A/N: I'm really a sucker for both sci-fi and fantasy. So WHY NOT HAVE BOTH? I'm going for a loose lore that would enable high-tech stuff like the Spiritual Transportation device, multiple realities, and some "magic". Something a bit like "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", maybe. xD

Awakening
Cezille07

Chapter 4 - 3rr0r

Wendy took it as best as she could: with one foot out the door, in case any of them were drunk or high, or some other combination of impossible.

"I understand that strange things happen around you guys," she said, both of her hands on her forehead, as she tried to process the amount of impossible things they just revealed to her.

They had met at Hell's Pass an hour ago. Stan and Wendy walked in together into Kyle's dim room. Kyle was unconscious and wrapped in several heated blankets, and a good pile of hot packs wrapped in clean linens were placed on top of him as well. The only strange thing about the setup was the he also wore Eric's trademark red jacket and yellow gloves. Stan gave Cartman a questioning look, to which he replied hotly, "I HAD TO," before stalking out of the room in a huff.

And Stan had to explain to Wendy what was happening, and why she was involved:

"The spirit of South Park summoned us to perform tasks that would reform the city somehow. Kenny had to get the library back up, apparently to reduce the level of stupid in this town. Kyle was to deal with a Darius guy who owned the Jensen Enterprise, and Cartman had to find a way to stop the faction wars..."

"I understand that strange things happen around you guys," Wendy said, perplexed, "but what I don't get is why my mom has to do with any of this. Okay? She just got cancer," she paused. She stood up from the seat next to Stan and ambled toward the window; she didn't want him to see her face like this. "We've tried chemotherapy, but she hasn't been responding. The oncologist says she's two months left, at most. This isn't fair, and I shouldn't be blaming anyone, but..."

Stan looked from the sleeping Kyle to this distressing maiden whose tears made him want to change the world. "Wendy, come here." He hadn't touched her in so long, but he had to be strong for her. "We'll figure something out. The fact that we've been given this assignment means that it can be done, right? The spirit of South Park can't be stupid, right?"

"This isn't helping," snapped Wendy, but at the same time, she chuckled a little. She knew she had to stay strong as well, and a small trickle of hope wasn't a bad thing to have, as long as Stan said so. She went into his embrace and cried.

~o0O0o~

Kenny was quite used to the paperwork required to get into Hell. The lines were impossible; people from all colors and religions seemed to flock here at a death rate he still couldn't believe was possible.

"Oh, Mr. McCormick, you're back again," said the receptionist, Aziskarae. This demon had dull red skin, dried up wing stalks, and empty eye sockets, which he loved using to intimidate newbies. But he was also perpetually stuck in the welcome booth, and his old-man voice did nothing to improve his image. The poor man was pathetic. "Sign here, and there, and on this form too. Enjoy your stay, bastard."

Kenny ignored him and proceeded to the lava lakes where Satan usually stayed. Most people here were nameless; unbaptized infants, small-time murderers, and many conceited fucks who felt like celebrities for having raped a few people.

It was all just pathetic. Eternal damnation with these idiots would really be a bad way to spend the afterlife.

"Oh, Kenny!" called Satan from his throne of evil. "Over here!"

Kenny rolled his eyes and followed the booming voice of the prince of darkness. Among the partying ladies and gentlemen was where Satan most often hung out. He had a nice villa overlooking the fiery rivers of lava where some truly evil geniuses burned for their crimes. Kenny wondered a lot if Cartman was going to bathe in the fire with the likes of Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, and Joseph Kony. Hopefully not, but there was a feeling sometimes.

"What's up, Satan," Kenny said as he approached the towering demon.

"Not much. I hope you stay longer this time, because we're going to send up a giant rock sculpture we found under the Styx. See that, over there?"

Kenny followed Satan's sharp black claw to where a massive rock that looked like a UFO sat on a wide pedestal.

"It's gonna give the humans a lot to debate about. Religion, aliens, the foundations of science! It's gonna be fun! You can watch the chaos from here on the public Earth News channel," continued the devil.

"That sounds good," agreed Kenny, although deep inside he didn't think his own neighbors would have fun; at least one person was probably going to die for his or her beliefs, and hopefully, it wouldn't be him. "My visits don't usually last long, but I'll try to catch it if I can. I'll probably see the effects on earth anyway."

