In Memoriam

By KJaneway115

"Why on earth did she save this?" Kaya Janeway picked up an old fashioned trophy out of a box and held it up to her brother, who sat across the table from her.

Evan reached over to take the item. "It looks like it's from a tennis championship. There's no date on it."

"Let me see." Evan passed the item to his daughter, Shannon. All three were sitting around the dining room table in Kaya's San Francisco house. Shannon was home on leave from her current Starfleet assignment and had volunteered to spend a couple of extra days helping her father and her aunt go through her grandmother's things.

Kaya made an exasperated sound. "But, a trophy? Look at the design of this. It's so 2330's. It must be from when she was about eight years old. Why save it all these years?"

Evan shrugged. "Maybe she was proud of it."

"What do we do with it?" Shannon asked.

"I don't know. Recycle it? Unless you think that Cole would like it," Evan suggested. Cole was Kaya's oldest grandchild. He was thirteen years old and had discovered his own love of tennis.

"Maybe. Let's just leave it for now." Kaya sat back in her chair and surveyed the mess of PADDs, boxes and various and sundry other items that littered the table between her and her brother.

"Okay," Evan said. "Let's move on to something else, then. What's next on your list?"

Kaya looked down at the PADD in her hand, her dark eyes searching its contents. "I already took care of donating the furniture, and we recycled all her clothes, except for a couple of uniforms. Those we kept to donate to the Voyager museum." She paused and looked at her brother. "You don't think that the kids are going to be mad that we're donating things to the museum, do you?"

"I'm not upset about it," Shannon interjected.

"I know you're not, sweetie," said her father. "I don't think the others will be, either. I think they want Mom and Dad's legacy to be preserved for future generations as much as we do. Making donations to the museum seems like the best way to do that."

"Okay. What about Dad's sand paintings?"

"Here," Evan said, reaching into a box next to the table to pull out yet another PADD. "Mom kept an inventory. There are even notes here about where and when some of the paintings were made."

Evan and Kaya hunched over the PADD, looking at the digital images of their father's sand paintings while Shannon sat back and tried to stay out of the way. She knew that her father and her aunt needed to make decisions without her, and as much as she wanted to help, there were some things she couldn't help with.

Kaya pointed at one of the paintings. "Here's the one Dad made for the house, when they finally moved out of Starfleet housing."

"Was that after you were born, Aunt Kaya?" Shannon asked.

Kaya nodded, chuckling. "Your grandma would have been content to stay in Starfleet apartments forever, but I think that's when your grandpa laid down the law."

"Right. I remember him telling that story."

Kaya rolled her eyes. "Mom used to joke that she saved their marriage by agreeing to move to the house."

"Look at this note she made," Evan said, indicating a different painting. "For Kaya's birth."

"Didn't he do a painting when you were born, too?" Shannon asked.

"Well, he was away then. So, my painting is from a little later."

Kaya nodded. "I think you were two when he did it. I remember Dad making that painting."

"Was Grandpa on his first mission back to the Delta Quadrant when you were born, Dad?" Shannon asked.

"He was," said Evan. "He missed almost the whole first year of my life."

"I don't have many memories of that time," said Kaya.

"I remember Grandma telling me that was a hard time for her, with two young kids, as basically a single mom," Shannon said.

"Well, one thing was for sure, Dad never went on a mission longer than six months after that!" Evan exclaimed. All three laughed while Evan thumbed forward on the PADD to look at the remaining artwork. "Dad did a painting for each of the grandkids, of course, but you guys already have those."

His daughter nodded, thinking about the sand painting that was prominently displayed in the living room in her quarters. "Grandma gave them to us when Grandpa passed away."

"He also did one for each of the first three great grandkids," Evan continued. "The ones who were born when he was well enough to do them."

"Yes," Kaya said. "Jack and Lanna should get those. If they want to give them to Katie, Cole and Jalen when they get older, they can."

"And you should get the one he made for you," Evan told his sister.

Kaya tugged at her ear. "Dad was so excited to have grandkids. I don't know if I've ever seen him so happy as when I told him I was pregnant. And then when the great grandkids came along… That was something even more wonderful."

