Note: Hi everyone! Monk's life is not a fairy tale. But we all want him happy. Still not having Trudy's case solved, what if he suddenly realizes he still might be getting a chance to start living again? The story takes place sometime at the beginning of season 7.

(just for now, forget about "Mr. Monk gets drunk" episode)

Disclaimer: I still own nothing, I'm poor.

Adrian Monk was depressed. Pacing the floor there and back again, every now and then he made a short break only to brush off an invisible dust of some of the many photographs of his deceased wife, Trudy, placed all around his apartment. He couldn't help it. And would continue even when there already was everything absolutely speckles.

It was very early in the morning but he no longer could stand the empty space on Trudy´s side of the bed, the darkness and coldness of the room, and his own thoughts.

Once again, maybe for the fiftieth time, since he had rolled out of his bed, he stopped at his mantel in the living room, and stared into the bright eyes of his beautiful wife, his fingers gently stroking her face. She was smiling and he smiled back, wiping away tears that found their way down his cheeks.

It was their seventeenth wedding anniversary. Seventeen years since he had said "I do" to the angelic being who had changed his life and showed him what love truly was and who had given him hope that he was worth it.

He had never really enjoyed company but loneliness frightened him that day more than usual, just like everything else.

His assistant, Natalie, wouldn't be coming, he'd given her a day off. Not that he didn't need her around, he just knew she wouldn't be able to help him with what he'd have to deal with today.

For so many years since Trudy died, every year he'd hope that maybe that time it would be different. And every year, the pain was excruciating.

Lifting the framed picture from the mantel, he held it with both hands, his eyes drifting over her radiant face. He remembered the day he'd taken it, one of all those happy days he'd spent with her.

She would want him to be happy. Deep inside, in his heart, he knew she'd want him to move on and start living. But how? He hadn't even found out who had killed her yet.

His body started to shake. Silently sobbing, he held the picture to his chest, whispering.

"Trudy, I'm sorry. I can't. I.. I don't know how to do it..."

Hours had passed, one after another, and Adrian's depression deepened.

He was avoiding cleaning. Trying hard to block all those intrusive thoughts out and keep the urge to sweep and bleach the floor grounded, he settled on the couch and opened his wedding album. Hoping the stove wouldn't go off if he didn't check it's knobs exactly ten times, he sighed and forced himself to stay seated. That day was his and Trudy's, he was going to spend it with her.

He sighed again as beautiful but painful memories flooded his mind, crushing his chest, threatening to choke him. Fresh tears blinded him as he was turning page after page, recalling that blissful day to the very last detail. It felt like his heart was being ripped out of chest, yet still, he thought it was a good way how to celebrate it. Trudy deserved it and for her sake, he would be willing to withstand any pain in the world.

- Adrian?

- Trudy… Am I.. Is this a dream?

- Yes, it is. You fell asleep looking at our wedding photos.

- Oh my god.. I fell asleep! I- I'm sorry, Trudy! I didn't mean to.. I- ah- I shouldn't be… I…

- Shhh, Adrian, It's alright. You were tired. You can't sleep well lately.

- How do you know?

- I'm always with you, my love.

Adrian shifted on the couch and smiled as the dream of his beautiful wife continued.

- Adrian, listen. You need to stop living like this. You need to let me go."

- What you mean, Trudy?

- I've been watching you, Adrian. I can see how you're torturing yourself and it hurts me. Don't you understand? I can't find peace until you let me go. Our love was strong and I know there will always be a place for me in your heart. But it's been ten years…

- T- Trudy… I can't...

- I know you can, Adrian. And I promise you won't be alone.

- But how? How do I do it? How can I forget?

- You don't have to try and forget. Our love, our marriage, what we shared was very special and beautiful. I know you will treasure the memory of me for the rest of your life and I love you for that. I always have. But I wish for you to be happy again. Just allow yourself to be happy, to love again, Adrian! You deserve it. Don't worry, your heart is big enough.

- B- b- b- but Trudy! No! Wait! Don't leave me now! I- I… but who would love ME? Trudy, please… Trudy!

It was ten o´clock sharp when he got startled by a sudden knock- knock on the door. Still trying to recover from such a harsh way to wake up, he wasn't going to answer. To be precise, he didn't care about anyone. And without Natalie by his side, he wouldn't go outside to any murders.