"Well, okay."

Satan then went to entertain some other guests.

Kenny picked up a cocktail from a nearby table and found a chair to crash on. Hell really wasn't too bad if he didn't think about the people around him. Actually, Hell was much better, because it didn't seem to contain the thing that killed him.

He recalled the fear that took up the space his lungs used to take, and breath deserted him like frightened children. That would be his scariest death by far...

And who better to discuss it with than Luria herself, who was angrily pushing aside people and making her way toward him!

"I didn't expect one of my Chosen to just up and DIE so quickly!" she bellowed, her arms gesturing madly as she spoke. "None of you did what little I asked! Is it so hard to simply work together? I picked the four people who looked like a nice clique but all I've seen is fighting between the skinny pale boy and the fat bozo!"

"Nice to see you too, sheesh!" Kenny mumbled, looking away bitterly. "I fucked up, okay? And Kyle and Cartman have just always been like that. It's not like we wanted to fail. I didn't want to get killed by some black...spirit..."

"Black spirit?" Luria thought it over. "You're saying a black spirit killed you? I...I KNEW IT! It was fucking Haelidon all along!"

"What are you talking about? Who or what is Haelidon?" yelled Kenny.

"I told you that your planet is facing a make-or-break change, didn't I? Well this is it! This was the danger I was telling you about!"

"God DAMN IT, just explain everything before you go cryptic on me again!"

Luria crossed her arms. Several people were now watching them squabble. "Fine. Get me a cocktail and follow me outside," she instructed.

Kenny shrugged at the onlookers, and they dispersed. Satan made his way back. "Is there a problem? That was South Park's spirit guardian, right?"

"The one and only," sighed Kenny. "Please tell me she was spouting nonsense."

"Luria? She's the most stubborn, hot-headed spirit guardian you'll find in all the earth. She's the craziest one out there, but she has a reputation for coming through," Satan shook his head. "But that's not my domain. Her responsibility and mine are completely different, so we don't clash. We're not supposed to. I take care of the souls of unrepentant sinners, and I leave the spiritual dimension alone. I don't want trouble, okay?"

"Sure," Kenny answered. He picked up a second glass of alcohol and made to follow Luria when he remembered one other thing. "Wait, Satan."

"Yeah?"

"I know you just said you don't deal with other guardian's affairs, but if you know any way to remove a human sickness..."

"Is there someone dying up there?"

"Someone important. It's part of Luria's job to help that person, but that person is dying of an incurable disease. Luria couldn't do it, and us humans have no way of saving her."

"Sorry, kid, I don't dabble in that kind of shit."

Kenny thought hard. "But I'm...immortal and...maybe we can work something out."

Satan sighed. "Aww, now look. I like bargains and all, specially if it screws someone over, but again, this isn't my battle. You got that immortality elsewhere, it could be problematic for me..."

"All I'm saying is that I don't need to live forever." Kenny shuddered. "And maybe you'd like a better welcome guy than Aziskarae after my next death?"

"You're saying...you would give up your immortality and serve as my employee as your eternal damnation?"

They stared at each other for a long while. Luria came back around to claim her drink and berate Kenny some more, but their conversation was too intense to break up. She had a sense that choosing Kenny as one of her Chosen was a big deal somehow; she didn't know he had connections in Hell, with the Big Man no less.

"I agree," Kenny said at length. "I agree to be your receptionist and sort out any possible consequences for turning over my curse to you."

Satan produced a burning quill and some glowing parchment. "Let it be known that Kenneth McCormick, of human birth, has relinquished his gift of immortality to me, Satan, lord of Hell, to be used as I see fit according to the laws of Hell. He will take over Aziskarae's position as my agent after his next and final death, and receive all punishment if any may arise from this non-standard procedure. Witnessed this day by spirit guardian Luria and my entourage."

Satan handed the quill and the contract to Kenny.

Kenny used the quill to pierce the skin on his wrist, and with the dripping blood, he signed the agreement solemnly. He left the open-mouthed party with a mixture of freedom from the unknowability of his curse, which everyone else called a gift, and a new burden: the fear that this was his very last shot at life. All in all, he felt what he normally felt: pretty fucked up.

