Hi, so this is the first of two chapters. For those of you who are following me to read 'Delusional' I do finally have a draft copy of the next chapter but nothing seems to be working right so you'll probably have to wait a few more weeks if you want something that doesn't sound like it was written by a six year old. In the meantime, I'm writing this to get back into the swing of writing, plus I love the bromance between Ward and Fitz.
Anyway, please review, I really need motivation if I'm going to get back into the habit of writing again.
The Middle of Nowhere
"I think that you should leave," Grant warned.
"Make me," Leo set his jaw and stared, determined, back at him.
"Fine," Grant replied, pulling out his gun and aiming it at the young teen's forehead. "Leave, and if you tell anyone where I am, I know people that can make you disappear."
Buddy whined and gazed at him with a pleading expression, which Grant noted with a frown; Buddy shouldn't have been concerned about the overly inquisitive kid, who had paled and started shaking after Grant's last hostile gesture, heck the dog was more aggressive towards Garrett!
"S.H.I.E.L.D. will know you've killed me, I'm on the waiting list for the Academy, they'll find you," Leo promised, his voice trembling.
Grant flicked the safety on and lowered the gun. "You work for S.H.I.E.L.D. too?" he asked.
"Not yet," the boy replied, sounding more confident now his life wasn't being directly threatened. "They spoke to me in P7…Grade…6, they said that I had potential and maybe, after I've completed my PhDs I could go and study at the academy. My name's Leo Fitz, are you an Agent?"
Grant shook his head. "Grant Ward, and no, not yet," he gestured for Leo to follow him. "I'm going to the Academy as soon as Garrett says that I'm ready," he elaborated as Leo fell into step beside him. "Garrett says that I'm not ready yet, that I'm still too weak to get into Ops,"
"Really?" Leo replied in surprise. "You must have to be really tough to get into Ops then! I'm going into Sci-Tech."
They lapsed into silence as they trudged along the dusty dirt path. Although the presence of another person always set Grant on edge, especially after being alone for so long, he couldn't help but admit to himself that he liked being with this kid, it was nice to have some human contact apart from Garrett, even if he did feel as if his heart were about to explode it was beating so fast.
"Why are you here?" he questioned, realising that, throughout all the confusion that had followed their meeting he hadn't actually found out why Leo had turned up in the first place.
"I was on a bus with some other freshers from my Uni, we're going to a lecture nearby, and, they don't really like me," he paused uncomfortably. "They like to make fun of me, I suppose maybe because they like finally having power over somebody, Mum says they're jealous. Anyway, when the driver left to make a phone call they dragged me into the woods and left me there, I couldn't run fast enough…and…by the time I'd made it back to the road, they were already gone! I don't know why they're so horrible, all I did was try to be nice to them!" Leo desperately tried to control the tears that he knew were about to fall as they had done hours earlier, he was lost, alone, hungry and hours from habitation with no tech and only this strange not-quite-human boy who appeared to live in the woods.
Grant felt his stomach clench with anger, he didn't know why, but he felt an increasing urge to protect the younger teen, maybe, no probably, because he had been reminding Grant of Thomas more and more since they had first met.
Attachment is a weakness, Garrett had said and Grant nearly bit through his tongue to try to push the memory aside, Garrett wouldn't want Grant to help Leo, but Grant wanted to help Leo. Garrett liked to make random and unpredictable visits sometimes, but it was unlikely to be today, Garrett would never know. "I won't let them hurt you again, I will protect you," he promised rashly and Leo smiled weakly.
"I don't think you will be able to Grant," he said dejectedly. "Besides, it doesn't matter anyway, I'm probably going to miss the lecture now,"
Grant stood there awkwardly, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do in these situations. He and Thomas would sometimes huddle together at night when Thomas was scared and they knew it was safe, but Grant had made sure never to hug anyone else or make even the slightest human contact when not strictly necessary. It was a weakness, he knew, and his parents would have punished him. He wasn't sure what Garrett would do. Grant put his hand tentatively on Leo's shoulder and smiled unsurely.
"Maybe S.H.I.E.L.D. will let you see an even better one when you join the Academy." Grant offered and Leo sighed. "Would you like something to eat?" Offering people food was polite, he remembered, besides he was hungry, and by the way Buddy was staring at him, Buddy was too.
Leo thought about the hollow ache of his stomach and the dryness of his throat that had started clamouring for water hours before; this Grant Ward seemed like a nice person, if a bit strange, and although he probably had more of an enhanced immune system than Leo if he really did live here like Leo suspected, he would risk diseases from badly cooked food if that's what was on offer.
They walked in silence, there wasn't really much to talk about after all. Grant was uncomfortable and not really sure how to make human conversation and Leo was mildly distraught and somewhat intimidated by this strong boy that could take care of himself and apparently knew how to use a gun.
They reached Grant's camp about 10 minutes later.
AoS
Leo looked around in interest, noting the half built cabin and the battered tent, the neatly organised fishing supplies, the firewood piled in order of size and the…deer?…that had been skewered and was slowly cooking over dying embers. He recoiled in horror.
"Oh God, Grant, why…" he turned quickly away, looking sick and pale.
Grant glanced towards the deer. He mostly felt confusion at how Leo could be upset but vaguely remembered himself trembling, unable to bring himself to make his first kill, until the shaking of hunger and exhaustion became too much and he realised it was kill or die. He had almost eaten that rabbit raw. Now shooting animals was part of his everyday routine, he no longer flinched when their blood ran over his hands and he skinned them, he no longer made a mental apology as he looked through his sight or roasted them over a fire.
"Leo, it's the natural order of life," Grant all but snapped, he didn't mean to be harsh, but Leo needed to leave soon and he needed his strength to do so, the kid needed to face facts sooner rather than later. Grant was a survivor; Leo would need to be one for a while too.