Another knock. Adrian frowned, wasn't in the mood or shape to greet any visitors but whoever it was, was pretty relentless.

Slowly, he stood up and began to shuffle up the hall towards the door. Peering through the peep hole, he gasped.

"Natalie?"

"Yup, it's me, Mr. Monk. Open up, please."

He hesitated before he unchained and unlocked the door and let her inside his germfree apartment, quickly drying tears with the sleeve of his best shirt.

"What, what are you doing here, Natalie? It's your day off today, remember? "

She gave him a wide smile, but her eyes were concerned, searching his face.

"I know, Mr. Monk. I'm not here to work. It's my free day and I decided to spend it with you."

Rolling his shoulder, Adrian slowly nodded and looked at her suspiciously.

„Okay.. okay. I know what this is about. You don't trust me. You think I might do something... I don't need babysitting, Natalie. I'm adult... and I'm NOT suicidal. I'm fine!"

Natalie waved her hands in resignation. That was just annoying, her boss could read her like an open book.

"Okay... You're right, I do worry about you. But that's not the reason why I'm here. Mr. Monk, can't we spend a day just like that? Like two friends?"

"Why?"

"Because that's what we are, right? We're friends."

"Alright," the detective sighed and turned around, beginning his way back to the living room. "But I hope you understand I'm not paying you for today."

Natalie giggled, following him. She never took Adrian's moody, snappy ways personally. He was a good hearted man, just sometimes unable to deal with his own emotions, especially on days that involved Trudy. And she was determined to make today a little bit more bearable for him.

Adrian sank back in his sofa, closing his eyes.

Natalie scanned the room. It was very dark, as if it was reflecting it's resident's current state of mind.

'Prince of Darkness' came across Natalie's mind and she sighed, forcing a smile.
"So, friend, what do you want to do today?"

Adrian raised his eyes to her, then dropped them back to his precious album in front of him.

"Come on, Mr. Monk. It's a beautiful day today. How about this, I make some breakfast and we go someplace? How about up the park or to that rock museum, you keep talking about? I've never been there?"

Adrian turned his face to her.

"What are you talking about? Don't you know what day it is today?"

"I know, it's your and Trudy's wedding anniversary. And I know it's important for you. So let's go celebrate!"

A look of disbelieve crossed Adrian's face and his eyes widened.

"I am celebrating, don't you see? I am with... with Trudy!"

Natalie's smile faded, then disappeared.

"No, Mr. Monk. You're just tormenting yourself!"

Adrian's mouth opened and closed again as if he was trying to speak, but eventually, he just dropped his sight and drew his hand to a picture of his beautiful bride and himself, both grinning happily into the camera. Holding his fingers just above the picture, careful not to touch it, he pursed his lips, staring darkly ahead.

Natalie walked around the table, settling herself down next to him. As in an automatic gesture, her hand went up, gently stroking his back.

"Mr. Monk, I lost my husband too. I know how it hurts. When Mitch died, I thought I died with him, but I didn't. And neither did you."

After a short break, Natalie spoke again.

"Trudy loved you, I'm sure she wouldn't want this for you."

Natalie waved her hand towards the dim apartment. With all the blinds shut tight, everything straight and symmetrical and with Trudy's pictures all around, it felt a bit like a crypt. A mausoleum serving just one purpose, to keep the dead one alive, one way or another.

Adrian remained silent, his eyes stuck to the photograph.

Natalie was right, sure she was right. Part of him knew he'd been living with ghosts past ten years. So many nights he'd lain in his bed, imagining his wife's warm embrace, the only solace in his loneliness he would receive and accept. So many nights he'd spent awake, his face buried in her old pillow, letting the subtle familiar scent comfort him and calm his anxiety. He did realize it was wrong but it seemed impossible for him to let go.

Eventually, he turned his head to Natalie, his dark eyes staring into hers from under the swollen lids.

"How did you do it, Natalie? How did you get over Mitch?" His voice dropped into a hoarse whisper as his throat tightened, causing him to swallow.

Natalie's hand stopped for a moment, then continued to travel all over Adrian's broad back.

"I had Julie. She needed me," she said, simply, and Adrian nodded, feeling tears burn in his eyes, unable to stop them.

