Persuasion: In Which Alucard Decides Integral Is A Rational Woman

            By Althea SaDiablo

Disclaimer: Don't own Hellsing. Desperate for more of it, though.

Author's Note: Well, this seems to be going smoothly, at least so far. I'm sure that roadblocks in writing this will come up in fairly short order, but for the time being the going is easy. Thus the uncharacteristicly fast pace in updates. Don't get used to it, kids. My Hellsing obsession continues unabated: you'd better all start writing! I need more fanfiction to read!

            He was still thinking about it when he got up the following evening. He really should have thought of it before. It was really very amusing, so amusing that he was laughing about it. No more virgin sacrifices to worry about if Integral wasn't a virgin! Even Walter would have to appreciate the simplicity. He'd tell the Shinigami about it later and they'd have a good laugh over it.

            Well, now he knew the solution. But someone would have to implement it, otherwise it wasn't really useful. That actually took some serious consideration, and he began pacing as he thought about it. Took two to tango, didn't it? There was no question about it. Somebody was going to have to bed his master.

            Walter? No, he dismissed the idea out of hand. For one thing, the Shinigami was definitely getting on in years. For another, Integral treated him as a second father. Alucard had read some of Freud's publications back when the repulsive little man had been alive, and had thought that he was in serious need of mental help. No, that definitely wouldn't work. Walter would be horrified if he even tried to suggest it.

            One of the troops? Alucard ran through their half-familiar faces in his mind. No, that was no good, either. Most of them were scared shitless of Integral, just for starters. Those that weren't scared of her obviously weren't intelligent enough for the job, because Integral could undoubtably rip them all to pieces with her bare hands. They should to be scared of her. Besides, they were under her command. She wouldn't even consider it.

            Who else even knew Integral? The rest of the hired help had very limited contact with her. The Round Table members? No, they wouldn't do at all. Boring, stuffy, pompous bastards, every one of them. One of the Peerage? No, he'd often overheard Integral complaining that the large majority of the nobility in England were boring, stuffy, pompous bastards. And that the quality of the nobility in general had taken a drastic and lamentable plunge over the past fifty years, so there was no use in looking farther afield.

            Other than that, she didn't really have contact with anyone. Well, except for the elderly man in the tobacco shop, who was perpetually smoking an exceptionally smelly pipe. Certainly no help. And he couldn't just pull some commoner off the street, it would never work. One of the maids would undoubtably put him out with the rest of the rubbish when she did her rounds, in any case.

            Not a single match for his master anywhere. Maybe his solution wasn't so wonderful after all. Wasn't there anyone suitable?

            . . . well, hey.

            Alucard stopped in his tracks.

            What about him?

            Yes, what about him? Why couldn't he do it?

            He considered it carefully. He was certainly the closest to Integral, although he'd never really thought about it that way before. He'd known her for ten years, and that was quite a while, at least as humans reconned time. And while he hadn't been human in quite a while, he was fairly sure that the required plumbing was in good working order.

            And he had been considered good looking at one point, although he'd never really thought about it. He had tall, dark, and handsome covered. Way back when, he'd even been considered dashing. Charming, too, when he put his mind to it. He tended to conciously emphasize his more frightening features- not that he'd gotten to see himself in a mirror anytime recently- but that was affectation, all in good fun. He liked looking scary, although it probably wouldn't be appropriate under these circumstances. No, probably not. But he did remember what it had been like when women had sighed over him and bothered him with letters and subtly veiled propositions. Of course, he hadn't been interested at the time, but things were different now, weren't they?

            His thoughts strayed to more recent memories- specifically, the significant stretches of Integral's dark skin revealed by her tattered clothing the previous night- and he smiled. Yes, things were definately different now. He really was dense not to have seen it before: Integral was a very attractive woman. Very attractive. No reason why this shouldn't be pleasant for him, too, right? It would be very, very good. For both of them.

            And yes, the plumbing was definately in working order.

            That just left how he was going to do it.

            Then he wondered why the implementation was giving him such a pause. It wouldn't be hard at all, really. Integral was an intelligent, rational woman. She prided herself on her logical thinking, and his plan was perfectly logical and well thought-out. He would explain the problem and outline the solution, and things would proceed from there.

            Although out of practice, his imagination was able to provide several interesting ideas for just how things would proceed.

            Would she be annoyed at him? About the whole virgin sacrifice thing and how it had taken him so long to come to her rescue? He hesitated, but then dismissed the worry. Even if she was, the elegant simplicity of his plan would most certainly mollify her. There was really nothing to worry about.

            He knew she'd be wanting to see him in fairly short order now that the sun was down, and so he confidently headed up to her office.