In hindsight, Bilbo Baggins of Bag End should have noticed something different about his Dwarves.
He should have noticed that they were much more polite and pleasant than the last time they arrived. Each one of them introduced themselves with a grin and a bow, even Thorin Oakenshield, who gave a full bow from the waist, a bow fit for a king or a hero (or both, not that Bilbo would know this). Most of them had tears in their eyes (even Dwalin and Nori) and Bofur had to be held back by both Bifur and Bombur lest he bowl over their Hobbit host.
Or rather, he did take note of their demeanor, but only attributed it because he was prepared for their arrival and Dwarves were always more agreeable if there was food for them. (Of course, if they were in the company of Elves, then their animosity took precedence.) Given a chance, Hobbits would serve great meals to their friends and veritable feasts for their families. And to Bilbo, the Dwarves were both; so he served them the best feast possible.
So he was surprised at their objections when he informed the rest of the Company that he needed to pass water when they arrived at Trollshaw.
Truthfully though, he had no need to do so, but he needed to sneak away to arm himself and Thorin with their respective Elven swords (or letter-opener, in Bilbo's case) before they encountered the Trolls. He refused to be nearly eaten or put his Dwarves in a humiliating situation to save themselves. Bilbo has learned that they can get so touchy when it comes to their honor, so he will do his best to spare them the disgrace of having worms in their tubes.
"Yes, Dori, I will be fine. No, Bofur, I do not need help nor company. Yes, Dwalin, I am sure! And you, Nori, don't think of even following me!" he said exasperatedly, wagging a finger at his fellow thief, who crossed his arms, seemingly offended. (Either at the idea of not being able to follow or being caught this early on, Bilbo could only guess).
He was fairly sure that last time, they were not this (over)protective of him this early in their journey; but then Thorin did tell them to be more careful, as if heeding Gandalf's warning but was too stubborn to change his mind and leave the area like Gandalf said.
"Now is not the time for your delicate halfling sensibilities-" Thorin growled at him, leaving all his social graces back in Shire and returning to the rude, callous Dwarf that Bilbo knew. (And despite his better judgement, loved even before Thorin showed his gentler side. He really was a fool of a Took.)
"Just because you have no sensibilities, or sense at that, doesn't mean the rest of us must suffer the same ailment. It's just passing water! Do you expect me to be attacked?" Bilbo answered back. A lifetime ago, he would have never thought of answering back at Thorin, especially at this early in the journey. (In fact, he didn't.) But then, he wasn't the old Bilbo anymore.
Or rather, he was the Old Bilbo. The Mad Baggins. And right now, he was literally mad at the Dwarf whose furry behind he was desperately trying to save from death and humiliation. Though he knew that he would get no gratitude from the gruff old dwarf, surely Bilbo deserved a little respect for even joining him on his suicide mission to get back his home?
"Yes! That's why I ordered all of you to stay in camp! Or are your giant hobbit ears as useless as an Elf's?"
There was so much wrong with Thorin's reply that Bilbo just stared at him in silence, trembling and trying to verbalize the fullness of his ire at the stupid idiot who called himself the leader of the Company.
"First," he said, overly enunciated the word as he tried to calm his temper. "You never insult a Hobbit's ears. And I know others would consider it a compliment for their hearing to be compared to an Elf's, who have the best hearing on this side of Arda, I know you Dwarves consider any and all things Elven as the one of the worst insults you can think of. Second," moving forward and pointing a trembling finger at Thorin's giant nose. "You are not my king! (But you were. You could have been. His mind traitorously whispered back.) You do not, you cannot, order me outside of my role as your burglar. And as I remember, my personal needs such as bathing and passing water do not have any bearing on my being a burglar. And third, if you are worried about being attacked, like Gandalf warned you before storming off because you insisted that we camp here, then why are we camping here in the first place?!"
Neither King nor Hobbit noticed, too engrossed with out-glaring the other, the Ri brothers' eyes widened in surprise before Nori grinned like a contented cat and whispered to his brothers, "They know!"
Nor did they notice the Bifur and Bombur were grinning maniacally while the latter patted his brother, who was wheezing so hard trying not to laugh.
Nor did they notice Balin's satisfied smile as he watched Thorin make a fool of himself nor Dwalin's grumbling as he passed a few coins to his brother.
