A/N We went way too far the other side of Christmas to do Christmas so this is the final chapter slightly revised to what I had planned. Sorry time got away from me.
They were lying on the couch, legs entwined, fingers caressing bare skin as they enjoyed the hazy period after sex. They'd managed to be quiet; two kids still asleep a testament to that. Amanda's contented sigh made Olivia tighten her embrace.
"You ok?"
"I'm fine hon, honestly, you can stop asking."
"I know it was just… well it was the first time and…"
"Nothing hurts, everything still work. I'm fine, you didn't break me."
Olivia chuckled. "Ok I'm going to stop asking."
"I know you're worried about me Liv but I had a baby not a lobotomy."
"Yeah and you lost most of your blood volume in the process. So you can go on all you want about women doing it for centuries Georgia Peach; it might be fact but it is also fact that many have died doing it and well… you…" Olivia bit her lip. She'd sworn to Amanda she'd stop thinking about it but as she lay there holding her she couldn't help but think about how she'd almost lost her. The blonde turned so she was lying alongside her girlfriend instead of on top of her and pulled her into her arms stroking her head and back.
"You really are the greatest sap Olivia Benson. If anyone in the NYPD knew what you were really like they wouldn't be the slightest bit scared of you."
"You'd never ruin my reputation Rollins," Olivia joked, regaining some of her composure, wanting to lighten the mood and forget her momentary lapse into melancholy.
"I might if you don't hurry up and kiss me." Olivia stroked Amanda's cheek with the backs of her fingers, brushing her hair behind her ear and kissed her, soft and gentle but probing still, wanting to taste the remnants of their love making. She moaned as she felt Amanda's hand teasing her nipple her tongue slipping into her mouth, playing with her own.
"Don't start something you're not going to finish Rollins."
"Who says I'm not gona…" A small cry from the baby monitor interrupted any further suggestive talk as they both groaned.
"Perfect timing Jessy. She needs a feed"
"I'll get her."
Amanda tried to stand but Olivia held her in place with a hand on her shoulder and stood. "I'll get her".
Olivia returned moments later with a pair of pyjama bottoms for Amanda, the top surplus to requirements since Jessy needed feeding. The small bundle of wriggling crying sniffling baby was in her arms. She dropped the fluffy pyjama bottoms in Amanda's lap, having donned a t-shirt and shorts herself before she picked the little girl up.
"Here's Momma Jess."
The little girl quieted as Olivia placed her into her other mother's arms, sated by the knowledge of what was coming when she felt a soft hand guide her to where she needed to be and she began to suckle gently on Amanda's breast. It had taken days of practice and when they had finally gotten her to latch on there were tears all round. Now she was a natural and Olivia sat watching in awe of the woman she loved feeding their little girl. She was envious at first that she'd never have that bond with Noah. But she knew it was futile and she realised that they had bonded in so many other ways since the first day she'd picked him out of that drawer. The first person to hold him with genuine love in her heart for him.
"I swear this child eats like she's never been fed before every time."
"Just like her Momma."
Amanda stuck her tongue out and Olivia laughed, moving over to sit beside them on the couch. She stroked Amanda's hair and kissed her cheek.
"You really are amazing Mand, you know that?" She kissed the blonde's cheek and rested her head on her shoulder. She never imagined this would be her life. A family, her family. Kids, a woman she loved and happiness like she'd never felt before. She placed her hand over the small one waving in the air and Jessy settled turning fully into Amanda. She stroked the back of the tiny hand and fingers, which clasped around one of hers.
"Fin tried that trick yesterday. She put his finger in her mouth and even minus the teeth she had a good go at biting."
Olivia laughed and Jessy opened an eye to look at her as if to say "I'm eating, be quiet".
"Wow she gives as good a death stare as her Momma too."
"You know if you hadn't just made lose feeling in my legs for a bit earlier, I might use my hormones as an excuse to cry at this assault on my good character." They both started to laugh this time and Jessy gave up trying to figure out what was going on closing her eyes and continuing to eat.
"We could be here for a bit. Do you want to head to bed?"
"No I'll be fine. I need to check on Noah, make sure she didn't wake him. He seems to be getting used to it now."
"If he's awake bring him in, he won't settle without making sure she's not hurt. He still thinks she only cries when "she's got a boo-boo" as he likes to call it.
Olivia gently extricated her finger from the small hand holding it and kissed Amanda's forehead.
Reaching the door of Noah's room, she pushed the door open further so she could look in and saw that the little boy was fast asleep just as she'd left him, his night light illuminating the three toy trucks and teddy bear he had to have beside his bed when he slept. The urge to go in and tuck his duvet around him where his leg had fallen to one side was overwhelming but she knew she'd wake him so she closed the door back over and moved into the master bedroom, making sure that Jessy's crib was ready for her and grabbing Amanda's top.
She felt a kiss on her shoulder a moment later as Amanda walked by her. "He still asleep?"
"Yeah, didn't move an inch."
"She's dozing off but she'll no doubt wake up again in five minutes and remember what she's doing so there's no point in trying to put her down. But I'm so tired I'm gona fall asleep myself so I figured if we come in here at least all three of us can attempt to rest even if none of us is going to sleep.
Olivia propped some pillows against the headboard and sat down propping herself against them, helping Amanda and Jessy slowly onto bed, guiding them to sit between her legs. Wrapping her arms around the two of the three people who meant most to her in the world she realised that this is what life was about.
"I never thought I'd have this. you've made my life complete Amanda Rollins."
"Hush now you big sap."
"I'm serious Amanda. Noah was, is my world. If it was always going to be just me and him that would have been fine, I'd have known no different. But now…"
"I know Liv. We're a family. I never had a family growing up, something was always missing. You know, you were the same. This is what family is supposed to be."
Amanda felt a kiss against her neck and smiled. She felt Jessy move and wake in her arms starting to feed again.
"Hey whadda ya know, we might actually get to some sleep tonight."
"Then can we finish what you started out there?"
Amanda turned kissing the brunette gently, a promise lingering. "Only if you are quiet as a mouse Benson."
"I can do that."
"Good cause if you wake her up you're on diaper duty"
"I think fair is fair"
Amanda laughed as she felt another kiss on her neck as Olivia's arms enveloped them again. She'd never felt so safe, so loved. Nothing in the world could hurt them anymore. This is where her life began.
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