Thanks for sticking with me here, folks. The cruise was amazing, Papua New Guinea is an incredibly beautiful place, and I won another shorter cruise while I was on board!
This is a different POV to the part of chapter 22 of An Extraordinary Man, where d'Artagnan comes out from underneath the chapel and meets with Baudin. I was asked what d'Artagnan thought when he heard Aramis's signal. It also partially answers Aramis's question earlier in the deleted scenes—was d'Artagnan really going to resign his commission? Had the Inseparables hurt him so badly that he could no longer bear to be near them? As you will see, our young Gascon answered that question with only part of the truth.
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D'Artagnan climbed up to the body of the church, even after so long down in the basement still trembling with adrenaline of committing a forbidden act. It had taken him half an hour to come up with his shaky but only possibly achievable plan, then another hour to get up the nerve to sneak out of the inn, knowing he was almost always being observed. Half an hour later, he felt fairly confident that no one was watching and made his move. Now, almost an hour after that, he had completed his work and was more than ready to succumb to his physical, and mental, exhaustion.
Sabotaging the bombs, the flints, and the firearms had been cathartic for the young musketeer. For awhile, he could forget about the yawning chasm between him and the Inseparables, and when he smashed the flints, he was certain he did it with more force than necessary. He believed in what he was doing; he knew there was no way he could not act to stop Baudin, and he had to protect the others. But he felt the loss of the musketeers, these men whom he had come to love as brothers, intensely, and whenever he took a deep breath, his heart actually physically hurt.
Closing the secret entrance to the storage area below, d'Artagnan wished he could stop and pray. He didn't do it as often as he knew his mother and father would have wanted him to, he knew. Life had become very busy for him, he reasoned, but, truth be told, he often didn't have the heart now, after the loss of his father and the literal burning of all his ties to Gascony. He still carried his mother's rosary everywhere, but he suspected both his parents would be disappointed that the beads were not as worn as they should be.
For a brief second, he found it ironic that stepping up into a larger space made him feel like he was suffocating. But he had been able to be himself in that little room, and vent some of his frustration and sadness by taking action. Now, finished his work and moving toward the naves, he was going to have to put his mask back on. There was no one he could show his true self to, no one he could share this burden with. He still had an unrelenting, brutal pain in his head, and he was exhausted, more than a little overwhelmed by the enormity of what he was trying to accomplish alone, and it was hard to keep up such a front to everyone, all the time—when, after all, did Baudin ever give him a minute alone? But he would do it, he reminded himself: he would do it, because it would save his friends, and save the Crown. He hoped.
He was in the middle of these conflicted thoughts when the two-toned song of a night bird reached his ear. Someone is coming, he thought automatically. He knew that sound was unique to Aramis; the others had all tried to reproduce it and could not, leaving them with their own distinctive warning signals that never seemed to have the same beautiful lilt to them. Only for a moment, he presumed the signal was to warn him. Then reality kicked in, and he remembered that he wasn't working with his brothers—his former brothers—any more. But the signal meant that they were nearby. Were Athos and Porthos being warned about him? The thought stung, but he knew he couldn't discount the possibility.
He heard the door to the chapel open, and footsteps, and he moved into a pew and sat down.
"Moreaux told me he thought he'd seen you come this way. I was worried when I went to check on you and you were gone."
So Baudin had tracked him down again. Aramis had been warning Athos and Porthos about Baudin, not d'Artagnan. The young Gascon wanted to weep with the overpowering pain in his head that spiked when he realized that he couldn't even be alone in a chapel. If not for Aramis, who wasn't even there to help him, his deception would have been exposed. He decided to answer with a multi-layered truth.
"I just needed to be alone."
Baudin sat down beside him. "You sound downhearted. This is a difficult burden for you."
You have no idea. "Doing what's right is not easy," d'Artagnan said—again, a truth. "I have been praying about my decisions, hoping God will support the path I have chosen."
D'Artagnan stopped, closed his eyes, tried to make that last statement true, wishing he could form coherent words for a prayer, but for the thousandth time, he failed to come up with anything more eloquent than, Please, dear Father in Heaven, please. He did want God to support his decision, but he was certain that, more than that, he wanted Athos, Porthos, and Aramis to support it. Perhaps that was blasphemous, he realized, but he couldn't help it. Knowing that the musketeers were nearby, but not where; knowing that they were looking out for each other, not him—the enormity of the consequences of his choice came crashing down once again and he felt a stab in his chest so sharp and strong that it made him fold in on himself. He felt tears at the corners of his eyes.
Baudin spoke carefully, gently. "It is difficult, travelling with the musketeers. I see the pain on your face when you are with them."
D'Artagnan nodded, then opened his eyes and looked forward into the darkness. Were the Inseparables hearing this conversation? Would it help him to be able to return to their fold? Or would it condemn him further in their eyes? It was too much to endure. "I don't know how much longer I can bear this. Every encounter with them wounds me," he admitted. "I love them, but I do not agree with them, and their judgment pierces me like a sword." It's true, he thought. I do not agree with their apparent assessment of me. But I cannot blame them for thinking as they do. Would I do the same if I were in their place? The two sat quietly for a few moments. Then d'Artagnan said, "Forgive me for worrying you. I couldn't sleep with all the thoughts going through my head." At least that much was true. "I came here to find solace in my Catholic God." If only He would offer it.
The smile in the other man's voice was evident. "God is God, d'Artagnan. It is man who tries to define Him. I do not begrudge people's choice of religion. Only their insistence on others agreeing with them." Kindly, Baudin then asked, "Did He help you?"
D'Artagnan thought of how he had been able to complete the sabotage work below the chapel, and how he had been able to get out from the room before he was discovered—and even how Aramis's signal had helped him avoid being caught in a compromising position. "I think so," he answered truthfully. "At least, I feel I can sleep more soundly now."
"Then you are blessed, indeed."
D'Artagnan was done masquerading for the night. He was exhausted, overwhelmed, and in pain. Whatever he had accomplished tonight would become evident later. For now, he knew he needed to escape this crushing burden of pretence before he went mad. "I'm going back now. I'm tired and my head aches."
"I will see you back. And I will ask Allain to prepare another draught for your pain."
"I will be grateful," he answered honestly.
The young man looked furtively for any sign of Athos, Porthos, and Aramis as they left the chapel, but he could see none. And so heartbroken and defeated was he that evening, that when Baudin suggested they leave early in the morning without the company of the musketeers, d'Artagnan agreed. He knew he would never truly be one with them again; he might as well start getting used to it now.
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Please let me know your thoughts here. Unless someone has a compelling request for another scene, this will be the last of the deleted/ different POV scenes to complement "An Extraordinary Man." I have another story that's waiting to be told, and another one after that. But if there's a very intriguing question, I'll reconsider. I was only going to do 2 extra scenes in the first place! All feedback gratefully accepted. :)
LJG