This fic was written for the Flash Big Bang Challenge 2015. Special thanks to the lovely creators and operators of this challenge on tumblr, this was a wonderful opportunity and a great experience. Let's do it again! :D

This fic would not be nearly as good without the tireless hard work of my beta preciousarthur on tumblr, who gave endless help, feedback, discussion of tense and style when I almost twisted my brain into knots, serious amounts of hand-holding (oh I really needed it) and went above and beyond the call of duty to re-read and beta the entire work all over again once I got my head on straight. Couldn't have done it without you! :) *hugs*

Chapter 1: Awake

Numb. She was numb when she stepped into the hospital room. Days and months of weeping, hoping, struggling. She couldn't do it any more. She was worn down to nothing.

He was the same. He was still…empty. A shell. Not her best friend. Not Barry. He would never be Barry again. She sat in her usual seat next to him. She didn't take his hand like she always had before.

"Barry..." her voice broke "I hope you know how much I love you. And we still need you. I think we always will. But I need to accept that you aren't coming back. I can't go on like this. It's been seven months. Nothing is changing. And I need to realize that it never will." She clenched her hands together in her lap, so hard her fingers began to turn white. "I'm sorry." Tears ran down her face. "I'm sorry that I can't do this any more. I'm sorry this ever happened. I'm so sorry, Barry… that I need to say goodbye.

Thanks for being my best friend all these years. Thanks for being that light in our home. I miss you, I'll always miss you. Goodbye. Goodbye, Barry."

She gave him a kiss on his cool, still cheek. She couldn't resist touching his hand one last time. She jumped when she felt that spark again. That was so weird. She backed away to the door, clenching her hands together again. She could barely get the words out, her throat choked with sobs.

"Goodbye, Barry…

…Goodbye." The sound of her own voice wakes her.

When Iris West wakes up with powers, it isn't in a hospital room or lab.

She wakes on the ground next to an abandoned warehouse. She sits up with a groan, wiping grit off her cheek and looking around. She dimly registers the sound of sirens in the distance. Darkness is falling, making the shadows shift and change against the buildings.

Iris stands up, looking carefully around her. She feels on edge. She carefully scans the area for any kind of threat and ignores the fear she can feel forming in the pit of her stomach.

A small sound echoes behind her. She whirls, gasp half-caught in her throat. Nothing. She knows there is nothing, and yet she is still afraid. She needs to leave. Now.

She runs to the edge of the building so she can get a better idea of her location. It doesn't help. She needs to get higher.

She runs up the side of the building, right to the top.

Central City is splayed out before her as she stands on the roof, breathing in huge gasping breaths. She spreads her hands out in front of her. They're shaking slightly. Then, much more than just slightly. They are vibrating, shaking almost out of control. She feels the need to run as fast as her legs can carry her, and that need is tangled with the fear and panic starting to roil in her stomach. She looks at the city, then quickly glances behind her as if she expects to see something there. The shadows are deepening. Her breathing is rapid and shallow.

So she follows her instinct, and she runs.

She runs down the building and barely pauses as she speeds out of the commercial district. She follows the road that drops into the city and races through its streets. She feels the wind in her face, the power blowing over her, through her. She laughs, and it temporarily curbs the fear still present, coiling in the pit of her stomach. So she laughs again.

Darkness falls over the city as Iris discovers it all over again, this time at high speed. Buildings and pedestrians blur past her. She weaves in and out of cars. She circles the stadium and heads into downtown.

…

Night has fallen completely. Iris stands on a roof, looking out over the city with new eyes. Her city. Her home. She puts a foot on the raised edge of the roof in front of her and straightens her shoulders. She will protect this city.

"Iris! Thank God! I've been looking for you everywhere! Are you okay? We need to go!"

The fear in her stomach bursts to life again. Panic streams through her veins. She whirls, staring at him. She should know him, but all she knows is the feeling that looking at him brings. It's not a good feeling.

He stands there, worry and stress on his face mingled with the relief and tension in his voice. He stretches out his hand, waiting for her to place hers in it. She stares at it with something almost like revulsion. Her gaze moves up to his eyes; his are just starting to register fear and worry. It's like she knows him, but she doesn't.

The fear is beginning to overtake her again, and there is only one way to manage it. She backs away a few steps, perilously close to the edge of the roof. He makes a sharp, aborted movement as he almost moves to grab her and then thinks better of it. His eyes meet hers again, panic-stricken now.

"Iris…"

She can feel the trembling. She needs to run. The look she gives him is hard and final. The words escape before she realizes what she is saying.

"I said goodbye to you once…"

Then she's far away, racing into the distance. Lightning trails behind her and marks her path.

Barry stares in horror, his mouth dropped open wide. His outstretched hand slowly drops, and then he shoves both hands in the pockets of his jacket. He hunches his shoulders and stares at the ground. The night envelops him as the truth settles in.

Iris has super speed.

And she's gone.

She's gone…

Barry sat next to the door to the pipeline, knees drawn up and head in his hands. He felt so empty. Iris was gone. Nothing he did now would bring her back to him. No meta-human captured, no crime prevented would bring her to his side. Back to his arms…

He buried his head in those same empty arms.

"Barry, what happened?" It was Joe, looking like he was afraid to know the answer. Barry avoided his gaze and stared at the floor.

"I found her, but I…lost her. She's gone, Joe."

Joe's jaw clenched. "She…can't be…"

Barry continued to stare at the floor. Joe tried again. "But you found her, right? Why didn't you make her come with you? Why wouldn't she?"

Barry met his eyes for the first time, and Joe almost recoiled at the look in them. Barry's words just made it worse.

"She…looked at me…like she was afraid of me. Or hated me. I thought about just picking her up and running, but then she ran. She ran away from me." Barry swallowed and choked back tears.

"You still have super speed, don't you?" Joe's helplessness emerged as frustration, his tone growing sharper.

"So does she, now."

Barry's bald words hung in the air. Joe was appropriately speechless, struggling to comprehend. He slid down the wall to sit next to Barry. "How…how can she-"

"I don't know. I guess anything is possible." Barry shook his head slowly. "I don't know what else to do. I think we've lost her."

Joe's face was just starting to crumple in despair when Cisco and Caitlin turned the corner, almost sliding into each other in their haste.

"Barry-"

He cut them off. "It didn't work."

"Well obviously, we know that, but we were maybe listening in on your conversation just now-"

"You what?"

Caitlin jumped in. "We'll talk about personal boundaries later, but the important thing is that," she drew in a deep breath, as if she were marking the momentous occasion. Cisco joined her.

"We have an idea."

Barry's devastation lightened slightly as he took in their expressions. They'd said those same words hours before, and he had honestly thought it would work, but it hadn't. But they were practically dancing with excitement now, unable to hold still for even a second. They believed in this idea.

He didn't have to hear it to know that he just might, too.

He put a reassuring hand on Joe's shoulder as he stood up.

"Okay. What've you got?"