title: changing tide

note: HEYLA, THIS IS IMPORTANT. PLS READ. tw for mentions of abuse and mentions of bullying. (you can safely ignore the rest of this if you want to but i needed to get that out.) and as a side note for that, i have never been in an abusive relationship nor do ik anyone who has. as such, i decided to skip over most of it. didn't rly want the backlash for not portraying it correctly. so, pls forgive the lack of details.

…

Middle School

…

It's cold. Wet and raining. You're running, faster and faster, focused on escape. You hear the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps. Getting closer, closer, closer. Insults and swear words go round and round in your head, spurring you on.

You turn a corner, smack into something and fall to the ground.

Golden eyes stare down at you, narrowed and apathetic. The footsteps behind you stop. You squeeze your eyes shut and think: I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, oh god. Then you're on your feet and being shoved around the corner.

"Oi, blondie, I think you have something of ours."

"Get lost."

"Excuse me?"

"I said get lost." The stranger leans on the wall, blocking you from view. Your heart nearly stops. Someone is actually standing up to them. "I don't have the time or inclination to deal with you."

"Wait, you're… Ts-suki..?" There's a brief silence then the thud of feet against the pavement. You peek out from behind the stranger and watch the group turn tail and run. Tsukki turns to you, face blank as you stare up at him in awe.

…

You learn that his name is Tsukishima Kei and he doesn't like people. He doesn't like you much either. He scowls at you, insults you. (He never mentions your freckles.) You've heard it all before. But this is the person who saved you from bullies just last week. So you keep hanging around him, hoping that maybe, something will change.

And really, what do you have to lose?

…

"Leave me alone."

His hand makes contact with the side of your face and everything is suddenly sharper, brighter.

You fight to choke down a breath and watch horror paint itself across his expression. Tsukki looks terrified and it hurts. Seeing that expression on his face and knowing you put it there makes you feel awful. Immediately he's on his knees next to you, gently pulling your hand from your cheek, apologies and swear words falling past his lips like a waterfall.

You're laughing, smiling, and crying all at once as you say, "It's fine, Tsukki."

He stares at you blankly, says, "I just punched you."

"You did, didn't you?"

"I just punched you. How is that 'fine'?"

"It was an accident."

"That's not the point, Yamaguchi."

It's the first time he says your name and you feel like you're on top of the world.

…

After that, Tsukki is painfully careful around you.

He still sneers and spits insults at everyone he meets, but never at you. (Except for the occasional subtle jab, but you can deal with those.) You continue your normal pattern of following him around, laughing at his snide comments, and chattering incessantly.

You're pretty sure no one else even noticed the change.

…

High School

…

Most people would probably say that time hasn't changed Tsukki for the better.

He still scowls at anything that moves, ignores anybody he deems unworthy (which is pretty much everyone), keeps too many secrets. But he waits for you sometimes, after class. He helps you with your homework. He doesn't complain when you tag along after him.

You think, maybe, that he has changed for the better. Just a bit.

…

Tsukki stumbles across bullies more often than you would think. And every time, no matter what he's doing, he stops and he cuts them down with insults. Almost never physically. (Except for that one guy he punched when he wouldn't leave.) You talk with the victims, then you walk them home or to the clinic or wherever they need to be.

Afterwards, Tsukki is always quiet.

He comes to your house and sits with you on your bed, your encyclopedia of stars open between you as you ramble on and point out different galaxies and planets and stellar nurseries. Sometimes he talks, most times he doesn't. You don't question it.

Eventually he falls asleep, and you stare at him, wondering about the enigma that is Tsukishima Kei.

…

(One time, you asked why he rescued you all those years ago. He just said flatly, "I don't like bullies." It's the same answer he gives every time he rescues someone new. You know it's more than that, but you don't push the issue.)

…

Hinata, your friend from elementary school, moves back to Miyagi. He's quick to reconnect and rope you into joining a volleyball team with him. It's a community team, Karasuno, full of bright and cheerful people of all sorts. Truth be told, you're glad. You like volleyball, even if you aren't very good at it. You persuade Tsukki to practice with you, even if he refuses to join the team.

…

Your first love is more than a disaster.

She's pretty, clever. You don't know why, but she notices you. (Later, you'll wish she hadn't.) Tsukki doesn't like her. You don't listen to him. (Later, you'll wish you had.) You aren't nervous around her at all. (Later, you'll wish you had been.) And for a while, it goes fine. You go on dates, she smiles and listens to your chatter, and you don't feel nervous. She laughs at your jokes, doesn't make fun of you for liking soggy fries, and your mom likes her a lot.

