I'm sorry for posting so much! I will post Double Trouble later tonight as I didn't post a new chapter last night, but I'll take a day off posting Losing You as I don't want you to get fed up with me.

CBloom2 challenged Cal and Ethan fans to write a story about the anniversary of the crash and help us over the pain of two whole weeks without our favourite brothers. This is my effort - it will probably have two chapters.

It was getting so close.

Nearly a year ago today.

Ethan was trying not to think about it, but it was impossible not to. Everything he saw seemed to remind him of Jeff; of that journey in the bus. He saw ambulances every day, but they'd taken on a new significance now: reminding him of a man who'd once worked in one. Every day there were patients with burns or injuries from car crashes. Two or three times, Ethan found himself treating patients called Jeff.

He hadn't seen it happen. He'd been unconscious and on his way to the ED. But he'd imagined it so many times and now he was beginning to see it in his dreams. The bus lying on his side. Jeff entering. The bus going up in flames.

His vision blurred. Ethan blinked his tears away. He'd got through this once before; he could get through it again. It shouldn't be as bad this time. It was no more than an echo of what had happened.

He would be okay.

Cal was worried about Ethan.

It was far more usual for Ethan to worry about Cal, but Cal had seen the look in his little brother's eyes and known what it meant. That haunted, fearful, guilty look, usually in response to patients with similar injuries and references to the date.

He'd mentioned it to Ethan, of course. When Cal was worried about Ethan, he didn't usually keep it to himself. But Ethan had always shrugged, insisting he was fine. Never better.

Cal kept a close eye on him. It probably annoyed Ethan, but Cal didn't care. He had to be there for Ethan if anything happened.

Ethan was driving the van. Honey was sitting beside him and Cal was in the back. This surprised him: it just seemed wrong. He was taking them all to the conference. He knew Connie, Lily, Tess and Ash were going too. Presumably, they were in the back with Cal. He was a bit surprised Ash and Tess were going. He thought there was some reason why they couldn't be there, but he couldn't think what it was.

As for Honey, he didn't know why she was there. Perhaps she was going to supply refreshments, but he had a feeling that was impossible. Maybe it was because he couldn't imagine Connie inviting a barista to an important conference. Yes: that was the only explanation.

He only wished she wasn't there. The sight of her; the sound of her voice; the scent of her perfume. Even now, she was breaking his heart.

"Ethan! Stop looking at me and look at the road!" said Honey.

Ethan looked up and saw the car. He froze, just for a split second.

The car ploughed into the bus.

Cal sat bolt upright when he heard the screams. For a moment, he froze, but then he jumped out of bed and ran to Ethan's room. Ethan was tossing and turning in the bed. His hair was sticking to his forehead, which was damp with perspiration. He'd stopped screaming now, but moans came from his lips as he clutched a handful of pillow.

Cal began to stroke his hair. He knew it was better to soothe Ethan as he slept rather than to wake him, but it was horrible seeing him so unhappy and afraid and being powerless to help.

To his relief, Ethan soon began to settle down. The moans stopped and he became still. Cal picked up the duvet, which Ethan had kicked away in his agitation, and tucked it around his little brother.

"I'm here for you, Ethan," he whispered. "Whatever happens, I'll be here."

Everything felt odd the next day. Nothing seemed quite real. If it was this bad today, what would it be like tomorrow? Ethan tried to concentrate on his patients, but his mind kept drifting away and he knew that, while he might manage in cubicles, he was in no condition for Resus.

His first thought was to tell Cal he was struggling, but he didn't want to worry him and Cal had no power to keep Ethan out of Resus. Only Connie could do that and Ethan couldn't imagine telling her how awful he felt.

He was just being stupid anyway. He was a doctor and he needed to be professional. His emotions didn't matter. Particularly not when they related to something that had taken place almost a year ago.

"Yes, Dr Knight? Can I help you?" said Connie.

Cal felt so disloyal. He couldn't quite believe he was about to tell Connie about his brother's private feelings – so private that he hadn't even revealed them to Cal – but he didn't see what choice he had. "It's about Ethan."

"If Dr Hardy has a problem, don't you think Dr Hardy should be the one who-" Connie stopped. She must have seen something in Cal's face. "Sit down, Dr Knight."

Cal sat. "He's not himself today, Mrs Beauchamp. I'm not sure he should be working."

"Don't you think I should be the judge of that?" said Connie.

"Yes, of course," said Cal. "But if you haven't seen him…"

"Of course I've seen him," said Connie. "And I'm well aware he's not himself. Part of my job is to notice when something is wrong with a member of my staff and to keep a close eye on them if necessary. If Dr Hardy gets to the stage where I feel he shouldn't be working, I will let him know."

"Okay," said Cal. He wasn't happy, but he knew he had no right to ask for more. "Thanks, Mrs Beauchamp. I appreciate it."

Connie's expression softened. "Believe me, Cal, I know what's wrong with Ethan and I did consider sending him home. But I can't help feeling it's better for Ethan to work through it. If I send him home, he's going to feel guilty and miserable and then he could have the same problem next year. I'm sure working is the best thing for him."

And the best thing for the hospital, Cal couldn't help thinking, but he didn't dare say it out loud.

Ethan awoke to find his cheeks wet with tears. It wasn't the first time this had happened. It wasn't even the first time tonight. He told himself to go back to sleep, but the tears continued to fall and he knew if he slept, the nightmares would return.

He hadn't had nightmares about the crash for months and he'd believed they'd finally stopped. He had a feeling they'd stop again once the anniversary had passed, but that was little comfort to him now. Ethan turned over and cried into his pillow. Into his mind came the idea that he could go and find Cal: he longed for his brother's comfort but didn't want to do anything to remind him of the accident. He hadn't been involved in the crash, but he'd had to treat Ethan afterwards and it had affected Cal deeply.

Ethan cried for a bit longer, but he knew that it wasn't doing him any good. He dried his eyes and went into the living room. He needed to distract himself. He would watch some TV and hope it sent him to sleep.

Cal heard Ethan's door closing and the soft sound of his footsteps as he padded away from his room. He knew Ethan was probably just going to the loo, but he resolved not to sleep until Ethan was back in bed.

Not that Cal was finding it easy to sleep tonight. His brother's situation was playing on his mind. Ethan had been pale and distracted all day. He hadn't made any mistakes to Cal's knowledge, but even the smallest difficulties had made him upset and stressed. He'd returned from his lunchbreak with puffy eyes, but when Cal had questioned him, he'd insisted he was perfectly all right apart from a slight eye infection.

Cal knew Ethan had been crying, but he also knew Ethan was determined not to admit to it – and Cal didn't want to try putting pressure on him in case that shattered his fragile control made him cry even more. Cal was grateful when he discovered Connie had told Ethan to stop working in cubicles and spend a couple of hours catching up on paperwork. He'd annoyed Ethan by checking on him frequently, but at least Ethan had seemed calmer. Cal knew there were other people at the hospital who were likely to be affected by the anniversary, but his only concern was Ethan.

Cal lay in bed and waited, but Ethan didn't return.