Author's Note: It's been awhile and I apologize for it. I sit in front of a computer all day long and it's difficult to come home and write. On top of that, I lost everything with my old computer and just didn't have the drive to continue to write for awhile at least. Anyway, I want to finish this story, so expect it to be finished, even though it's taking longer than it should. I hope you guys like this chapter! It's more insightful than action packed. Let me know what you think!

Thank you to: Whitmom, FirebuggATL, Guest, Guest, nelle76 (x2!), HunterT, Ang R (x9), adavisa, OnewholovesSJ, sheshe073, shannie83, reina13, Ellavm18, luball8, xDarkDesiresLightx, Jowell567, easmith75, JaraSoa2008, Foreverkee, RhondaL, Guest, Guest, Crazy808, Gladz08, and IRL01!

Chapter 10 By Your Side

"Good morning, Tara. How are you feeling today?" A nurse asked on the morning before Tara would be released from the hospital. This nurse came in every day with the same amount of chipper, and asked the same questions. And day after day Tara replied in the same manner.

"Fine, I'm fine." She said staring out the window.

Jax was usually out when this nurse came in, going to get an edible breakfast, since neither of them could stomach eating the substance the hospital called food. Jax tried to mix it up too, so sometimes they'd have sandwiches and other times it would be Danishes and coffee or her personal favorite - burritos. Whatever it was, Jax made sure it was something she liked.

And she appreciated him all the more for it.

What she didn't appreciate was how unbelievably guilty she felt at having caused all of this pain for him. As much as she appreciated him being here, she also felt guilty that she'd created this situation. She was guilty that she dragged him down here, that this was done to her – she should've told him what was going on in the first place – but most of all, she felt guilty for hiding the truth from him.

And now, he was going above and beyond to make sure she was taken care of. She felt like a failure, but more prominently she felt like she didn't deserve him.

It was a strange feeling to feel this intense guilt, shame, and self-loathing. It was unlike her to feel so…lost and so much dislike for herself. She kept trying to push it back, but…it was brewing beneath the surface.

She felt like she'd had this opportunity to date him again after all this time and she had messed it up. Fate had thrown them back together and she had betrayed his trust as well as hurt him.

There was just a large pit of guilt sitting in her stomach eating away at her insides and becoming worse day by day.

Jax should be angrier with her.

And yet, he doted on her hand and foot to make sure she was okay.

"Good to hear. Are you happy to be going home?" the nurse asked a distant Tara.

Tara slowly turned toward her not knowing how to answer that. She'd be released tomorrow and that meant…that meant facing reality. She had to call her school…she had to call her job. Could she even go home? How would she feel being alone with Joshua Kohn still out there? Was she even safe?

Tara cleared her throat and looked down at her casted wrist. She could feel her body stiffening itself as the nurse continued to speak.

"I'm sure your boyfriend will be glad to get out of here." The nurse said not noticing Tara's change in demeanor.

Tara nodded numbly along not sure what to say to that. Before the nurse could say anything else to make Tara think about things she had no desire to think about, the hospital door creaked opened and Jax came back with a brown takeout bag.

Jax paused when he saw the look on Tara's face and then he eyed the nurse who was humming along checking the vitals and prodding her injuries. He knew immediately that something was wrong, but he wasn't sure how to voice his concerns with the nurse in the room who seemed unaware of the downtrodden atmosphere.

"You seem to be healing really well!" the nurse exclaimed.

Tara nodded looking over at Jax who watched her carefully.

"What's the status?" he asked finally his voice gruff.

The nurse glanced at him and smiled a little more widely. "Tara is healing fantastically! The doctor will probably be in sometime later to go over her discharge tomorrow and those sorts of things."

Jax glanced over at Tara who tried to give him a smile at the words 'discharge tomorrow,' but she had to wonder if it came out as more of a grimace. He moved to sit down in the chair he'd basically occupied 24/7 since he'd arrived, and silently handed her one of the bagel sandwiches he'd bought.

"Have a good day." The nurse finally said moving out of the room.

Once the door was shut, Jax looked over at her trying to gauge what had happened while he was gone.

"What's wrong?" he asked finally when she continued sitting there with a poker face on.

"The nurse…she said some things I didn't want to hear." She admitted reluctantly.

Jax scowled, "like what?"

Tara sighed and looked down at the bagel sandwich in her hand. "Like how excited I must be to go home."

"Right, home."

Jax watched her carefully as she ducked her head to avoid his eyes. They sat in silence neither knowing how to continue the topic at hand.

Tara didn't want to have the conversation because she knew how it would end, with her alone, back in her apartment. She wasn't so sure she wanted that to happen. On some level, she knew eventually she'd have to be alone again, but on the other hand, she didn't really want to jump into the deep end of the pool, just yet. She felt she needed to ease into being by herself again.

Jax wasn't sure what Tara wanted and didn't want to push her too hard in either direction. He wanted to take her home to Charming with him and…well that was it. He wanted to take her home with him so he could make sure that she wasn't going to be attacked again by this ATF agent.

