Chapter 4

I lie on my bed, on my left side with my arms crossed. I'm staring in the direction of my knees but not really. I woke up earlier than I usually do.

My door opens.

"Henry, wake-"

Mom looks down and see me.

"Oh, you are already awake." She says. She pats my leg. "Come on. Get up and put some clothes on."

"I don't know if I can go to school today."

She puts her hands on her hips. "Why not?"

"I'm not really feeling okay."

Mom puts her hand to my forehead. "Well you don't have a forehead."

"Not in that way," I push her hand away and sit up. I try to sit up a little bit straight, but my shoulder feel like they weigh a millions pounds and I slump over. "My mind isn't feeling okay."

Mom sits on the bed and looks at me. It feels like she is really looking at me, trying to guess what's going on inside of my head. But how does one explain that nothing is really going on inside of my head, except constant worries.

"Henry, is something going on that you need to tell me about?" She asks.

I think about telling her about Charlotte.

"No," I say. "Yes. I don't know."

"Henry, I can't help you if you don't tell me anything."

I look at her face and can tell she is getting more worried.

I shrug because I'm sure what else to do.

She sighs and runs her hand through my hair. "How about you stay home today? You can really think through what you're worried it about and if it's still worrying you tonight tell me."

"Okay,"

Mom stands up. She stops at the door and looks back at me.

"Just get some rest, alright?"

I lay back onto the bed. "Okay,"

She leaves and closes the door.

Around 11:30 I wake up for the second time today. I look up towards my ceiling for a couple minutes, and then throw my cover off of me. I slip out of the bed, unplug my phone from the charger, and walk out of my room.

I find myself standing in the living room, looking around and not knowing what to do. The room seemed so empty and quiet without the rest of the family, especially Piper.

I turn to walk to the kitchen.

I unlock my phone and see that I have five text messages.

MESSAGE ONE

Jasper: Are you coming to school today?

MESSAGE TWO

Jasper: Duuuude, are you just coming in late?

MESSSAGE THREE

Charlotte: Are you okay? You aren't responding to any of Jasper's texts.

MESSAGE FOUR

Charlotte: Are you coming to work today? If you aren't, do you think Ray would ask for me to fill in for you?

MESSAGE FIVE

Oliver: Do you have my can of walnuts?

I laugh a little bit and respond to Oliver first.

After responding to texts, I grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator and the grape bag. I sit at the kitchen table to eat and drink.

My phone vibrates. I look at it. It's text from Charlotte.

Charlotte: Okay. I'll be at your house around 4 to walk with you.

I decide not to respond.

I pop a grape into my mouth and lean back in the chair.

I wonder if Charlotte has eaten today. I wonder if she is still thinking about self-mutilation and what it feels like.

I lean over to put my head on the table and put another grape into my mouth.

Hopefully, she hasn't found out what it feels like. Hopefully, she is has forgotten about it. Hopefully, she eats.

I roll my eyes at my own stupid thoughts. I need to be realistic about this.

Charlotte is still doing all of those things.

Should I be telling an adult about this by now? Should I?

Maybe they'd know what to do.

Should I wait until the problem gets worse?

How do I know if it's not already gotten worse?

Charlotte's so good at hiding things and I'm so bad at noticing things.

"Henry!" Charlotte continuously knocks on the door. "Henry, come on!"

I look towards the door from my comfortable sitting position on the couch.

Should I stay or should I go? Ha.

I sink even more into the couch, not wanting to go and leave the comfort of the empty house. But the constant knocking was annoying.

I push myself off the couch and inch my way towards the door.

I unlock and open it.

Charlotte was standing there, with a cheerful look on her face.

It was funny to me, to see her like this, because her face contradicted everything else.

Her mouth is smiling and telling me she's happy but her eyes seem dark when they should glow. Her skin should glow but it seems dull. Her hair should be shiny and bouncy but it seems to just be there.

I know it's mean to think these things of your friend.

"Dude," She says putting her hands on her hips. "You aren't even ready! You're still wearing your pajamas."

I look down. "Yeah,"

Charlotte rolls her eyes and begins pushing me.

"Go, go, go." She says. "Get ready so we won't be late."

I turn away from her and head up the stairs.

"You're too bossy for me."

"So what did you do in school today?"

Charlotte was walking beside me, with her hands in her jacket pockets.

"Uh," She was looking around at our surroundings, which were not that interesting since it was just houses and yards. "I watched a movie in Ancient History, it was pretty nice. In English, we didn't really do anything, because, you know, Mr. Walken is a nut job. Math was whatever. And I wanted to stab myself in Spanish."

I would've laughed at the ending sentence, but what if she really wanted to.

"Mm," I say. "I watched TV all day."

She smiles and nods. "Very productive, I see."

I don't respond.

"Why did you stay home today?" She asks.

"I didn't feel well."

"You said you weren't sick though."

"My brain didn't feel well."

This makes her look up at me.

"Like you had a headache or something was bothering you…" She says, trying to get inside my head.

"Like something was bothering me," I nod.

She slightly kicks my shoes with her shoe. "What's going on, Henry?"

"Nothing,"

Charlotte huffs out a breath. "Why are you lying?"

"I'm not."

"You just…" She stops talking and shakes her head. "But you said something was bothering you."

"Just because something is bothering me doesn't mean that something is going on."

Charlotte stops walking. I stop and turn back to her.

"That's exactly what it means!" She says, loudly.

I groan and let my head fall back. I close my eyes.

"I can handle it. Okay?"

"Okay,"

I turn around. "Now let's go."

"I hate stakeouts." Charlotte says as she leans against me.

I sit, still in my slouching position and try to pay attention to the computer's monitor.

"Do you parents know you won't be coming home tonight?" Ray asks.

"I told my parents I'm staying at Jasper's."

"I told my parents that I'm house sitting for a friend."

Ray nods. "Good lies,"

We stare at the computer screen in silence for a couple minutes.

"Henry," Charlotte whispers in my ear.

"Mm?"

"I feel lightheaded."

I try to look at her but can't from this position.

"Are you sure you're just sleepy?"

She nods. "My head is spinning."

"Do you feel like you're going to vomit?" I ask. I turn and hold her out in front of me, by the shoulders.

Her head seems to just hang there.

"No," She says before shaking her head. "Wait, yes."

"Ray,"

He turns around. "What?"

"Something is up with Char."

Ray bends in front of her. "Charlotte, can you open your eyes for me?"

Charlotte turns towards him. Her eyelids barely lift.

"Am I doing it?"

"Ray, what's wrong with her?" I ask the monotone voice I've been using all day seems to have vanished.

"I'm tired." She says. Her body begins to lean forward.

"No, Charlotte, you gotta stay awake for us. Okay?"

Charlotte groans. "I c-can't."

Ray stands up. "She needs to go to a hospital."

"No!" She yells. "N-no. I can't."

"Charlotte, something is seriously wrong with you. You need to go to the hospital." I tell her.

"You'll get angry."

Ray picks Charlotte up and walks to the tubes. I follow him.

"Stand under the tube," He tells me.

I do.

Ray stands Charlotte next to me. I wrap my arms around and try to keep her up.

"I'll meet you at the car."

I nod.

Ray presses a button and the tube comes down.

"Henry, no." Her head was in the crook my neck.

"Up the tube."

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