Chapter 2: I'm Unfortunate

I had issues. Like, a lot of issues—and that would extend to how I was currently feeling. I was afraid. I was unconfident. And I would readily conclude that I was not good parent material. I especially did not want the responsibility.

I had a literal freak-out moment when the Hokage had told me, "I want you to be Naruto-kun's parent."

What did the Hokage think? Well, when I spilled out the details of my sob story that gave birth to my many problematic matters. I also highlighted that I had depression. It's not like I ever visited a psychologist and had my symptoms marked off on a checklist, but I could say that I was depressed. Depressed in a way that I had more downs than ups and the only way I could resolve my pitfall of self-pity was to read cliché romance novels and indulge in sweets.

Anyway, the Hokage just fixed me a sad look. He pontificated about how despairing souls were linked together in a great understanding of despairing and blah blah blah and how my situation would be able to help me connect better with Naruto and blah blah blah and our lonesome hearts could remedy that ache by love and blah blah blah.

I gave him a look and then mentioned again that I had depression. I was emotionally unstable—that was what depression usually entailed. Surely the Hokage didn't want an emotionally unstable woman to be the guardian of his pseudo-grandson, right?

Apparently, he didn't care. He talked again and I suppressed the urge to tune him out. I was thirty and I had yet to shake off of my long-ingrained instinct to tune out geezers. But it was so hard—he had this tone in his voice where you could tell that he was old and approaching senility and had gems of wisdom that you would regret to appreciate until you were as ancient as him.

So, in a nutshell, the Hokage just told me to get over it.

"I insist that you take after young Naruto-kun," he said to me.

"Why don't you do it?" was what I wanted to ask him, but I didn't say it aloud.

Hmm. To be saddled with a kid or to not be at all. I measured my options here.

Who was I kidding? I had no options! This was a shinobi village where the Hokage got to be a totalitarian dick even towards the poor civilians who were strung along in the mess.

"If you do, you will be provided an apartment and a job as a secretary at the Tower."

A totalitarian dick who turned out to be a benevolent savior. Hallelujah!

I signed the adoption papers and Naruto officially became my charge.

I was still on the fence about this. I mean, for all those times when I was with him, he behaved as any little boy should. There were signs of neglect and mistreatment that manifested in his actions, and I now came to understand that they originated from the villagers' open scorn for him. He wasn't a bad kid; he was just needy.

On the other hand, the rumors could hold some truth in which the Kyuubi was manipulating Naruto. Naruto's outward behavior could be merely a clever façade that not even the Hokage could detect the deceit. I thought that it was plausible—it was the demon fox, after all, and it wasn't like humans could accurately calculate its power after one night. For all I knew, the Kyuubi could be slithering into the kid's mind and be using him as a puppet. That or he was a ticking time bomb just ready to explode.

I knew that the Hokage was well-aware of my prior obliviousness to Naruto's status as the demon container, but what was he thinking making me taking care of the kid? Now that I knew about Naruto, shouldn't he expect that I would act as the scared little civilian? Which I was. I was scared. This unpredictability of what was going to happen in my drastically changed lifetime got me edgy. And being a scared civilian would mean that I would be an awful parent.

But considering how the Hokage's nepotism for the container was blatant and how the situation had turned out for me, I could see that I was nothing more than a glorified babysitter than a guardian. I was expendable, basically. If Naruto transformed into a raging monster and made me into a red splattered artwork, the old man could just replace me with another unwilling sucker.

Additionally, I was basically cornered. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have signed the papers, but, since this was thrust at me with the undercurrent of coercion, I more or less accepted my fate.

Besides, what else could I do? No job and no home—I was only guessing that the Hokage wouldn't give me these handouts unless I agreed to take care of Naruto. Not to mention how society had commenced on ostracizing me. If I was going to spend the rest of my days as an outcast, I might as well do it with the kid (and with a new and hopefully permanent home and job).

Naruto, who was walking by my side, looked up at me and asked, "Can I call you Mom?"

I did a whole body twitch.

/00/

There was a long process before I could move into my new apartment. There were more papers to sign, of course. And, for reasons I didn't understand, the process for getting Naruto out of the orphanage and into my less-than-capable hands. Apparently, adopting a kid wasn't as simple as adopting a dog from the pound. Although, I probably shouldn't compare children to animals (even though they displayed similar tendencies).