He shifted a little, trying to hide his face but Natalie reached to him, placing her hand gently on the side of his face. He didn't flinch away or swipe her hand away. Instead, he closed his eyes and let his cheek rest in the warm nest of her palm. Only god knew how much he needed to feel the touch of other human being.

"Shhh," she cooed, her thumb slowly caressing his face. "Mr. Monk, you're not alone," she said, her voice soft and reassuring. "You have me and Julie. We love you and we will never leave you."

As if her words caused something inside Adrian to burst, he broke into tears and collapsed against Natalie, his body shaking as he wept against her chest.

She gasped, surprised and shocked, wrapping her arms tight around him. She could feel his tears soaking her blouse and wished to god she could make his pain go away.

Her protective hands traced all over his back while she whispered into his ear.

"Shhh, Mr. Monk, it's okay. Everything is okay... We'll never leave you."

Still shivering, Adrian wiped his eyes and slowly began to calm down. Pulling away from the shelter of Natalie's embrace, he swallowed and raised his eyes to her.

His heart felt strangely light. As if an enormous burden had been lifted off him. He was grateful for her to be there with him. He knew she meant every word she said, he trusted her completely.

His eyes drifted to the wet patch on her blouse. His chest tightened and nervous tics started to play on his face.

"Oh, that's nothing, that's okay, Mr. Monk. It'll dry off in no time," Natalie smiled, calming his agitation.

She always knew how to calm and comfort him, he would always feel safer with her around.

His mind suddenly made that unpredictable shift as he remembered their unexpected reunion back there in New Mexico. How wonderful it had felt when she appeared in that filthy, damned garage and smothered him in kisses. Yes, she had put their both lives into a deadly danger, but still, when she'd pulled him into her embrace and placed feverish kisses all over his face, he would've sworn he'd never felt more relieved in his life.

Nine kisses. An odd number. He'd been hoping for ten but they'd never got the chance.

Would it be wrong to ask her for one more?

His eyes were irresistibly attracted to her lips and Adrian couldn't help but smile when recalled how they'd felt on his skin.

But nine...

He smiled a little bit more, Natalie had always made him feel relieved. And safe. And loved.

"Natalie, I.. thank you, I will never..."

Another tic twisted his jaw and rolled his shoulder.

Nine...

His body tensed and Natalie placed her hand on his back again, reassuringly squeezing his shoulder.

"I know Mr. Monk. I know."

"Nat, would you mind kissing me?"

„I know you... what?"

Her mouth dropped open. She thought that during those four years she'd been working for him she'd gotten to know him pretty well, and in a way, her boss was quite predictable, but now, she was perfectly and completely shocked.

"Ehh... ahhh.. Mr. Monk, did you just ask me to kiss you?"

Adrian's eyes drifted from her lips to her eyes and back again and he nervously rubbed his hands on his knees.

"I did, I.. well, back then in Nevada, you only gave me nine kisses. If you gave me one more, it would be an even ten."

Natalie stared at him for a while, then came to life and gave a nervous chuckle.

"I... ahh... Of course I wouldn't mind!"

Adrian nodded. Obviously relieved he closed his eyes and exposed his face to her. Her mind went blank. Was that really happening?

Leaning forward, she brushed her lips up against that little stubble on his cheek. He hadn't shaved that morning and Natalie couldn't help but admire that incredible contrast between his boyish face when he was clean shaven and that rough look his growing facial hair gave him.

With her lips lingering right above his cheek, she waited for his reaction. Savoring the clean scent of his skin, she remained still for a couple of seconds, then finished her little kiss.

With her heart racing, she pulled herself away, ready to lighten up the whole situation, in some way, but Adrian never moved. With his eyes still closed and his lips stretched into a gentle smile, he looked, well, irresistible.

Stunned by his innocent yet still very masculine face, her mind muffled by the wonderful cocktail of her crazed hormones, she enclosed he gap between their faces again and pressed her lips to his skin, this time on the very corner of his mouth.

Adrian's eyes went wide open and he flinched away, jumping to his feet.

"Natalie! Natalie, what are you doing? Y.. you kissed me!"

"You asked me to."

"Not on the lips. You kissed me on the lips."

"Oh, come on, Mr. Monk, you liked it," Natalie smiled, teasingly patting his arm.

"I didn't..."