They did notice though, as did everyone in the Company, when Oin suddenly spoke up, "Are they having a lover's spat this early in the journey already?"
Gloin looked half-worried at the looks Oin was getting, especially the Thorin's contemplative glare and Bilbo's wide-eyed stare. But the sons of Groin have always been blunt and so he answered back, in a wondering tone, "I ask myself the same question, brother."
"Are they considered lovers if Uncle hasn't given his courting gift yet?" asked Kili, who now has the attention of the whole Company. He obviously ignored Fili's not so subtle nudges with the hopes of silencing his younger brother. Of course they didn't work. (Haven't worked for as long as Kili has been alive, why did Fili even bother?)
"Courting gift?" Bilbo squeaked, his earlier ire forgetten in the face of more important matters, like courting gifts.
"Kili," Thorin growled in anger. Though judging by the coloring on his cheeks and the tips of his ears, it was likely brought about by his embarrassment.
Kili, used to his Uncle's tendency to react with anger at every little thing, answered the Hobbit cheerfully, "The mithril shirt."
"And how do you know about that, laddie?" Baliln asked, a little breathless with shock and glee.
"It has happened before. Or it will happen. Or it will have happened?" Kili tried to answer, before giving up and looking to his brother fo help. "How do you say these things, Fili?"
"You don't," the golden-haired Dwarf sighed.
"Besides, it may not happen this time around," Dwalin pointed out and the rest of the Dwarves cried in outrage at the statement.
"You think His Majesty will not give to Bilbo a gift worthy of his status as the Royal Burglar and Consort-to-be?!" Dori asked, aghast. He felt that Thorin would at least treat Bilbo the respect he greatly deserved.
"What? No!" Dwalin answered back. "The great emotionally-constipated lump of Dwarf is too smitten with the Hobbit not to give him the mithril shirt. I mean that that our Hobbit might not accept it this time around, seeing as he made a fool of himself."
("Like you," Balin mumbled, stroking his beard.)
"True, true," Bofur said, grinning madly. "His Royal Gruffness might actually have his work cut out for him to woo our Hobbit this time around."
"Wait, wait!" Bilbo said, interrupting Ori, who shut his mouth with a frown. "Courting gift. You gave me a courting gift," looking at Thorin with an increasingly pale complexion. "You were courting me?" he breathed out, his eyes widening as he his hands flailed. "You were courting me and you had the gall to die on me?!"
Suddenly, the light-hearted mood that surrounded the Dwarves disappeared. All of them looked almost as pale as Bilbo, who was as white as a sheet, and some were as grim as Bard Dragon-slayer.
"Halfing," Thorin said, before Bilbo's mood shifted back to anger.
"I am half of nothing, Thorin Oakenshield, and you should best remember that!"
"You're half of Uncle, Bilbo," Fili interrupted this time, catching everyone's attention. He was pale and grim, but there was a gleam in his Durin blue eyes. "When Mahal created us Dwarves, he crafted us so that we remain incomplete until we find our Ones. You're Uncle Thorin's One, Master Baggins."
"His better half, rest assured," Kili added, a matching gleam in his own pair of Durin blue eyes.
"I..." Bilbo opening his mouth before closing his mouth, as if it only occurred to him what they have been discussing this whole time. "Do you all remember the first time we did this?"
"You mean when the boys lost the ponies and you let yourself be fooled into saving them by yourself?" Balin said with a grin, Dwalin chuckling beside him. "Then yes, we, the sons of Fundin, remember," Balin said as both brothers put a fist to their chest and gave a shallow bow.
"Then you claimed that the best way to cook a Dwarf is to skin them first?" Gloin spoke up. "Then yes, we, sons of Groin, also remember," he continued, as they imitated Balin and Dwalin, and put a fist to their chest before giving a shallow bow.
"We Ur lads remember you stalled for time by claiming that all of us had worms in our tubes," Bombur smiled as all three of them imitated the other Dwarves and bowed as well. Bofur even took off his hat for the occasion.
"We Ri brothers remember that Kili claimed to have the largest and Fili having the most," Ori spoke up (ignoring princes' indignant protests), before he and his brothers bowed as well.
"I remember that it was your wit that that saved us that day from imminent death," Thorin said, low and solemn, his blue eyes practically glowing. "That same sharp wit, armed with a sharper tongue, that continued to save us time and time again. Both of which working alongside your courageous spirit and loyal heart. Loyalty, honor and a willing heart. I can ask no more from you," he continued, filled with more warmth than Bilbo could remember. (It has been a long time since he has felt any sort of warmth from Thorin. Too long, in fact.)