For a few months, it's perfect.

…

It starts when you cancel a date.

You forgot that Tsukki was spending the night. He shifts uncomfortably on your front step as he mutters, "It's fine. Go on your date. I don't care." But he doesn't come over often, not anymore, and it's not like you don't see her every day. So you open the door a bit wider to let him in and call her to cancel.

She doesn't answer you. A day later, you get a text.

ta: [you dont spend enough time with me! D: whos more important to you, me or him?]

It all goes downhill from there.

…

(Not a day goes by that you aren't grateful for Tsukki. His eyes narrowed every time you lied, said that everything was fine. He refused to distance himself from you. Eventually, he shoves a book at you, a book about abuse. You've been with her for just over a year, and you need more than two hands to count all the red herrings you've lived through.)

…

Tsukki sticks to you like glue the weekend after the break up. He makes sure you're never completely alone, but mostly leaves you to your own devices. He reads, or listens to music. A couple of times, you play video games together. (He kicks your ass at Mario Kart.) He doesn't say much, and neither do you.

…

You avoid volleyball for a while.

At least until Hinata shows up with the whole team in tow. You discover that it's really hard to be sad with Tanaka and Noya around. And when Suga pulls you aside and asks what's wrong, you tell him everything. He asks if you have help, if you're okay, and promises not to say a word (except to Daichi but Suga and Daichi practically share a brain, it's like you expected Suga not to tell him). You assure him that you're fine, and it takes a while for it to not be a lie.

But you have your friends, and you have Tsukki. You'll be okay.

…

Summertime

…

The summer before college passes by in a flash. You spend it working the counter in a cramped bookstore, watching Tsukki stack and reorganize books. It's boring and hot. You spend most of the day sitting in front of the fan, complaining about the heat and snickering over the summaries of torrid romance novels as Tsukki reads them aloud in terrible falsetto voices.

"Listen to this."

"Hm?"

"'Young American CEO, Kristina Kelly, goes to Japan to find' uh what is that, exhilarating? This translation is terrible. Uh, 'an exhilarating older man. He's tall, dark, and handsome' and I can't even read this. This is pure drivel."

"What," you tease, "don't go for the 'tall dark and handsome' types?"

"I wouldn't say that," he mutters. Tsukki lets his gaze linger on you just a second too long and then walks towards the back of the store, leaving you with a romance novel, a fan, and several unanswered questions.

…

The documentary drones on in the background as you slouch against the couch.

Usually, you'd be listening. But the heat combined with the smooth inflectionless voice of the narrator is making you sleepy. You fight back a yawn and sneak a glance at Tsukki, feeling a little like a teenage girl eyeing her crush from across the classroom.

(You have no idea what that feels like, but you're pretty sure it's similar.)

He's fast asleep, cheek against his palm, elbow pushed up against the couch cushions. You pull his arm out from under him and arrange him comfortably on the couch. His feet are still hanging off the side and you don't bother to move them. It won't be the first time he's fallen asleep in that particular position and it probably won't be the last.

Carefully, tentatively, you lean into his side. You don't panic, don't feel anything but calm. And as he sighs contentedly and shifts just a bit closer to you, you find that all you feel is a sense of rightness. You smile, reveling in the feeling as your eyes slide shut.

…

"Yamaguchi."

"Tsukki?"

"Do you want to go on a date?"

"…What?"

"I said, do you want to go on a date?"

"Tsukki, why are you..?"

"Because you think you're a waste of time, and I don't agree."

"I… I know I'm not a waste of time."

"But do you believe it?"

"…I don't know."

…

You forget all about the conversation. When Saturday rolls around and Tsukki shows up on your doorstep, you stare at him quizzically. He rolls his eyes and says, "Date. Let's go." His ears are red at the tips, and his voice is distinctly embarrassed. It takes all of five minutes for you to throw on a coat and be out the door. You're genuinely smiling for what feels like the first time in weeks.

Tsukki takes one look at your expression and scowls.

"Where are we going, Tsukki?"

"Bowling."

"I thought you didn't like bowling?"

"I don't." There's a slight pause. "Didn't you say you wanted to go?"

You don't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

…

Nothing really changes, at least, nothing big.

Tsukki smiles at you more often. He comes over more often. He still doesn't let you win at Mario Kart.

…

College

…

Hinata shows up at your new apartment with a volleyball, a cup of sugar masquarading as coffee, and too much enthusiasm. You roll your eyes and invite him inside. "Kageyama isn't with you today?"

