Here it is, at long last: the conclusion! This story has taken so long to write, and I can only apologise for that. It has been especially difficult of late - I'm a trainee teacher now, out on placement for the very first time.

I think out of all my stories, this one means the most to me, because I've been able to express some of my own experiences of mental health difficulties more so than in any of my others. It means an awful lot to come to its close, and finally find a somewhat happy ending for Ethan and Lily! It was so important to me to come to a satisfactory end, especially because my mental health has seemed to have got in the way of so much (including, selfishly, writing a story which is obviously a separate entity to me!)

But I hope it's satisfactory to you too, please do leave me a review and don't mind me gettiong emotional and ruminating over this chapter, which, to be fair, is no more important than any of the others. If you've been waiting on this for a long time, I'm sorry, but enjoy it nonetheless.

Caitlin x

Lily's head was sore. She blinked her eyes once or twice, trying to shake the groggy feeling that suggested she hadn't fallen asleep voluntarily. She tilted her head from left to right, not happy with how stiff and painful this was. Looking around, she realised with a start that she was in Ethan's bedroom, slumped against the foot of his bed – which at least explained why she was so stiff. She stretched her arms out, making her shoulders click, and a thick woollen blanket slipped from around her shoulders. Had it been there when she'd fallen asleep? Rubbing the space between her eyebrows, she strained her memory, trying to recall the events of last night, or even the circumstances which had led her to falling asleep in this position.

It took a moment for her to realise that she wasn't wearing her glasses anymore, and she was absolutely certain that she would have been wearing them right up to the point of falling asleep. She looked around, concerned, then found that they had been placed neatly to her left, with a glass of water.

Okay, she told herself, time to back-track and work out how on earth I ended up here, of all the places I could be. Lily took a moment, eyes closed, to force her memory into throwing up something useful.

"What can I do?" she asked helplessly, watching Ethan pace up and down the sitting room for what felt like the hundredth time. He wasn't in a good place at all, she knew, but right now she had no idea how to help. Her head was slightly fuzzy – she'd always been a lightweight when it came to alcohol and she hadn't wanted to appear rude by turning down Ethan's offer of a glass of wine. It had obviously been stronger than she'd anticipated – or perhaps her medication, being different to Ethan's, reacted differently to the presence of alcohol in her system, despite the low dosage.

"Just," Ethan began, before words failed him and he just shook his head. He paused for a moment and sat down heavily next to her on the couch. "You can't stay long." He looked up to the clock, which was ticking toward eleven o'clock. His breathing was becoming erratic. "I don't want you getting into trouble on my account." He was of course referring to the fact that she was expected in the E.D at half past seven in the morning.

"You know full well that I have no intention of leaving here until you're okay," she replied. "I don't care whether it takes all night. You are not alone in this, all right?"

Ethan took Lily's hand lightly. His palm was hot, in contrast to her skin which hadn't yet warmed up from outside. She squeezed his hand to remind him that she was in it for the long haul with him. This episode of panic and anxiety could last another fifteen minutes or another fifteen hours, but she didn't care. She was going to stay and ride out the storm, because she'd be damned if she let anyone go it alone when she knew how terrifying it could b

Now concerned for Ethan's welfare, Lily turned around sharply, but his bed was empty. Where could he have gone? She looked down at her wrist, where she was aware of her watch digging into her skin – she didn't usually sleep whilst wearing it because it had an uncomfortable tendency to wriggle into her forearm and dig deep pink grooves in her skin. Rolling her eyes, she undid its clasp and let it fall onto the carpet beside her.

Then, she listened intently. There was usually birdsong at the time when she got up. Granted, she wasn't at home, but even so, surely there should be more signs of it being early morning? Gritting her teeth, she picked up her watch and looked at its face as if it might explode at any minute.

Although the watch did not explode, Lily's eyes nearly popped out of her head when she focused on the time. Quarter past twelve. In the afternoon. When she should have arrived in the ED at seven thirty that morning.

Ethan couldn't breathe. There were too many thoughts racing in his mind, and with his chest on fire like this, he couldn't concentrate on any of them. It was as if he was alone in a desolate wasteland – really, that's what the panic attack felt like. Tears pricked his eyes; every breath seemed painful and devoid of oxygen. His vision seemed to have tunnelled: he knew his hands shook violently but his awareness of Lily being in the room with him was minimal.