"Yeah," Evan said thoughtfully. "You know, I don't think he ever thought he'd be a father, much less a grandfather or a great grandfather. There were a lot of people in the Maquis who never came back, and I think for a long time he thought he'd be one of them."

"It's a good thing Mom captured him in the Delta Quadrant." They laughed together at the long running family joke.

Shannon listened to the conversation with interest. It was rare for her to hear her father open up and talk about family like this. When she was growing up, he had been wrapped up in his career as a professor of applied mathematics, and then she went off to the Academy. Since she had been serving in Starfleet, she only made it home to visit her parents and sister once or twice a year. Aunt Kaya was two years older than her father and had jet black hair like her Grandpa Chakotay. She colored it now, but it had been naturally black well into her forties. She had Grandpa's dark eyes, too, but Grandma's facial features. Her dad's hair was reddish, and most said that he was a Janeway through and through. He had, however, inherited his father's famous dimples. Shannon stayed silent and let the conversation continue.

"How are you doing?" Evan asked his sister.

"I'm fine."

He gave her a doubtful look. "That's what Mom would say."

"Yes, well, she knew what she was talking about. She knew that if you aren't dying, being assimilated by the Borg, or facing an imminent threat to your family, you're fine."

Evan shook his head with amazement. "I guess."

"How about you?"

"I don't know. I'm a little overwhelmed by it all. I feel like my mental capacity to deal with everything has been severely diminished over these last couple weeks."

"Me, too."

"You know, Kai, this is exactly how she would have wanted it to happen. She didn't want us to see her suffer."

"You're absolutely right. She had suffered enough in her life. Passing peacefully in her sleep was the best thing that could have happened. But it's still… It's just weird not having her here."

"It is," Evan agreed.

"I've been thinking about how they started out," Kaya said, "and how amazing it is that they were able to create the life and family for themselves that they did. Especially Dad. He had nothing. His whole world was basically destroyed by the Cardassians, and most of his family was killed. Yet he made a life and a career for himself, first in Starfleet, in spite of his parents' wishes, and then in the Maquis, and then back to Starfleet again. I mean, he went from being a native boy from a backwater planet, living in a cabin and cooking with actual flames, to running Starfleet Academy. How crazy is that?"

"Yeah. Mom, too. She may not have had it quite as rough when she was growing up, but losing her father in that crash? Then captaining Voyager in the Delta Quadrant for seven years? I know Dad was there, by her side, but when you heard her talk about it, you got some sense of how alone she felt." Evan stacked some of the PADDs, trying to make the table look more orderly. "You were talking about how happy Dad was to have grandchildren. I think Mom was just as happy. I don't know if she ever thought she'd get there either. I remember her talking about being in the Delta Quadrant when they didn't know if they were going to make it till the next day."

"I remember those stories, too," said Shannon.

Kaya nodded. "When you think about it, it's amazing that they lived as long as they did."

"Yes. And up until a couple months ago, Mom was in complete possession of her faculties. I think the worst thing for her was when she started to lose that mental sharpness that she'd always had. I had a long talk with her about it over the comm one day. She was so upset that she couldn't remember what the Doc had told her at her last appointment."

Kaya nodded. "She was so used to being in control." She surveyed the belongings in front of her. "I feel so honored that she trusted us to go through all this stuff."

"She knew we wouldn't argue about it. I remember when Miral's dad died, there were Paris cousins I had never even heard of before who suddenly showed up and expected to have a piece of Voyager memorabilia. It was terrible, actually."

Kaya shook her head. "That is terrible. You'd like to think that we've gone beyond that as a society."

"One would hope. But, fortunately, Tom was pretty specific in his will. I guess Tom must have known about his relatives. But it was still a pain to deal with." B'Elanna Torres had died in a tragic accident at a young age, leaving Tom a single dad to Miral from the time she was fifteen years old. Evan's close relationship to Miral had begun around the time her mom passed away, when she started spending a lot of time at the Janeway household. As soon as they had both graduated from the Academy, Evan and Miral had married. Tom Paris had never remarried, and had passed away at the age of eighty-two, young for the twenty-fifth century.

