Nick sits on the edge of the bed, trembling.

He was gripped by a nightmare, one of the worst recurring nightmares he gets. The other terrors, the sensation of being trapped, the crushing impact of the crash; the walls of hospitals; those he could handle.

But this one.

He's standing at the bottom of the quarry. looking up he can see Carla. He calls out to her but she cant hear him, she doesn't see him. He isn't even there to her.

She is moving ever so slowly closer to the edge. He exhaled once, twice. He can feel his vocal chords tearing as he screams her name over and over

"Carla, please. I need you. Please. Stop. Please"

Nick falls to his knees, burying his head in his hands. Blood soaks his shirt, the source of the bleeding unclear but nonetheless terrifying

The next image he sees is of Carla laying on the floor next to him. He cradles her in his arms. One last gut wrenching scream leaving his body

His own scream is what woke him, his skin on fire.

The light was shining through the window, settling gently on Carla's sleeping figure beside him, Nick resists he urge to feel her neck for a pulse, to bring an ear to his mouth, listening for deep, even breaths. Instead stroking the stray hairs that fell onto her face. She seemed so at peace, so beautiful, that it overwhelmed Nick and filled him with a fondness so intense that it mimicked pain.

Though her own mind was healing from the traumas they had faced together. It appeared his own demons refused to forget all they had endured. No, he had to push his own problems away. His focus was and always would be Carla

"Hey, Carla" He whispers softly, trying to convey his emotions through his eyes.

"Hmmm?" she says sleepily, her eyelids drooping as soon as she opened them

"I love you." Nick says, reaching out to stroke her cheek, Carla leaning into his touch.

"I love...I love you too...Nicky." She mumbles. "What are you thinking about?" eyes still closed and breathing still deep.

"A lot of things," Nick says and cant help but smile. Carla wasn't even awake, but she was caring for him even in her sleep.

"Good things or bad things?" She asks, her voice like liquid amber caressing Nicks mind, calming his racing thoughts

"Its just, its nothing" He says, suddenly afraid to say anything that might worry her

"You woke me up, so something must be up. What is it? Another nightmare?"

Nick nods, not fully trusting his voice

Carla wraps an arm over his waist and rests her hand on his chest. Bringing up her other arm to cup his face, their entire bodies pressed up against each other. Nick melted into her, savouring the feeling of her warmth soaking into him. She rested her head under Nick's chin, her breaths hot against his neck

"Can I ask you something?" he answered, hesitantly though; he was not so sure that Carla would be so open once she heard the question.

"Should I worry about you relapsing?"

Carla stilled and grimaced. It was not the question she had been anticipating, and it was certainly not one she had ever desired to hear. Irritation flared inside her. Would no one ever allow her to move forward? Would this be her association for the rest of her life? Was her credibility irreparably tainted, never to be trusted again? Would she forever be doubted, accused, and interrogated? Even after months of hard work. Was this now her life

Nick struggled to remain resolute as he watched Carla, resisting the instinctive urge to apologize and drop the subject to subvert conflict. He breathed through it and committed to his decision. He could not cope with not knowing any longer

Nightmares consumed him. Days were spent imagining Carla hopeless and dying, and wondering could it happen again? Every source said it would. Stories of recovery were fleeting. Relapse seemed to be presented as the accepted, inevitable end, and Nick needed to know if that was the truth—needed to know that it wasn't.

Carla opened her mouth to snap and then shut it; there was a sincerity in Nick's eyes that extinguished her anger. Nick had earned this conversation through the labour of dedication, love, and loyalty. There was one problem though, Carla didn't know. The nature of eating disorders is hostility, defensiveness, and deceit. Could Carla ever really make such a promise with sincerity?

I don't know" she admitted. Her confession was an immense burden for both of them to bear

"I guess what I really want to know is this: if you relapsed, would you tell me? Would you be open with me if you were struggling? I just wonder sometimes, what if you were, and I just didn't notice? I worry that I wouldn't. I worry that I'd lose you because of it."