Her voice seemed distant, when she said quietly, "I'm going to take you upstairs. It will be quieter there."

Every step up the stairs was like a marathon. Every breath he took seemed to set his lungs on fire anew. He wanted this hell to be over.

Lily led him into his room, somewhere that she hoped he would see as a "safe place." She hadn't expected it to be so hard to keep herself calm. It was difficult to keep her own breath steady when he was breathing at over twice his usual rate. She could see fear in his eyes, and other things too: tears, embarrassment and pain.

"Lily, I want it all to stop," he whispered, defeated. A sigh came next, a whoosh of air followed by a sharp in-breath which shuddered and came in more than one part. He rubbed his forehead and Lily knew that dizziness would be hitting him soon – an unpleasant side effect of hyperventilation.

"Do – do you mean that you want me to go?" It was a crushing realisation.

"No." The sound of his breath was like desperate sobs, although the tears stayed firmly in his eyes, glistening in the half-light of Ethan's bedside lamp. "I just want – my head – to be – quiet." His words were punctuated with breaths, and Lily held his hands tightly. "I – forgot – how much it – hurts – when it all goes – wrong."

Lily felt tears prick her own eyes but she wouldn't allow herself to get upset. He didn't need that, not now. "That isn't a just. I know how hard it is, and we both know that quiet will come. Just concentrate on your breath. I know that this is difficult for you, but I promise that it will end soon."

Ethan pulled one hand free of Lily's hold, to place it on his chest and the base of his collarbones. Lily flashed briefly back to the anxious period in her own life. She remembered the sensation too well: breathing but feeling as though nothing was changing. The memory of the sensation made the back of her neck prickle uncomfortably. Ethan's lungs, although perfectly medically functioning, would feel empty and useless, only adding to the fear raising its ugly head within him. Tenderly, she took the hand, his left, away from his chest and pressed two fingers to his pulse spot. As expected, Ethan's pulse fluttered rapidly beneath his skin.

"You know that if I could take this away from you, I would, don't you?" She looking into his eyes.

To her surprise, Ethan took his head. "I don't want – you – to feel like this – ever."

Her heart swelled. "No, if it would mean you felt better at this moment, I would take it in a second. You are improving, more than you know. You have done so well, and I am so proud of the steps you've made. This does not define you."

It took an agonising length of time, but slowly, Ethan's breathing began to return to normal.

"My hands are tingling," he observed, turning them over in front of him.

"Your breathing was out of equilibrium for a long time, that's why," Lily reminded him.

"Yes."

Lily stood up slowly. She checked her watch. It really was very late, but she couldn't leave him now. The odds of him falling back into his panicked state were immense at the moment, and she couldn't bear to let that happen. She made her way over to the well-stocked bookcase by the window. Out of Ethan's sight, she rubbed her eyes: tiredness was catching up with her. Running her fingertips over a line of books, she fell upon a paperback which had been opened and closed so many times, if the creases in the spine were anything to go by. To Kill a Mockingbird.

Lily retook her previous position beside Ethan, and began to read aloud. "When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the –"

"Lily, you really don't have to do that. You have to be in work, you need to sleep," Ethan interrupted.

"I saw a patient do this once, and it might work for you. I don't care what time it is, I am staying."

If it had been daylight, if the evening's events had never passed, they both would have seen how irregular this was. Ethan accepted that Lily wasn't going anywhere, and put his arm out, letting her lean into his shoulder while he held her to him. "Thank you," he whispered into her hair. The thought of falling softly into Maycomb with Lily by his side was so inviting.

There was an unspoken exchange between them, somewhere around the middle of the third page, and Ethan carefully took the book from Lily's hands and began reading where she had left off.

When Ethan was reading, Lily could see that his mind was somewhere else completely. His breathing became more and more regular, and she could no longer see his shirt quiver over his heavy heartbeat. His voice was rhythmic and soothing – if she didn't know any better, she wouldn't have thought he'd been in the clutches of a panic attack such a short time ago. She felt her eyelids droop, and it had to be her turn to read soon. Lightly, she took the book from him, lingering for a moment to unwrap each of his fingers from the soft paper cover.

