Lancer sighed. From the looks her new Master was giving her, he didn't expect her. It seemed like she was a failure of a Servant, again. In all of the Grail Wars she was summoned, there was not one where she had been the excepted Servant. Either all were awaiting her to be male – and calling her King Arthur, for that matter. It's not like they weren't right, she'd been the King; at the beginning. But her history stated that she had been female. She couldn't bear the burden any longer and as such, revealed her true gender to the world. They called her the Queen of the Lilies, Arturia.

But she had a decorum to fulfill, and as such, she complied anyways. It was better to listen to her Master, lest he get angry and punish her… which would also not be the first time something like that happened.

"I am the Servant Lancer. I ask of you, are you my Master?"

"…" the person in front of her sighed, looking suddenly defeated. "Yes, I am; you're not who I expected, is all." he sighed again, "Again."

Lancer smiled sadly. So this was it, then. Her new Master won't believe her that she can fight, and use the Command Spell for something entirely different. Again. Still, she tried anyways. Her new Master didn't look like the last, so maybe there was a chance that he wouldn't force her.

"I assure you that I can still fight, despite my appearance Mas-"

"Don't-" he started, and Lancer was afraid that she'd done something offending. "Don't call me Master, please."

Lancer blinked. That was not the answer she was expecting. Shouldn't here the use of the Command Spell come, or the enraged shouting and physical harm? Her Master continued, without noticing her turmoil.

"My name is Emiya Shirou. You can call me that." he was smiling the same sad, fake smile she smiled at him only moments ago. "I'm afraid there's much to discuss, Lancer, so would you like to sit down? I can go make tea."

Lancer physically recoiled back, shaking her head furiously. Her new Master was probably playing the easy to trust part, but she won't fall for it again. He looked at her, surprised.

"Are you sure? We could go to the living room, if you'd like. The others are there, waiting."

Others? She knew it, he was only fooling around with her, willing her to trust those eyes of his.

"Well, alright." He shuffled uncomfortably and Lancer had to silently praise him for his act. It was convincing. "So, first off, there's no real Grail War anymore. It was destroyed years back."

She looked at him, but didn't try to look him into the eyes directly, that would be bad. She might've been Queen, but now she had no higher rank than a poor slave.

"Why did you summon me, then; Master?"

He grimaced at the use of Master, but answered her question with surprising warmth in his voice. "A friend of mine found a 'Servant Summon' spell that didn't use the Grail as a foundation-"

She knew what was now coming. 'Because of that, we'll have to use the Mana Transfer Ritual to provide you with energy'. And then she'd be less than a slave, then she'd be a tool.

"- and we've been trying to summon someone very dear to me, you see?" His smile faltered and the warmth receded, "But until now, it didn't really work."

Now his voice turned exasperated, "Like I thought, but still…"

He extended his hand towards Lancer – in a greeting, a handshake or to slap her or do worse she didn't know – and she shrunk back, her back hitting the wall, but she still shrunk further down, making herself as tiny as possible. With an undignified 'eek' she covered her head.

Out of the corner of her eyes she could see how her Master halted his hand and muttered something. She didn't know if he really said "Are you alright?" or if she imagined it, because she begun whimpering.

"Please don't hurt me. I'll do whatever you want but please don't hurt me."

Lancer was sobbing now, uncontrollably shaking. Soon her Master would hurt her – he would… he would…

She heard the door opening, a surprised "whoa?" someone female asking "What did you do?" and her Master answering "Nothing!" Surely that must be the Others her Master talked about. The woman must've been angry that she wasn't there to start breaking me, Lancer thought. She felt two hands touch her cheek and froze in fear, until a voice compelled her to look up.

Lancer opened her eyes and stared into a blackish visor, pale blonde hair covering a pale face. And even though this visored woman looked the scariest out of the (now) three occupants in the room, Lancer felt oddly at ease.

Then she hugged Lancer. Her whole body stiffened, until the woman spoke, "…all right…" and there and then, Lancer knew that she could trust this woman, who had the exact same voice as herself.

.0.0.0.

Shirou was sitting in the living room of his and Rin's apartment, holding the steaming cup of tea to his lips and exchanging glances with Tohsaka. She was looking worriedly at the pair seated in front of them, all the while mouthing apologies to him. He sighed. When she'd come to their apartment a few days ago, together with someone who looked oddly like his Saber, he'd been ecstatic at first, until he noticed that 'Saber' was 'Berserker'.