Since I didn't get the apartment yet, I was currently being housed at Mom's place, which was an awful experience. Ever since Dad kicked the bucket, Mom became overbearing. I sort of get why she would be the way she was now, but treating me as though I was the same naïve defiant squirt had long past grated my nerves and had me list Mom as the last person to move in with if I ever needed somewhere to stay.

(First person had been my ex-boyfriend. Second person was Mom. Yeah, I know—it's such a long list.)

Since learning that I was going to adopt the demon container, Mom went ballistic. She started screaming and pacing around inside the house and waving her spatula menacingly. She then stopped and ordered me to not do it.

"It's too late, Mom," I told her. "I already signed the papers."

"How can you be so stupid?" she cried. "I never raised you to be stupid!"

I felt a twinge of irritation, but I snuffed that out after remembering that Mom, in her wizened, weather-beaten age, was possibly prone to senility (just like how the Hokage would be in a few years). The woman had definitely gotten louder and more assertive. Once, she didn't even hesitate in shouting at a shinobi when she found him sitting on her roof. Really, it was quite the personality change because the Mom from my childhood would only contemplate chucking eggs at any shinobi who would sit on the roof.

There was no way that I could rationalize with a hysteric old lady, but, like the fool I happened to be, I tried to. "Look, Mom, it's not all bad. I got that grandchild that you've always been badgering me to get."

"I wanted you to get married first and then have children of your own!" Mom dropped the spatula, leaving it to clatter noisily onto the floor, and placed a hand on her forehead. "But to have a son before marriage? A son who is the Kyuubi?"

At this point, I regained enough sense to not say anything. I might set loose a trigger and cause her to go back screaming at me and telling me to get out if I uttered another word. So, instead, I backed away slowly while keeping my eyes trained on my mother who was now lamenting on her life's misfortunes.

I found that to be unfair. It wasn't like she was forced to be a parent.

So, at long last, Naruto became my charge. On the way to the apartment, Naruto held my hand, which I willed myself not to cringe. As much as I wanted to, I didn't yank my hand out of his grasp. There was still that possibility that Naruto wasn't the Kyuubi and was just an ordinary kid. Further displays of contempt, especially from his new guardian, would place more negativity to his mental growth.

I focused all my energy on that possibility—that Naruto was just any other half-pint twerp—because I didn't want to spend the rest of my life crying in fear every time he would glance at me. I also didn't want to spend the rest of my life as a parent, being ostracized, and questioning the government, but that was life for you.

Naruto, totally unaware of how much grief he caused me, merrily ambled down the road with a happy grin plastered on his face. "Hehehe," he giggled. "I get a new home!"

"Mmhm."

"Ne, do I get my own room?"

"Yup."

"Yay!"

Because the apartment was located somewhere far, there was plenty of walking to do. At some point, Naruto was whining about his feet aching. My feet were aching too, but you didn't hear me complaining. But he kept casting me these hopeful looks that I couldn't ignore it anymore.

"What?" I asked.

"N-nothing," he quickly said, looking away.

Gosh, I hope he wouldn't ask me to carry him.

"But… Can you carry me?" he asked.

"I could," I said, "but I won't."

"What? Why?" he cried.

"Well, why should I?"

"I'm tired!"

"I'm tired too."

"But—but—but—"

"I'm also not a shinobi, so I get tired really easily. So easily that I'm almost ready to fall asleep right now."

He scrunched his nose. "Maybe it's because you're fat."

Oh, he was so not getting a piggyback now. "Naruto, you shouldn't say rude things like that."

"Why? It's true, though!" He poked my stomach. "See? Fat!"

I wasn't fat! I was just mildly out of shape. "Saying things like that hurts my feelings. I feel very sad now."

"You can't get hurt from that. You're a grownup."

"Grownups can feel sad too, you know."

"Yeah, but—but you're a grownup. You're not supposed to feel sad from that."

"Well, I do feel sad. Very, very sad."

He pouted. "You're lying," he accused.

I raised an eyebrow. "What makes you say that?"

"Because you're a grownup!"

"Are you saying that grownups can't feel sad?"

"Grownups aren't supposed to feel sad from what I say."

"Because you're a kid?"

"Because…" He lowered his gaze and shrugged. "Because… I dunno."

Okay, then.

We continued walking towards the apartment. Naruto was no longer smiling, his grip on my hand had loosened, and our feet were still sore.