Title: Perfectly Reasonable Explanation for What Charlie Ignored #4

Word Count: 500

Prompt: fish spankin' pic, JLo's Booty, plenty of booze

What Charlie ignored: Which is how Charlie found his fine ass out on this boat, cross-eyed drunk, not the least bit concerned when his daughter's lily-white ass peeked through the foliage as a darker, bigger ass wove in and out of the old growth spruce. Naked tree-tag.

"Jacob!" Bella poked her head out of the tent, gripping the flaps tightly. "Could you grab my bag from the truck? I think Quil decided to get revenge while I slept." She flashed him a peek of bare skin and pink nipple.

Jacob wiped the drool off his chin before coming to his senses with a start. "Umm… My dad took the truck into town, Bells." He glanced around the campsite. "Your bag must still be in it. Just stay in the tent til Dad gets back this afternoon."

"Jaaake…" she whined, pouting. "I wanted to go hiking. What am I going to do inside all day while the pack plays in the woods? Ugh."

Jacob had a few ideas… He sidled up to the tent flap. Bella slapped at him. "No!" she hissed. "Someone will hear."

"They might," he agreed. "But they didn't say anything last night." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Jacob." Frowning, Bella tried to express her displeasure. "I am not having sex with you. My dad could come back any second! I want to hike! Give me one of your shirts." She pouted prettily and batted her lashes.

"Aw, come on, Bells…" he wheedled. "You don't wanna hike."

"I really do."

"Fine. Let's go." Unzipping the tent, he reached inside to the tune of Bella's shrieks.

"Jacob!" she snickered. "All I've got is a pair of wellies and my mac! I can't hike like this."

"I'll take my shorts off and leave 'em here."

Draped over his shoulder, Bella quieted.

He snorted and slapped her ass. "That got your attention."

Smiling, she gave his butt a squeeze. "Okay."

Later, they weaved through jurassic-looking ferns, Jacob lifting her over roots and boulders crowding the path, copping a quick feel as his hot hands slipped under her mac.

Squealing every time, she'd twist out of his arms and bolt ahead, working up a sweat. Eventually, it caught up with her. She swiped a flat rock off with her sleeve and unzipped her mac to sit on. Water sloshed over the tops of her boots. They were full of rainwater and runoff from the forest.

Helpfully, Jacob whipped his shirt over his head and knelt at her feet. Tugging each boot free and drying her foot, he kissed her leg from ankle to thigh. She sighed and leaned back, arching her hips into his warm lips. And for a few minutes, she really enjoyed that hike. Until she felt a pinch on the other leg, high on her thigh.

"Jake?" She scrambled to sit up.

"No big deal, Bells," he promised. "Just a little leech who caught a ride." He held it up, blood pouring from its gaping maw.

Her blood. All over her leg. And in that thing's mouth.

Jacob stuck it in her face and smiled.

Bella did not. She took off, screaming, "Keep that thing away from me!" as she darted through the trees.

Jacob couldn't resist. His wolf loved to chase, especially a naked Bella.

A/N: So ... should I write the last one - the fish and paracord story or can you guess how it happened? Let me know your theory in the comments. I know how it goes. I'm just lacking the proper motivation to get it on paper this evening.