"Nick..." she whispers softly

"My nightmare. It was of you at the quarry, I found you, but I was too late. Every time, I'm always too late" He adds sadly

"I think this version of me is healthy enough and committed enough to be able to do the right thing if I were to struggle again. But I guess you never know what you're going to do for sure," Carla began slowly, and Nick knew enough to understand that. "I don't really like to imagine myself getting back to that point. I don't want to think of the idea. It's scary, but that doesn't mean it will never happen"

"I can live with that" Nick smiles

"Things are so different now. I have you. I have family; Michelle and Kate. Work is much easier now with Johnny helping Aiden out. Things are so... normal now. Even Rob has stopped writing to me"

"Is normal bad?"

"Not bad. Just, scary is suppose. But I've learnt that fear shouldn't, no won't, control me. Recovery is learning that it's ok to be afraid. I do things every day that scare me"

"That seems like something to be proud of to me," Nick said. Carla glanced up in surprise which was not to discredit Nick. Rather, it was that it can be very difficult to be proud of the ability to do things that the average person does daily with no problem. When the thought is still a bitter I should have never had this disorder in the first place, it is near impossible to be proud.

She wondered how she had ever managed to endure a life without the love Nick brought her. She wondered how she had ever survived such dullness, how she had ever coped with a life that lacked the vibrancy and richness that he gifted

"Stop thinking, just for now. Listen," Carla says, sitting up and pulling his head onto her chest. Nick marvelled at how perfectly their bodies fitted together. He could hear her heart beating smoothly in her chest.

"You hear that?"

"Yes," Nick whispered.

"Good. Go to sleep."

And he did

-‐-

Johnny frowned at the letter in his hand, at the sharp, pointed script he was sure he had seen somewhere before. He carefully tears the envelope open, inside is a crumpled, ripped photo, something taken out of an album.

A kid in a baggy t-shirt, long dark hair hanging loosely around her face, unsmiling at the camera. Johnny instantly recognises who the child is before flipping the photo over. The words written on the back send a chill down his spine

Finally reunited with your daughter

"What's that?" Aiden asks as he sits at his desk. His tone was light and mildly curious. Johnny was instantly on guard, hastily putting the photo inside he jacket pocket

"Someone's got a secret" Kate chimed jokingly

"What are you doing here?"

"So your only daughter can't come and see her own father at work?" Kate gasped before laughing

"You know that's not how I meant it" Johnny huffed

"I know. You're just all flustered because of your love letter from your secret girlfriend" Kate teased before leaning over and giving her dad a kiss on the cheek

"Very funny" He exhales forcefully, trying to calm the whirlwind of emotions inside him. Hurt. Anger. Frustration. Shame. Embarrassment. Everything he hates all swirled into one. He had to get out of here. Find out who had sent him the photo. Shaking his head to get back to here and now. He turned to Kate and put on one of his default smiles, it had been a long time since he had needed to use one of them and he could feel something breaking inside him as he did.

"I've got a few things to do this morning. I'll umm, I'll call you later" He moved with such speed that Aiden and Kate hardly had time to register what happened. With each step he took his façade cracked, and by the time he stopped outside the Rovers the only thing left was pure exhaustion

"You got his letter then"

"What?" Johnny spun around only to be greeted by Tracy

"You heard" She smirked

"What are you on about? He grits his teeth, refusing to take the bait.

"Don't play dumb. He wants to see you"

"Who?"

"You really haven't worked that out?" She laughs "Your daughters brother of course"

"Rob?" He whispers in an almost inaudible tone. The colour drains from his face as everything falls into place. The letters he had been sending to Carla, the photo. Part of Johnny had been expecting it, he had never deluded himself enough to believe Sharon could keep quiet

"What does he want?" The words clogged in his throat, words of regret, of sorrow, of pleading, begging words, words to change the inevitable outcome.

This wasn't happening.

Couldn't be happening.

It was going to ruin everything

For everyone