"Remember Mom telling the story about trying to choose her chief engineer on Voyager?" Kaya asked. "Dad wanted B'Elanna, but Mom wasn't convinced."

"I do remember that. There was finally some problem that B'Elanna solved, and she won Mom over. Then they became friends."

"Yeah. Mom was so broken up when she died. Dad told me once privately that he was glad that Mom wasn't in command of that mission. He thought she never would have forgiven herself."

"He was probably right."

They lapsed into silence for a long moment, lost in thought. Shannon surveyed the mess of memories on the table. It was so strange, all the stuff that got left behind when a person died.

Finally, Kaya said, "There's a couple more boxes of stuff upstairs. Let's go through those before we have dinner. I'd like to get them out of Lanna's room before she and the kids get here tomorrow."

"Okay, Kai. You're the boss."

Kaya looked at her brother incredulously. "You don't know how many times I would have killed to hear you say that when we were kids!"

…

The next morning, the rest of the family arrived, at least, most of them. Kaya's son, Jack, lived in the Delta Quadrant, and even in 2441, that was too far a distance to travel for a memorial service. Jack was the head engineer on the new Delta Quadrant Starfleet Headquarters, so he and his family, his wife and two sons, were unable to attend the memorial.

Kaya's daughter, Lanna, two years older than Jack, arrived from Mars with her husband and three children, and Shannon's sister, Nayeli, also arrived, as did their mom, Miral Paris. It was an endless line of hugs and laughter and tears as the family greeted each other. The quiet of Kaya's house was instantly shattered by the presence of Lanna's three children: Katie, age thirteen, Henry, age eight, and Nicholas, only two. Still, Lanna and Shannon managed to catch a few moments of quiet while the kids played with their grandparents.

On the surface, Lanna and Shannon could not be more different. Lanna was forty, married with three children and a well-known classical cellist, unlike her cousin who had followed in the family tradition and joined Starfleet, becoming one of the youngest Starfleet captains since her grandmother. Despite their outward differences, Lanna and Shannon were fast friends. They sat out on the back patio, wine glasses in hand, poring over old images.

"Look at this one!" Lanna exclaimed. "Grandma must be three years old in this picture."

"Is that Edward?" Shannon asked, looking at the stately Starfleet admiral holding a young, mischievous girl.

"Yeah, that's Edward Janeway."

Shannon sighed. "I wish I could have met him."

"Here's who I wish I could have met," said Lanna, scrolling forward to another picture.

"Oh! That's Great Grandpa Kolopak."

"Yep."

They looked more closely at the picture. It showed a young man with dark hair and a tattoo on his forehead, dressed in dark slacks, a vest made of some kind of animal skin, and a loose fitting shirt. He was sitting on a log, surrounded by trees, with a small boy in his lap. "Is that Grandpa?" Shannon asked.

"It must be." They scrolled to the next picture. It was from the same day, and it showed the same little boy, but this time with a beautiful brown skinned woman. They were sitting together on a picnic blanket, and nearby, a little girl was playing on the blanket. "That must be Grandpa's mom. And I bet the little girl is Great Aunt Sekaya."

Lanna nodded. "These were taken on Trebus before the Cardassians destroyed everything. This was over a hundred years ago."

"Yeah. We're looking at history."

They scrolled forward through more pictures. There were only a few images from Trebus. Most of the visual family record was pictures from the Janeway side. There were images from family holidays, from tennis tournaments, from graduations. There were images of their grandma with her sister, Phoebe, all through their childhood. Finally they got to the images they were most looking forward to.

"Ah! Look at this!" Shannon exclaimed. In the image, their grandmother was standing on Voyager's bridge, her hair tightly wound up in a bun. Just behind her and to her left was their grandfather.

"Grandma was about your age in this picture," said Lanna. "Look at the time stamp. This is from the first year of Voyager's journey through the Delta Quadrant."

"Right. That must have been around the time they were fighting the Vidiians."

