After the meeting, she was escorted out by the nurse and taken to get some breakfast. She paid close attention to me while I asked her questions, but as she walked away she didn't look back. I waited until she turned the hall to the cafeteria, and then I collapsed in my chair, burying my face in my hands.

My mind couldn't stop racing. I felt something during those moments with her that I'd never allowed myself to feel for a patient. I don't know what that feeling was, but it was.

Feeling defeated, I ate my take out at my desk, eyes flittering over notes, trying to keep awake. Three days and 12 hours of sleep.

I concluded that's all why I was feeling odd- but there she popped into my mind again. Like a bolt of lightning and just as vivid:

A full, radiant, beautiful and love-happy Misa.

A Misa whose light skin shined in the sun, whose hair glowed like it obviously once had, a Misa whose brown eyes glimmered.

A Misa I could see beside me in bed at night, having no need for medication constantly and supervising eyes patrolling her every move… No. This Misa. This Misa… I found myself, with horror, wanting.

I pondered how she could have had this effect on me, and was left with blank thoughts. I still felt the touch of her hand on mine, squeezing it hard. Almost as if she wished she could have done it harder, but she simply did not have the strength. I wanted to heal her; that was surely what it was.

Looking around, I found myself completely alone, and having no more work to do, decided to drift off into a nap, shutting my eyes to the radiation of my computer.

There was static grey in my ears and a black void in my head for a short while- and when I could no longer control my filters, I dreamed of small hands, dull blond hair, and grey-white skin.