Okay, I finally got to the end of the story, sorry it took so long to post. Poor Saul has already been through so much, and he still has to spend some time with Eddie and Shirley the whiner. Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews, they certainly made us smile!
All the cool characters, except for Saul and Father Matt, belong to JE. The mistakes are mine, though.
On Friday Morning, Father Matt brought Saul to the Gazarra house. He was concerned by the bags under Saul's eyes, but he was pleased to note that he appeared to have put on some weight. Shirley opened the door when they knocked, and led them inside. The house was filled with toys, but was otherwise clean. "I'm sorry about the mess," Shirley whined as she led them to the kitchen, "We're about three toys away from our own episode of Hoarders." Father Matt resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
Shirley made the men eggs while they drank their coffee. Saul was surprised by the noise level coming from one of the rooms in the back, but his new hostess seemed to be ignoring it. After she served them their breakfast, she went to the entryway and yelled, "Will you quiet down? We have guests in the house."
She had just sat down when a small girl ran into the room. "EJ caught one of the fish and stuck it up Jimmy's nose."
Shirley closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Letting it out she said, "Will you excuse me for a minute?" and walked out of the room. From somewhere else in the house, they could hear her slightly nasal whine, but they couldn't hear the words that she said.
That night, Saul was already waiting outside by the time Joe showed up. Joe handed him a beer and said, "I heard you met my brother today. If that doesn't earn you a beer, then nothing will."
Saul shuddered. "There were children everywhere running and screaming. It was terrible. Your brother came in, yelled at everyone, and went upstairs. His wife went up and we could hear them yelling at each other before Shirley got everyone outside. Anthony came back out, got into his car and left. Shirley went back inside to talk to Anthony's wife, and the boys used silver tape to attach the youngest Gazarra girl to the side of the house."
Joe took a drink. "I would have left too if I had to put up with both the Gazarra and Morelli kids." He drained his beer and threw the can in the direction of the trash cans. "You ready?"
Saul finished his beer as well. "To the Boobie Bungalow." When they were in the car, Saul said, "I do not think I ever want children."
o0()0o
On Saturday night, Saul was waiting for Joe at the curb, drinking his own beer. As soon as Joe pulled up, Saul jumped in the car and said, "I am NEVER having children. Shirley and Eddie left me with their children. She told me that they were going to run to the store, but they were gone for four hours. She ordered pizza and told me to call the children in when it got there. When I went outside to find them, they were trying to build a bonfire to burn a purple dinosaur doll. After everybody ate, They decided to play hair salon. I did not know what this game was, so I cleaned up the kitchen while they played. When I found them, they had cut not only each other's hair, but the dog's hair as well." Saul shuddered again at the memory. "If this is how children behave, then I don't want any."
Joe put the car in drive and pulled away from the curb. "Let me make some calls and see if I can help you."
o0()0o
On Sunday morning, Saul accompanied the Gazarras to church. Father Matt brought Saul to the first pew. Father Matt gave a sermon on keeping faith in the presence of enemies. He talked about helping our fellow man, and the difficulties of finding ones self in a strange land. He finished his sermon by talking to Saul. "We have had our own refugee here. Saul has come from a war torn country. He was separated from his family and his fiancee and is trying to start a new life here. Saul, would you like to say a few words to the congregation?"
Saul walked to the pulpit and looked around the room. He pulled a flask from his pocket and took a sip. When the congregation gasped he said, "It's only tea, I got it from Helen."
There were snickers and sly looks as Helen tried to make herself as small as possible. Angie Morelli muttered, "My behind that's tea."
Saul looked at Angie and said, "At least when Helen talks about people, she only talks about them. She doesn't tattle on people to get special treatment." He pulled down his lower eyelid and looked at Bella, Who began to sputter and cross herself.
Once the commotion died down, Saul began to talk about his journey. "In my village in Syria, there was missionary. He was son of Senator. Very important person back home. He would often tell me, 'Saul, you would love America.' When the fighting started to get close to our village, we all decide to flee. We were getting ready to leave our homes in the middle of night when the soldiers came. Everyone started running. By the time we realize that none of the soldiers were shooting, half of the village was already gone. These men were American soldiers, coming to rescue the missionary, but rather than taking him and leaving, they brought all of us to safety. They eased our fears by telling us stories of their home. I was fascinated by the stories the commanding officer told us about Trenton. He told us that he was fighting to keep his 'Babe' safe. That man is here today, and I want to say thank you, Mr. Ranger. I have had the honor of meeting your Stephanie, and she is as wonderful as you described. I can not stay in Trenton, though, these other people are all crazy." As the congregation gasped in shock, Saul crossed himself. "As soon as I have the Vasectomy that Joe arranged for me at the free clinic, Kitty and I are moving to Las Vegas."
The congregation erupted as Saul walked away from the pulpit. Father Matt buried his face in his hands and muttered, "Why me?"
When Saul got to the vestibule, he saw Ranger and Stephanie standing by the door. Stephanie hugged him and asked, "Are you really moving to Vegas with a stripper that Joe introduced you to?"
Saul nodded. "Yes. I am thinking that it will be much more sane there."
Ranger shook Saul's hand and gave him a business card. "Call if you need anything. I have a guy out there. He can probably help you find a job."
Saul took the card and smiled. "I am going to be an Elvis Impersonator. Kitty says that I already have the moves. Viva Las Vegas!"