How do you deal with the pain of losing someone who you are very close to, but the thing is they aren't actually gone. It was the summer before I went to college I was sitting at home reading a book while my boyfriend Christian was out having a boy's night with his older brother and our friend Jose. Us girls were not invited. The being me and their little sister Mia, I was at home reading when I got a call from Christian mom. This one called changed my life forever. The car that Christian was in got hit and he was the one that took most of the hit. Jose and Elliot were in the hospital as well but by the time I got to the hospital as well they were clear and could leave whenever they felt up to it. I could hear Christian yelling. He always hated hospitals but with his history I can understand why.

When I got to the room I asked his mom how bad he was, but I could tell by the look on her face It was not good. I soon found out that he lost his memory. He has no idea who I was. His girlfriend of the last four years, everything was gone. People told me that was going to remember everything. By the end of the summer he remembers a lot but never me. I could tell that he felt bad the he couldn't remember. There was nothing that could be done. It was time for me to decide if I wanted to go off to college or stay behind with him to help him remember our life together. I knew my decision. My dad was not happy about it but right now he was not what I was focused on.

After I told my dad what I had decided. I went to the Grey's house. When I got up to Christian's room he told me to leave. I didn't even have the door closed I must have looked really confused. He told me how bad he felt because he couldn't remember us. He told me that he wanted me to go off to college and not put off my dreams because at this point he actually getting his memory back was slim. He got off the bed and held me as I cried. I don't know how long he held me for but I knew that it was not long enough. Before I left I kissed him because I knew it was going to be for the last time.

All of this was five years ago. I haven't seen or heard from him in five years. I know I am bound to run into him since I am moving back to Seattle. I use to check up on him just to see how you was doing, but it got to be way too painful for me. The day that I run into him again will be one of the most painful days of my life.

Here I am standing in my new apartment that I share with my best friend Kate. I met her my freshman year of college we really hit it off. She was my roommate. The first couple of months were really hard for me. I barely spoke to anyone. I only spoke when spoken to. I never told her about Christian. Now she's babbling about her new boyfriend. She won't even tell me his name. She says that it's too new of a relationship and she really likes him. But she wants me to have dinner with him soon so that I can meet him properly.

"Ana are you excited to start this new chapter in our lives?" Kate asks. She looks so happy her green eyes are sparkling. She still looks good and any guy would kill to have her. She is blonde and has curves in all the right places.

No I'm not ready. I haven't been ready. My next stage of life was supposed to have my Christian it. I think to myself, but that out loud I said, "Oh yeah. I'm looking forward to starting my new job."

"What about a love life? You know Jose has had a thing for you right. Why not date him see how it goes."

Jose would never make a move on me. He knew Christian. They were really good friends. He knows my heart will always belong to Christian. "No, Jose and I are just friend's. Kate it would never work out."

"Whatever. So are you up to meeting my boyfriend say tomorrow for dinner?" Finally.

"Yes, I'm surprised I have yet to meet him. I know you said it was to soon but I really can't wait."

"I know you're going to love him. He's so sweet and his family is the best." I just smile but tune her out. I'm really happy for my best friend I really am but there is something when you only want one guy it makes it really hard to give a crap about much else when it comes to terms of the opposite sex." Ana what happened to you?" She had asked me this question many times before.

"Kate I have told you before that is a part of my life I don't want to talk about. I lost someone can we please drop it." With that I leave the room so I would not have to talk about this for another minute.

I spent the next few hours on packing. And get the box of stuff that Christian had given me. I open the box and look through the lost memory. Take care of him on one knee at our graduation party. I was so surprised. Of course I said yes right away.

"Anastasia Steele I loved you from the moment I saw you. I knew then what I know now that I would make you my wife. So will you do me the honor of being my wife". He looks so handsome.

I'm brought back to the present by a knock on my door." Ana I'm going out you want me to bring anything back for you?"

"No thank you. I will see you tomorrow."

Today is a lazy Sunday I spend most of the day unpacking and trying to get my room in order. I would say by late afternoon I have everything just the way I want it. I still have to put away most of my books but I'm trying to find a new system for organizing them.

Kate know that my daughter on 5:30 and make sure that I was wearing something that is it took her an hour to get me ready. When it was time to go I was really excited.

I've no idea where we are going to eat dinner. It takes about 30 minutes for us to get there. As we pull up to the house I realized it was a house I thought I would never see again.

Hello everybody so it's been quite some time since I've written a fanfiction. So if there any mistakes grammar wise or otherwise I'm really sorry about that. This story is not Bated. I have really wanted to write 50 shades of grey fan fiction for a really long time and then I heard a song my mind really got going and I'm super excited for the story. So if you wouldn't mind leave a review and telling me what you thought about the story and what I can do to fix it if I have any mistakes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fifty Shades of Grey. E.L James does.