"You're tired," Ethan said. "We don't have to carry on."

Lily cleared her throat, suppressing a yawn as she did so. "No, I'm fine, I'd like to keep reading. You're like the tiger who would only relax when his keepers played Brahms. If this is what it takes for you to stay out of that dark place, then I will keep going."

She broke into the next chapter, and then the next, because she didn't trust herself to stop reading and stay awake.

All at once, her throat felt sandpapery and her eyes couldn't quite focus on the words anymore.

Ethan had been listening to Lily's words for some time when he heard her voice slur with tiredness, and felt her lean against him a little more heavily.

"I'm okay, Lily," he murmured. "You can stop."

She let the book slip down into her lap but didn't cease leaning on him. "Are you sure?" she asked groggily.

"Positive."

He paused, feeling her body move with each steady breath. He couldn't have dreamed of this situation, it could only be both of their exhaustions acting, the night taking over.

"Lily – I – I love you." There was no response, and at first, Ethan was terrified that he'd said the wrong thing. He was ready to issue his sincerest apology, when he felt Lily shifting position, turning to look at him.

Although her appearance was tainted with sleep, she shuddered, holding back a sob. "How?" she said, her voice nothing more than a hoarse whisper. "How could you love me, when I was so hateful to you? I made this worse, I made you worse, I couldn't bring myself to do anything nice for you, I –"

"Stop." Ethan said. "Lily, I was at rock bottom when you decided to help me. I was ready to give up, I-" He paused a moment, knowing that under normal circumstances he would never have admitted this. "I didn't want to live anymore. I'm sorry." He apologised quickly, seeing tears spill out of Lily's eyes. "Lily, look at me." He took her face between his two hands, gently caressing her cheeks to wipe away her tears. She blinked. "Lily, you taught me to love myself again, and that's why I love you."

Neither one was sure who started it, but then they were kissing, and then they were hugging each other. And then they were leaning against Ethan's bed, still sitting on the floor but in a happy, exhausted bundle.

Lily supposed that it must have been shortly after this that she fell asleep. But where was Ethan now? All of that seemed so long ago now, but she wanted to find him to check that it was even real.

She made her way downstairs, into the kitchen. Ethan was there, thank goodness, looking a little tired, but nonetheless all right.

"Um, good morning," she said.

"Afternoon, more like." Ethan's reply was laced with his smile. That beautiful smile, that reminded her of last night – this morning, actually, if her memory was to be trusted (although she wasn't sure that it could be trusted) because she was sure she could remember looking at the clock and seeing four o'clock come and go.

"I – I'm sorry, I really need to go, I should be in work, I'm already so late and Mrs Beauchamp -"

"Mrs Beauchamp knows exactly where you are," Ethan said, his smile getting even wider. "I called the E.D earlier, because you were out for the count and it wasn't fair to wake you."

Lily couldn't believe it. Ethan hated using the phone, and he was especially nervous about speaking to the Clinical Lead.

"You called Mrs Beauchamp, for me?"

Ethan nodded. "I'd call Buckingham Palace, for you," he added sheepishly, looking down.

"Good thing I don't work there then, or you might have had to," Lily replied. "I'm so proud of you, I know you don't like using the phone." She fiddled with her watch – she hadn't put it back on yet, but she was holding it in her hands. "Ethan, I – I'm not sure what happened, last night I mean, my head's kind of fuzzy and I can't remember, it's probably with falling asleep so late."

Ethan's cheeks turned pink. "I think that whatever you're thinking, is probably right. And I'm sorry if I imposed anything on you, I know that you don't need all of this." He gestured to himself. "You've got your own issues, and you don't need someone like me to remind you of all that. I'm sorry if last night was a mistake, you don't have to be a psychologist to know that this isn't normal."

"Who said that I wanted normal?" Lily said. "Last night, you said that you loved me."

"And I still mean it, I mean, only if that's what you want."

"Ethan, I love you too."

"Oh." He smiled bashfully. "No, that's not what I meant, I meant -" He started to wring his hands, but Lily came over and held them apart, loving and gentle yet still firm enough to mean that she was unequivocally there for him.

"I know what you meant," Lily replied. "And I mean the same."

"Um, tea?" Ethan asked, the only thing he knew would be right in any given situation.

"Tea."