The sensory trauma was stained forever in his mind of the alarming coldness of Hiro's skin. It was such a contrast compared to the overwhelming heat of the raging fire. The raging fire that so uncaringly extinguished the small prodigy, so full of potential only a moment before. Never had he felt so guilty to just have the ability to feel.

But he held onto the disturbingly limp, small body as tightly as he could, the brothers exiting the building together, but definitely not how Hiro had hoped them to. As soon as he had made it outside into the frenzied atmosphere consisting of terrorized people running left and right, various sirens and bright flashing lights from the ambulances and fire trucks, and his aunt and friends running towards him worriedly, he couldn't help but fall to the ground in hysterics.

His little, precious, genius of a brother was then ripped away from his arms into those of a paramedic. He would never hold Hiro in his arms. He couldn't stand to watch anymore through his watery, blurry eyes, but at the same time he couldn't stand to look away as they placed him on the gurney and laid the sheet on top. Hiro was gone. And so was a huge part of Tadashi.

A shiver managed to form down his back, causing his body to jolt suddenly as he cried. The replaying image of watching his brother be taken away to a much different place than he was going started to finally, slowly but surely, fade. He became aware of just how cold he was and inhaled deeply to stop himself from shivering again.

He wobbily managed to get himself standing up and facing his peers once again. He sighed with his breath cutting in and out; a single tear rolling down the left side of his face.

"H-h-h-i-i-ro," he mumbled, biting his tongue afterwards. Just saying his name felt like poison in his mouth. "He-e w-was so fu-l-l of…" He breathed out the word, 'life' as the amount of tears only increased. He shook his head, trying to empty his mind of what happened that fateful night. "He had su-ch a gre-a-t future...so great…He was going to do so many things…" His fingers tensely curled at his sides.

And I ruined it all.

He looked down to the grass, feeling too ashamed to look at his own family and friends.

He glanced towards the casket yet again. Hot tears were forming nonstop and rolling down his face more than ever. "H-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-roooooo," he wailed. "I...I'M SO...S-O-O-O-O-RRRRRYYYYY." He looked down to his side, sliding his hand through his hair. He had so much more he meant to say, but he couldn't form any words other than another almost mumbled, but still quite audible, 'I'm sorry' to not only his brother, but this time also to his friends and family who were all here mourning over a much too small casket only because of what he'd done.

Aunt Cass was still standing where Tadashi had left her to choke out what he could of his heavy hearted eulogy. He walked away from the tent towards her pitifully sad face, regretting the moment he dared to look at it. He averted his eyes away from her as they walked back to their had caused those tears on her face. And he would never be able to apologize enough.

The cherry blossoms were in season, yet Tadashi could not see them. He could, however, still hear the ongoing rain that hadn't stopped since morning. The world around him was dark and empty. This was not the home he had lived in for the past eleven years. Everywhere he turned, there were people that he had known; some obviously longer than others. So many different faces. People that he could catch up with or chat for he had nothing to say. He aimlessly walked around the small groups of people, refusing to make eye contact. Only staring down at the other funeral-goers watched as he distanced himself, not knowing how to speak to the young man after his breakdown during his eulogy.

He stared longingly at the entrance to the living room, wishing in vain that he could just see his little brother bounce in, just to call him a nerd for the umpteenth time. What he wouldn't give to hear his voice say something other than a panicked "TADASHI!" that repeatedly played in the back ofhis mind, haunting him since the moment he knew Hiro was gone.

"Tadashi?" a familiar voice tried to reach out to him.

TADASHI!

Tadashi shook his head, quickening his pace. He didn't bother to check who had called out his name. Their voices became closer and closer, but he didn't stop walking. He found his arm suddenly twisted so he was forced to face Gogo, who was accompanied by the rest of his friends.

"Sit." she commanded in a firm voice, after dragging Tadashi over to a couch.

"Please, don't make me. Can't you see I want to be alone?"

She looked over his face, seeing the pain in his eyes. She and the others hadn't been so up close to Tadashi since the incident. It wasn't until then that they realized how bloodshot his eyes were, or how red and puffy his cheeks had gotten. No one was going to question it, but they all noticed he was growing a small amount of stubble where his once smooth chin used to be. And boy, did his breath stink. It was more than enough to make her loosen the grip around his arm.

He felt a welcoming hand being gently placed on his shoulder. He already knew that hand belonged to Honey Lemon before he regretfully turned his head to look at her. He cursed at the fact that his eyes also glanced at the others. All his friends had sadness and sympathy written into their faces, as if he should still be important to them. Tadashi was the whole reason why they were sad; why would they want to talk to him at all?