Lanna smiled. Her cousin knew more of their grandparents' stories than anyone in the family. Another image came up. "Where was this taken?" Lanna asked.

"I think that's New Earth. I went through a lot of these with Grandma a couple years ago. I actually took some holo recordings while she told me about the different pictures. Did you know that Grandpa built her a bathtub when they were stranded on New Earth?"

"He did? I thought they weren't together then."

"They weren't! I asked her about it directly, and she said they were only friends. I said, 'Did you want to be more?' She said, 'On New Earth, I couldn't help but think about it, but when Voyager came back for us, it was no longer an option.'"

"I bet Grandpa wanted to be more."

"I bet he did. I mean, come on, he built her a bathtub."

They continued to browse through more pictures, only stopping for a few minutes when Lanna had to help her husband put the kids to bed. Shannon poured them each another glass of wine while she waited for her cousin, and sat back in her chair to look up at the San Francisco sky. The sun had set in the course of their conversation, and the stars were just starting to appear. You're up there, Grandma, she thought as she gazed up at the bright, twinkling lights. I know you are among the stars, right where you've always belonged. When I captain my own ship through those stars, I know you'll be right there with me, every step of the way.

Lanna returned to the table, interrupting her thoughts. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I was just thinking about Grandma. I'm really glad I could be here this weekend. I don't think it would have seemed real to me, otherwise. When Grandpa died, I couldn't come to the memorial. It wasn't till a lot later that I finally realized he was truly gone. But now, being here, all together, without her…"

Lanna nodded. "I know what you mean."

"I keep thinking about all the things we used to do together. Whenever I came to stay with Aunt Kaya, it was always to spend time with Grandma, because she lived so close. Even walking down certain streets makes me think about times I came to visit her and things we did together."

"My mom and dad had to clean out her apartment. I bet that was hard."

"Yes. But I bet it also made it real that she's not coming back. She was always… larger than life, in a way. I don't know if I'm being hokey, but I just feel like she's not really gone. She's here because she's a part of us. Her stories, her attitude, her life, have inspired all of us so much. Because of that, I don't think she can ever really be gone."

"That's very spiritual of you, Shannon."

Shannon laughed. "What, you think that just because I'm in Starfleet, I can't have a spiritual side? Grandma certainly did. You know what she told me, when I got my first captaincy?"

Lanna shook her head. "What?"

"It was a couple years after Grandpa had died, and when I found out, it was the week that would have been his birthday. So I commed her to tell her about it, and she said, 'This was a gift from your grandpa.' We both started crying over the comm."

"That's sweet. I don't know if I ever saw her cry. Even after Grandpa died."

"She faced that like she faced everything, with courage and determination, and a refusal to give up and let the universe win. Once I asked her what her favorite memory was. She said, 'I had a good marriage.' I don't think she regretted that he was gone as much as she was grateful for the time they had together."

"I agree with you," said Lanna, "but I know she missed him these past eleven years."

"Of course she did. But she wasn't going to let it stop her from doing anything! After he was gone, she filled her life with other things."

"Mostly with her grandchildren and great grandchildren!"

Shannon laughed, nodding. "And the volunteer work she did at the Academy."

"I always thought she did that for Grandpa," Lanna said. "The Academy was his place, in a way, and I think she volunteered there after he was gone because it made her feel closer to him."

"I never thought of it that way."

"Yeah." Lanna drained her wine glass and glanced at her chronometer. "Well. We should go in. It's getting late, and tomorrow's a big day."

Shannon nodded. She didn't know what the next day would be like, but she was determined to face it the way her grandmother would have.

…

October 4, 2441, the day of Kathryn Janeway's memorial service. The family had elected to make the service open only to family and friends. There would be a public memorial on Starfleet grounds the following week, but Evan and Kaya had decided that the memorial service for the family shouldn't be a major public event. Even so, they were expecting over a hundred people.

The ceremony would take place in a garden on Academy grounds, a place that both Kathryn and Chakotay had loved. There were two hundred chairs set up on the lawn, and a podium with a microphone for those who were going to speak. Lanna played upbeat, triumphant music as family and friends entered. Everyone in the family knew that Kathryn Janeway would not have wanted weeping and wailing. She had lived her life with determination and grit, and her memorial service would be held in the same manner.