He wanted to keep an eye on her and he wanted the opportunity to pick up where they had left off. If he was close to her all of the time, then he wouldn't have to worry about anything happening to her and maybe…maybe she could see that Charming wasn't as terrible as she always thought.

He also wasn't comfortable with the possibility of having her out of his sight. Every time he went to sleep – which wasn't often in that small chair in the hospital – he dreamed about getting that phone call about Tara. He dreamed that she was hurt – sometimes dead – and he didn't like that. He needed to make sure she was okay and the only way to do that would be to keep her as close as possible to him.

For all intents and purposes, he didn't want to let her out of his sight.

He decided to follow his gut and braced himself for her reaction as he plowed forward with a non existent desire to discuss the topic of home.

"You should come back with me." He blurted out looking at her collarbones jetting out beneath the hospital gown she'd had to wear for the last few days.

He knew she'd probably disagree as the words left his mouth, but the bottom line was he didn't want to leave her alone for something else to happen to her. He wanted to make sure she was taken care of and the only way he could do that was if she was safe with him. He refused to get another phone call like the one he'd gotten from the stripper. Not just for the foreseeable future either, but forever.

He also wasn't sure of her mental state at the moment. She'd just watched her aspirations get dislodged from reality and into a pipe dream. He wasn't sure what she was thinking or what she was going to do. Hopefully, coming back with him would get her some clarity on what her future held.

On some level, he also knew his desire to keep her around him as often as possible stemmed from the very simple fact that she'd lied to him as much as she had since they got back together. She had lied about the ATF agent and initially, he'd blown up about it, but he had done his fair share of holding the truth from her as well, so they had yet to have a real conversation about everything.

Other than their huge blowout, at least.

She'd explained herself, he'd lashed out about it, since all they'd done is sit in the hospital room day after day.

He felt like such a hypocrite for being pissed about her lying to him when he'd done is so much in the past, and he knew if he ever seriously voiced it more than he had, then she'd say exactly what he deserved to hear.

One thing he swore as he sat day in and day out of the hospital was that he would never lie to her again unless he had to. Being lied to as much as she had was taking a toll on his desire to trust her and he found that the most ironic part.

Was this how she felt when she'd catch him in a lie? Did she ever feel like she couldn't rely on him like he felt with her? He knew it wasn't far, but he couldn't help how he felt after discovering the truth.

When they dated the first time, especially when he was inducted into the club, he'd lied to her so much. It got to the point where he was lying about everything because it was easier and sometimes he felt ashamed of what he did because of the club. He didn't want her to think less of him if she knew all of the things that happened because of SAMCRO.

Lying just seemed logical and now that he was on the other end of the situation…it was something that he didn't know how to deal with. He felt betrayed, angry, hurt, but most of all he understood it and he couldn't bring himself to voice any of these things.

In addition, all of these questions were racing through his mind and he wasn't sure what to do.

She was silent in response.

Jax glanced upward afraid to meet her eyes, but all he saw was sadness and a hardness that he hadn't seen in a long time. He waited with baited breath as she readied herself to answer his question.

She nodded slowly, "okay."

He stared at her in a daze then nodded. "Okay."

They glanced at each other and then quickly away as the doctor came in to discuss how she would heal and what to expect when she went home the next day.

Jax watched her listen and moved his hand to hold hers as she took in all the ways her life would be changing.

No more surgical career.

She'd never become a surgeon.

She had to enroll in physical therapy.

She had to avoid using her hand for several weeks.

She had to stay relaxed.

Essentially, she was doomed to a life filled with physical therapy and sitting on the couch not moving.

But at least she'd be where Jax could keep an eye on her in Charming.

Although, he already knew that she was probably less than happy with the prospect of going back there.

His grip on her hand tightened and he braced himself mentally for the long road ahead of them. Not just with Tara's recovery either, but with finding this ATF agent, Joshua Kohn.

Tara was aggravated. She knew she had no right to be, but she was. She knew that Jax was right in asking her about going back to Charming, but the very idea caused her stomach to quiver in anger.

She'd have so many questions thrown at her and she didn't know what to say. She'd have to see Gemma again. She'd have to admit she never became a doctor. She'd have to see her father.

On top of all of that, the worst part of what she had to deal with, was the simple fact that she had nothing left in her life. She'd been working her way to be a surgeon and now it was virtually a pipe dream. She had spent years preparing for her future. She'd known since she was little that she wanted to be a pediatric surgeon and now…now what? What was she going to do with so much school on the human anatomy? What could she do now?

She sighed and rubbed a hand against her temple as a headache began to fester. She watched in her review mirror as Jax followed behind on his motorcycle as they drove back toward the dinky town she had tried so hard to escape. The car was packed with some suitcases, some school books, pamphlets from the doctor, the information about physical therapy, and other little things she needed.

As the miles crept them closer to Charming, the desire to turn around strengthened. She could call one of the girls from the club and just stay with them. But...she knew she couldn't. As a matter of fact, she knew that what she was doing was the right thing. This wasn't something she could handle anymore. She needed safety, people who knew her and would protect her.

