Hello! Little over one year ago, I published "The Thing with Feathers" and it was well received, but I didn't have it really planned out, so after over half a year, I eventually decided to wipe my hands and start fresh! This is the reboot, and I swear it will be finished! I'm also posting this over on the Space Battles forum, so if you want, go over there, ask me questions, and please, tell me to update! I tend to procrastinate, so having a forum where my readers can give a kick in the ass is appreciated. You can find it under Creative Writing with the same title, under my forum name Lurks in the Dark.

Enjoy, the Thing with Feathers 2.0!

Hey there! Headmaster Monokuma here, for another informative and despair-filled Monkuma Theater! History: What's the point, am I right? I mean, they're all dead; just a bunch of bones and worm food now, but some of those ancient dudes really had the right idea.

Take, for instance, the ancient Greeks! Greek mythology, I think, is my favorite ancient mythology... Sure, the Norse had that one-eyed geezer who could see the future, and knew that he was going to die, and couldn't handle it, so he hung himself—only to survive! Talk about despair! But the Greek gods—they had despair down to an art form—especially that lightning-hurtling King of the Mountain, Zeus! He knew how to command respect! Some uppity little shit steals fire and gives it a bunch of mewling insects? Chain him up for eternity and have a vulture eat out his liver everyday!

Quality stuff, right there! Maybe I should be taking notes...

But my favorite story has to be about a chick named Pandora! There's a lot more to this story, but none of that stuff matters, really, so let's focus on the important part: the Box!

Fun fact, kids: Did you know that it wasn't a box in the original Greek tale, but actually a large jar? It's true! In the Greek telling, Zeus gave Pandora a "pithos," which is a large jar sometimes as big as a small person; anyway, in the 16th contrary, some old scholarly fart translated the tale to Latin, but he translated pithos to the Latin term pyxis, which means "box," and it's stuck with all the retellings into modern English and other languages to this day!

So Zeus took all the despair that would exist in the world—plagues, famine, death, war, hatred, etc.—sealed them all up in a box that he decided to give to this Pandora chick as a wedding gift, and then went and told the stupid bimbo not open it!

What is it with gods and telling women not to do something, and then being shocked when they do! Zeus... God with Eve and that Apple... Some higher intelligences they are!

Any who, Pandora opened! Shock! And all that delicious, wonderful despair was let out and all the humans started murdering and raping and having a wonderful time spreading despair! Let's all salute Pandora, our mother of Despair! What a great story—at least, it would be if it ended there. You see, someone slipped a Mickey into that box, and disgusting Hope was hiding in the box—and Pandora resealed the box before it could fly off and get run over by a cart or something!

What a letdown!

It goes to show you, humans can invent microwaves and reality television, but they still cling to the good ol' days! In Japan, a bunch of uptight old geezers in expensive suits built a modern day Pandora's Box and sought to fill it with Hope, calling it a school! But you know, for running a school, those guys didn't know their ancient history: where Hope was, so was Despair.

Eventually the doors of this School, Hope's Peak Academy, would be flung wide and all the eager children would go out into the wide world and spread their "Hope."

Except, one class decided they didn't like hope, and thought they'd share Despair instead, after being shown the wonders of it...

And so the whole world would then go down the Crapper, for sure! And the final class was given a very special present by yours truly: a one-of-a-kind extracurricular activity of the likes never seen by this world before!

The Mutual Killing Game!

At least, that's how things are supposed to go, but some asshole had to put a cat and a radioactive substance in a box, and create a theoretical paradox that caused infinite worlds, each born from a different action and the resulting consequences—and other five-dollar words that make my poor little teddy-bear teeth ache!

According to Mr. Schrödinger, there must exist worlds where Hope wins. Or was that some other egghead? Aw, who cares! If they weren't both already dead, I'd kill them myself!

"What IF?" If "if's" and nuts were candies and nuts, there'd be a ton of children with diabetes, after all! People worry too much about "What IF," if you ask me, which makes me glad that I'm a bear and not a person.

But since Monokuma is a such a nice and loving bear, made of 50% kindness, I'll tell you all a story of "What IF." This is the story of a disappointing girl, a school that was a bright shining star on the verge of becoming a black hole, a very unlucky boy, some whiny little brats, and a bunch of other people that don't matter yet.

Really, I don't see the point of telling this story when you all can just go out buy all three games at the electronics store, but hey, it's your time you're wasting! Huhuhuhuhu! This will all end in Despair, I'm sure, anyway!

What? What do you mean what's the title of this tale? Geez! Everything needs a "label;" you're all a bunch of ungrateful jerks, you know that! Fine, how about "The Thing with Feathers: Reloaded", that good enough for you? Sounds all fancy-like and full of symbolism and stuff.

What does "Reloaded" mean? It's a reboot—those are all the rage in Hollywood right now, after all!

Now shut the Hell up and let me tell the story!

The Thing With Feathers: Reloaded

Prologue - The School that Actually Wasn't: It was a Jar!

...

Why are you all still here? Huh? Where's the prologue? It's after midnight, for God's sake! What the hell are you all doing up on the Internet at this hour anyway!? Go to bed, damn it! I need to hibernate! You'll get your precious "What IF" tomorrow!

Geez...