The Tapes by 13BlueBananas

Chapter One: Watching Videos with a Monster

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Gravity Falls or any of its characters, script, etc., and only edited the cover image. All rights to respective owners.

Bolded italics signifies direct script from the show, which I did not write nor claim ownership to.

Ford wasn't mad at Dipper for not clearing the memory card of the video camera before giving it to him. Annoyed? Yes. What could the kid have filmed to fill up the card, anyway? A good portion of the oddities in Gravity Falls were elusive enough to avoid a 12-year-old, or rare enough that it was more likely than not that Dipper hadn't found one. And seeing as those were his main interests (from what he could tell, at least. When he went upstairs he was constantly peppered by Dipper's endless questioning about the mysteries and such of Gravity Falls), Ford didn't know what else he would bother filming.

He glanced at the small, growling creature in a half-eaten cage on the table before him. Even if he didn't want to know what content the video camera held -which he did- Ford still had to transfer the videos to make room for the documentaries he was going to film. So, despite the fact that the little menace was almost free, the author of the journals decided to sate his curiosity and watch the tapes.

Now, where did I put the USB cable?

"Hello, I'm Dipper Pines. The girl trying to crush my head is Mabel."

"I'm helping!"

"Today on Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained..."

Ford blinked and leaned back in his chair. So this 'episode' was focused on his brother's 'tattoo'. Ford was angry, but at whom, he didn't know. Stanley was branded because of him. But Ford couldn't direct his anger towards his brother - not for that, at least. He glared at the image of Dipper on the screen for a moment, cursing the fact that his great nephew was meticulous enough to notice the marking before he realized that it wasn't his great nephew's fault either. There was no reason to even think about being mad at Mabel: She's been the glue holding the two generations of twins together since Ford's return. With a silent sigh, Ford resigned to the fact that the person he was mad at was himself. He didn't have anyone else to blame for his mistakes, no matter how much he wanted to, and his brother's burn was a permanent reminder of it.

He watched the rest of the video in silence, an occasional smile or frown playing at the corners of his mouth. He knew it was no tattoo on Stanley's shoulder - at least, it wasn't originally. Ford had to give his brother credit, though: Ink would be much easier to explain than an oddly-shaped burn scar.

At least one good thing would come out of watching these*, he mused as the video neared its end, was that he got to learn more about the personalities of his great niece and nephew. Dipper reminded Ford so much of himself it was almost painful. So inquisitive and nosy. Although, he wasn't too sure he would risk walking in on a naked Stanley just to see a tattoo... Hopefully, there would be a few videos with Mabel saying more than a few words, though. From what he gather during his brief food runs, she was the more eccentric of the two. Her bold personality balanced out Dipper's perfectly, but there had to be more to her overall character than that. There had to more to both of them. Humans, after all, were complex creatures.

Ford wasn't sure how much information he could gather just by watching these videos, but there was no harm in trying. It would be easier to interact with them if he knew what they were like beforehand, anyway. And that 'Soos' guy as well...

The sound faded to static and the screen turned black.

Before moving on to the next one, Ford glanced back at the reason he had the camera in the first place. The red-eyed beast had been oddly silent for the duration of the video... It had eaten most of the cage by now, only the bottom of it was still intact, but all it did was stare at him before pointing towards the computer. Ford was stunned for a moment, then he grabbed the third Journal and flipped open to the nearest empty page. He quickly began a rough sketch of it, leaving the top blank for when he gave it the appropriate name when he knew more about it. The tiny creature became increasingly agitated, shrieking and frantically jabbing it's finger at the monitor. It couldn't have been clearer what the thing wanted, even if it was odd. Ford's eyebrows shot up and he hastily moved on to the next video.

The first thing he heard was a very obnoxious and obviously forced laughter. "And that's Mabel's Guide to Laughing for an Uncomfortable Amount of Time! Uh oh, here comes more! Aha ha ha ha ha!"

It cut to a very colorful intro with surprisingly good music and Mabel doing questionable things. When had she found the time to do all of that?

"Today: Mabel's Guide to Color! Ah, color! It's all around us, from the green of a nauseous twin brother, to the weird orange of an old man's nose, to the beautiful sky blue of toilet water."

So Dipper was prone to carsickness. Ford stored that tidbit away for later. He opted to not think about how she had acquired the close-up of his brother's nose, or how she got the water to be so vibrant.

"...by a magic wizard named 'Crayon-dalf the Fabulous!' What's your favorite color, Gravity Falls?"

He observed the little devil out of the corner of his eye while random strangers stated their favorite color, trying to figure out what it was. He was still half-listening - someday the favorite color of random Gravity Falls residents might be useful - but most of his attention was devoted the thing sitting on the table. Why was it so fascinated with the videos? Maybe it too was gathering information... But for what? Too bad it couldn't talk.

"None."

"What?"

Ford didn't know why, but he felt as if his brother had just made a mistake in saying that.