She explained that the Association had managed to create a 'Servant Summon' spell that could summon various Heroic Spirits without the help of the Grail. They apparently combined 'Familiar Summon' with the newly invented Class Cards and the Kaleidosticks – much to Rin's displeasure. And when Professor El Melloi II tried it out, it worked. The Association was in an uproar at the news, and they started debating which Servant to summon. So Rin had snatched the cards and Sapphire (Ruby was way too annoying) and headed straight for their apartment. What surprised her was that Berserker decided to follow along, since she heard from Waver why he tried summoning the King of Knights. Shirou was deeply moved when he heard that the obnoxious Professor tried to summon Saber for him. When he asked why he didn't summon Rider of the fourth War, Waver replied with "He wouldn't remember me anyways."

All of the Cards were laid out – minus Berserker – and Shirou did the Servant Summon spell himself. Instead of the Saber Card reacting however, Lancer reacted. And he apparently scared her half to death, like Rin had so nicely pointed out.

Lancer herself was currently snuggled up in a blanked, leaned against Berserker's frame, sipping her tea quietly. Shirou looked at the poor girl, who resembled his Saber so much, and wondered what could traumatize her so much. She hadn't left Berserkers side since coming out of the room – which Shirou and Rin had to leave first, at Berserkers silent command. For all her silence, she sure knew what she was doing.

What surprised Shirou the most however, was, that both girls were 'King Arthur' as Berserker so friendly supplied. As Shirou saw them, they were two facets of his Saber brought to extreme. The unrelenting King in Black, and the little girl in White.

"So…" he started. His Saber or not, he was still responsible for (apparently) both of them.

The other three occupants of the room looked at him. Tohsaka looked apologetically, Berserker had still her visor on and Lancer tried very hard not to look into his eyes. Shirou decided to let it slide.

"I'm not going to question you on what happened in the room." Berserker nodded and Lancer's shoulders sagged with relief. "Rather than that – " Lancer flinched, and Rin shot him a sympathetic smile. "- since there is no Grail War, how do you want to be called?"

Lancer looked up, surprised. Berserker raised her eyebrow slightly. "I mean," Shirou elaborated, "should we keep calling you 'Berserker' and 'Lancer'?"

After another short pause, he added, "Please don't use your real names, though. Its better the less know about it." Rin nodded at him approvingly. There was a short silence, until Berserker spoke.

"Alter." she pointed at herself, "Lily." she pointed at Lancer.

Shirou looked surprised at the pale haired woman in front of him, his eyebrow raising. Berserker – or Alter now – has never spoken so much in the last few days since she was here like in the last hour. Nodding to himself, he smiled. "Alter and Lily it is. Are you all right with that?"

The woman in white nodded silently, sipping at her tea.

He glanced back at Tohsaka as she was standing up, ready to leave. "Well, I guess we'd still better do some refining at the Clock Tower, before we'll be walking around with tens of 'Arthurs'. If we manage to find out what is blocking the correct summon, we'll send a notice to you. Until then, please look after Alter and Lily, Emiya-kun."

Standing in the doorway, Rin glanced back. "Trust me, we'll get her and the others back. Come, Sapphire."

And with these last words, began the Emiya-Lancer-Berserker household.

In the next passing month, Shirou and the two not-quite-Sabers had adjusted to their strange living arrangement. He noticed that Lily was shying away from him, at the beginning. She would always try to please him in any way possible, not believing a word that she could stay there for free. He also noticed that this was also almost a suicidal tendency of hers, when he found her scrubbing relentlessly at a stain that neither he, nor Alter saw, until her fingers were bleeding, at which point Shirou forbade her from touching the cleaning utensils.

Lily was also a surprisingly good chef, unlike the Alter or his Saber. When he'd been out late one night, hunting for a Dead Apostle, she had prepared him and Alter dinner. Without setting the kitchen on fire.

Alter on the other hand was a surprisingly quiet individual. Shirou would find her either reading, sparring or looking after Lily. The only times he caught a glimpse of one of her rare smiles was when Lily was doing her hardest – and failing – at obtaining the right in the kitchen over Shirou. No way would he give it up.

It wasn't that Alter was a cold person – none of the Saber-lookalikes were, in fact – she simply didn't like to speak too much. Whenever she spoke up, her words were chosen carefully. Whenever she spoke up, the whole room fell silent and listened.

And after a full month of living together with the two, they practically became family. Lily opened up to him – not about her past, but about men in general. She was the heart of their little household, always smiling bright, real, smiles. She and Alter also had some kind of twin-telepathy-thing going on, with Lily always answering most of the questions directed at Alter. And being glued to Alter.

