Disclaimer: The following is a nonprofit fanfiction of RWBY. RWBY belongs to Monty Oum(RIP) and Rooster Teeth. Any likeness to writings of others is not intentional. To help with improvements: Read and Review!

Chapter 1: Breasts

Sitting in the cafeteria, Ruby observed all the students as they chatted among one another. Normally the red hooded prodigy would be munching on cookies, but on this day, she needed her whole concentration to answer one question:

"Why do boys like boobs?"

Or more specifically: "Why do boys like big boobs?"

It started as a small thought she disregarded when she was younger. Yang started growing "top heavy" at the age of thirteen. Their dad had to literally beat boys back with a stick/log whenever a boy would try to 'accidentally' trip on Yang's bust. And that all started when Yang grew breasts.

The question got slightly louder on days when Weiss and Yang would quarrel. In each quarrel, Weiss would end up secretly going to her corner of despair muttering 'not fair' and 'Ruby too' whenever Yang would puff her chest out. Does having a big chest really matter to Weiss?

Then the question was deafeningly loud during an accident that happened two days ago. While shopping with Yang for hair products, they bumped into the leader of Team JNPR and his red headed partner.

Apparently, Jaune and Yang both use the same conditioner, and it was the last conditioner in stock for the week.

Yang had 9 of said conditioners in her cart, but still demanded in her words "Let go the goods Vomit Boy, or kiss tile."

Unfortunately Jaune tried to reason with a dragon and take it's gold coin. Luckily Pyrhha was able to prolong a fight. Too bad prolong isn't the same as preventing. Instead of using violence, Yang decided to use a sexy approach.

She pushed her shirt down just a bit for cleavage to show and pressed it against Jaune's chest while asking for him to give her the conditioner.

Before Jaune could say yes through a red face and a dry mouth, Pyrhha tackled Yang into the frozen meat section. The fight had turkey boxing gloves, frozen hotdogs and drumsticks shoved in pants, and a whole lot of wiener slaps. On the bright side, Jaune got at least one conditioner. On the other, Ms. Goodwitch gave all for of them detention. While in detention, Ruby asked to herself: "Why do boys go gah-gah over a bunch of boobs?"

And here she was observing the masses. Hoping for the answer to show itself through some sort of action. Ruby was caught up in her concentration that she didn't notice a certain blonde leader sitting next to her.

"Hey Ruby?" greeted JNPR's leader. "What'cha staring at?"

"I'm observing all the students." Replied Ruby while not taking her eyes off the crowd. "There's a question that's been bugging me and I think I can find it if I look into the crowd."

Jaune looked into the crowd and then looked back to the little leader. "I don't know what answer you'll get out of a guy trying to stuff 50 marshmallows in his mouth."

"Then maybe you might know the answer to my question." Stated the little reaper while still looking at the crowd.

Staying silent and mulling it over Jaune decided to humor her. "Ok. What's your question?" It's probably a riddle that's easy to overlook.

"Why do boys like big boobs?" The whole cafeteria suddenly became quiet.

'What?'Jaune thought. "Come again?"

"Why do boys like big boobs?" repeated the adorable reaper.

Feeling all eyes on him, Jaune looked to the crowd to see all female students staring intently. Looking over to the males, he received a manly nod and a salute from team CRDL.

Looking straight into her innocent silver eyes Jaune answered. "We don't like big boobs Ruby."

"Bu-"

"Let me finish." Said Jaune before she could interrupt. Suddenly heavenly music played.

"In the beginning Ruby, there was no such thing as big or small. Just boobs. And that is what we love. Not big boobs, or small boobs. Only boobs. Of every shape, every color, and every size. I- No! We love boobs. But if the shape is too irregular, we'd recommend a doctor to check for anything wrong." Jaune said, advising the last part.

Male students nodded sagely whilst shedding tears at this speech. The females on the other hand…

"S-so the real question: Why do boys like boobs?" inquired Ruby.

"Yes." Stated not only Jaune, but the whole male populace.

"Why do boys like boobs, Jaune?" asked Ruby with a mind suddenly clearing.

"Because Ruby," paused Jaune for dramatic effect. "Boobs are a symbol of love."

"EH?!" Stated the whole female populace.

"Boobs are the first place we received our food. A form of love a mother can give to her baby. And as males get older and stray from their mothers, they search for new breasts to fondle. Flat or gigantic, it doesn't matter. As long as the boobs belong to who we men choose to love, we love them and their boobs."

Instantaneously, every person cheered. Females rejoiced and left the cafeteria with chest held out in pride. Males marched off, some calling their mothers to greet them with love.

"Do you understand now Ruby?" asked Jaune whilst standing on top of a table.

"I kinda do now." Said Ruby. "Thanks Jaune."

THE NEXT DAY

"AAAAAAAARC!/VOMIT BOOOOY!"

Jaune spent the rest of the day hiding in the one place no one would expect to find him: Inside the Edgar hole.