"No! Listen to this, Yamaguchi, he's so mean!" He proceeds to babble about Kageyama's terrible sleeping habits for five minutes. Tsukki walks in halfway through his explanation, a frown on his face that says I-don't-know-what's-going-on-but-it-needs-to-stop. Hinata stares up at him, eyes wide. He adopts his signature fight-me-bastard pose. "Wh-who are you?"

"Hinata, this is Tsukishima. Tsukki, Hinata."

Tsukki nods and moves into the kitchen. He grabs a glass from the dish rack and pours himself a glass of milk, carefully spooning in strawberry syrup until the drink is ridiculously pink and sugary.

Hinata whispers to you, "Roommate?"

"Boyfriend, actually," you reply.

"What?!" Hinata jumps up and down a few times wearing an excited grin. You put a hand on his shoulder and physically push him downwards to stop him. Tsukki is watching him with a raised eyebrow. "You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend, Yamaguchi!"

"Slipped my mind, I guess."

That's a lie. Tsukki is a private person. If you told your volleyball team about him, they'd all want to meet him. They'd ask questions and get in his face and make him uncomfortable and you don't want that. Example A: Hinata turns to Tsukki, practically vibrating with excitement, "Hey, hey, you have to come to the next meet-up! You can meet Kageyama and Noya and Tanaka and—" Tsukki cuts him off by clapping a hand over his mouth. Exasperation rolls off him in waves.

"Does it have an off-switch?"

"No."

"Figures. When's this meet-up?"

"You'd want to come?"

"I have a feeling he won't shut up until I agree."

"True."

…

Tsukki looks uncomfortable and out of place among your teammates.

He's sitting in a corner, scowling, glaring anyone that comes near him. You feel absolutely awful. You knew this was going to happen. Hinata pulls you aside and asks, "What's up with him, is he okay? Did he eat something bad or something?"

"It's fine, Hinata. I'll go talk to him."

You dodge Noya and sidestep Tanaka as you make your way over. Tsukki looks up at you, scowl still firmly in place. His eyes soften ever so slightly. You sit next to him and reach for his hand. His thumb brushes rhythmically over your knuckles.

"You okay?"

"Your teammates are idiots."

"I know. I like them."

"You have poor taste in friends."

"Good taste in boyfriends though."

"Debatable."

…

It's past midnight and you're about to head home when Suga motions for you to follow him. Curiously, you follow him into his bedroom. Daichi is sitting on the bed, looking anxious as he taps his leg rhythmically against the floor.

"What's this about?"

"Well, Tsukishima is… not what we expected. We just wanted to make sure that this isn't like last time."

"What? No. No, no way. This isn't like last time, trust me."

There's a knock on the door. Suga opens it to Tsukki on the other side, looking annoyed and slightly concerned. (Though the concern is only written in his raised brow, and you're not sure anyone else can tell the difference.) He leans against the doorway, arms crossed tightly. "I thought we were leaving." Suga and Daichi exchange a nervous glance.

"Sorry, Tsukki. Suga was just asking me a question." Tsukki's brow furrows questioningly. You add softly, "They just wanted to make sure that this isn't like last time." Immediately, his face twists into a combination of horrified and disgusted. "I know."

"Jesus," he says, voice low, "is that what they all think?"

"No. No one else knows."

"Good." Tsukki turns to Suga. He looks fragile all of a sudden, made brittle by the assumption that he would ever do anything to hurt you. "Please don't compare me to that bitch ever again. It's insulting and I don't appreciate it. I may be an asshole but I'm not fucking abusive."

He turns to leave. You offer your friends a tiny apologetic smile as you follow him out.

…

("You said please, Tsukki. I didn't think you knew how."

"Shut up, Yamaguchi.")

…

A week later, the team meets up for practice. Kageyama is the first one to comment.

He says, "Your boyfriend is an ass, how do you put up with him?" The others (minus Suga and Daichi, and Hinata oddly enough) echo his sentiments. All you can do is laugh nervously. Because it's true. You've been friends with Tsukki since middle school. He's always had an abrasive personality. He's always said nasty things to people. Provoking people is his favorite pastime.

You knew from the beginning that Tsukki wasn't necessarily a good person.

But you've watched him rescue people from bullies and you've watched him walk away, soaking wet, because he lent you his umbrella. He was there for you through thick and thin and then some. He's stuck by your side as readily and you've stuck by his.

You love him for it, and your friends don't understand.