The only thing that didn't change, Shirou mused as he cleared the breakfast table, is her use of calling me 'Master'. And Alter calling me 'Boy'. I honestly don't know which I prefer.

Then the doorbell rang, and his Utopia was shattered.

Rin was standing in the frame, waving apologetically. "…Tohsaka. Who is that?"

'That' being a blonde haired, green eyed individual, wearing blue-silver armor and, oddly, a hoodie. Shirou blinked. And blinked again. In the hands of the stranger was a bouquet of Hyacinth flowers and white tulips.

He groaned.

"…another one?"

She nodded.

"…the same?"

She nodded again. Pushing the still silent Servant into Shirou's arms, she replied. "Take care of him too. Utilizing both Kaleidosticks was a bad idea, apparently. We're still trying, though."

And thus, the magus known as Rin Tohsaka left the apartment of the poor Emiya.

"I –"

"Don't!" the reply was more forcefully than he'd intended. "I…I think I have a vase somewhere."

The root bless them, Alter and Lily chose this point to appear from the little library.

Alter even had the grace to look surprised, her eyes widening. Lily was the first one to speak.

"How… how.. I-you-we… huh?" she was confused. Shirou sighed.

"Alter, Lily, meet…" he glanced back. The newcomer supplied helpfully, "Arthur."

Ah, great. He hasn't even got an alias. Curse you, Rin.

"…Arthur. He'll be staying with us, for the time being."

"It's a pleasure meeting you, girls-" the now dubbed Arthur stated, but Alter interrupted him with probably the most important question on everyone's mind. "…how come that you are a man?"

The dumbfounded look on Arthur's face was almost worth the trouble, Shirou mused. And while the 'landlord' went to retrieve the flower vase, the three rulers of Britain started talking (or in Alter's case, nodding and listening). When Shirou appeared in the living room again, the vase of apology flowers in his hands, he was struck with horror at the bargain Arthur and Lily made.

"Dibs on the kitchen, then, my fellow Pendragon."

"NO!" Shirou could hear the laughing echo of his co-owner that was Rin, making fun of his situation. "The kitchen is off limits!"

And as Arthur turned to him, with this Archer-like smirk of smugness, Shirou knew that his empire was being invaded.

.0.0.0.

After two more weeks of new arrangements, the cooking trio had made up a schedule: breakfast, lunch and dinner would be switched up every day, all three activities falling to different chefs per meal. The one who drew the best benefits was Alter, who was enjoying the situation way too much. Lily and Arthur had bonded instantly, acting like true siblings at times, while it was now Alter's turn to follow Lily everywhere she went. She didn't seem to mind much, apparently, since she was happy that the scarred girl from two and a half months ago was finally gone. Shirou finally accepted that there was, indeed, a reality where King Arthur was actually… well, King Arthur and he and Arthur had bonded over, surprisingly, a fishing trip. The only thing that unnerved Shirou was the fact that Arthur's behavior would, sometimes, cross into the line of Archer's.

And as Shirou was cleaning up the remains of lunch, the three Pendragon's being in the living room, watching 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail', the doorbell rang.

Shirou froze. Going to the little phone, he picked it up, asking warily. "…Yes…?"

"Emiya?" the unmistakable voice of Waver Velvet, or Lord El Melloi the Second, was heard. Shirou sighed in relief before opening the door. "Sorry, Waver. I thought you were …Tohsa…ka…"

Next to the Lord wearing gold and red stood a man in white and red, completed with gold-red hair and red eyes.

"…" Shirou definitely didn't find this funny anymore. The Lord spoke up. "You see… we summoned him, but he wanted to stay with you and the other Servants. His name is –"

"Wait, let me guess." Shirou looked calmly at the man in front of him. "We already have Alter and Lily, and since two weeks Arthur –" he glanced back between the Lord and the Servant. "which means… tell me; that armor, is it roman?"

The still unidentified servant blinked. "Yes, it is. Quite the sharp eyes you have."

Shirou sighed. Yup, definitely. The speech was even similar. "Then you are …Artorius? Roman general, later King of Britain?"

The Servant nodded. "You are correct. However, it seems that I am not welcome here. If it truly is too much of a hassle –"

Shirou shook his head. "No, it's fine. You can stay, as long as you keep away from the kitchen. Sounds good?"

Artorius nodded, and Waver looked surprised at Shirou. "Long week?"

