wonderwall

(noun):

the person of which you have a total infatuation with;

a person with an indescribable aura, making them seem so perfect, almost intangible;

the person that you feel could be the one to "save you" from whatever unhappiness or emptiness you feel;

the person you feel could complete you;

your soulmate

. . .

Riley Matthews. The pretty brunette who never gave up on anyone or anything, and no sacrifice was too big for her friends. She was the girl that would let go of anything if it meant making the people she loved happy. Even if it meant that she would be the only person left unhappy in the long run.

And it didn't matter. It didn't matter that she felt like she was on top of the world whenever she was with him. It didn't matter that she felt like she could do anything in the world as long as they were together. It didn't matter that she believed in him more than she had believed in anything - even Pluto. Because, in a way, he was her own personal Pluto. She would never stop believing in him.

That didn't matter either, though.

The date's all wrong because it's Charlie Gardner, the boy who buys licorice instead of chocolate, the boy she can't even speak to without feeling wrong inside, and no no no. It was all wrong, everything was wrong, and something is finally out of her control. Right now, it's about Lucas and Maya and she could have sworn she was doing the right thing when she let him go for her best friend's sake, but now she's only a bundle of feelings. Right now, she's only your typical confused teenage girl who has a fair amount of angst in her life at the moment and is currently scared out of her mind.

She always knew that sometimes, doing the right thing was going to hurt her. But she never expected it to be so soon in life. And she most definitely never expected it to hurt this much; the kind of pain that was completely impossible to describe, just like everything else the three teenagers were feeling. All she knew was that it hurt, God, it hurt so bad and how could the right thing possibly tear her up so much inside?

School is difficult. They've reached a point where even Cory Matthews can't help them with their personal problems, and they're finally alone when it comes to this life thing. He's teaching them an actual lesson today, something that doesn't relate to their horrible situation at all, because even he has given up. It's out of his hands. Now, it's up to the three of them.

She's not even pretending to listen. Her date with Charlie Gardner keeps replaying in her head, and each time is worse than the last. Because he didn't hold her hand, they barely said a thing to one another, he didn't know about the New York Knicks and he didn't have interesting stories to tell her about faraway places with beautifully starry skies, and it's all so, so wrong.

The right thing should not feel this terribly wrong to her.

She feels better when she's with him, with his Ranger Rick stories, despite how uncomfortable they are with each other. She makes the mistake of asking him about how his date with Maya went, and the silence overpowering them is deafening. They don't talk throughout the rest of their trek to English class, they don't speak when Harper Burgess notices the tenseness between the group and questions them about what's wrong.

There's only one word that can answer that question: everything. They're all currently living in a world where everything is completely wrong, and they're all too confused to take it on.

They don't have any other classes in common until P.E., which is their final class of the day, and she can't stop herself from thinking that must be a gift from the gods right about now. A couple hours where she can't run into Lucas, Farkle, or Maya suddenly seems a lot less annoying than it did just a few days ago.

It takes her awhile to remember lunch.

Because, oh right. There's something else they have in common.

He makes the mistake of asking her how her date with Charlie Gardner went, and this time she's the one that causes the awkward silence between them. And this time, it isn't due to nervousness.

Lunch with her four best friends is a lot more painful than she ever could have anticipated. Farkle and Zay, to their credit, try to make conversation but it's no use. The trio are all too caught up in their own thoughts to even engage in conversation with each other, and after awhile the two friends begin to realize that their efforts are basically pointless. There's no way they could possibly snap Riley, Lucas, or Maya out of their individual dazes.

Still, the pretty brunette can't keep herself from sneaking glimpses at her so-called "brother," who of course she couldn't see as a brother. Not in New York, or Texas, or anywhere. Not even if they really were in Paris together. He is Lucas, and she is Riley, and they didn't have a brotherly-sisterly relationship at all. She tried so hard to convince herself, to convince him, but it was useless. Pointless, hopeless.

Auggie was right. She only had one brother, and it was most certainly not Lucas Friar.

The sadness she feels inside isn't as bad when she's near him. Oh, it's still there, all right, and she sincerely doubted it would be leaving anytime soon. But it's almost as if the new hole in her chest patches itself up whenever she's around him. He was saving her from herself, and he didn't even know it.

He couldn't know it. Even if she couldn't convince herself that they could never be anything more than friends, she needed to convince him. For her best friend, who had stepped back. Now it was Riley's turn to step back. No matter how terrible it made her feel inside. At the end of the day, it was still the right thing to do. It had to be.

"Riley?"

She snaps her head up the second he says her name, and she immediately wants to kick herself. She would never be successful at convincing anyone that she saw him as a brother if she kept acting like she had feelings for him. It was time to start building up her won personal walls. Not just to keep him out, but Maya and Zay, too. (Because it was obviously too late to try to convince Farkle of her supposed brotherly feelings for Lucas. Farkle, her only ally in this confusion.)

"Lucas?" They're playing the name game again, the game they've been playing with each other since the day they met, and she can't stop herself. It's so easy to pretend that everything to back to normal when they're acting this way to one another. She knows it's wrong, she knows it's only going to hurt her more when it's time to snap back into the real world. But she honestly can't stop herself.

"I think we should talk." Because what kind of friendship would they have if they couldn't even communicate with each other?

Oh, right. The same exact kind of friendship that everyone in their group had with each other.

The bell rings just in time, and she nearly breathes a sigh of relief. She was certain that she had to push him away, not just for Maya's sake, but for her own, as well. In theory, all of this was going to be a lot easier if she just had a little time away from everything and everybody. "I should get to class," she finds herself mumbling, jumping up and slipping out of the cafeteria before anyone can even ask her what might be wrong.

Farkle already knows. Zay already knows. But she still needed to keep Maya and Lucas in the dark.

They would thank her for this later. She knew that they would.

After all, wasn't this how everything was supposed to happen?

. . .

A/N: I loved Girl Meets Texas, honestly. Although part three was definitely my personal favorite. I have a lot of hope for Rucas still, and I hope you guys do, as well! :) Feel free to leave your thoughts on this one shot. It's a bit different from what I usually write, so I'd love to hear what oyu guys think.

Still don't own Girl Meets World. Haven't we gone over this already?