"Yes, you did. You didn't wipe it off."

That was a good point. Bewildered, Adrian opened his mouth and closed it again, no words came out. A box of tissues was sitting right there on the table and he felt no need to reach for it.

Patting the seat next to her, Natalie smiled.

"Come, Mr. Monk, sit down. Let's just forget about it. It was just a little friendly kiss, alright? I'm your friend today, not your assistant, remember?"

Adrian dropped on the couch, hanging his head in resignation.

"You don't understand, Natalie. I asked you for a kiss and you gave me two. Now you have to do it nine more times..."

"To make it another even ten," Natalie finished his sentence, almost laughing. "I got it, Mr. Monk. Let's fix it."

"You okay with that?"

"I'm sure I'll survive. But I'm surprised you are."

Instead of answering, Adrian pursed his lips and waited.

Natalie thought he seemed to be a little too enthusiastic about that kissing thing. Was that really all just about the numbers?

"Okay, Mr. Monk, get ready. Here we go."

Suddenly she felt the rush of blood in her veins again and something began to stir within her when the detective slightly leaned forward, pursing his lips a little bit more.

Still unable to believe what she was just doing, Natalie held her breath and slowly covered his lips with hers. First lightly, then pressed harder.

A wave of excitement washed over her. Her heart began to race when she realized she was kissing the sweet Adrian Monk.

Guided by instinct, she reached upward, caressing his face, and not only he didn't stop her, but he also began to response. His lips softened as he tried to return her kisses, so unsure and clumsy.

Natalie took in a shaky breath, their lips melted together. She cupped his face in both hands and tilted her head to deepen the kiss. With her eyes closed, she savored the wonderful taste of his fresh breath. It felt too good and apparently, he didn't hate it either.

She let her hands slide to the back of his head, and when her fingers found the edge of his hair, she could feel him smile. Running her fingers through his hair, it was getting pretty hard for her to control herself. Literally pulling on his hair, her breathing became rugged. She could feel him shiver and soon, her mind and all her senses became too occupied with her boss that it took a while for her to realize that he no longer was responding. She stopped, and trying to regain her self control, she pulled herself away.

Feeling a little dizzy, she opened her eyes to find Adrian staring at her, his eyes wide open, his chest moving up and down wildly as he was struggling for breath.

"Oh god…oh god, Mr. Monk, are you okay?" Squeezing his shoulder, she could feel his body stiff. Obviously, he was just experiencing one of his panic attacks and it was her fault. She went too far, was too swept away by feelings.

"Mr. Monk, I- I'm so sorry! Please, calm down… relax. I didn't mean to… nothing happened, I…"

Then she noticed it.

Adrian shut his eyes tight, desperately trying to cover his body response to Natalie's kiss. The familiar feel of shame burned through him, paralyzing every nerve in his body, the first thought was to brace himself and get ready to face Natalie's reaction, either it was going to be anger or ridicule.

But what he forgot was that no longer he was a teenager. And he was with Natalie.

"Mr. Monk… That's perfectly normal. I mean… we kissed and your reaction is perfectly normal… I mean, every man…"

He remained motionless and she tried again.

"Oh please, Mr. Monk, I'm begging you, stop thinking! You can't deny your needs and feelings! We kissed and you reacted in a perfectly natural way… It's a good thing. It means you were enjoying yourself."

"Sorry…" he whispered, his throat tightened. Natalie may be right, but how could he let it happen? Here, with her around? How would he ever be able to look her in the eye again?

He felt her move next to him. "Mr. Monk? Mr. Monk, look at me."

Something in her voice made him turn his face to her and he dared a glimpse at her. Her blue eyes were filled with focused concern, deep empathy, kind love and then there also was something else that he would not know to describe better than hunger. There had only been one other person in his life ever looking at him that way.

Before he could say something, Natalie reached up to caress his cheek again, her thumb scrapping on his stubble.

"It's been too long, Mr. Monk. It's okay not to be in control. It only means you're a human."

For a second time that day, Adrian found himself melt in Natalie's arms. Felling warm and safe he dared relax for just a second, before another thought crossed his mind. Like a bolt out of the blue he realized something terrifying but wonderful. He loved her. He loved Natalie.

Are you interested in hearing some more? The next chapter may be coming soon, depends on the feedback I receive ;)