They don't have to put on a show for me. I don't deserve their comfort. I don't deserve their company. I don't deserve them…

"Tada-"

"Stop," he cut Honey Lemon off. His own tone surprised him; he had barely ever- no, he had never talked like that to her. "Whatever you're going to say, please stop. You know I don't deserve any more kind words after what I did."

"No," she replied. "You've been putting yourself down ever since the fire happened. We're here for you, Tadashi."

Wasabi took a step closer. "Honey's right, man. Ever since what went down at the institute you've been pushing everyone away. You need to stop blaming yourself for what happened-"

Tadashi stood up, rubbing his hand on his forehead. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't let himself sit there and be told to not feel a certain way when all he could do was feel the way he had constantly been the last few days. It's all he knew how to feel anymore. Guilt. Shame. Stress. Anxiety. Regret. Misery. Grief. Emptiness. Difference. To say that he was tired would be an understatement.

TADASHI!

I saw it happen. I was there.

I could've saved him.

I could've saved him.

I didn't.

I didn't save him.

He started backing away, still looking at them.

His blood pressure began to rise and his mouth began to quiver. Tears began to form in his eyes for what felt like the millionth time today and he hated it. He hated crying. He hated crying in front of people. He hated crying in front of people that he knew would try to comfort him when he felt like he didn't deserve it. He hated having a reason to cry. Most importantly, he hated that the reason to cry was because he felt like he was the cause of it all.

"Please! I've had enough!" He shouted with his voice slightly cracking, due to the returning lump in his throat. "You don't understand! I was right there, just feet away from Hiro! And I watched him, heard him suffer...watched as he- he…" He choked on the rest of his words, still in disbelief over what had happened. What happened because of him.

"...And I did nothing." His tone had calmed a bit, but it still spoke with purposeful force. "...And I couldn't do anything more, I couldn't make him come back, I couldn't!" All the guests had their attention on the left-over portion of the Hamada family now. "For not even the first time in my life, I had someone so important ripped away from me. I-I...promised myself I'd take care of all that was left... and whenever something went wrong I was there, and we'd always find a way... and this time I couldn't do anything for him, except weep over his dead body!" His voice started to raise again.

His friends stared at him, not quite sure what they could say without upsetting him. This was a different side of Tadashi that they had never seen. One of them timidly reached their hand out to him, only to have it brushed away. He wasn't done yet.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be so close to someone and have everything just be perfect, for one little moment in your life, and have it all ripped away from you in under a single minute? And do you know the constant... the constant guilt of being the one who- who… who practically killed his own brother-..." He gagged on the word 'killed', his mouth dry from talking so much.

He hadn't noticed how much energy that took out of him until he realized he was standing there out of breath, every single pair of eyes in the room staring at him in silence. He said nothing more, instead shoving Gogo out of his way to go sit on the stairs, away from everyone's view. Such a mix of surprise, confusion and empathy had never crossed the short-tempered woman's face before now, especially when somebody had just shoved her.

Tadashi dug his fingers into his scalp, trying to drown out everything around him, but it only left him alone with his thoughts. In the distance, someone was quietly talking about all of the wonderful things that Hiro had accomplished.

Tadashi!

He was too exhausted to ignore the haunting plea that now forever scarred his name.

Crackling fire.

"Tadashi! Come back!"

"TADASHI!"

WHUMP.

A most agonizing and pain-filled scream Tadashi had only heard once before as a child.

Hiro's cold, lifeless body. The hat falling out of his hands. The death of his his oldest friend. His best friend. His home. The most important person in the world to him. So cold. So foreign.

"TADASHI!"

WHUMP.

A now becoming much too familiar scream that was Hiro's last breath.

"TADASHI!"

WHUMP.

"TADASHI!"

"TADASHI!"

"TA-D-AHA-SHIII!"

"Tadashi?"

He jerked away from the source of the noise as he was brought back to the present, his elbows hitting the edge of one of the steps uncomfortably. His startled, wide eyes caused his friends to slightly back off; they wanted to be careful to not upset him, as if he were a scared, stray puppy that could flee at any moment.

"We know you don't want to talk; we just wanted to leave you something before we go." A hand held out a piece of paper. Tadashi tensed his jaw, not bothering to look up to see whose it was before taking it and unexpectedly crumpling it and coldly throwing it at their feet. He leaned his back against the stair wall and turned his head to face the steps, waiting for them to leave. He told them he didn't deserve anything. He told them.

Gogo opened her mouth to something, the only thing stopping her being Wasabi's hand motioning for her to stay silent.

"He just needs his space. Leave him be." He reasoned with his not-so-patient friend. Gogo somehow managed to quietly storm off, the others awkwardly following behind her.

Meanwhile, tears fell onto the steps below Tadashi's face. How much more was he going to mess up? Push away people? Hurt people? And this was just the beginning. How much more was his life going to change?