"... don't even like colors."

"Not even RAINBOWS?!"

"Beats me. I've never seen a rainbow."

His suspicions were confirmed at Mabel's horrified face. He winced at the volume of her 'color emergency' announcement.

The next two scenes had him questioning Mabel's choice in friends (and wondering where the blonde one was) and feeling a sense of dread and cautious anticipation. Whatever was about to happen next, Ford was sure that it wouldn't end well for his brother. That didn't mean Stanley got his sympathy, though.

"OH NO! WHY?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!"

"Surprise!"

"MY EYES ARE ON FIRE! AAAAAAHH! AAAAAAAHH! AAAAAAHHH!"

While his face portrayed no emotion, the Author's eyes were a different story: Barely-contained amusement. The creature had no such restraint and nearly fell off the table, shaking in silent laughter at the old man's pain. Honestly, it was like watching a comedy with a five-year-old.

He wondered how long his twin had to keep the bandages on.

"I hate color more than ever!"

"He's just saying that."

Ford went back and watched it again, just for the fun of it.

Dipper was on the screen again, looking excited. He had a piece of paper in his hand, and a pen in the other, but what he would need those for in the middle of a forest, Ford did not know.

"Welcome back to Dipper's-"

"Wait, I thought you said it was my turn!"

"Mabel, I said you can go after me. And how are you just now realizing that this is for my Guide to the Unexplained?"

"But we just filmed your stuff two days ago, Dippingsauce!"

"It's my video camera. We're gonna have to restart now, you know."

"Nope! You can find someone else to film your magic mailbox. Mabel's out!" All he could see on the screen was the ground as Mabel handed the camera to Dipper.

"Mabel, really? Mabel! It won't take all day this time, I promise!"

"Nooooooooooooooooope!" Mabel's response faded as she walked farther away, presumably back towards the Shack.

"Get back here! Urg... She's probably still mad that I- Wait this thing's still on."

This clip was clearly a blooper. Judging from how Mabel had described the object of Dipper's interest, Ford guessed the twins had found the all-knowing mailbox. But what were they doing so far out into the forest? For all Stanley lectured Ford on keeping the kids safe, he sure didn't seem to be the best guardian. Dipper, at least, should know of all the dangerous things that lurked in the woods. He made a mental note to talk to (yell at) his brother about it. He glanced over at the 'Thing', as Ford had recently dubbed it, and it impatiently gestured, rather rudely, for him to continue. Resisting the urge to strangle it, he moved on.

"Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, Anomaly #54: The Mailbox."

So his earlier hunch was correct. At least Dipper had the sense to find someone else to come with him, even if it was a giant man-child.

"My letter poses a salient question: 'Sup Dawg?'"

Ford's eyebrows furrowed in thought. As simple as Soos seemed to be, the fact that he knew what the word 'salient' meant - a feat that many of the people in Gravity Falls would probably never accomplish - Ford suspected that he was actually smarter than he let on. He would need more data to form a solid conclusion, but Soos worked at the Mystery Shack, so there would be plenty of time to do so. The Thing gasped, ripping Ford out of his pondering.

"Did you see that?!"

"Open it!"

While the metal-eating beast was just as enraptured as the two on the screen, Ford was resisting the urge to laugh. Out of all of the supernatural things that occurred in this strange town, this was probably one of the more normal ones. It was amusing to see Dipper, who had most likely dealt with things far stranger than a 'magic mailbox', dance around it like it was a bomb. The look on their faces as they read the letter it sent back was priceless.

"What if this thing's all-knowing?"

"We gotta test it."

"Oh, dude, I know the perfect thing!"

"What?"

"Hold on, lemme write it down... Okay: What did I shave into my head this morning?"

The Thing doubled over while making a choking sound. It took Ford a moment to realize it was laughter. Even though nobody else was there, he himself made sure to keep his expression neutral. It didn't last long, however, and Ford made a choking sound of his own when Soos showed that he had indeed shaved a baby duck holding a paddleball on the back of his head. How did he manage to do that with such precision?

"It really is all-knowing!"

"Ask it more questions!"

Ford listened to their inquiries with amusement (or horror, in the case of Soos's dream woman). He wasn't quite sure what to make of Dipper's borderline-obsession with the author of the Journals, but it certainly made it weird since Ford was the said person.

"Nifty! A mailbox! I've been wanting to mail Mom this video of me shoving a hundred gummy worms up my nose!"

Why would Mabel be shoving that many gummy worms up her nose? Ford exhaled and shook his head, chalking it up to Mabel being Mabel. Maybe it was her form of accidental revenge. Or maybe she just wanted to mail the video to her parents. Either way, it was a miracle none of them were too badly injured, being so close to the explosion. Honestly, have they no sense of self-preservation?!

He sent out a silent thanks to Dipper as the episode came to a close. As curious as Ford was when it came to weird things, seeing his great niece putting gummy worms in her nose was not one of them.