While Lanna played, holo images of Kathryn appeared in front of the chairs, including many of the images Lanna and Shannon had looked at the night before. There were images of Janeway as a young girl with her family, her graduation from Starfleet Academy, her first commission. There were many images from Voyager, and then images of her life in the Alpha Quadrant after Voyager's return, her marriage to Chakotay, the two of them with young Evan and Kaya. And then there were images of them with their four grandchildren, Lanna, Jack, Shannon and Nayeli, and finally, images of the great grandchildren. Chakotay had known the two oldest great grandchildren, Katie and Cole, and the third, Jalen, had been born a few weeks after his death. There were pictures of Kathryn with all the great grandchildren, including little Nicholas. In every recent image, she was happy and smiling.

The ceremony was brief. Kaya, Evan, Shannon and Lanna all spoke, and Miral and Nayeli got up together to read a poem. Lanna shared a message that she and Jack had written together, even though he was unable to be there. Shannon talked about how she had learned from her grandmother how to face life with a positive attitude, even in the face of hardship. Everyone talked about Kathryn Janeway's determination to rise above her circumstances, her courageous approach to life, her loyalty to her friends and crew, her love for her family, and the multitude of lessons she had taught them. Afterwards, there was food and wine, and a chance for everyone to talk and share stories of the woman who had inspired them all.

Shannon knew many of her grandmother's friends from her regular visits to San Francisco, and she greeted them all with a smile. Finally, she approached one of the family friends she had known the longest. He was frail these days, with grey hair, and he walked hunched over, with the assistance of a cane, but his mind was still as sharp as ever. "Admiral Kim, can I get you anything to eat?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm not so infirm that I can't get over to that table and get myself a glass of wine, young lady," Harry Kim said with a twinkle in his eye.

"Of course not! But I'd be happy to get you something if you'd like."

"No, no, Shannon. I'm fine." He took her hand, and she felt the softness of his wrinkled skin. "Your grandma was a fine lady. A fine lady. She taught me everything I know."

Shannon nodded, suddenly fighting back tears. "Me, too." She paused, getting a hold of herself. "She's not really gone, you know."

"Oh, I know," Harry Kim replied. "She was very proud of you. Very proud."

"Thanks. I know she was, actually."

Kim smiled and squeezed her hand. Shannon greeted her grandma's other old friends from Voyager, the Doctor, Annika Hansen, and Naomi Wildman, who was a fellow Starfleet captain. Tuvok was on Vulcan, and too old and frail to make the trip to Earth for the memorial. He had sent his condolences via subspace communique. There were newer friends, too, and friends and colleagues of her grandfather's from the Academy.

"This is exactly the way she would have wanted it," Shannon said to one of her Aunt Kaya's friends who had known her grandmother towards the end of her life. "She didn't want to deteriorate. She didn't want us to see her in poor health, and she didn't want to lose her mind. She had seen all of her kids, grandkids and great grandkids in the last few months. Even Jack and his family were here a couple months ago from the Delta Quadrant. She passed away peacefully. It was really the best way that it could have happened." She spoke her true feelings; towards the end of her grandmother's life, all she hoped was that she would not be in pain.

The holo images of Kathryn Janeway continued to play in the background, and several people came up to Shannon and told her how much she looked like a young Kathryn Janeway. Shannon blushed and considered this a great compliment. She only hoped that she would age as gracefully and beautifully as her grandmother had.

Slowly, the guests began to dissipate, and only the family was left. The kids were running around, playing, while Lanna and her husband tried to corral them. Shannon walked a few paces away from everyone, over to the peace roses in the garden. They had always been her grandmother's favorite flower. She leaned down to smell the rose and let its sweet scent waft through her nostrils. She looked up at the sky, where the sun was just beginning to set.

