Chapter 1: Bathrobe distractions

A/N: This is Sheldon's point of view after 9x02. Thank you so much my dear friends Hazelra7 and ShAmy4eva for helping me with this story! I don't own anything.

As the brilliant physicist that he was, Sheldon Cooper had an extensive knowledge of the entire universe and, consequently, everything it contains. He could easily recite pi to a thousand places, solve complex indefinite integrals in his head, switch fields from string theory to dark matter without any effort and was even able to handle the metric system by now.

However, even his genius mind had been slightly baffled at times by a phenomenon known as human interactions, especially if the female, hormone-ridden part of the population was involved – to be more specific, the girl who once was a friend (oh those simpler times), who then became a girlfriend (with everything it entailed – handholding, cuddling and even kissing on date nights!), then a girlfriend who needed to take a step back (after the hottest make-out session ever!), and finally a girlfriend who defined the current state of their relationship as 'broken up' (without having given him closure yet on that kiss he had wanted to continue before she had killed the mood – didn't she know by now how those things affected him?).

But nevertheless she was still his girlfriend since neither of them had mentioned the relationship agreement. He had already planned on feigning acute hearing loss if she were to bring it up – a particularly clever ruse since then she would have to turn into booboo and ouchie mode and take care of him. So it was still in place, even if their regular schedule was slightly off (no replies to his text messages or voice mails, how impolite, no wonder he had to check on her regularly), but he was willing to let it go for her sake and give her the time to reevaluate their situation (again, which 'situation', please?) so there was nary an attempt of contact from his side. These were just a few of the compromises that he did for her all the time, and they were never really appreciated. Everyone else would have gotten several strikes by now for such blatant disregard of their contractual obligations!

Seriously, how much more time would anyone in their right mind require for such a reevaluation? He had practically given her an eternity already, she had defined that period so herself when he had made her watch the extended edition of Lord of the Rings. She was supposed to be a genius, though admittedly, she only worked in biology, but she should have figured everything out by now. Sheldon remembered a Skype call they had rather early in their relationship where they talked about their childhood – he had told her about his nuclear reactor in the shed and Amy had countered with how she started inventing a language of her own after being locked in a closet for having dissected her first brain – that of her neighbor's pet mouse after having an unfortunate encounter with her cat. Anyway, if she still hadn't figured it out yet, perhaps her mother should have had her tested, too, instead of punishing her for alleged sinning – oh, and by the way his own mother could have given her mother an extensive lecture about what sinning was really about, with current examples from her own life…

Luckily for her, he was here for his little moth to help her see reason. Tonight was supposed to be date night at her place. At least he still cared about their schedules even if her hippie-dippy mind was obviously confused lately – he resisted the urge to check her apartment for drugs and concerning the other possibility he hoped her behavior couldn't be explained by an early onset of menopause because the world still had to be blessed with their benign overlords.

So here he was, sitting on her couch, having let himself in in true Feynman fashion after she hadn't responded to his cute triple knocking (if that other famous physicist had managed to crack the locks containing the atomic secrets at Los Alamos, this apartment door hiding all secrets and possessions of his girlfriend was no real obstacle for the brilliance of one Sheldon Lee Cooper; she seriously should be more concerned that her lock was that easy to pick, possibly even for non-genius people!).

Now he was patiently waiting for her to finish the shower she seemed to be taking from the sound of it (again, her normally assiduous sense for timing and schedules was strangely out of order lately, but again he was willing to let it go). He had even brought her severed plant genitals, the largest ones he could get, sunflowers labeled 'giant wheel' – simply to prove his point on how impractical such gestures were.

Lost in thoughts, his Vulcan hearing seemed to have failed him as he'd been unaware that her bathroom door had opened (how strange that he had just thought about acute hearing loss – perhaps his mother was right that one should never joke about those things).

"Ahhh!" Amy suddenly screamed upon seeing an intruder on her couch hidden behind a dozen giant sunflowers.

"Ahhh!" Sheldon screamed back and dropped the flowers, startled by her sudden appearance and outburst while his mind had been otherwise occupied.

"You scared me!" Both managed to get out at the same time.

"What are you doing here, Sheldon?" Amy asked, stepping closer, her voice still shaking while she clutched her bathrobe tightly around her to preserve some modesty.

Sheldon had dropped to one knee to pick up the flowers when he looked up at her standing so close in front of him. Her thin, tightly hugged robe was barely covering her knees and outlining her luscious curves rather evidently. Her hair was still slightly wet and tied into a messy bun with single strands falling onto her shoulders which he itched to touch and put back in place. However, what had him gulping despite his suddenly dry mouth wasn't just that sight in front of him, but also that intoxicating scent emanating from her.

