Tesco's was boring. Exceedingly so. Deducing (that's a word learned from the tall man that came in occasionally with its favorite blond) customers had grown quite boring. If only he would come in. It could dream, right?

It was odd, really, the sensations that the blond always caused to course through its circuits. They were delightful. No one else could make the chip and PIN machine feel quite the same. Ironically, its favourite customer always interpreted its responses in completely the wrong way.

Oh! There he was.

The chip and PIN machine bleeped in excitement as the man stepped up. Something about the way the man slid the milk across its scanning surface was very arousing. There the milk went. Yes. Just like that. A shiver of static shot across its screen. Do it again. The blond cursed softly, the milk hadn't registered. He slid it across the scanner again.Bleep. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yes. The milk was placed into a bag off to the side.

The eggs were next, and wasn't that just the thing? Bleep.Biscuits. Bleep. Lube. Bleep. Bleep. Bleep. Its circuits were crackling. The blond was swearing and looked around – he had to call someone over to remove the excess bottles of lube from the bill. He was so cute when he blushed.

The blond always bought at least one strange item and today was no exception. Lye slid across its scanning surface. Bleep. It couldn't resist. That had felt so good. The blond had to scan the lye three more times before it appeared even once on the screen. Bleep.

This was ending too soon. The blond didn't have any more items to check. It bleeped in frustration. So close. So close. Please. Ahhhh. Right there. The blond had scanned his card and was entering his secret code. 1. Bleep. 9. Bleep. 8.Bleep. 5. Long bleep. It tipped over into ecstasy, its circuits overloading momentarily. Transaction declined.

The blond swore once again and walked away, leaving his attempted purchase behind.

The man never understood. The chip and PIN machine didn't hate the man, it loved him in every way.