AN: So it's been awhile since I've posted to fanfic, but I've been an avid fan of GA stories. I check them a few times a day and had this idea in my head and decided to write it out. Not really sure where I'm going with it, just writing as I get inspired. I still watch Grey's Anatomy and I think they really need to quit playing with this Callie/Arizona crap. So I'd consider this story a slow burn, if I decide to even have them as endgame. It just depends on where the story goes. It takes place in Season 12.

The title is from Banks' song Beggin for Thread, which in my opinion fits those two completely. A lot of her songs I relate to their relationship.

I hope you guys enjoy this. Be kind to me lol.

Light.

That's what she was feeling.

Callie was feeling, light.

To a normal person that would seem somewhat normal, something that wouldn't cause them to pause and dissect that particular emotion, but Callie had to.

Even the cafeteria seemed brighter somehow. It was filled with doctors and nurses alike, unwinding from the morning of surgeries and consults. The room was flowing with laughter and conversation, even the food wasn't half bad.

A small smile came to her face. To anyone paying attention it might look a little weird, but to Callie it was necessary. After everything that had happened the past few years, light was welcomed.

Light was good.

It seemed like before, when everything was fun and exciting but always just a little bit dramatic.

Meredith, Amelia, and Maggie were now living at the old house again. That in itself should be a reality show, but Callie was happy for them. She was glad that Meredith and Amelia had each other to get through Derek's death, and she was glad that Maggie was getting to know her long lost sister.

Even Alex had grown up and moved in with Jo. They seemed solid enough and the chip on his shoulder wasn't half as big as it used to be.

Webber and Catherine Avery were married.

Bailey was chief, something that anyone who had been around before knew was destined to happen.

Everyone was succeeding professionally. Groundbreaking surgeries were being performed on almost a weekly basis. The board was solid; investors were throwing money at the hospital constantly. The doctors themselves were never sharper, never more brilliant. Everybody was laughing and thriving and having fun and just being present.

It felt like before, only it wasn't like before.

Christina was gone.

Mark was dead.

Lexie was dead.

Derek was dead.

Callie and Arizona were divorced.

April and Jackson didn't look too far off.

Everything had changed.

Callie and Arizona were divorced.

That was one fact that never would have expected.

A tray clattered sharply in front of her, pulling Callie from her thoughts.

"You alright?" Owen asked as he sat down and began to dig into his spaghetti casserole concoction.

She smirked, "Yeah yeah, I'm fine, just thinking about how normal everything feels."

He snorted, "It feels anything but normal."

"Well, normal without being…normal."

"I don't know what that means but okay."

"Soooo, what's going on with you and Shepherd, any more dates and/or frantic make outs?" She needed to hear about mindless but oh so juicy gossip. Like before.

Owen groaned, "See this is why I hesitate before asking or telling you anything."

Callie held the redhead's gaze. He sighed, "No, there hasn't been any other news with Amelia. I don't know, it seems like every time we try to take a step forward, or even talk about what's going on with us, something always happens. It's like we keep circling around each other with no sign of actually figuring things out."

"Well if you really want to be together you shouldn't rush it. When the time comes, and if it's meant to be, you guys will have that opportunity and conversation."

Yeah, because you're such a pro at relationships.

"Easy for you to say, how's it going with what's her name?"

"Ugh, why did you have to bring that up," Callie whined. "Her name's Raquel, and nothing's going. We're not really seeing each other anymore."

Hopefully he would know better and leave it at that. Raquel was the latest woman she had been dating. Callie had met her at the hospital, typical. She had accompanied her sister to the ER, who had broken her ankle running after her son in 5 inch Jimmy Choos.

Callie had tended to the ankle like the good doctor she was, but not before snagging Raquel's number before they left. She was nice, with long honey blonde hair and warm green eyes that were pretty cool to look into. She was a business analyst for some company or other. Callie couldn't really remember, every time Raquel started talking about work the Latina's eyes glazed over in boredom.

Essentially, Callie liked her, she just didn't like her that much.

Owen perked up, "What happened? Last I heard from you everything was going good..?"

"It was," Callie picked at her salad, "But that was it though. It was just, good. Don't get me wrong, she's a great person, I just didn't feel it."

"Feel what?" he blanked.

She rolled her eyes. Guys could be so completely clueless. Thank god she played for the other team…

Most of the time.

"A spark, butterflies, passion, anything!" Callie exclaimed. "Sure we got along and had good conversation and she's attractive and all, but she didn't make me swoon or sweat or make my heart stop. Therefore, not worth my time." She nodded sharply.

Owen stared at her calmly. "I get it," he admitted. He was honestly thankful for the friendship he had formed with the Latina over the years. It was like they were going through the swamps of singledom together, bouncing around questions and ideas about dating and just moving on in their lives. It was a scary thing and Owen was glad that he had someone to talk to about it.

"Anyways, how awkward is it being around Avery? Guy looks like he's on the verge of murdering anyone that comes within 3 feet of him."

"Even more awkward being around both of them at the same time."

She cringed, "Yikes. I hope they can work things out though. They've been through so much."

Both doctors shared an obvious look before laughing heartily.

Who hadn't been through a whirlwind shit storm in this hospital?

"Okay ignore what I just said. What else is going on?" She had about 5 more minutes before she had to run to her next surgery. Building legs like god like the surgical badass that she was.

Owen took a sip from his soda, "Well, I heard that Robbins is moving in with an intern?"

Wait, what?! What in the world was her wife, ex wife, doing moving in with an intern?

It was crazy really, how much she didn't know about Arizona's life anymore. They had been nothing but civil, friendly but not enough to actually be friends. For the most part they stayed comfortably in the presence of friends and coworkers. When it was time to trade off with Sofia, it was a quick exchange and even quicker exchange of pleasantries before one or both scampered away.

Callie blinked slowly, "Hmmm, that's interesting. Do you…know what intern?" She kind of seemed pathetic, fiddling with her napkin. It was just, weird, asking about her ex wife.

The Arizona she knew would have never dated an intern. Screw one, maybe, but never date. Not like that.

It was juvenile really, thoughts like that swirling in her head.

You don't know what Arizona would or wouldn't do anymore.

##

"Deluca?! You're moving in with Deluca?!"

"Actually he's moving in with me."

"Regardless, what made that sound like a good idea to you?"

Arizona shrugged, "He needed a place. I have a place. He's a pariah. I'm a pariah."

"He's also an intern and-"

"And apparently I sleep with a lot of interns and get them fired. So since everybody hates him they should all be happy."

Stephanie sighed, "See this is why I didn't want to say anything and spent most of that day dodging you."

Arizona exchanged tablets with a nurse and turned to the resident, "I appreciate you trying to spare me or whatever it is you were trying to do, but its fine. Dr. Deluca seems like a decent guy."

"You've worked with him one time."

"Yes, and in that time, he showed excellent bedside manner and didn't manage to screw with the patient's neck like that other idiot," Arizona explained before adding, "Plus he looks and smells like he baths regularly."

Stephanie shrugged, "I guess that's all you can ask for in a roomie."

Both doctors walked into the NICU and threw on gowns before checking on their post op babies. It had been a busy week for the surgeon. A couple of the fetal surgeries had turned into emergency C- sections along with a huge dose of damage control. Fortunately all the mothers had come through and their babies were being monitored closely.

"Exactly. And he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy that would try to play baseball when he's drunk and try to use my leg as a bat."

Edwards paused mid step. "For real?" The resident wasn't sure if she could laugh or not, so she just stared on in horror.

"As real as my real leg," Arizona snickered.

Sometimes it was just too easy.

Alex walked into the NICU and shrugged on a gown while Stephanie was recovering.

"Hey Alex, do you think you could help me put together a bookshelf tonight? I want to make sure I have it set up with all of Sofia's books."

"Why don't you ask your new roommate?" he smirked.

The blonde narrowed her eyes. "Is it really that hard for everyone to mind their own freaking business in this place?!"

Stephanie and Alex answered.

"Absolutely not."

"No freaking way."

It was as simple as that, Arizona would've been a fool to think otherwise.

"Seriously though, I'm an owner in this hospital, people should be afraid to even talk about me around here!" she yanked off her gloves and made another note in the chart on the Caruso baby. Arizona shouldn't have been surprised, but she was. It had been awhile since she had been stared or looked at in sympathy. But now she was starting to think everyone would look at her like she's crazy, because seriously, what attending would honestly let an intern move in with them?

"You really need to chill out," Alex said. "I'm just messing with you. And I might be persuaded to help you out for the little munchkin, but what's in it for me?"

Arizona shrugged, "My everlasting gratitude?"

He snorted, "That's not gonna cut it. You, me, alcohol at Joe's."

"Alex, can't I just buy you a six pack and you can just chug it down like the Neanderthal that you are and call it a night?" Stephanie chuckled heartily. The blonde hit the nail on the head with that remark.

He glared at her, "No, we're hanging out tonight. Or you can explain to your daughter why all her books are still sitting in boxes." Usually getting a free six pack would have been enough. Hell, he would've done it for nothing. But it had been awhile since he had gone out with the blonde and just chilled out together. Sure they had lived together for awhile, but the one thing about staying in the Grey house was that someone was ALWAYS there.

Alex's attention had been split between Jo and Meredith and Maggie, with not that much time for his mentor and friend. So yeah, they were gonna knock back shots and beers and inappropriately talk about chicks.

"Are you kidding me? You know I won't explain anything to Sofia. She said she wanted a pink bookshelf to match her room and if I don't deliver she'll get those big sad eyes and pouty lips and then before I know it I've already bought out the entire Disney Store."

"Whatever, looks like we're hanging out tonight then," Alex said before exiting the NICU.

He stuck his head back in. "You mean you haven't already bought out the Disney Store?"

"Shut up Alex."

##

She stretched her back, relieved that the surgery was over and that the patient would make a full recovery. From now on Mr. Peters would be able to chase his young kids around like a man his age was supposed to. This was her saving grace right here. Well, not really here in the scrub room, but beyond the glass and into the operating room.

Any surgeon will tell you, in the OR, everything is just, nonexistent. Nothing else mattered but the body lying open on the table. It's almost like a calm madness comes over you and all of a sudden you are a god.

Callie was scrubbing out, humming gently to herself when the door swung open.

"Hey."

The brunette stopped abruptly. Arizona was standing in front of the closed door, her hands behind her back.

"Hey, everything okay?" because there was no way the blonde would just be walking into the scrub room just to catch up. They didn't do that anymore.

Not like before.

Arizona nodded her head. "Yeah, everything's good. It's just, I know that I'm supposed to get Sofia tonight, but I was wondering if you could take her, if you don't have plans. I got a little desk and bookshelf for her, and I promised her I would have it set up the next time she came over. The desk is done so all that's left is the bookshelf and Alex is going to help me with that tonight since I'm absolutely terrible at reading directions. I was going to do it this past weekend but I had to fly to Denver on a consult which turned into an emergency surgery and well, yeah."

Well, yeah. She just had to start rambling.

This is why I don't share the same space with you anymore, Arizona thought, I turn into an idiot.

Callie blinked before clearing her throat, "Um yeah that's fine I can take her tonight. Not a problem. Sofia will be excited to see new additions to her room. She can't stop talking about it. I'm gonna have to step it up and get her those Frozen curtains she keeps on talking about."

Arizona smiled softly. "Yeah, I wanted it to be perfect for her."

"Oh it's perfect alright, she described it to me as all pink and purple and girly. Kind of makes me think you decorated it for your own benefit," the brunette teased as she dried off her hands with a sterilized towel. It wasn't a secret that the pediatric surgeon loved girly colors and themes. Hence the butterflies on her scrub cap. It seems Arizona had gone back to her old butterfly cap with patches of different shades of pink, when Callie first her.

Like before.

The blonde smirked awkwardly before yanking open the door. "Alright well thanks." And just like that she was gone.

##

Blood was rushing to her head as she made her way to the elevator. She pushed the button down hard with her thumb. Arizona winced slightly as she paced, waiting for the doors to open and take her far away. Or as far away as she could get from her ex wife while still being in the same hospital.

She felt a vein in her forehead start to throb. The blonde removed her scrub cap as she stepped into the elevator and selected the floor for the pediatric wing. She leaned her head against the far wall and sucked in deep breaths.

It really shouldn't be this exhausting interacting with her ex wife. Maybe Arizona was being immature, and maybe a little bitter. But over the past couple of years being around Callie had been… almost revolting.

It was easy for her to hide it behind her dimples and cheerful demeanor while in the presence of other people or their daughter. But when they were alone, it was another thing entirely. All of a sudden Arizona didn't want to act friendly and cheerful. She didn't want to smile at Callie. As far as she was concerned, Callie didn't have the right to the dimples.

Her eyes closed slowly, her heart rate finally slowing down. She gritted her teeth before her eyes shot open and she prepared to get off on her floor. She had a few more patients to look into before spending the rest of her shift in her office, making plans for a trip to Africa sometime in the next year.

After the split, it never seemed like the right time to make a trip back to Malawi. She had to make sure that she was around for Sofia and finish out her fellowship. After that, Arizona was in high demand by everybody. Then Derek had died, and Arizona continued to work tirelessly, publishing extensively and coming up with new surgical techniques. It had been a whirlwind. Mind boggling, but still equally as satisfying.

They had played their roles perfectly over the years. She knew that everyone saw Callie as the good ex wife, and Arizona was the bad one. No one actually came out and said it, but the blonde knew it was true. Callie was the wife turned martyr, Arizona was the wife turned adulteress.

She was fine with that, honestly, she was fine, as long as she wasn't around Callie. What made the Latina think it was okay to make friendly conversation? There was no one around, no one to put up an act for.

Because she still cared? Because she wanted to be friends? Because they shared a child? Because they shared a hospital?

All were valid points, but none of them interested Arizona.

She wasn't sure if she even liked Callie Torres anymore.

##

"Wow, who knew bookshelves could be so complicated, huh?" Arizona asked as they took a couple of seats at the bar. Alex ordered 2 shots of tequila and a beer while the blonde ordered a vodka tonic.

"Dude, you just sat there and complained about the 'wording' of the instructions." He handed her the second shot.

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah but-"

"And you also complained about the shade of pink, the fact that you dropped a nail under the bed and I had to crawl under there to pick it up, and that it took us an extra 10 minutes to arrange Sofia's books because you wanted to put them in alphabetical order."

"You know how OCD I am about stuff like that."

"You grouped them by genre, too."

She slammed her empty shot down onto the counter, "Is it so wrong that I want to have everything perfect? Sofia's life is already unstable enough as it is." She squirmed as the tequila made its way to her stomach and she sucked the life out of the lime wedge.

"Look, the girl seems fine despite the circumstances of the past couple of years. She's happy, so quite being so uptight."

"I'm not uptight. I'm just a…..perfectionist," the blonde nodded confidently.

"No, you're just horny. You need to get laid."

"Alex!"

He smirked, nodding in thanks to Joe, who set two more shots in front of them, "How long has it been anyway?"

A moment passed while the two toasted the second round of shots, downed them, and proceeded to finish off the rest of their drinks before ordering another round of those. Alex stuck with beer while Arizona changed it up with a Long Island.

"Way too long," she said thoughtfully. They both nodded and smiled in thanks when Joe came around and settled their fresh drinks in front of them, along with two more shots before winking and going to assist more customers on the other side of the bar.

Arizona kind of wanted to hug/hit him. She knew that she would contemplate this in the morning and decide it was all a bad idea, but she was already buzzed, might as well bring it on home. It felt good to throw caution to the wind and just shoot the shit with somebody again.

"Define way too long," Alex said, "Way too long like it's been a few months or-"

"Not since Callie," she interrupted, slowly downing her shot, relishing in the feel of the tequila going down her throat this time.

"Seriously?!" he shouted. If the math was correct, and since he was on the way to drunkville there was a strong possibility he was wrong, but if he wasn't…

Arizona nodded slowly, taking a long sip of her Long Island. "Yes, it's been as long as you think it is. I don't know Alex, I just got so busy with work and adjusting to everything… I guess sex just wasn't a priority."

Alex blinked rapidly a few times before fishing the keys out of his pocket. He made quick eye contact with Joe, tossed the keys at him, and then motioned for two more shots. They were definitely going to be here for awhile.

"I just don't get it. You're a catch, Robbins. Seriously," he said. "Maybe it's time you put yourself out there again and start living for you too. I'm not saying jump into a serious relationship," he clarified, "But maybe just dating around and for fuck's sake, at least get laid."

"It's really not that easy."

Alex snorted, "Actually it is."

"NO, it's not," Arizona replied before taking her third shot of the night. "How am I supposed to regain the confidence to even put myself out there? I'm at the top of my game professionally, but personally? I feel like I've reverted back to my virginal 16 year old self."

"You were a virgin til you were 16?"

She shrugged shamelessly, "I had a friend who looked like a teen Cindy Crawford and waited til she got to the experimental stage. It was the closest I could get to the real thing."

They shared a look before laughing, and after a few seconds they just couldn't stop. It was just so Arizona. He could just picture her as a teenager, being an awesome friend all the while just biding her time before swooping right in. The poor girl probably didn't even know what hit her.

"I can't fault you for that," Alex said, wiping a stray tear from his eye. "But in fairness, you aren't 16 anymore. You're a very experienced lesbian at this point in your life. Don't even try to deny it."

Arizona giggled before taking another sip from her beverage. "I'm not gonna deny it. I just can't see myself…going there with somebody again." Her tone got more serious at the end, her bright blue eyes glazing over as if she went to a trance.

Alex watched her thoughtfully, "Torres rocked you pretty bad, huh?"

The two never talked about it. Ever. Even when she mentioned it to him hastily in passing at the hospital. Even when she showed up in the middle of the night with all her stuff, saying that she had no place to go, he didn't say anything. He showed her to her room and told her to make herself at home. But they never talked about it.

Her eyes hardened slightly, "God knows that I fucked up first." Shit, everybody knew that she fucked up first. Her dearest Calliope had made sure of that.

"That doesn't mean you don't have the right to feel a way about it," Alex replied as he watched her promptly order two more shots, another beer for him, and switching back to a vodka tonic for herself.

Fuck it, he thought, if she's going down I'll go down with her.

The blonde shrugged casually, sipping from the dregs of her Long Island. Joe set the next round of drinks down and moved along. Her head hurt just thinking of how high their tab was climbing.

"You know, the night before Callie ended things, we had sex," she started, setting her empty glass to the side before grabbing her fresh drink and shot. "And it was…probably the most intense and wildest sex I've ever had with anybody."

Arizona realized that she was probably getting into the TMI zone, but at this point, she was drunk as fuck and Alex was already looking at her with the sad pity eyes. "So the whole night, and yes we were at it all night, I was thinking that this was a great thing, that we were finally reconnecting and everything was going to be good again. I thought we were actually going to make this work for real. I was so happy and I felt so alive that night."

"And right when we were about to pass out for the night, she looked at me, in that way that only she can, and she said she loved me," she took her shot of tequila and threw it back. "And then the following night she ended our marriage."

"That's really fucked up," Alex whispered before downing his shot as well. Torres seemed to forget that little detail while divulging the demise of her marriage to anyone that asked.

"She wanted to be free, and I get that now, I really do," Arizona sighed. "But there was something about that whole situation that didn't feel completely fair, or right. And I have so much to be thankful for. I have a beautiful, healthy, perfect child. I am saving so many babies and families. I am getting that notoriety and recognition in my profession. I'm starting to feel like a brilliant surgeon again, and I haven't felt like this in a long time. But every day I wake up and I have to run myself into the ground with surgeries and consults and mindless activities so I don't have to sit with this feeling that I got screwed over in a breakup that I didn't even agree to."

And she didn't agree to it. She didn't want it to happen. But it did happen, and not one single decision about that was under her terms.

"You know, not once in that whole spiel did you mention the leg," Alex finally said after short pause.

He was still one part sympathetic, but the rest of him looked on in pride at his friend/mentor. It had taken her a long time to get to this point, and no one was happier to see that than Alex. After he told her that it was actually him that made the cut, he wasn't sure if Arizona would forgive him.

But she had taken it in stride, only needing a moment to process before thanking him and moving on. Which was way better than when she called him a crapdog.

She smiled wistfully, "Yeah, I didn't. I guess… I just really don't give a shit anymore," she snorted and took a long drag from her vodka tonic.

And she didn't. Perhaps that was one thing she could possibly thank Callie for. Without the pressure of trying to seek acceptance from her wife, she strived for acceptance from herself.

It was kind of ironic, really. At first she thought, after the initial breakup, that she would just become an existence, barely present. But Arizona soon realized that she had to be present, all the time. She was forced to organize her own crap around her new place, take care of her child, take care of household chores, all the while making sure that she didn't fall over, or overdo it on her leg.

Callie wasn't the backbone anymore, Arizona was.

She was, alone. And it didn't hurt as much as she expected it too.

Except for now, when she was feeling drunk and nostalgic. Mainly drunk though.

Alex laughed and clinked his beer with her cocktail, "Dude whatever. You're still hotter than most chicks out there anyway."

"Ya think?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

"Oh come on, you don't know how many times I get asked by doctors, nurses, and drug reps in that place whether or not you're dating yet," Alex rolled his eyes. He wasn't going to mention it, but he was tired of his friend acting like she wasn't worth it anymore.

He had spent years staring at her rack when he thought she or Torres wasn't looking. She was definitely worth it. Lesbian boobs or not. One leg or two.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Another round of shots were ordered.

Arizona fiddled with the straw in her drink that she had long ago abandoned, "What do you tell them?" She wasn't fishing for compliments, really, she wasn't. But it was, nice, hearing that people were asking about her in that way, and not the 'one legged, immortal, adulteress' kind of way.

"I tell them that if you were interested in them you would've already made a move," he shrugged. He nodded at Joe, who set two shots of tequila in front of them. He slid the second one over to his drinking partner before taking his.

The truth was he tried setting the blonde up with numerous people, almost every single chick that he thought was hot enough for his friend, but Jo intercepted every single time and smacked him over the head.

Arizona threw the shot back, realizing that the tequila wasn't as gross as the last 4 she had. "I'm not that person anymore, Alex. I don't even know how to flirt. I mean, I've been on plenty of dates, but not with anyone that interested me. Apparently I went on a date with Dr. Martinez from Seattle Pres and I didn't even know it til she tried to kiss me outside the restaurant!"

Alex balked, scooting closer, "No fucking way…"

"FUCKING WAY."