The teen nodded, turning his attention back to the Servant, "The others are in the living room, watching 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail'. You can join them, if you'd like."

Artorius was surprisingly easy to get along with. He and Alter both shared their love for books, spending much of the upcoming two weeks in the library – that is, if Alter and Lily weren't occupied with each other. It was surprising, to say the least, when Rin, on one of her rare visits, walked in on them doing something. The Tohsaka heir was adamantly refusing to answer what it was she had seen, muttering only 'Prana Exchange Ritual' and 'Mana Transfer Ritual'.

After that she was gone without a word.

Two weeks later, another surprise visit was on the list. The assistant of Lord El Melloi II / Waver Velvet, Grey, decided to drop in, saying hello to her ancestors. And escaping the Clock Tower politics.

That was one hell of a visit. Every one of the different incarnations of the King of Knights broke into a heated discussion on who of them was really Grey's ancestor. It almost went into a full blown war between the girls' and boys' faction, until Shirou pointed out that she probably was indirectly related to them, through Gawain or Kay.

And thus, Grey turned into the little sister of everyone.

Poor Shirou's home was getting very crowded by now. First Alter and Lily, then Arthur and Artorius and lastly Grey. Shirou was beginning to see a connection there. At least Rin was enjoying herself immensely at his misfortune.

"Don't worry, Master. I'm sure your 'Pendragon' will also come sooner or later."

Aww, how nice of you, Lily.

"The one who waits will be rewarded, boy."

And thine words of wisdom have been also noted, Alter.

Shirou sighed. If only it was true what they said. If only.

.0.0.0.

One fateful date, when her Master was not home, the doorbell rang. Lily – who was enjoying the latest show of British entertainment (namely, Doctor Who) – went to open it. She was pretty certain that the person ringing must be either Miss Rin or Lord Velvet, since it was an ungodly hour of twelve o'clock in the night. They probably came to retrieve Grey for a late-night mission or something.

Grey was already at the door, talking to the person across the little phone.

As well as Arthur, who had been making some midnight snack for them and the Master, when he returned sometimes in the morning hours, holding the whipping bowl in his hands. Artorius was also standing there, with a book in his hand and reading glasses, staring at the door.

Alter came last, raising an eyebrow at the scene.

Grey opened the door. "Everyone, please step back." They did so as instructed, and something – Kaleido Ruby – flew into the room, doing somersaults and flips in the air, singing "I did it~~"

No wonder Miss Rin didn't like it. Sapphire was much, much nicer.

The first person to enter the room was Miss Rin, looking as if she and Miss Luvia had another cat fight. She was covered in bruises and her hair was completely disheveled, but she grinned the most brightest, most triumphant grin Lily had ever seen on her.

"Emiya-kun isn't here, is he?" she looked around in the house.

"No, he went off; some secondary mission by the church." Arthur answered, still holding the bowl in hand.

"He ought to be back by the morning hours." Artorius added, not glancing up from his book. Lily continued with, "We had the whole house for us for the weekend." and Alter finished the almost oddly-sounding, almost rehearsed sentence with, "What brings you here?"

Lily saw the female magus sigh, then motion behind her. Ruby was still floating around. There was a large shadow in the door, and the Servant of the lance had to restrain herself from flinching too much. Out of the shadow, and into view of everyone, stepped Lord Velvet and a third person, who oddly looked like -

"You're we!" Lily exclaimed, with a mixture of shock and apprehension and expectancy. Noticing how it sounded, she tried again. "I mean... we are you – no, no wait. That also sounds bad. Uh, you're the us from here – no, wait. The original! You're the original us-!" Alter clamped her hand firmly onto the mumbling girls mouth, muttering "Excuse her." and ignoring the heat from the blush on her face.

The other them looked surprised at the scene before her, glancing at Rin and the professor, noticing how the former was biting her sleeves in … astonishment?

Arthur choose this moment to quip in. "It's a pleasure meeting you. As Lily already said, we're happy to meet you."

There was a collective nod from everyone in the group. The new blonde smiled faintly, introducing herself. "It is truly a pleasure meeting you. You may call me Saber. I have heard from Rin about what happened, and am surprised that there were so many ...variations of me – us – in the Throne of Heroes. Especially some that are apparently true to the legends." She glanced at still-reading-but-listening-intently Artorius and bowl-holding Arthur.

"And it is also a pleasure meeting you, Grey. I am honored to know that someone of your caliber is watching over Waver and Rin."

"Likewise." Grey gave a short bow, glancing at the two magi, who looked dumbfounded at Saber. She practically dissed them, while packing it away in a polite introduction. She seemed aware of that, since she glanced back with a smug smile.