"Cherries," he whispered as he inhaled her fragrance once more.

"Correct, well observed. I have a cherry-scented anti-dandruff shampoo. Now what do you want Sheldon?" Amy asked in a calmer voice as she folded her arms in front of her breasts. This action only served to define their shape even more. The movement also caused the bathrobe to open slightly around her legs, exposing those shapely limbs further. Sheldon was acutely aware of both issues and couldn't decide which of those parts demanded his utmost scrutiny, so he settled for roaming his eyes all over her body instead.

Suddenly realizing the position they were in, he briefly considered reaching into his back pocket to present the small velvety box he had been carrying around for the past few weeks. It never hurt to be prepared, but as far as he could tell, that wasn't exactly the happy kissy face required for such an endeavor.

"It's date night," he simply said instead as he broke his trance and got up with the flowers in his hands and shoved them towards her.

"No, it's not. We don't date anymore. Go home, Sheldon," Amy said as she automatically grabbed the flowers that had been tossed towards her.

Sheldon was suddenly afraid to point out that she herself had feverously bargained to increase the date night frequency, fearing what she might have to say about the current status of the relationship agreement. He felt that in this rare case it might be better not to have closure so that in his mind Schrödinger's cat was still alive and well.

Not that he doubted it, of course. This whole breaking-up malarkey surely was a harsh decision based on some uterus stuff. After all, he was a delight! She herself had said that he was the most fun person to be around. He just needed to convince her, that it would be a great idea for him to stay here tonight – uhm, for date night, he hastily added to himself. And no, he didn't even want to start getting into the details on why his mind seemed to treat him with such mental Freudian slips recently – all his talk about physical intimacy to win her back because he obviously was irresistible to his little moth (just look how fast she was back with him after his recent fun with flags video…) might be rubbing off on himself after all.

Amy was sniffing the flowers now and he smiled. Of course she liked them, it was a very thoughtful present and not easy at all to get them in this size.

"But… I've brought you flowers," was his eloquent reply. Great, he seemed to be reduced to stating the obvious now.

Amy sighed. "Don't you find it peculiar that it's only since we've broken up" – Sheldon cringed at her words – "that you're suddenly coming over all the time, and now you've seemed to have changed your tactic and decided to bring me flowers? Something that I've longed for in vain but never received when we were together?"

Sheldon shook his head in the negative. "No. This is only what people unfamiliar with the law of great numbers would call a coincidence. You've complained about the mushroom log, so I've got you something more impractical. Let's see in one year, which of those two will still be blossoming and providing you with valuable nutrition, shall we?" However, at that moment the thought occurred to him that this might not have been one of his most brilliant ideas, as sunflowers can give seeds, which she can feed to birds, who can then terrorize him … oh boy why hadn't he gotten some harmless roses instead, at least with those thorns he'd know what he was getting into without having to worry about some ominous future.

"Sheldon, just leave me alone, I'm really tired," Amy said, still standing close in front of him.

"So you want to move this to the bed already?" He leered at her. Of course she wanted him, and persuading her to admit it seemed to be much easier than he had thought. Not that he would really know what to do if she accepted this bold suggestion, but at least with this clever remark he would have her swooning any second now and begging him to take her back…

Amy, however, placed her hands on her hips and leaned several inches closer to him. Oh, this cherry scent was really starting to confuse his senses… focus Cooper, she's speaking again… "What is it with you and your innuendos all of a sudden? For years you treat me like I'm a sex-crazed pervert, and now you're tossing all those insinuations at me? Are you that desperate to get me back?" She ranted with a slightly raised voice, then her shoulders hunched and she spoke in a lower tone again. "You don't really want those things. It's always me who has to push it. And I am not sure that I can accept that status for the rest of my life. But that's not the main problem. I don't even know if I'm a priority with you at all, if you're committed to me like you are to your TV series or any other stuff."

"You have no idea of my commitment to you, woman!" Sheldon said agitated. Didn't she get it? Contrary to his concerns about committing to the Flash TV show, his commitment to her had never been in question at all.

"Obviously, since you're doing such an excellent job of hiding it!" Amy's voice was raised again now. "So, if everything's about sex with you now, why don't you practice with your pizza dough and go away, or are you working on getting another restraining order for your collection?"