In the very pit of her stomach, she knew she needed to go back to Charming, at least until Joshua Kohn was dealt with. That didn't mean that she liked it though. She wasn't happy with returning to a place she had tried so hard to get away from, but right now, it was the only place that she could rely on.

It was all she had left.

The couple hour drive went faster than she had anticipated. When they were right outside the town limits, Jax sped up and made a gesture for her to follow him. She drove after him and as they entered Charming, she felt her stomach plummet and a feeling of anxiety wash over her.

She felt anxious, scared, and unprepared for what was going to come next. She thought that he was going to take her to the club or to her house, but instead, he pulled up in front of an apartment building and cut the motorcycle. She parked the car behind the bike and slowly got out. The anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach was at an all time high.

"Where are we?" she asked quietly.

"My house." He said.

She raised an eyebrow.

"I moved out when I had enough money. Mostly 'cause I didn't want to live with Clay and my mom anymore. I was going to move into the club house, but…sometimes it's nice to get away." He said shrugging.

She nodded understanding his logic completely.

"Is this…is this where I should stay?" she asked quietly.

He smirked, "unless you want to stay at the club house."

She smiled slightly feeling like her lips would crack from the lack of stretching them. She licked the chapped skin and then moved back to her car to reach in to grab her things.

"Is this going to be okay?" he asked quietly.

She didn't answer; instead, grabbing her belongings carefully so she didn't drop anything or hurt her arm even more. When she struggled with one of her suitcases, he pushed her out of the way gently and grabbed it.

In silence, they made their way toward his apartment. They passed a couple holding hands and walking their small dog. They said good night to an older man who was out for a stroll and a young woman getting back from a run.

Finally, they came to 304 and Jax pulled out his keys to unlock the door. He pushed forward in the apartment and she took a look around the entry way and caught a glimpse of the living room.

She followed him as he went to the living room and she took in the small apartment. There was a dining room and living room hybrid. A small entry way and a tiny kitchen. A long hallway with two doors signified that there was a bathroom and a bedroom.

"Is this only one bedroom?" she asked setting her bags down.

He nodded watching her reaction, "yeah. I'm honestly not here often and no one ever stays over as a guest. It was just…a place to get away for awhile."

"Right." She said going to bite her lip, but stopping when she remembered her face was still healing.

"Does Gemma know I'm coming?" Tara asked suddenly.

"No. This was all pretty spur of the moment."

She sighed heavily, "yeah, right. Obviously."

She moved to sit on the couch in the living room. She bent her head forward and ran a shaky hand through her hair feeling suddenly so exhausted. Not just mentally, but physically, emotionally…she felt so out of sorts.

This was the first time she was out of the hospital and everything seemed to be setting in for her. Reality was finally hitting her and she felt sick to her stomach. She felt anxious for the future. She felt sad for herself. She didn't know where she was going to end up at all. It was like the last few years had all been a fluke and she was just supposed to end up back in Charming. Stripping, studying, saving every last dollar had all been a fluke.

Making the decision to leave Jax…nothing was worth it anymore. She felt like crying, but she knew that nothing would come out. She was for all intents and purposes starting over, but she wasn't entirely sure where she wanted to start or where she could go when she did.

"Jax…what am I going to do?" she whispered staring through her fingers down at the beige carpeting.

"I just…I feel like the last few years have all been…wasted. I feel like nothing has been worth it." She admitted her voice cracking as she voiced her fears for the first time.

She noticed movement in front of her and then he was taking her wrists in between his hands and holding her hands gently in his as he crouched down in front of her.

"Tara, nothing you've done has been wasted. You're just…taking a side step off your path or some shit. Listen, darling, I know shit has hit the fan, but I'm going to fix it. I'm going to help you." He said adamantly.

She smiled slightly and reached forward shaking his hands off of hers so she can frame his face.

"Promise me that when you say you're going to fix it; you aren't going to go after Kohn. Tell me you're not going to do something stupid." She pleaded.

He smirked slightly and moved away from her. "I can't make that promise. Hell, I won't make that promise after what he did to you. That man hurt you and he has to pay. I'm going to see to that."

She opened her mouth to argue with him, but he shook his head and she knew that he wasn't going to go further into that topic.

"I'm not talking about this anymore with you. I think you should go rest. You can have my bedroom. I'll take the couch."

"No, we can share the bedroom."

He smirked, "works for me."

Smiling slightly, she felt the heavy pit of anxiety lift in her stomach. "I'm going to take a shower."

"I need to stop by the club." He responded shortly.

"Jax—"

"I'll be back later. If you get scared of anything, call me. You know the number." He said.

She nodded slowly and watched as he moved toward the apartment door. Suddenly, he stopped and turned back around a smirk lingering on his features.

"Make yourself at home, darling." He said looking her up and down a mirthful look in his eyes.

She smiled slightly and watched as he turned to leave the apartment.

(A/n: what do you think? Please review)