A/N: Literally only one person wondered how Roy's doing with Harry at Hogwarts, and the answer is: moping. He's definitely moping. Anyway, for no explainable reason, this little scene popped into my head. Hopefully it's as entertaining as I think it is.

I chose the major general's name by the expedient method of finding a list of WWII aircraft from Germany and choosing the one that entertained me most.

This story can be read without reading The Path of Flame first, provided you understand that Harry is Roy's son and away at Hogwarts. Otherwise, this story is set somewhere between chapters two and four of the main story.

Warnings: Just Ed cursing.

Disclaimer: Hahahaha, own things? Me? Not a chance.

Summary: Roy Mustang is moping. Team Mustang are baffled. (A The Path of Flame sidestory.)

Weird and Getting Weirder

"Well?" Breda asked impatiently as Havoc collapsed back into his seat. "What's the verdict? Is he actually doing his work?"

"Worse," Havoc moaned. "He's moping."

There was a long silence, eventually broken by Fuery trembling, "Moping? The general? Are you sure?"

"You don't believe me, you go in there!" Havoc pointed at the door furiously, though he remained slumped in his seat. "He was looking at that picture on his desk the entire time I was in there. I tell you, he's been ruined!"

"Who's been ruined?" asked a voice that decidedly did not belong in the office anymore. Havoc made a very embarrassing noise that he was never going to live down and jumped up straight in his chair. He looked up and saw the man-ruining, er, man himself and gave Ed what he hoped wasn't a terrified look.

"Nobody!" he said hurriedly.

"Nobody you know," Breda corrected quickly.

"It was after your time," Fuery rushed to assure him.

"Riiiight," Ed said slowly, giving the three of them an unimpressed look. He didn't even glance at Falman, but then Falman was dutifully doing his work (the traitor). "You're talking about Roy, aren't you?"

"How do you know?" Havoc asked mournfully.

"Well, I'm sleeping with him. Guess at least his annoying omniscience rubbed off on me." Ed grinned rather nastily at them, undoubtedly enjoying watching them squirm at the reminder that he'd snagged what was once the most eligible bachelor in Central. Havoc still wasn't sure how Ed had gotten the man to settle down. He was not, in fact, entirely certain he wanted to know. "So what was that about him being ruined again? Anything I should worry about?"

"It was a joke!" Havoc yelped. "I was totally joking and he's perfectly normal."

Ed raised an eyebrow at him, clear disbelief writ across his face. Then he turned to lean on Fuery's desk, giving the small man a grin that was all tooth and no mercy.

"He's moping!" Fuery blurted immediately. Havoc would say he was a bad soldier, breaking so quickly, but then Ed was terrifying. He'd almost wet himself the last time Ed had given him that grin. "Jean says he's just staring at the picture on his desk, but I don't see what that's got to do with him being ruined, that was all Jean."

Ed turned, very slowly, in Havoc's direction, the grin not slipping once. Havoc gulped, pushing himself into the back of his chair, and silently cursed both Breda and Fuery as traitors. (Falman got a pass because he was now dutifully doing Havoc's work in preparation for his untimely demise.)

"It's just, he used to be okay when Harry was gone," Havoc said through the quiet prayer chanting in the back of his head. "You know, he'd pout a little, then get some coffee and be back to normal. But now, now he's moping!"

"And don't think we haven't noticed you haven't been by all week," Breda said helpfully.

"Right!" Havoc agreed, grateful when Ed's eyes moved to the larger man for that brief moment. "Right, Harry's gone and you haven't been dragging him out to lunch this week, and now he's just sitting in his office. Moping. Like a housewife whose husband has gone off to war."

"...Uh huh," Ed said dryly, and it was clear that he was just humoring Havoc at this point. One last mercy before he was ripped to shreds?

"I always knew you were going to drive him round the bend, boss," Breda said conversationally. "But I always figured it would be more, y'know, violent. Fire and explosions and at least one wall coming down. Kinda hoped we'd get a day off from it."

"Still not seeing where the ruining comes in to play," Ed prompted.

Havoc shared a long look with Breda and Fuery and even Falman, who took his attention away from Havoc's work long enough to almost raise his eyebrows at him.

"It's just, like," Havoc started, then floundered a bit uncertainly. The look on Breda's face said he was alone on this one, probably because the man hadn't made out a will yet. "He's married, boss!"

"Married," Ed said flatly. The evil grin was gone, but the glint in his eyes was probably worse.

"Settled down," Breda clarified helpfully.

"An old family man," Fuery added mournfully.