Thorin looked up from Bilbo's perpetually shocked expression to glance at his company, who stood straight, entranced with Thorin's words. Dazed morphed to determined, as Thorin looked into the eyes of each of his Company, from the youngest to the oldest, as he continued, "Nor from any of you. It is my honor to have traveled with you, the Great Lords of Erebor, the greatest Dwarven Heroes of the Third Age. And it beyond mere honor that thrums through my veins to have been blessed by our Maker and the Creator to be able to travel with each and every one of you once more. I apologize for the lack of craft to show you the fullest depth of my gratitude, so I hope you may settle with: Thank you."
With that, Thorin bowed low, as fit for some of the greatest heroes of the Third Age, to each member of the Company, who stared at Thorin in shock. Afterwards, he faced Bilbo once more, whose eyes were rapidly filling with tears.
"Bilbo?" he asked, worried at the sight of Bilbo's tears.
Bilbo couldn't help but pull on Thorin's braids (happily ignoring the wolf-whistles and catcalls), forcing the tall Dwarf to bend down and allowing Bilbo to press his forehead against his. "I have waited so long to do this," he whispered, his brown eyes staring directly into Thorin's blue eyes. Thorin smiled, cupping both hands to Bilbo's face and wiping away the tears than ran down his cheeks with his thumbs.
Before they close the distance between them, two menaces from the line of Durin latched onto the pair.
"Please don't scar the young impressionable minds in the Company, Uncle Bilbo," Kili said, hugging the Hobbit.
("Do they know that I'm older than them? At least mentally?" Ori commented at the side as he bumped his forehead against Oin.
"Lad, you've always been more mature than those pair of overgrown tweens even before this whole time-travel debacle," Oin answered back.)
"Save it for the bedroom, Uncle Thorin," Fili said, latching onto his Dwarven uncle.
"You mean save you from losing the bet!" Gloin answered back, his arm around Bifur, who signed to Gloin. "And Bifur says that there's no chance either of you would win anyway since we all know they would snog each other senseless once we let them out of our sights."
"Maybe not even then," Bofur pointed out, squashing the determined looks on the princes' faces. "You know how determined they can get, especially our Hobbit."
"Facing a dragon all by his lonesome self, that's not determined. That's suicidal!" Nori pointed out.
"No more suicidal than any of us on this mad quest!" Ori answered back.
A beat.
Then all of them roared in laughter, delighted to be in the presence of each other.
Of course the noise did not go unnoticed by the Trolls, who stepped away from their clearing.
"Look, Bert! Dwarves!" William cried out happily.
"Finally, no more mutton for tonight!" Bill said as he reached out to grab one of them.
Unfortunately, he reached out to Dori, who caught two fingers from the offending hand and crossed his arms, breaking the fingers with ease.
"You dratted Dwarf," Bill cried out as he tried to pull away, but Dori's hold was too strong for him, allowing Ori, who stole Keeper from Dwalin, to chop off the arm from the troll.
That prompted the rest of the Company to attack the Trolls. Bilbo would have stayed and watched how magnificent his Dwarves moved together, as if they were of one mind and spirit, but needs must and he did not forget what he initially set out to do, despite being thoroughly side-tracked.
With the Trolls busy, he easily went to their cave and found Sting and Orcrist, leaving Glamdring for the moment, before returning to the battle.
Bill was dead, cut into several pieces, while Bert and William were attempting to fend off the rest of the Dwarves, to no avail.
"Thorin!" Bilbo cried out, catching the Dwarf's attention. William also heard the Hobbit's cry and rushed towards him, expecting to feast on the smallest and weakest among them before succumbing to death from his numerous wounds. Unfortunately, despite being the smallest and weakest in the Company did not mean much when quick and steady feet allowed him to sidestep the fumbling Troll and stabbing him in the knee before passing Orcrist to Thorin, who also rushed to Bilbo's side and accepted the sword with a blood-thirsty, yet handsome grin. With Orcrist in his hands, he cut off William's head.
With two Trolls down, the Company converged on the third, who did not last for long against the might of the whole Company.
"Wait," and it was no surprise that Nori would be the first to notice. "Did you really need to pass water or were you trying to sneak away to get your swords back?"