~o0O0o~

"Let me just say this, Kenny," Luria said as calmly as she could. Kenny was sitting next to the river of fire, watching the deplorable dead souls wailing in ululation. He seemed like he was receding into his orange parka.

Luria sipped her cocktail to steel her nerves. "I may have some judgment issues when it comes to some things, but you're a good person. Signing a pact with the Devil himself isn't something anyone, human or not, would just do willy-nilly. I think it's brave."

Kenny didn't look at her. "It's for Wendy's mom. I've thought about it. I'm the only one who could do it. Trust me. Trust us."

"Fine. You've done your friend's mission. Maybe they'll take the example and help each other out."

"You still have yet to explain the whole thing to us. Who is this Haelidon? What does he want?"

Luria exhaled slowly. She finished her drink and pulled back her arm; she chucked the empty glass into the river of fire. She and Kenny watched it make mini-explosions as it collided with infinitely hot lava. Finally, she answered, "We'd have to call your friends into the spirit realm, because this is a story too complex to be told in human time."

~o0O0o~

Kyle was expecting to wake up in Jew Heaven. Or at home. Or somewhere cold, to continue his corporeal torture... But none of those things matched the sight that met his tired eyes as they opened once again. This was really, horribly familiar:

Stan, to his left, was still also just waking up, rubbing his sore back after what seemed like an endless fall through space-time. Stan looked better-equipped this time to handle the fact that they had been summoned again to Luria's strange dimension, wherever that dimension was. He then gripped his head. Sadly, the effects of his hangover were still present in the spirit world. Maybe, he was beginning to conclude, the effects of his drinking transcended his physical body's limits, and permeated into his soul as a coping mechanism. He had been lectured on addiction time and time again...

Cartman had plopped in front of him, too close for comfort. The fatass was still snoring. Kyle had to remember; were they asleep when Luria had summoned them last? Then was he still asleep right now? Was this a dream, was this more than a dream? What exactly were Luria's powers? Anyhow, he kicked Cartman on the side of his belly, and Cartman responded by groggily getting up, flipping him off, and scowling when he saw where they were.

The vast rolling fields of gold wheat.

Most spectacularly, Kenny, to his right, was sipping a cup of tea calmly as he leafed through a colorful magazine, whose front-page picture was a bare-bosom lady with skin as clear as Luria's. He sat on the soft earth, as if all this was normal.

"Hey guys," Kenny said as he noted that they were all as lucid as can be. "Looks like the Spiritual Transportation device worked well enough not to give Kyle some weird sickness this time."

"KENNY!" cried Cartman. He scrambled to his feet and barreled into Kenny as he went to inspect his friend. "I saw you get killed! What the fuck?!"

"I'm fine, Cartman," Kenny rolled his eyes. He dusted himself and sat upright, pushing Cartman off him. His teacup was now shattered on the ground.

"He what?!" shrieked Kyle. "He's...dead? You saw him die? What happened?"

"No idea," Kenny answered nonchalantly.

"The street lights suddenly burst, and some entity attacked him from behind. Creepiest shit I've ever seen." Cartman assessed that Kenny was fine, for some reason, and calmed down.

"Then what?" pressed Kyle.

"Then nothing! I ran for my fucking life!" Eric answered crossly.

"Cartman, I have a big problem with the apparent fact that you didn't do anything about Kenny's attacker after you watched him get murdered," snarled Kyle.

"I had more important things to worry about that a person who's already fucking DEAD, Kahl!"

"Thanks, Cartman," butted in Kenny.

Kyle went on, "Like what, I wonder?! Yourself? He's our friend—"

"GUYS, please. Can we pick this up some other time?" Stan cut in. "Kyle, Cartman doesn't get it, but we do. Just forget it now."

"Thank you, Stan," huffed Cartman.

Kenny simply rolled his eyes and waited for their host to enter the scene. As always, none of their mortal minds could grasp the fact of his immortality. The countless times he had died for them, in front of them, would be erased the same way sand castles were washed out by the ocean. He had learned long ago to just keep it to himself. He had stopped fearing death when he knew he was stronger than the Grim Reaper himself.