"No more dashing Flame Alchemist, taking names and breaking hearts," Havoc concluded, figuring he'd might as well get his say in if he was going to die anyway. "You've ruined him, is what I'm getting at here." Then he closed his eyes and prayed for the mercy of a swift death.

When a few moments passed without any violence occurring to his person, Havoc slowly cracked one eye open, not sure he wanted to know what was coming for him. But Ed was just standing there quietly, staring at Havoc with the weirdest look on his face.

"Married," Ed eventually said again in an even flatter voice than before, and then fell back into silence. Oh god, he'd broken the boss; no way Mustang was going to go easy on him for this one. He was just considering fleeing for the safety of the hallway when Ed gave himself a little shake and...smirked? Then, still without saying anything, he turned and strolled over to Roy's door and kicked it open in a move that hadn't changed since he was twelve.

"Hey, bastard, stop pretending to work!" Ed said, a very standard greeting for him. "You're buying me lunch!"

"Hello to you too, Edward," they heard the general say, but he was clearly moving around the room in response to the demand. "My morning was fine, thank you for asking. And how was yours?"

"Weird and getting weirder," Ed replied, backing out of the room in front of Roy. He was grinning up at the general a little soppily, which was still strange, but not as strange as the downright smitten look the general gave him. "You been listening to the shit your men have been saying lately?"

"I find it's usually in my best interest to ignore them to the best of my ability," Roy replied dryly, but the look he gave Havoc said he knew. Havoc sunk down in his chair to make himself a smaller target. "But every so often, snippets slip in to my awareness anyway."

"Yeah, like I'm buying that," Ed snorted. "Nosy bastard, you've probably got the outer office bugged to make sure you don't miss anything."

"I assure you, that isn't necessary," Roy said. Ed fell in by his side as they crossed the room. "They're not exactly discreet."

A long silence followed the sound of the door closing behind them. Havoc waited two full minutes to make sure they weren't coming back before he turned to the other three and said plaintively, "Was that strange? I'm not the only one surprised by their reaction, right?"

Unfortunately, he didn't get a reply, because at that moment Hawkeye walked in the door. She gave them all a raised eyebrow, glanced pointedly down at the paperwork Falman was doing (he immediately slid it, half finished, back on to Havoc's desk), and strode off to her seat when it became obvious nobody was going to say anything. Very belatedly, the four of them gave her half-hearted salutes as they remembered she was a major now. Salutes, they knew, even bad ones, would mollify her slightly. Very slightly.

They kept their heads down for the next hour, working hard under the major's watchful eye, but nothing could keep them from glancing up as they heard the general approaching. He was humming, off-key and a little tuneless, but he was definitely humming. Havoc shared an intrigued look with Breda, then pretended to go back to work as the door opened.

"Sir!" Hawkeye said when Roy entered, standing and giving a crisp salute. The others followed suit with various degrees of professionalism. "Major General Focke-Wulf will be here in ten minutes for your meeting, sir."

"Thank you, Major,' Roy said, drifting over towards the desks with an eye on Havoc. Havoc managed to sit up straight and look the general in the eye, though he wouldn't have had the courage to do so a second time.

"Sir?" Havoc said.

"Do you really think settling down ruins a man, Lieutenant?" the general asked, too casually. Havoc thought he heard Hawkeye sigh in exasperation, but didn't dare look at her to be sure. "I rather think marriage has a nice sound to it, personally."

"...Sir?" Havoc repeated, flabbergasted. Was he saying he wanted to marry Ed? That was just-that wasn't possible.

"Something to think about, Havoc," Roy said briskly, seeming to enjoy the stunned looks he was receiving. "Maybe if you did something about that fear of commitment, you'd be able to keep a girlfriend for once." Then he sauntered over to his office, humming again.

"...Oi," Havoc said belatedly, the general's parting insult finally sinking in, too late. "That was low."

"I don't think the general's ruined," Fuery piped up a little timidly.

"He's certainly settled down, though," Breda said. "Did that sound to anyone else like he was thinking about proposing to Ed?"

"I thought I was going crazy," Havoc said faintly.

"Boys," Hawkeye interrupted, voice clipped and flat as ever, but then Hawkeye never had to raise her voice for attention. Havoc managed to share a final disbelieving look with Breda, but then Hawkeye cleared her throat and they all returned to their paperwork.

Anyway, there was no way Roy would propose to Ed. The general was clearly just trying to keep them on their toes and off-guard. ...Right?

A/N: Team Mustang is an absolute joy to write, I'm not even being sarcastic. Now that I've written this, I just want to write all kinds of scenes from Havoc's POV. Alas! That won't fit into the story properly, so it's unlikely to happen.