sitting up, blinking slowly as he looks up at the night sky when he realizes just how painful that movement was.

His entire body aches with pain. There isn't one part of him that doesn't hurt and he wonders if there was ever a time when he didn't feel like this.

He doesn't give it a thought as to exactly why his whole body hurts, because thinking about it would mean remembering and he's sure as hell not remembering all that… well, hell. Yeah, he remembered. He remembered everything that happened in the Cage, but he locked it away. His brother's beaten and bloody face came to his mind.

Sam, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you.

He had to find Dean. He'd find his brother and then, maybe then, he'd allow himself to wallow. Sam stumbles to his feet, mind dizzy with thoughts, choosing to focus on the memories of a lifetime with his brother to keep him awake and standing. Christmases with Dean. Birthdays with Dean. Hunting with Dean. His last moments with Dean. Despite his violent shivering, he wraps his arms around his middle. He starts walking with one person on his mind.

He goes to Lisa's, but he isn't there. Sam doesn't even have to knock on the door to realize that. The impala isn't in the driveway and he feels disappointed. He stays there for a few minutes, merely watching as Lisa ushers Ben outside and they get into the car. Sam suddenly can't stand to be there one more second. He isn't sure where he's going, but he feels the need to get there quick. He hotwires a different car and speeds the entire way.

It takes him a few more days before he reaches Bobby's. It's the middle of the day and the sun beats down on him, but he's freezing. He briefly wonders if he will ever get to feel warm ever again.

He stands in the back yard, surrounded by hundreds of cars in all different kinds of messed up and suddenly he isn't sure why he is here. Bobby was dead. Flashes of Bobby's neck being snapped before Sam jumped into the Pit pop up in his mind. Sam has to fight to keep it together as he makes his way up the front steps. Images from the Cage start to resurface and it takes everything in him to keep from screaming, sobbing, and throwing himself to the ground. He sits on the porch, cradling his head so tightly that his fingers turn white. He does this long enough for the sun to set and for him to get his shit together.

He shakily stands up. Dean's face comes to his mind again. His brother was the reason he was here. He had to be here, because Sam wasn't sure how much longer he could hold himself together. If you could even call it that.

Sam stumbles inside and the door shuts behind him, quietly. Sam stands in the hallway of the house that feels like home. He lets himself smile, feeling content for the first time in days. He's out…. he's out and he's not even ashamed at the sudden tears that make their way down his face. No more Lucifer.

After a few moments of rejoicing, he remembers that Bobby is freaking dead and he needs to find his brother. He quickly moves to the study.

Sam comes to a halt before he even steps inside the study. Oh, yeah, he found Dean. Thank God, he lets himself think, watching his brother bite his lip as he read a book. He nearly let out a laugh at the sight. But that isn't all he found. Bobby was sitting there at the cluttered desk, also, pouring over a book.

He must have let out a noise because suddenly he's faced with two angry hunters who think Sam's not actually Sam. He ignores their angry words as he's pushed against the wall. He squeezes his eyes shut, fighting back memories from the Cage because it seems that's the only thing his mind can think of. He struggles against them, but it's no use. His heart pounds painfully in his chest, making him want to cry. He thought he was out.

"It's me… it's me, I promise…" He pleads, but it's no use. Bobby cuts him with a silver knife while Dean splashes holy water in his face. They do everything they can without actually killing him to confirm whether or not he's telling the truth and when they're finally done, everyone sounds like they've just run a freaking marathon. Sam smirks at the thought of Dean willingly participating in a marathon. Sam leans against the wall when they let him go because he's dizzy and isn't so sure he won't either: throw up or pass out right then and there.

"Sammy?"

Sam looks up, locking eyes with his brother. He allows himself to smile, "Dean."

Then, his arms are full of big brother and for the first time in days, Sam feels safe.