Rin was peeved. "Since when did you get so quippy? Where did the calm, collected Servant go?"

Saber retorted back. "Spending almost an eternity in Avalon does wonders to redeem the soul, Rin."

The professor simply snorted.

There was a clang, as Arthur let the bowl fall, snickering all the while. Ruby was also present, laughing at Rin.

Alter glared at the stick, and it fell silent immediately. Rin sighed theatrically, showing Saber into the room. "There. You take care of her, Ruby, we're leaving."

She grabbed the magic wad forcefully and turned around, and Lily was almost sure that she was smoking from anger. Lord Velvet looked after her. "Well, it seems we're off, Grey."

She silently followed him, glancing at everyone and waving.

The door closed with a silent 'clank'

The room was silent.

"...so..." Nobody knew what to say, and nobody knew who said this. The silence prevailed, until someone's stomach grumbled. And then another. And another.

Then they laughed at that. "Hunger is the enemy, no?"

"Indeed it is."

"Just as is fatigue."

"And extravagance."

"We sure do have many enemies, it seems."

There was another round of laughter, and Lily had to wipe away a stray tear. "Hah~ I've always wanted to say that to myself."

"Indeed. People should appreciate it more." Saber was nodding her head, also smiling.

Lily's grin turned sly. "Then we'll eat, and after that we will prepare you adequately."

"Huh? 'Adequately'?" Saber looked perplexed, noting how the male half of the residence edged away into the kitchen. Lily's smile turned even more sweet, and Saber shivered. "Why, we have to arrange everything perfectly for Master. That includes you. You are his birthday present, after all."

Saber suddenly wished she were back with Rin, or had a weapon to defend herself with. She doubted that the protection of Avalon would be enough against herself.

.0.0.0.

Shirou Emiya was a tired man. The assignment by the church took him longer than expected, and he had to be away on his birthday. He only hoped that the girls would forgive him, for the first time in his life praying that Arthur had prepared something good.

Not that he'd tell that to him. Not over his dead body.

Opening the door, shouting "I'm back!" and closing it again, he was met by – or rather assaulted by – Lily, Alter, Artorius and Arthur. Everyone said a variation of 'Welcome back!' and Lily tugged at his hand.

Huh, she almost never does that to anyone except Alter.

"Your present is in your room, Master. Please hurry and open it."

And Shirou was showed in front of his room, having barely enough time to take off his jacket. All of the other ones were kept at bay with Alter's death glare, and Shirou opened the door to his room.

And closed it behind him with so much force that cracks formed on the wall.

"...Saber?"

"S-Shirou..."

She was there, sitting on his bed, looking at him embarrassed. She was there! On his bed! Really, really there! It seemed that Rin finally found the right formula or whatever – because his Saber, his Saber, was back.

Euphoria surging through him, he took the last few steps towards her, hugging her and kissing her deeply. She moaned his name, melting into his hug, loosening herself completely. Shirou trailed his fingers across her hair, her back, feeling the soft skin beneath them –

"...Saber?" he broke of their kiss, noting how cute her face looked when flushed. "Why... are you wearing this?"

'This' being the most exposing piece of lingerie Shirou had ever seen. Oh, it looked good on her, no doubt, but Saber was sitting practically naked on his bed, blushing strongly.

He also doubted that she owned something as revealing as this.

"...Uhm..."

The silence was telling him everything.

"...Lily did this?" a nod was the only sign of confirmation he needed. Shirou sighed, trying very hard to not think about why she had such lingerie in the first place.

He smiled at her again, and she gave him a glare. "Well, it could be worse."

Then, as if to spite him, his door was flung open, and another Saber-lookalike shouted:

"I, Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus have come, Praetor!"

followed by a surprised-sounding, "F-father?! What are you wearing?!" and an apologetic sounding, "Oh my, gomenasai."

Shirou could've sworn he heard Archer laugh at his misery.

.0.0.0.

This... I don't even...

This whole fic came out of the 'Saber-Clones' and her famous 'hunger is the enemy' line. I practically wrote the whole thing only for the last 3 pages.

And for AlterxLily

Read and Review, please! I really need the feedback to know if I had them in-character, or if I have to change something in my writing style, etc. And don't Worry, the next chapter of Fate/Who is already halfway done!

Hm... also, who'd be interested in a Fate/Avalon High crossover pilot-chapter-one-shot-thing? Movie verse, since I didn't read the book.