…

When you walk out of Hinata and Kageyama's apartment a few days later, you're crying and angry. Your mood hasn't improved much by the time you get home. You slam the door on your way in, wincing just a little bit at the sharp sound, and flop onto the couch next to Tsukki. He carefully puts his book on the coffee table.

"What happened?"

"Nothing I didn't expect. They don't like you."

"No one likes me."

"I like you."

"You're the exception, not the rule. What happened?"

"Everything fell apart." You laugh and lean your forehead against his shoulder. "They keep talking like I don't know that you're an asshole with no social skills. I tried to talk to them, but… I-I ended up yelling at them."

"They probably deserved it."

"Probably," you agree. You turn your head to look at him. He's leaning his cheek on his hand, practically expressionless. You can see that he's unhappy. He doesn't like not being able to fix things. "They're my friends. I want them to understand, I want them to be happy for me."

"You can't have everything, Tadashi," he says softly. "If it bothers you that much, I just won't meet up with them again. I don't mind."

"But I do."

…

You skip the next volleyball practice. Hinata texts you.

hs: [are you okay? you didn't come to vb practice!]

yt: [I'm fine, Hinata. I just wasn't up to it.]

hs: [oh… okay! well come next time, we need to practice for the tournament!]

yt: [Got it.]

hs: [suga wants to know if it had smth to do w/ last time?]

yt: […Yeah.]

hs: [is it about what bakageyama said? let me know and ill kick his ass for you!]

hs: [(he says i can't but i could ttly take him in a fight, right?!)]

yt: [Thanks Hinata. But it's okay. I'll deal with it.]

…

"Tsukki, it's fine. I know you don't want to come."

"They made you cry," he says flatly. You were really hoping he hadn't noticed that. "I'm coming."

"Kei." The use of his first name startles him. You hardly ever use it. "I'm fine, really. Nothing is going to happen. I don't think they're going to bring it up again. And," you add, with a hint of humor in your eyes, "I don't really want to listen to them complain when you show up again."

He's silent for a moment, contemplating your words seriously.

Finally, he lets out a long huff of air and reaches up to presses his palm to your cheek. Haltingly, he says, "You said… you said you wanted them to understand. That it would make you happy… Let me help you."

Your breath catches in your throat and you have to spend a moment blinking back tears. He keeps his his locked on yours, doesn't shift his gaze away as he would have a few months ago. Slowly, you bring your hand up to met his and laugh.

"We've come a long way, haven't we?"

…

Tsukki, as it turns out, has a plan.

He turns up the charm. He's unfailing polite and earnest, and there's a gleam in his eyes that suggests he's come up with a dozen way to murder everyone in the room. Nobody seems to notice. (Except Suga, who seems apprehensive, and Tanaka, who looks oddly impressed.)

When you finally leave for the night, he drops the pseudo pleasant attitude immediately.

"I'm going to have to kick some puppies to make up for that."

"What did those poor puppies ever do to you?"

"Fine." He grins at you through the darkness, fingers threading through yours. "I'll kick Hinata."

"Tsukki!"

1. tsukishima is gonna murder that girl if he ever sees her again. and no one will ever find the body.

2. tsukishima doesn't ask him out until they're out of high school, nearly two years after shit went down. yamaguchi is doing better by that point. he's had time to heal, get away from everything, and he's back to normal for the most part. (abuse always leaves scars and he'll always have those, but he's learning to cope.)

3. yamaguchi isn't a weak person. but after everything that happened, he feels like he is. and tsukishima is having none of that. he keeps on telling yamaguchi that he's worth it, in his own roundabout way, even when yamaguchi refuses to believe him.

4. i've mentioned this in another fic, but tsukishima kei does not tolerate bullies at all. he's been bullied before (tho not badly) and he knows how deeply it can effect someone. he goes out of his way to pick fights w/ bullies for the sheer hell of it.

5. yamaguchi is so terrifying when angry. no one rly understands how bc yamaguchi cries when he's angry. but also he's been exposed to tsukishima for years and he knows how to verbally flay someone even if he holds back 99% of the time. when he's angry, he's just as good at cutting ppl down as tsukishima is.

6. hinata doesn't rly understand why yamaguchi is dating tsukishima but he's dating kageyama so? (i'm not actually sure he rly understands why he likes kageyama either.) also he saw tsukishima interacting w/ just yamaguchi before he saw tsukishima trying and failing to interact w/ a group. hinata figures he's kinda a jerk but no more than kageyama and that he was probably just rly nervous when he first met up w/ them. (which is true.)