"A Typical Dumb Guy Thing"

Epilogue

He thought about going while he was having tea on the steps of the blue shack in the morning. He dismissed it, leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

He thought about going while he was speaking the last sentences of his utterly boring lecture. He dismissed it, leaving him with an even bigger feeling of failure.

He thought about going while he was sitting in the taxi that took him to the cottage. He dismissed it, leaving him disgruntled with his own indecisiveness.

He thought about going while Claire was nagging him about wanting to go out for Halloween. He dismissed it, leaving him exhausted and worn out before the day was even half over.

He thought about going while he was sitting in the taxi taking him back to Broadchurch. He was about to dismiss it when he got a text from Claire ordering him to bring pumpkin pie for dessert that night. Fuck it, he thought, and asked the driver if he'd minded a trip to Exmoor. He didn't.

A text to Claire telling her he won't be there for dinner and a fare negotiation later he found himself on the way to Devon, not knowing what to expect.

Hardy had the driver drop him off at the Exmoor Police Station. It was his best bet for finding Miller. He lurked at the corner for about half an hour, trying to figure out what to do. His cunning plan hadn't really reached passed the point of going to the station. Twice, he almost walked in asking for her but then his courage left him. He didn't have her address. Hell, he didn't even know what her car looked like.

Think, Hardy, think. He had to come up with something. His eyes landed on a group of teenaged girls, around Daisy's age. Or maybe they were older. They were all wearing costumes that did very little to be authentic but a lot to be as revealing as possible. Hardy had an idea. He slowly walked over to them, mulling over his words in his head. It was a shit plan but he had to try.

"Hello. Could I ask for a moment of your time?" He briefly flashed his police badge that when inspected more closely would have indicated his current position. The girls didn't bother to look properly, like nobody ever did. They shot each other some questioning glances but then nodded.

"I've got this friend. She's a traffic cop. I haven't seen her in a while and I wanted to play a Halloween prank on her," he began slowly. Their faces were skeptical.

He put on a smile and tried to think of something embarrassing. Like Claire 'accidentally' walking in on him taking a shower. He could feel the heat crawl up his cheeks and rubbed the back of his head. "Erm… she's not just a friend. I mean I hope not…" he trailed off, feeling truly embarrassed now about pretending to have different sentiments for Miller.

One of the girls giggled and another one gaped her mouth open, staring at him. The bravest one spoke.

"What do you want us to do?" she asked carefully.

"Which one of you got a driver's license?" The giggling girl's hand came up.

"What's your name?"

"Evelyn," she answered, her face turning a crimson red.

"Evelyn… that's a nice name." He smiled reassuringly and tried to leave any residual grouchiness behind. The girl giggled again and he wished it wasn't her who had the license but one of the more composed girls.

"What do you want her license for?" the girl who had spoken first interjected, stepping slightly in front of Evelyn. He liked her and the fact that she wasn't easily swayed by a badge and a smile. Daisy wouldn't have been either. She would have wanted him to be honest. And most likely would have had a better plan than him.

"Listen, I'm not quite sure what I'm doing, all I want is for my friend to come out to the front desk so I know she's at work. Thought Evelyn here could go in and tell the front desk that Ellie Miller wanted her to come in to show her license," he sighed, realizing how stupid that sounded.

"But then the front desk would have my friend's name. That's really not a good idea if you wanna play a prank on a police officer. And then what are you gonna do? Hang around the entrance and wait for her to come out?"

"Sort of," he mumbled, dropping his gaze. His face was burning.

"That's such a typical dumb guy thing to do," the girl stated with conviction. The others nodded in agreement.

"Why don't you just call her?" Hardy glared at the girl. She tilted her head and bit down on her lip. "Fine. I guess not then."

"Lily, I have an idea, " Evelyn chimed in. "I could go in and tell them I was asked to come to be a witness for an accident but that I only want to talk to her and nobody else. Wouldn't they have to call her?"

Hardy mulled that over. "How would you get out before she comes though?"

"I could distract the desk sergeant," Lily suggested reluctantly. "Still leaves you with having to stalk the entrance for the rest of the day. And what if she leaves through the parking garage?"

Bollocks, he hadn't even thought about that. Clearly, he'd make a shit secret agent. His resolve was quickly vanishing. Maybe this had all been a bad idea to begin with and he should have stayed in Broadchurch. He shoved his hands in his pockets and studied the pavement.

"It's all right. Should probably just call her," he muttered under his breath, surprised by the disappointment in his voice.

Lily searched his face. "Are you? Going to call her, I mean?"

"Dunno," he mumbled, kicking at a pebble.

"That's a no," Lily sighed. "It's great to see that men never change. Thought it was just teenaged guys but I guess I was wrong." He shot her a sideways glance. Daisy could have said that.