You knew what it was like to be alone, she thought. She glanced back at the rest of her family. The rest of them, they don't know. Lanna and Jack have their families. Nayeli has always stayed close to Mom and Dad. I'm the only one who's had to face this alone. Shannon had been on her ship when she'd heard of her grandmother's passing, and she didn't have the benefit of a partner or family members nearby to support her. She knew that her family would be there for her when she saw them, but it wasn't the same. It's okay, she told herself. Grandma understood what it meant to be alone. I'm following in her footsteps, and I'm proud to do so. A hand on her shoulder interrupted her thoughts, and she turned to see her Aunt Kaya.

"Those were her favorite," Kaya said, gesturing to the roses.

Shannon nodded. "I know."

"You okay?"

Shannon took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the flowers again. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"Your grandpa loved to bring these flowers to your grandma. On every special occasion when we were growing up, I remember there being a bouquet of peace roses."

"That's because she brought him peace." Shannon had heard this from her grandfather countless times.

Kaya smiled. "That's what he always said."

"You know, Aunt Kaya, now they're together again." Shannon looked up at the sky. "They'll always be with us, they'll always be a part of us, but now, they can be together again."

Kaya put her arm around her niece, feeling the tears in her eyes as she squeezed Shannon close. "You know, Shannon, I do believe you're right."

…

Scrape, scrape, scrape. The consistent motion of the blade made a scratching sound as he delicately carved the wooden figurine. What was he making? He couldn't remember exactly, but somehow, he knew every stroke of the blade, every carving, every movement. He would know what it was supposed to be when it was finished.

Besides, it was a beautiful day. He looked up from his work and smiled. Sunlight streamed through the trees and glanced across his workbench. He could feel the warmth of its light enveloping him. In the distance, a small cabin stood in a grove. It had an empty patch off to the side, a patch that would be just perfect for a garden. Yes, a garden. He just had to wait for something before he could make the garden. What did he have to wait for? He couldn't remember. A breeze rustled through the leaves, and he thought he heard footsteps, but decided after a moment that it was just the wind, and went back to his work.

As he carved, he thought there was something he was supposed to remember, but he couldn't think of what it could be. So instead, he continued carving, enjoying the feel of the warm sunshine on his back, the surety of his hands as they held the tools and the wood, the fresh, clean smell of the air. He felt contentment wash over him, but even as he closed his eyes and smiled up into the sunlight, he knew there was something missing. There had been something missing for a long time.

There was another breeze, and this time, he was sure he felt a presence. He put down his carving and stood up from his work bench to look around. The breeze rustled through the leaves again, and he could swear on that wind was a familiar smell. It smelled of roses and… coffee. He inhaled deeply. It was a wonderful scent, one he hadn't smelled in a long time. Memories hovered at the edge of his consciousness, but he couldn't quite grasp them.

Then, he saw her. She was standing in the trees, wearing a simple blue dress, her long auburn hair cascading over her shoulders, her blue eyes sparkling, a smile on her lips. She looked as captivating as the day he had met her and as beautiful as the day he had married her. Her mouth dropped open just a little when she saw him, and he watched her eyes fill with tears.

"Chakotay." His name was like a prayer on her lips, a greeting and a blessing.

He knew, then, what to do. He opened his arms, and she ran to him, enfolding herself in him. He stroked her hair, ran his hands down her back, touched her arms, her face, every part of her. He whispered, "Kathryn." It was the answer to the question he had not known how to ask, and suddenly, his memories that had eluded him came flooding back.

She lifted her face to look up at him, and the sunlight warmed her cheeks. Reverently, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. "Oh, Chakotay," she breathed, "how I've missed you."

"And you, my love. I've been waiting for you."

"I know."

"How are the children?"

"All strong, healthy and happy. They are off to a fine start, Chakotay."

He held her closer as she lay her head against his chest, and he nuzzled her hair, cherishing the feel of her being there with him. He knew, now, that this was what had been missing. After a long moment, he broke away and leaned down to kiss her again. "The garden," he said. "Now we can make the garden."

She threw her head back in joyous laughter and intertwined her fingers with his. "Show me."

They walked towards the cabin, their fingers entwined as their souls had always been. Once more, everything was as it should be. They were together.