"Gentlemen," said an ethereal, female voice.

"Luria," Kyle answered absently.

Luria faded into existence in the middle of their circle. This time, her robe of diamonds was stained blood red, to her visible dismay. "Oh, boys. I hope this is the last time we ever have to use that unreliable piece of crap that can't even assemble my clothes right. Fucking technicians; I already told them to fix that shitty device—"

Kenny cleared his throat loudly.

"Oh, sorry," she said feebly. "Our agenda for today involves discussing information about the enemy. With Kenny's insightful descriptions of his killer, I have found out who exactly our adversary is."

"She's talking about this so casually," commented Kyle, who was still uncomfortable dealing with Kenny's latest tragedy.

Luria waved her arm gracefully, erasing the background of fields with the motion. What remained was a square room that held five chairs situated around a pentagonal table, in the middle of which was a three-dimensional, holographic map of the Earth and its neighboring dimensions. They picked their chairs and observed the map.

"This is your planet," she indicated the blue-green ball of rock that indeed modeled Earth. "I'm gonna zoom out a little so you can see the planes of existence that you co-inhabit." She did so with a flick of her wrist. The Earth shrank, but more shapes appeared in the hologram. "You're aware that Heaven and Hell are real, hopefully? They're only some thousand miles above the North and South Poles of your egocentric planet. Humans are popular in the multiverse for establishing their realities based on what's convenient for them. Therefore, no other planet hosting life has access to an afterlife."

The boys held their breath, afraid and ashamed for their species.

"But anyway," Luria grinned to herself, "a few lightyears over here..." she panned through the map quickly, "we have the establishment that is analogous to your United Nations. It's a sort of universal office that coordinates each of the dimensions." The hologram now showed an enormous glass-like prism holding a multitude of colorful boxes floating inside it. "Each of these represents a member of the union. There are many species of life everywhere, but the humans have been separated into their own dimension to avoid conflict with everyone else. However, the Visitor race has always liked messing with the Human area of responsibility. They get a good amount of shit for it, I tell you, but they're the ones with most advanced information about human progress. Which isn't much."

Now everyone but Cartman was snickering.

"And here is us." She zoomed into one of the boxes in the prism. "At the Earth-Spirit embassy."

"Is that..." Stan pointed at another little box; now at the level of zoom they could see some details, "Is that a doorway to Imaginationland?"

Luria nodded. "Oh, yes. It was once a small, shriveled up little world, but as humans evolved better brains and creativity, Imaginationland flourished and became a recognized member of the union. It's the only man-made realm with intelligent life. Some life there are more intelligent that men, actually."

"That can't be. If humans created it, it should be subordinate to us. A creation can't surpass the intelligence of its creator," argued Kyle.

"That's a philosophical discussion for another day, ginger," Cartman stopped him.

"Agreed," Luria added.

"Wait, I know that place. The Earth-Hell entrance. The guy there is a boring dude." Kenny pointed at the reddish portal, where a familiar brimstone booth stood.

"Yeah. Very popular destination. I must say, their leader's taste in aesthetics surely lacks a feminine touch," remarked Luria. "Seriously. Kenny can confirm this. But we have more important business to discuss, so let's please not get sidetracked again by irrelevant details."

~o0O0o~

There had been news about the inter-dimensional highway being built dating back to a few human decades. Luria herself had agreed that such a highway would be useful. The head architect promised it would be physics-proof: it would follow the rules at its current endpoint, but still sustain lightyear speed where available. It would be the shortcut to end all shortcuts; the traffic at the inter-dimensional embassies would lessen greatly and foster inter-species trade of goods, information, and tourism. All in all a good move for the universe.

What they didn't anticipate was the Sun's unfavorable placement right between two alien realms. It would be costly to go around the star's gravitational path to allow the Earth to survive. The humans were a generally unimportant race, and some leaders voted in favor of the eradication of the hapless planet. To make matters worse, the Earth's ambassador was a dolphin.