"And more importantly, does Orcrist count as a return gift since Uncle Bilbo gave it to Uncle Thorin or is it the start of their courting gifts?" Kili asked, ever invested in his Uncles' relationship.
"I wouldn't know since you confounded Dwarves refuse to share your confounding secret traditions to outsiders," Bilbo muttered rather uncharitably, since he was covered in Troll blood. (Which may or may not be worse than being covered with Troll snot, he hasn't decided yet.)
("Bah! You're no outsider, Bilbo! You're practically a Dwarf with Hobbit feet!" Gloin said, wiping his battle axes with his clothes, since they seemed to be unsalvagable.
"And appetite. Don't forget his Hobbit appetite!" Bombur added, much to the amusement of the Company.)
"Besides, I didn't know you all knew so I had to sneak away to get them before we faced the Trolls," Bilbo answered Nori, who looked confused.
"Why didn't you just use your magic ring that turned you invisible?" was Nori's follow-up question.
"How did you know that?" Bilbo asked because he knew Nori passed away before the Fellowship was formed.
"It's my job to notice things. Shiny things especially," he answered with a shrug, unashamed of his career as always, much to Dwalin's annoyance.
"Then you should have noticed that the ring was an evil malevolent thing, created to destroy all those we love," Bilbo said, his tone darkening.
"Aye!" Gloin added, raising his still bloodied axe. "It should be destroyed for good, lest it destroys the lives of children everywhere!"
"What are the pair of you talking about?" Thorin asked, not understanding the dark countenance that seemed to have surrounded Bilbo, Gloin, and surprisingly, Dwalin.
"The ring. The one that turns Bilbo invisible. It is the One Ring," Dwalin answered his King.
A beat.
"You jest," Balin breathed out, yet his expression seemed more resigned than doubting.
"Do you think we would jest about Sauron's Ring?" Gloin asked, enraged. "Do you think I would joke about the hardships of my beloved son?"
"How did the ring affect your son, Gloin?" Bombur asked softly, understanding the pain and fear that only came from loving children.
"The Ring made my son fall for an Elf!" he cried out, collapsing onto Oin's surprised arms. But the healer held onto his brother, whose grip on his axe loosened until it fell on the ground beside them.
"What he means to say is that Gimli was part of the Fellowship set out to destroy the ring, alongside my own son, Frodo, and Legolas, son of Thranduil. Along the way, it seemed that both Gimli and Legolas formed a rapport, which was not the fault of the Ring, altogether," Bilbo explained to the Company, hoping that it would ease their anger.
It did not, in fact, it only worsened.
"That dishonorable tree-shagger! How dare he make a son of Durin fall for him!" surprisingly, it was Dori who cried out in outrage, and the rest of the Dwarves agreed with him.
(All except for Kili, who stood back, and Fili, who stood beside his brother. Of course, Thorin noticed this and went to them, letting the Company air out their grievance about the pairing.
"Tauriel is fine and honorable, for an Elf," Thorin said, surprising both of his nephews since he spoke with no grimace nor sarcasm, not that he knew how to use the latter.
"Uncle?"
"Dwarves know better than to go against how Mahal has crafted them. If you were created with the she-Elf as your One, well..." he trailed off, unable to speak the words, yet his nephews understood his meaning. Kili was unashamed to hug his Uncle fiercely, with Fili following the suit.
"Then why is it an issue that Gimli falls for Legolas?" Fili had to ask for the sake of his younger cousin.
"Because Legolas has dishonored Gloin's beautiful wife with his malicious words while we were in prison. And now he seeks to court Gimli without asking for atonement for his transgressions. And worse, it seems that he did not inform Gimli of his offense to his mother, which worsens his situation," Thorin explained into his boys' hair, uncaring that it was covered in Troll blood and guts and holding on to them for dear life.)
"We should destroy that bane of our existence! Prevent it from causing misery to us and to our children!" Gloin said, lifting his head from his brother's shoulder.
The Company cheered at his words.
"And save the Middle Earth while we're at it?" Bilbo felt the need to point out.
"And that too!" cheered the Company once more.
But honestly, it was a good idea. Destroy Sauron's ring and eliminate the Dark Lord and his forces from the face of Middle Earth, especially while he was unaware and has not amassed his army yet. Despite the treacherous journey to Mount Doom, with the fourteen of them together once more, nothing seemed impossible.
