It had all started with a simple text message from his alleged 'friend'.

They were juniors and Kaneki had managed to save up enough money to buy a cell phone. Of course Hide had been the first enthusiastic contact added to his phone's memory. However at that time that single text had led to a small exchange, which had then grown into small dry conversations, which had led to constant contact.

That day, Kaneki wasn't sure whether to thank the phone for what he received or scream at the sky and hurl the small device across the road. He had always had constant contact with Hide.

He would wake up and the first thing to do would be to check his phone for the message that he knew awaited him. The cheerful 'Good mornin' with another off hand comment attached, that stupid emoji and the fact that he had such an amazing best friend would be an automatic uplifting factor to his day. He got so used to talking to Hide over the phone when he wasn't around him that he found himself excusing himself from gatherings just to talk to the other boy.

That had all stopped with Nishiki attacking Hide. No. He wouldn't have been able to stand himself if anything had proven to have happened to Hide. So he ignored him.

Turning his phone to silent and leaving it in the trash behind Anteiku.

Those days were hard. He felt constantly alone, guilty. He was a monster. But he was more of a monster in the sense that he was treating someone who had given him a second thought with so much indifference. The sickening feeling at the pit of his stomach had become a permanent resident, and not a day went by that he didn't feel the suffocating loneliness threaten to crush him.

Days at Anteiku were nice. They were also guilt ridden.

He wasn't sure how long he had stood there, staring at the apartment, completely lost in thought. It must have been longer than he had imagined as the sun was starting to set, the sky streaked with oranges and pinks.

A soft gust of wind disrupted the stagnant scene, causing leaves to flutter on their branches, some softly floating to the ground to join other handfuls.

He perked up to the sound of footsteps crunching loudly on the gravel. A small thud followed, and turning he came face to face with his best friend.

"Kaneki?"

"Why did you have to change?" Her voice was laced with anger and pain. She cared. His thoughts cascading over him, threatening to drown him. He didn't feel it when she left him abandoned on the ground. He should return. He might be able to fix everything. He might be able to do good. He might be able to fix everything.

Slowly he lifted his hand to his face, gingerly touching it. He could finally see a glimmer of hope in his bleak surroundings. He could fix this.

He smiled.

It took him a few more minutes before he could giddily pull himself off the ground and retain his senses. Before he had time to resume his thoughts, a glimmer caught his eye. Impulsively he slowly neared it, squinting at the object. It seemed trashed, leaning down to pick it up the realization crashed into him, making his blood run cold. It was his cell phone.

"Hide." His voice was shaky, he knew if he spoke up again it would crack.

Those brown eyes were glistening with tears causing that ache to spread through his chest. Hide's lips were shaking, his grocery lying forgotten on the ground.

"I'm sorry." Kaneki whispered, putting his arms around himself. The ache was engulfing him. He knew that look on Hide's face. He would recognise any expression, what expression was to come. "I'm so sorry."

"I- Kaneki. I missed you." Hide's voice cracked, an ugly chuckle following soon after. The white haired male gulped.

"I'm really sorry." He tried again, his voice dropping slightly in volume. Hide looked at him, his eyes showing something. Something new. Something that made him feel sick.

Pity?

He visibly flinched every time his phone vibrated, signalling a new message. There were a couple of messages from lesser friends, advertisements but Hide.

Hide was filling his phone's memory.

'Kaneki, you moron, you missed class again.'

'The notes I've piled up for you.'

'Mister! You are in trouble.'

He'd thrown his phone by the time the next barrage of messages had been received.

'You're stubborn you know…'

He bit his lip.

'Man, it was freezing today.'

'The places I've cycled to today!'

'Your apartment's a mess man. Sorry for the intrusion!'

His eyes were blinded by tears as he continued scrolling through them.

'Happy birthday. You are the best thing that happened to me ya know. I'm glad you were born.'

'I got you the coolest thing ever.'

'I keep seeing you on the streets, in shops, everywhere.'

'Guess I'm missing you enough to hallucinate.'

His eyes were starting to blur over.

'Everyday is just… so monotonous.'

'Kaneki, I miss you.'

'I'm so tired.'

'I'm just going to keep chasing ghosts. Your ghost. That's the only thing that matters to me.'

The last message had been sent three days ago.

'I'm really tired. I love you.'

"Hey, man. Kaneki, look at me. Hey, Kaneki."

He flinched at the sound of his name, his eyes returning to Hide's. He gulped, doing his best to hold eye contact with the other boy. His guilt was overpowering, he had fucked up. He had fucked everything up.

He didn't know what to do.

He had left his best friend.

He had ruined everything and he so desperately was trying to salvage what was left. What was left between the two of them.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated, knowing full well that he sounded like a broken record. Hide looked at him distressed, looking torn. He raised his hand to reach for him and stopped himself just as quickly. He was holding himself back. He didn't want to touch him.

"Kaneki. You don't have to apologize." His voice was strangely even, almost calm. Hide was never calm. He never used to be calm. He was always erratic, energized, excited about something.

"I- I do. Until I can make it okay." He could feel his hands start to shake. Hide stared at him for a few minutes, his brown eyes scrutinising his face, then he pulled his cap over his eyes, looking at his feet.

There was stifling silence for a few seconds.

"Kaneki, you don't have to do anything." Hide's voice cracked at the last moment and he abruptly shut his mouth, effectively breaking his heart in the same instance.

"I'm so sorry. I'm really, really sorry Hide. Tell me what I can do to fix this. I'll do anything. I'm sorry…" he staggered a few steps forward, stopping just shy of Hide. He was notably shaking now, tears coating his cheeks. "I missed you so much. So much. I just wanted to protect you. I just- I'm. I love you."

The more he thought about it the funnier it became. It wasn't as if the whole circumstances were new. They were just so typical. The kind of situation that most people would look at and scoff, thinking: Oh, there's another one. That's sad.

It was one of those recurring situations that you feel empathetic about with a slight un-attachment. Because there's no way you'd be stupid enough to get yourself in that situation. Of course not.

Of course not.

He had willed himself to smile when the other man had forced his lips into a grin.

The rejection had been the easiest part. Hearing the words slipping from the other's mouth hadn't been as destructive as he had previously thought it would have been. No. Hearing the words hadn't hurt that much.

It was walking away that had.

Watching the other's back in that brightly coloured coat disappearing slowly. Knowing he'd probably have to get used to seeing that. He'd never be able to walk beside him again after all, never look into those bright, warm, warm eyes again. How could he after this?

Yes. Walking away was the hardest part.

Walking away meant facing the fact that this was over for good. Walking away meant acknowledging everything that was wrong.

Standing in the cold, the wind digging its icy claws into his already frozen form was better than moving. Standing in the dark, left vulnerable to other horrors was better than moving. After all how could he move? How could he move when he wasn't here to make him.

You're too slow.

His raspy breath was fogging up the air in front of him. Blinking rapidly he gripped himself tighter. A wobbly sound escaping him, ringing eerily in his ears. It was his own laugh.

Yo, Kaneki.

His nails were digging into his arm as his mind willed him to move. His heart kept him rooted to the spot.

We're best buds after all.

He pressed his fist to his mouth, biting down to hold back the pathetic sounds that begged to escape.

I missed you.

Move. Move. Please move. He did. His heart seemed to give into his silent pleas.

Turning, his breath grew rapid. His vision grew blurrier. The tears start to slide down his flushed cheeks.

Hide…

Of course he'd be the one pathetic enough to get into that situation.

Of course.

Reviews are loved