Hm, that conversation hadn't exactly turned out the way he imagined it. "I don't want pizza dough," he simply said.

Amy's eyes were sparkling now and her cheeks had a rosy hue. Given those hints, in decreased order of likelihood, she must be either running a fever, getting aroused or angry. Before he could address his assumptions, he was distracted by the fact that her hands still resting on her hips had caused her robe to open slightly, exposing more of her legs and cleavage. He desperately tried not to let these distractions divert him even more. He needed a few more cues to figure out her mood, he was getting better at those things.

"Yeah, sure, you want the real thing. Let's see if you can handle it," she said, her voice raised again.

What was it about people and their need to shout? His parents had done that all the time, and it had never helped to improve the situation. Furthermore, it really wasn't necessary as his Vulcan hearing… uhm… Vulcans… Kolinahr… oh boy his brain seemed to have severe problems all of a sudden in processing even the simplest of thoughts as he watched Amy untie the cotton belt of her robe and shrug her shoulders to let it slide to the floor. He could only gaze at her beautiful body and gasp.

Amy simply stood there, hands on her hips again, her dark green eyes still sparkling at him. He wasn't the best at getting facial cues, but she seemed to be challenging him for some reason… anyway, her face wasn't the part he found most interesting at that moment. Her breasts swayed softly as she breathed and her nipples turned rigid as he watched them – must be due to the cool air around them. His eyes moved further down, over the soft curves of her belly and even further to the dark brown curls below as he was obviously allowed to look now, contrary to that time when she had pretended to be sick and he had been bathing her (and peeking).

"Nah, didn't think so." Amy's words finally brought him back from the zone and he realized he hadn't made a move yet. She turned around and bent over to pick up her robe, presenting him her enticing posterior in all its glory.

"Don't move." Finally his brain seemed to be able to command his body again, but was that really his own voice, so strangled and hoarse at the same time?

Sheldon expected to be given a piece of her mind, but strangely she obeyed, staying in that bent-forward position, her hands still grasping the robe, but not getting up. Neither of them moved nor spoke.

It was a surreal situation, and yet he couldn't tear his gaze away from her lush curves. She was so close, he could practically feel the heat radiating off her body. Her skin looked so soft, would it feel the same way? He had no idea what he was supposed to do now. Could he dare to actually touch her? Did she expect him to? Good lord, did she just wiggle around ever so slightly or had he finally gone mad and started hallucinating? Perhaps she was getting uncomfortable. He should just leave, this truly was insane!

He watched mesmerized as one hand reached out on its own accord and made contact, tentatively stroking her bottom – oh, so soft and firm at the same time! He felt her shiver and there were goose bumps on her skin. She should adjust the thermostat if she ran around in her apartment in this attire. No wonder she put on all those layers of clothing normally. At least she wouldn't complain about the temperature being too low like Leonard always did if she were his roommate…

Now, what was his body doing? While he had been musing about thermostats and temperatures his other hand had joined the first one and was happily participating in all that touching. And how exactly had he gotten so close to her? He was practically touching her with his body while his hands were caressing her posterior, committing every curve and dimple to his eidetic memory.

Amy's breathing sounded shallow and fast now – was she having a panic attack? No, though it must be uncomfortable for her respiration process to be bent over this way. Just as he was about to suggest a remedy for that situation, his little moth seemed to have had the same thought and slowly stood up, obviously drawn to his fire as usual. Ha, if that wasn't another proof that she still wanted him!

Oh boy, he was really close now… like really really close… he could nuzzle his nose in her hair… mmh, more cherries… his hands had wandered up her back now, gently pulling those errand strands of hair aside to further expose her shoulders. There was nothing slightly hunched about them anymore as she leaned back into him, her arms hanging loosely by her sides, her head tilted sideways and to the back to rest on his shoulder. Yet despite that more comfortable position her breathing frequency was still elevated and was also becoming irregular now, however he couldn't trust his voice currently to express concern and to ask her if everything was alright.

Sheldon was still stroking her shoulders and was starting to move his hands further down again when he became acutely aware how all this closeness, touching, her exposed skin and her scent was affecting his bathing suit parts. He moved back slightly, hoping she hadn't noticed, but that vixen followed him – and did she actually wiggle against him or was that just his imagination again? How had they gotten so close, this was becoming too dangerous, he couldn't control it!

"I… I need to go… enjoy the flowers," he croaked out, and before Amy could fully turn around, he was out of the door and making a bee line to the stairs.

A/N: Don't hate me, there will be more to come:-)