"I gathered signatures from spirit guardians around the world, but there was no luck convincing the chairperson to see reason," Luria continued glumly. "Petitions can only go so far. I talked to the spirit guardians and they all said we have to elevate the human race so that the leaders might consider your net worth, ignoring the warmongers, ignoring the conceited world leaders, ignoring the one percent who make the human race look bad."

"I think I understand now," Stan said. "The tasks we were given were tasks that would stop those who are taking advantage of each other. Kenny's library restoration!"

"To remove ignorance," Kyle finished.

"Good, yes!" exclaimed Luria. "Those groups you must deal with are tainted with the seeds of evil. Their souls have been marked the same way I have Marked you. I should've realized this sooner; I've always had faith that our little redneck mountain town isn't the nest of the worst of mankind! Our enemy has the power to sway people into doing his bidding, without them realizing it. Undeniably, Haelidon, the chief engineer of the highway project, is behind all of this, and he will stop at nothing to complete it."

Kyle thought about this. The Mark was the likely cause for his harsh reaction toward Jensen. And the same feeling he got in the edge of the forest was the same...only more debilitating by tenfold. "Then it was Haelidon who killed Kenny? He caused the stupid faction wars, and he made Jensen Enterprise exploit the Earth's resources?"

"And he wanted to get rid of Wendy's mom," Stan added. "Why?"

"Their goals of abusing the planet and its citizens align with Haelidon's plans to ruin the human image to the embassies," Luria concluded. She shut off the hologram with another wave of her transparent hands. Standing up, she turned away from them and added timidly, "You boys are gonna have to be careful from now on. I, um...I made you sort of easy to track..."

"WHAT? How?" cried Cartman.

"The Mark in your souls, when I gave you your powers? They sort of...give a reaction to other spirits. It's the same response you'd get if you stood close to anyone with Haelidon's Mark... Really sorry guys," Luria finished with a nervous gulp.

Stan smacked his face with his palm. "So basically, we're walking targets for this Haelidon?"

Luria sighed in defeat. "...Basically."

"We're screwed," Eric whined.

"That's probably how he identified Kenny," Kyle thought aloud.

"Probably," Kenny gruffly answered.

"I'm SORRY, okay? I didn't think he'd personally visit our town and freakin' murder your friend! I thought it was COOL to bear the Mark of an immortal!" Luria tried to save her falling ego.

"The process fucking hurt," remarked Kyle.

Zzzzzzt!

"I don't want these powers! How do they even help us?" Stan yelled back. "It's been a full day of headaches for me."

"And I haven't eaten anything!" Cartman scowled. "I'm very likely to butcher someone and eat their balls if this doesn't stop!"

"If I had given you the elemental shit, it would've been more destructive, don'tcha think?" snapped Luria.

"I just want them gone!" Stan groaned. "You can remove them, right?"

"Yes, but your friends aren't complaining!" Luria shouted.

Zzzzzzzzzzzt!

"My eyes are ultra-cool though," Kenny piped in.

"I've had enough! Stop fighting!" Kyle finally stood up. He cornered Luria, saying, "We'll save the Earth, one way or another, even with this handicap. Luria, you can't just hide behind cool things! Tell us straight if there's news. We need you as much as you need us."

"I got it, I got it," she replied petulantly. "I—"

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!

~o0O0o~

Kenny gasped awake. He was in a small hospital room, sprawled ungracefully on the floor. Stan and Wendy were asleep, huddling under a shared blanket on two adjacent chairs near the window. Kyle was on the hospital bed, covered in many layers of warm blankets, and he had an oxygen mask. Cartman was nowhere to be seen.

What happened since he died?

And why was he here with them, in the dark hours of early morning?

They were just in a meeting with Luria, which abruptly ended. "Oh, the damned transportation device," he smiled.

He felt renewed, alive, oddly strong. He absently touched his neck; Haelidon's evil touch still made his skin tingle there, but everything else—all his other scars, the last dregs of LSD—was gone.

"Mm." Someone groaned; Kenny found that Kyle was starting to wake up. Kenny waited to see if the redhead would react to his presence. They usually didn't. This time though, he felt it might hardly matter since it would be his last run anyway.

Kyle finally focused his vision on Kenny. "You're...alive?!"

A/N: One quest out of four!

Next Chapter: Cartman's turn to tackle a quest!