"I have no problems with that. But how would Dis react?" Thorin asked.
And at once the cheer and enthusiasm was replaced by fear at those words, which Bilbo did not understand at all.
"Why should Dis's reaction matter?" Bilbo asked and all the Dwarves looked at him with wide eyes.
"Because Dis will be...displeased," Balin answered, his pause was telling.
"More like furious," Kili said, shivering at the memory of his mother's fury. So did the rest of the Company, except for Thorin who wore a smug grin.
"We should have brought her with us, angered her a little, just a little mind you, and pit her against Smaug. Surely the dragon will not survive her wrath," Dwalin said and the Dwarves muttered their agreement with plan.
"If she is really that strong, then why is she not part of our Company?" Bilbo asked. Though he had not seen her strength in battle, Bilbo believed she must be formidable, judging by the reaction of others.
"She lost in the duel for the right to join," Fili explained to Bilbo, who did not understand the explanation at all. Much less the reactions that followed it.
"She lost!?"
"The unbeatable Lady Dis?"
"To whom?"
"What kind of monster could defeat the Unbeaten Swordmistress?"
The Company asked relentlessly, unwilling to believe such a thing could happen.
"She lost to me," Thorin answered, and all the Company looked at him with disbelief and awe. "I would not, I cannot, let her put herself in a suicidal quest. I refuse to be reason for her death." With those words addressed to the whole Company, it was to his nephews (sons) that he was looking at with sorrowful eyes.
"You beat her?" Balin asked, his respect for Thorin growing once.
"Of course. I taught her everything she knew. And I still have a few more tricks I haven't even showed her yet," Thorin explained.
"You taught her how to be a menace," Dwalin muttered and Thorin snorted.
"Hardly. She was already a menace the moment she was born. It was just that, I couldn't help but indulge whatever whim she asks of me. And so, when she asked me to teach her how to wield a sword, it was my duty as her eldest brother, to teach her how to win. And if it means inspiring fear into the hearts of stone-hearted Dwarves, then I couldn't help but be proud of my darling baby sister," he answered with a smile.
"How dare you call your sister a menace, Thorin Oakenshield," Bilbo said, glaring at the Dwarf. "She is hardly a menace! Albeit cold and distant at first, but not at all rude unlike certain children of Thrain in this clearing. But she was pleasant company, with a wicked sense of humor hidden under all that coldness."
Now all the Dwarves were staring at Bilbo as if he was the second coming of Mahal himself.
"What?" Bilbo asked, feeling a little self-conscious at their unblinking attention.
"I see it now, you and Thorin were meant to be."
"Only you would find Dis's company not terrifying at all."
"I hope not, Bifur."
"So," Balin said, calling the attention of the Company. "Shall we collect the One Ring and destroy it while Sauron is still weak, saving Middle Earth as we know it? Or shall we continue to Erebor after collecting the Ring?"
"Save Middle Earth or save our skins from the wrath of Lady Dis?" Dwalin put it into simpler terms.
There was no contest.
"Can we bypass Rivendell since we know what's in the maps? I don't want to be forced to eat their green food," Ori was the first to speak up.
"And Goblin-town?"
"I'd really like to avoid those Stone Giants, if it's all the same to you."
"And Mirkwood! Can we not go through that dratted forest?"
"Or get caught by spiders."
"Or Elves."
"Especially the Elves. I wouldn't want to smell like dungeon for weeks again."
"Or to escape in barrels again. Not that I don't appreciate your efforts, Bilbo, it's just that, can we avoid it all together?"
"I'd like to avoid the dragon, if we can, but since we know his weak spot, we can probably kill it now."
"What I would like to avoid altogether," Bilbo said, his soft quiet voice carrying a weight that stopped the Dwarves from speaking. "Is the death of any of you on this quest of ours.
"If any of you die," his eyes looking far older than his age, looking into the very souls of his Dwarves before resting on Thorin's gaze. "I will go to your Maker and demand that he give you to me so that I may kill you myself for putting me through another lifetime of grief. Am I understood?"
A beat.
"You're right, Bifur. Our Hobbit is as terrifying as Lady Dis herself. No wonder they get along so well."
. . .
okay, i'm a big fan of fix-it time travels but i haven't seen one with the whole company goes back and so this is my contribution to the community. if you find any, give me a heads up please. c: