I haven't written for Big Hero Six yet and I've been wanting to for some time! So here we go!

Summery – Hiro is in love with Tadashi, but Tadashi thinks their love is wrong... so he pulls away, gets distant and cold. Hiro begins to grow depressed and Tadashi doesn't know if he can pull the only person he truly loves out of this hell.

Warnings: Self harm, incest, self hate, semi-descriptive cutting.

This is ust a rewrite because the first version I did of this was all fucking commas. So I tried to fix it.

There will be a little thing that Tate from AHS Season 1 in here. Hiro is gonna say it...

enjoy...

Read at your own risk I suppose!

I do not own Big Hero 6 or any of the characters used, loosely based off of Jaymes Young's What Is Love

– –

"I'd give you my love, but you don't care."

Jaymes Young, What Is Love -

– –

Tadashi had been pulling away, he had been forcing Hiro away, locking his younger brother out of his heart and mind and Hiro knew it was his fault...

Tadashi didn't speak to him. He didn't even look his way, when they worked in the garage lab together, Tadashi closed the door and left Hiro alone to his own thoughts.

And Hiro knew it was his fault.

The younger Hamada took in a shaky breath, staring at the ground just past Tadashi's screen wall that he would barely see, watching the outline of his brother, the only one he had left, reading in silence, his headphones in and Hiro knew that was only to block out whatever words that his young brother may speak...

"I know you see me." He said softly, staring at the grey shadow of the elder. "I know you can hear me."

But no answer came, "Dammit! Why won't you answer me?!" He cried, tangling his fingers into his hair.

But he knew the reason why Tadashi no longer cared, no longer wanted Hiro around...

The younger had fallen in love with the elder. He had kept it secret since thirteen and the day he decided to make his dark feelings known Tadashi closed the bathroom door in his face.

Their interactions had been few a bit after that. Tadashi spending day and night at the lab or in the kitchen with Aunt Cass. When he finally could stand to be in the same room as Hiro, he didn't even give the younger a glance.

And Hiro knew that no matter what he would never be the same in the man's eyes, the man he truly loved.

His heartbeat quickened when Tadashi slid the divider opened. Hiro's chocolate orbs staring hopefully. Tadashi didn't as much glance over, walking to the computer and sitting down, humming along to whatever song he was listening to. Hiro glanced over to see what he was searching and sighed when all he saw was recipes.

Hiro knew he was nothing in Tadashi's eyes. If this was truly what Tadashi wanted, the silence, the separation (perhaps even the joy of not having a sibling) Hiro could do that. After all, it had been so easy for Tadashi to give him up.

The raven boy stood, pulling his blue jacket from the hook by the stairs, taking one last look towards Tadashi before pulling the tiny robotic tracker once installed out of the fabric. "I'll be back in a bit." He said to no one, knowing no one in the world would care if he had spoken.

He walked down the steps, saying a sad little 'See you later.' to Aunt Cass, not noticing how she looked at him with such sadness. She was a smart woman, she knew the boys better than she knew herself and she knew Hiro had never acted like this before.

Even after the death of his father and mother, even after his pet ran away or when he got a bad grade at a project he thought he had in the bag Hiro never stopped smiling.

Because he always had Tadashi. She wasn't stupid, she knew something had changed. Tadashi spent more time with her than anyone else, more time with his friends than with his younger brother and the younger had never seemed so heartbroken.

"Have fun!" She called, but Hiro didn't answer. He let the door close behind him, the bells on the top jingling.

– –

Tadashi didn't have any music playing, he had the headphones in, his song had turned off long ago but he hadn't had the mind to press play again.

He had seen Hiro's shadow hunched over past the wall, his shaking form those nights that he cried but he pretended easily that he didn't see his brother.

He had been spending more and more time away, not knowing how Hiro fared alone... not knowing what he felt... he knew where the younger went, he still had that little tracker sewn carefully into his hoody. When the young raven left he would check just to see what Hiro was up to. Though he wasn't ever going to follow him again.

He turned to face the unkept bed, seeing the small device sitting there, nuzzled into the pillows.

He sighed, picking it up.

"Hiro..." he whispered.

The name felt strange on his lips, the name he had refused to speak for nearly for months... the name of a boy who he was slowly killing.

He tossed it back on the bed, "He's a smart kid... he'll be fine."

– –

Hiro knew it had been a bad idea to walk around this late at night, the sky was dark, overcast... 'How cliché...' he thought, 'Rain when I'm sad... nice.'

The raven rolled his eyes, nearly laughing at the typicality at the situation. Even so, he felt the darkness looming over his shoulders and pulled the hoody over his hair, just wanting to hide away from the world and from Tadashi Hamada.

He knew the man was probably happy in his own little world at the technical institute. He was happy with his friends, probably even had a girlfriend or something. He wouldn't be shocked if it was Honey. She was a wonderfuly woman and Tadashi always seemed so happy to be around her

Everything Hiro could never be, everything Hiro could never be for Tadashi.

He moved into the alleyway near a clothing store. He had never actually been inside but for an odd reason, it was his go to place. He wanted to stay in the night, unseen by the world that no longer cared.

He checked his cell, hiding away in the darkness, the bright screen of his phone blinding him for just a moment.

Nothing...

No calls, no texts from anyone... no messages...

He dropped his head to his knees, shaking a bit. He heard the sounds of an ambulance far away and began to understand that no one in the world cared.

– –

He returned home far after everyone was asleep. He was drenched in rain water and a bit of dirt from a car splashing him. All he wanted to do was be clean but he didn't want to make too much noise

Tadashi's screen was open meaning that he hadn't expected Hiro home, after all, he had been closing it every night since Hiro told him.

He stared at the silence, sadness in his eyes. "Tadashi..." he whispered shakily, almost reaching forward, almost wanting to be with him... almost...

But Tadashi didn't care.

He took a deep breath, slowly walking into the side of the room that was Tadashi's. He took in the semi- familiar space... he still had the pictures up, the pictures of family and friends...

But there was one picture missing, one of just Hiro and Tadashi taken last year.

It was gone.

Hiro took in another shaky breath, choking back a sob.

"I guess I know..." He whispered to no one in particular. He knew Tadashi wouldn't hear him, even if he did, would the man waste time to answer his younger at this point? "I... It's my fault isn't it? You hating me... I fucked it all up, didn't I?" He asked, looking over at his sleeping brother. "I wish I never fell in love with you... maybe then you would still love me."

Hiro pulled away as if just the thought of touching Tadashi burnt like the fires of hell. He turned away, closing the screen... if Tadashi knew he was home, he would want it closed.

He moved to the bathroom, picking up a sleeping Mochi and placing the fat feline on his bed. He pet the cat for a moment, musing over the world before going back to the bathroom.

He closed and locked the door, turning on the bright light and staring into the mirror. "I don't even care." He said softly, pulling his shirt off, tossing it into the hamper, then his pants, his wet under garments. He turned the shower on, the heat of it scalding but he didn't care.

He wanted to burn it away, to burn the pain and the heartache and his feelings away.

He stepped under the spray, gasping softly as his skin turned pink from heat. He didn't bother to turn it down. Hiro slid down to the wet ground, the water plastering his hair to his face, it had gotten so long, he figured it was high time to cut it.

For a moment, Hiro simply basked in the silence he had grown to know, closing his eyes and letting it all melt away. He pulled the shampoo down, wanting to be clean. He washed his hair, the smell of it filling his nose as fog and mist filled the bathroom and nearly seeped out of the door.

That was the moment he saw it.

Tadashi shaved often, he liked having smooth skin and Hiro had gotten into the habit as well, however that was not the look he gave the razor blade sitting calmly on the counter.

He reached up, taking the blue razor into his hands,

"Don't be stupid." He laughed sadly, "What's it gonna solve?" And yet he didn't put it down, he watched the shimmer of the bathroom light reflect from the blade and sighed.

– –

He felt like a sick fool, taking apart the razor blade and tossing the handle into the trash, he felt like an idiot, using a pair of scissors to push the blade out, pushing the set of metal into his hand, three of them. One for now and two for hiding away when this sick little indulgence would be needed.

Hiro cocked his head, playing with one between his fingers. The raven haired teen didn't know if he was able to do it, to paint strawberry gashes across his tan skin. He didn't think it was something he had the heart to do.

He looked at the hanging clock, 3:30 in the morning, the precious few hours that the world was dead.

He beat his head against the wall, not knowing what cutting would solve but not known if there was a reason not to, there was little in the world that would care if he did.

Hiro bit down on his lower lip, taking the silver blade into his fingers, sliding it across his wrist.

He took in a sharp breath, oh God it hurt... the stinging pain and the hot water hitting the very fresh wound.

But it felt so good... it relieved him to bleed, to watch his crimson life pour away.

So he did it again...

And again...

And again...

– –

He cried, he screamed into his pillow at what he did, but he knew deep down that he wasn't going to throw the blades away. he had tapped them under the sink, a place no one looked since Aunt Cass didn't clean the bathroom upstairs. It was a chore the boys did and Tadashi wasn't the type of person to check under.

He heard the shuffle of his brother waking up, wondering why, it wasn't even 5... still much too early for Tadashi to wake..

He shoved his head into his pillow, unable to stop the shake of his shoulders as he let the tears fall, though he did try to stay as quiet as humanly possible.

– –

Tadashi was confused, he remembered not closing his silk screen before going to bed, he also remembered turning the AC up however it felt too hot and humid for what he put.

He glanced to Hiro's bed, suddenly understanding why everything was different, the boy finally decided to come home.

He made his way to the bed, seeing him shaking so badly. He almost wanted to reach forward, to embrace him and cease his unhappiness but the only thought in his mind was old disgust.

He had listened to Hiro's confession of sinful love and at first he had been disgusted. There had to be something seriously wrong with Hiro to even feel that way!

He had stayed away from Hiro for months before he had begun to miss his brother, the only person he truly trusted... but by that time Hiro had plowed it into his own mind that his brother didn't want him any longer so Tadashi didn't move anywhere close to him.

Perhaps something in his heart wanted him to be disgusted and offended by this all. Ssomething telling him he should be, that he was sick and horrid for not feeling such a way.

So he stayed away, he ignored the boy, and in turn Hiro drew away.

And Tadashi knew it was all his fault. He had pushed the boy away and Hiro was the one truly suffering.

He stepped away, seeing him cry. He couldn't handle the truth of his own actions.

He got his slippers on and walked downstairs to get something to drink and maybe a midnight snack. He smiled and bent down to pet the feline. "He can't be that upset... He's dramatic." He sighed, running a tired hand through his hair.

He needed a shower.

– –

"What's going on with you and Hiro?" Gogo asked, she sat on the counter in Tadashi's work place, watching her old friend work away.

"What do you mean?" Tadashi asked absentmindedly, making steady adjustments to Baymax, a project he had yet to finish. He thought he was finished a few years back, but after seeing newer injuries and sicknesses, he figured Baymax needed updates again.

"I mean..." she sighed, blowing a large bubble and letting it pop loudly. "You used to talk about him all the time, now it's like you don't even have a brother. How is he? Is he sick or something?

Tadashi stood tiredly, pausing to think. How was Hiro? Was he feeling alright? He looked a little thinner... he wore long sleeves lately but Tadashi brushed it off as fall attire.

"I... he's fine, I mean, I've been so busy, I haven't spent much time with him." He hadn't spoken to anyone about what Hiro confessed. He didn't feel anyone would understand like he had but then again he hadn't either, he wasn't understanding at all.

Gogo rose a well done brow, she didn't believe him in the slightest. "He used to come around a lot too... we've missed the little punk around..."

"Can we just talk about something else?" Tadashi snapped, still having flashbacks of seeing the boy cry in a silent suffering. Gogo stepped back, she hadn't expected him to snap like that.

She stood up, shoving her hands into her pockets, putting her weight on her left sight. "Do you really think it's all okay?" She asked, "You're tense and no one has even seen him... have you even seen him?"

"Of course I do.. I see him ever day, Gogo." he groaned tiredly, didn't she have anything else to talk about?!

"I don't think you do... cause I saw him yesterday when I was driving up here... kid looks like a corpse..."

She walked out, wanting whatever was happening to end. Hiro was sick, Tadashi wss getting crueler by the day and she knew it could only have something to do with one another.

– –

Tadashi was in rare form that day, he stormed up to their room, tossing it book back onto his bed and nearly kicking Mochi as he passed.

Hiro heard him come in after he had gotten out of the shower. The younger shaking a bit at what he had done, more slices in his pale skin, more blood dripping down his skin... more hatred for himself and everything his heart beat for.

He dried himself off quickly, shaking as he stared at his sleeve, the black fabric stained with his blood.

He walked out of the bathroom, his towel around his head like a turban.

He stole a glance to his elder brother, wanting to speak, wanting to hear his voice and wanting his brother back even if the man wasn't a lover to him, he wanted his family back.

Perhaps if he could only make it better, make Tadashi love him again.

"I... I was going to make dinner tonight Dashi, ya know since Aunt Cass is with her friends tonight." He said softly. Tadashi didn't even look his way. He sighed and tried again.

"Whatever you want, I can cook..." He smiled slightly, hoping for some sort of reaction, they both knew Hiro couldn't cook to save his life. Perhaps Tadashi would laugh? Give him some sort of reaction.

"Or we could order out? It's going to rain I think but I'm sure we can make it to get something?"

Tadashi didn't say a word but something had changed, his fist was closed. Hiro cocked his head. "'Dashi?" he asked softly before a book hit the wall.

Hiro jerked back, letting out a cry of shock. Tadashi sat up in his bed, his arm still outstretched. He threw a book at Hiro. It didn't hit but even during his angriest times Tadashi never threw things.

"D-Dashi?" He whispered shakily, scared now. This wasn't like Tadashi.

"Just shut up!" The elder barked, making Hiro jump.

"W-Wha-"

"SHUT UP!" Tadashi screamed, throwing another book. "Just shut the hell up!"

Hiro stared in utter shock and horror, Tadashi was calm! Tadashi was kind! This wasn't like him... it...

It was all Hiro's fault.

The younger was crying even if he didn't realize it, tears dripping down his chubby cheeks. Tasdashi was glaring at him like the boy was the scum of the Earth and to Hiro, well he was.

"I-I'm sorry!" He sobbed.

"Yeah like sorry's gonna cut it! Don't you get it?! I don't care! I don't want some... some... incestuous freak for a brother! Just go!" Tadashi screamed, letting out every bit of rage he had out.

Or thought he was suppose to feel... everyone said incest was wrong, disgusting, Hiro was sick...

But was it sick when Tadashi felt the same? Somewhere deep inside his heart? He knew he felt it, seeing Hiro like this, his eyes large, lips parted, cheeks stained with tears. It was all Tadashi's fault...

– –

Hiro was shaking violently, he couldn't bring himself to sob, standing there frozen in shock of Tadashi's rage. "I-I..." He flinched when his brother lifted a hand, afraid that something else would be thrown his way.

He finally got the chance, standing up, pushing past the clothes on the floor and past the sleeping cat. He was scared.

He ran, he ran as fast as he could, pushing the door to the cafe open. The wind chime falling and shattering on the floor.

Tadashi's chest heaved as he breathed, unable to believe what had just happened. He scrambled to his feet, rushing to the window to see Hiro shove people passing by, running as fast as his tiny legs would go.

He was gone...

Tadashi put a hand over his mouth, stumbling to the bathroom and puking.

He felt sick. He felt dead inside.

He had broken Hiro.

– –

He found the perfect spot, above the world he had begun to hate. He was alone there just like he knew he always would be.

He ran to a parking garage that the city needed to tear down but hadn't had the time to. He couldn't run anymore, he couldn't breath, he couldn't see a single thing, tears filling his eyes to the brim.

He heard his cell phone ringing over and over again. He didn't care who it was, it wasn't like he was going to be around much longer for anyone to talk to him anyway.

He got to the very top level, crumbling to his knees as he screamed into the floor.

He was a freak.

He wasn't wanted.

Tadashi didn't love him any longer. How could he?

He curled up into a ball, screaming and crying and loosing his mind as his cell rang.

He rose a shaky hand to see who it was. Tadashi's name lit up and he pressed the answer button.

'Hiro!?' The elder cried, 'Hiro where are you? I'm sorry... I'm so sorry!'

Hiro glared at the screen, what nerve did Tadashi have to call him now? 'Hiro?! Come on! Where are you?!'

The younger pressed the 'End call Button and threw his phone on the ground violently, the screen shattering.

"Leave me alone." He whispered, He began to wonder how long it took a person to bleed out. He knew they talked about it in Biology when a suicidal girl asked. It upset him that he couldn't remember the time frame he would have. It would have almost been a comfort to him.

He curled up in a ball on the disgusting ground, pulling his razor out of his pocket, hissing as the blade ran across his fingers. For a moment he admired the crimson beauty.

He heard someone screaming his name... who was it? Did he really care?

No... no he didn't.

He laughed softly as he drug the blade across his wrists, over and over across the vein. He wanted to bleed.

He wanted to die.

His phone rang again and again, Tadashi searching frantically.

Hiro took the phone, answering it with a weak smirk.

"Hiro! I'm coming! Okay? Please don't-"

"Shut up." the younger commanded, hadn't Tadashi said enough? He knew what the elder wanted... he wanted Hiro gone, that what he had said, hadn't it?

"Hiro?! Talk to me please!"

"Y-You're distant..." Hiro whispered, the world slowly going dark, it wasn't that dark out... why did it hurt so much? Was this death? "Cold..." He said, Tadashi holding his phone close, trying to find him and cursing the many levels of this damned garage.

"Hiro..."

"I-I don't know what I did... b-but..." He took a shaky breath, it was getting harder as he drug the blade across his left wrist, his right already bloody and damaged beyond repair. "I-I'll leave you alone... if... that's what you … want..."

"NO! Hiro! That's not what I want! Please!"

Hiro saw the elder man standing on the level he was on, the tiny raven's eyes slowly dropping closed. "That's... what... Dashi... wants."

He didn't get to hear his brother calling 911. He didn't get to hear the screams... the world faded away...

Cold was all he felt.

– –

Tadashi stayed beside the younger, holding his deathly pale hand, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Had Hiro always looked this pale? Had he always been this skinny? Had his ribs always been sticking out or was this part of what happened?

"I'm so sorry..." Tadashi sobbed, holding onto his brother like a lifeline however it was ironic. Saying sorry didn't solve anything, wasn't that what he had screamed at Hiro?

Hiro had tried to kill himself and it was all Tadashi's fault.

He caressed the boy's cheek. Aunt Cass was still trying to get down there. She had been about two hours away at a friend's house for the night. He had called her as soon as they got Hiro to the hospital, it took a while to just get him stable. Now that he was Tadashi could only sit there and silently scream, knowing Hiro had been in this pain for months and it was all Tadashi's fault.

Hiro had been in love with his elder brother and Tadashi pushed him away, pushing back his own feelings for his baby brother.

He had wanted to settle down with a nice woman, have a family, a normal life... all the while hiding his desires for little Hiro.

He heard Gogo talking to the people at the front desk. She told them that she was going to get food for Tadashi and to call his friends.

The elder leaned over and kissed Hiro's forehead, shaking. "Please... please be alright... please wake up... please love me again..." he begged to a boy who couldn't hear him.

He pushed Hiro's ebony locks out of his face, wanting to scream at how his cheeks were sunken in, circles under his eyes. He had done all this, he forced Hiro to depression. To cutting. To suicide.

"I promise... you'll wake up and we're all gonna be here, we're gonna go home and you're gonna get all better. You're gonna get bigger and more beautiful than ever and I'm going to love you... don't you get that? I love you." He said softly, leaning down to kiss his lips. "I love you."

But nothing happened, this wasn't sleeping beauty and Hiro didn't wake up with love's first kiss.

The monotone beep made Tadashi cry even louder, knowing Hiro was dead to the world right now.

"Please..." He begged, "Wake up..."

"I love you."

– – –

WOW I don't actually know where this came from, I wanted to do something depressing for Hidashi and this happened. I know both characters are OOC but it's good that way...

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I'm so sorry for how depressing this actually is!