"Does your friend have kids?"

"Aye, a toddler and a teenager. Why?" It was Hardy's turn to be suspicious.

"Is she going trick or treating?"

"I believe so. With the wee one." Hardy had no idea where she was headed with that.

"There is only one neighborhood where everyone goes for it. Most people here think it's rubbish and won't participate. If your friend wants to take her kid, then she has to go there." She pulled out a piece of paper from her purse and scribbled down an address. She handed it to Hardy. "This is where everyone gathers. Around 5 o'clock. Good luck." Lily beamed and Hardy stood there with his mouth open, missing his daughter more than he ever had.

"Thank you." Hardy stared at the piece of paper in his hand and wasn't sure what else to say.

"You can buy us coffee," Lily ordered him with a big grin. The corners of his mouth curled up to a small smile.

"All right," he agreed, ignoring what he would think if he saw a sickly looking forty-something-year-old man buying coffee for a bunch of teenaged girls in skimpy costumes. At least this wasn't Broadchurch where by the next morning the whole town would have been wagging their tongues over it. They strolled over to the nearby coffee shop and he dropped a fortune on caffeinated beverages with stupid names.

Paying his informants though had been worth it. A couple of hours later, he found himself hovering at the edge of a large group of mostly mothers with their little children all dressed up and ready to conquer the world for candy. When he spotted Ellie Miller and her wee one - for the life of him he could not remember the name of the little boy - in the crowd, his stomach clenched and his heart stuttered.

Miller was chatting with another mother who also had a toddler strapped into a push chair. The conversation wasn't very long and the other woman quickly joined a group of happy families, wrapping her arm around her presumed husband's waist. Miller's smile faded as soon as she wasn't under scrutiny any more. Hardy squinted through the dim light. She looked thinner in the face and her hair was even messier than usual. Her clothes looked loose on her. She shoved her hands in her pockets and bent down to talk to the little boy.

Frank - or was it Fred? Or maybe Flynn? No not Flynn, Hardy shook his head - whatever his name was, he was dressed up as a bumble bee. The yellow of the costume clashed horribly with Miller's hideous orange windbreaker and the ridiculous contraption on his head that was supposed to be the antennas kept sliding down onto his disgruntled little face. Miller repeatedly tried to adjust them until she gave up and snatched them off his head with a groan that Hardy could hear across the street. They looked eerily similar, with their pouting faces, wild curls and brightly colored garments.

Hardy grinned and was gathering his courage to walk over when he almost got scared to death. Literally. A trio of half-grown witches jumped out from behind some bushes, yelling 'boo' and cackling at him. He jumped and his heart took a long pause. All the blood left his head, blackness closed in, and his legs gave out under him. He moaned and thudded against the tree next to him. The three witches froze, then looked at each other and scrammed as quickly as they had appeared, leaving a gasping Hardy behind. His heart stumbled back into a more reliable beat and he cursed under his heavy breath. When he looked up again he had lost sight of Miller.

Bloody children. He searched the crowd but there was no trace of the yellow-orange pair. Something tugged on his pants.

"T'ick o' t'eat," a tiny voice said. He dropped his gaze and looked into the large brown eyes of a small girl, maybe five-years-old. She was dressed up in a cute fairy costume and was waving her wand in his face.

"'M sorry, I don't have any candy." He smiled at the girl who frowned in response. She poked him with the wand. It was surprisingly painful considering that she was so dainty.

"Oi, stop that," Hardy yelped.

"T'ick…" - she poked him again - "... o' t'eat." Her toothless grin was making Hardy think she wasn't such a cute little fairy after all.

"Where's your mother?" he asked sternly, putting all his parental authority in his voice. She poked him again, ignoring him just as much as Daisy had when she had set her mind on something.

Another child joined her, a boy the same age. He was a zombie, a good one, Hardy had to admit. "Does this one have candy?" he asked his companion, giving Hardy the cold shoulder.

"No," the fairy pouted, raising her wand again. Hardy grabbed a hold of it before she could have a go at his belly again. She wailed and Hardy sighed.

Great.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing? You should be ashamed of yourself," an angry adult voice hollered at him.

His head snapped around. "Excuse me?" he asked in disbelief. A woman hurried up to him and snatched the wand out of his hand.

"She's just a little girl trying to have fun," the woman growled, tugging her daughter close. The fairy stuck her tongue out at Hardy, safely hiding behind her mother's legs.

"She was poking me with -" Hardy began but never finished. He noted the little boy zombie-walk across the street without paying attention to anything around him, especially not the car that was approaching.

Without hesitation, Hardy shoved the woman and the fairy to the side and lurched onto the street, toppling the boy over. He followed him, carried by his own momentum and they both landed in the gutter on the other side. The car screeched to a halt where the boy had just stood. The boy scrambled to his feet, stared at Hardy and ran away. Hardy pulled himself up despite the growing pain in his chest.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" The fairy's mother rushed towards him, her face genuinely worried.

Hardy clutched his chest and grunted, "'M fine."

"You don't look fine, if you don't mind me saying. Did you hurt yourself?" She put her hand on his arm.

Hardy shook his head, focusing on breathing instead of small talk.

"You saved Jackson from getting hit by that car. Thank you." She sounded spooked and Hardy felt bad. He looked up and tried to smile. When the three witches used that opportune moment to repeat their performance from before, he couldn't take it any longer. His legs gave out and he fell heavily onto the dumbfounded woman.

"I'd call 999 if I were you," he croaked and then passed out.

Hardy woke blinking into the harsh light above. The familiar noises of A&E welcomed him. A cold feeling was creeping up his arm. He let out a big sigh, squinting down at his side. An IV trickled into his veins, delivering the life-saving medication. It had come down to this - he had been taken down by a bunch of kids in costumes. A resigned feeling settled in. He tried to sit up and almost slipped off the narrow stretcher.

"Hiya. How are you feeling?" a chipper nurse greeted him. Her scrub top sported a grinning pumpkin pattern that grated on Hardy's nerves.

"Spectacular," he grunted. He peeked under the gown, inspecting his chest. He was almost happy to find it unscathed by defibrillator burn marks.

"Ah, our hero is awake," a very familiar male voice remarked and Hardy shrunk. Ed Baxter was the last person who he wanted to see right now.

"Ed, what are you doing here?" he asked, voice rough.

"Emergency contact. Remember, you put me down as first person to be called." Baxter grinned from one ear to the other.

"For God's sake," Hardy muttered while dragging a hand over his face. A question popped up in his mind.

"How long was I out for?"

"Dunno. A few hours maybe. It's almost midnight. They are getting your bed ready."

Hardy couldn't have moved faster, sitting up and swinging his naked legs over the edge of the stretcher.

"There is no way in hell that I'm staying. I'm fine."

"You're ECG says differently," a female voice behind him chimed in. Hardy closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

"Emily," he said, while letting out the air. Then with a death-stare at Baxter, he added, "Why did you bring her?"

Baxter studied his fingernails and shrugged. "Moral support?"

Hardy looked from one to the other. He would never live this down. He might as well give up now. He fell back onto the stretcher and huffed.

Baxter and Emily exchanged a surprised glance. "Seriously, you're not going to fight us on this?" He sounded almost disappointed. "I prepared an admonishing speech. Practiced it in the car ride down here. Ask Emily. All for nothing it seems." He shook his head. Emily pressed her lips together, poorly hiding a grin.

"What do want from me?" Hardy exclaimed in exasperation. "If I try to leave you give me shit, if I stay you do the same. Make up your bloody minds, for God's sake."

Baxter and Emily broke out in laughter.

"That's it. I'm taking you off the list of my emergency contacts," he cried, voice shifting an octave up.

Baxter was laughing so hard that he had to lean on Emily who was wiping tears away.

Hardy crossed his arms and pouted. "Not funny." He watched them try to put on serious faces and fail miserably. The corner of his mouth curled up. Baxter finally settled down enough to speak.

"Alec, we're just bull-shitting you. Emily convinced them hours ago to let you go as soon as you were awake," he confessed.

Hardy's mouth gaped open. He was speechless.

"It's Halloween, Alec. Gotta have a bit of a trick before the treat, right?" Baxter smirked.

"I've had enough of that today already. I deserve a treat," Hardy growled.

"We thought so too. But only the healthy kind," Baxter said and pulled a bunch of grapes out of a paper bag.

"How -" Hardy croaked, his voice deserting him.

Baxter dropped the grapes into Hardy's lap. "Duncan sends his love."

Hardy stared at the grapes. Then he picked them up, plucked one off the stem and put it in his mouth. They were seedless. A small smile played around his lips. Next time, he'd have a better plan.

A/N: Thank you everyone again – for reading, commenting and being supportive. This was a rather silly ending to the story how Alec Hardy moved into his little blue shack. Thank you again, ktrosesworld for sharing your adventures and being an inspiration. My biggest thank you goes to HAZELMIST, not only for correcting my mistakes, but also for everything else. As Alec says "You're a star!"

Baxter and Emily sneaked into the story… once MHPS has progressed a bit more you'll realize why they deserve to tease Alec… my apologies to those who were hoping for more interaction between Alec and Ellie, but it's not time yet; I really, really thought about it though (and hazelmist advocated strongly for it), but canon is rather clear that they don't speak until she comes back and I didn't want to go against it. I promise to post the continuation of "The Ocean Breathes Salty" soon. Now back to writing more MHPS…