"But," Leo protested. "Can't you eat anything else?"
"No," Grant replied. "I need energy and to be as self-sufficient as possible. If you need food, which you do, you're going to have to eat some of this!"
Leo shook his head weakly.
"Just drink some water while I cut it first," Grant sighed, grabbing a flask and making his way over to the lake, filling the flask up with water then handing it to Leo. "Do you eat chicken?" he asked and Leo nodded. "Well, it's just like that, except the farmer kills the chicken then you eat it, this time I kill the deer and you eat it. Please Leo,"
Don't say please, ever, it lets people know that you're weak. Garrett had told him.
Grant gritted his teeth and quickly attacked the deer with the knife, cutting of chunks of meat and putting them onto two plates. Behind him Leo glanced at the water, grimacing before taking a sip, it tasted kind of funny and he wasn't completely sure that it was safe, but it quenched his thirst, so he drank the lot in a matter of seconds before going to refill the flask himself.
Grant walked over to Leo with a plate. He really hoped that Leo would eat at least some of it as although he did have a few biscuits left he was trying to save them for when hunting didn't go well and he had run out of stolen vegetables yesterday.
"Will you at least try some?" he asked, handing the plate to Leo who nodded warily.
Buddy bounded over to where he and Grant usually ate, to a tree trunk looking out across the lake and Grant followed, sitting down and feeding Buddy some of the deer before eating some himself. He was surprised to find Leo joining him, the kid stared wanly across the lake, watching as the sun cast an orange glow that reflected off the water, making it shine. Grant watched as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, picking up a piece of meat and biting into it quickly.
He opened his eyes in surprise. "This is good," he observed and Grant drew away uncomfortably, unused to being praised. After that Leo seemed to forget his moral dilemma and dug in ravenously, barely taking time to chew the food.
They sat in silence as the sun set, Grant took his time to finish his meal and then placed it onto the ground, turning to Leo who he noticed had been staring at him curiously for a while now.
"How long have you lived here?" Leo asked the question he had been wanting to for a while.
"About two years," Grant replied after a pause.
"I thought you'd been living here for a while," Leo told him. "Why are you here, how old were you when you first got here, don't you want to leave, you can't be much older than me, why have S.H.I.E.L.D. just left you here?"
"I'm seventeen, I was fifteen when Garrett left me here," Grant began, figuring that it wouldn't matter much if he told Leo this, he was S.H.I.E.L.D. after all, although Grant was somewhat confused by Leo's gasp of dismay, he continued. "Garrett left me here because I was weak, he saw potential in me but if I remained worthless I could never become a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent, I need to show him that I had potential. I'm here because Garrett bust me out of juvie, he gave me a new life, a chance to prove myself."
"That's messed up," Leo exclaimed. "You can't just leave a fifteen year old in the middle of the woods to look after themselves, it's wrong and illegal, S.H.I.E.L.D condones this?"
"No it's not," Grant reasoned. "Garrett set me free, he taught me how to look after myself, it's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and of course S.H.I.E.L.D. condones this, that's who Garrett works for!"
"Can you even hear yourself right now?" Leo yelled in frustration. "He's brainwashed you or something Grant, come with me, you don't need him, if you got hurt out here nobody would know!"
"Please keep your voice down," Grant urged, glancing from side to side. "Garrett likes to turn up unannounced, I never know when he's going to arrive, I don't know what he'd do to you if he heard you saying things like that about him!"
"But…" Leo protested more quietly.
"If I got hurt nobody would ever care anyway," Grant continued. "They used to try to make me hurt, now I'm here with Buddy, I'm safer than I've ever been. And you're ten, how would you even know how brainwashing works!"
"I'm twelve." he corrected. "But can't you tell he's dangerous Grant, if you're worried about what he'll do to me then he doesn't sound like a good person! I'm sorry people hurt you but if you leave with me I won't let that happen!" he pleaded.
Grant shook his head and scoffed at the plea. "You won't let people hurt me, what, like you didn't let the other students hurt you. How can you protect me when you can't even protect yourself?"
Leo drew away from the malice that Grant's words held. "I won't give up on you Grant," he promised, standing up and sighing. "I'll see you again soon,"
"Wait, where are you going?" Grant had calmed down enough to ask the question just as the younger kid was about to leave the clearing.
"I'm making my way to the next town," Leo said as if it were obvious.
"Don't be stupid," Grant got up to follow him. "It's night time already, it will only get colder and darker and you will get lost and probably ill. You have to stay here,"
Leo looked almost like he was going to argue but then decided against it, deciding that maybe there was some truth to his words. He was slightly chilly already after all.
AoS
Leo listened to the sounds of Grant tidying up the camp as he sat up in the tent, blanket wrapped around him, unable to sleep.
Grant unzipped the tent and stepped inside, staring at the shadow of Leo in surprise. "I thought you'd be asleep by now," he commented.
Leo shook his head. "No, I can't. It's just so different from everything that I'm used to, the sounds, the feel of the air, they're all wrong. Plus I like sleeping on comfortable beds and this, isn't,"
"I guess it would feel weird," Grant agreed. He allowed Buddy to step in after him and then zipped up the tent, talking as he did so. "The first night I was here it rained, I didn't have anything, just Buddy, we sheltered under a tree but we still got soaked. I was so hungry, and cold, I was ill for a while after…" he shivered at the memory.
Leo chose not to comment, realising that Grant would probably have yet another excuse and he didn't want to have another argument considering how awkward it would be if they did.
Earlier Leo and Grant had decided that because of the issue of space and keeping warm, they would open Grant's sleeping bag out and sleep on top of it, its waterproof covering would prevent less damp from seeping through the groundsheet and onto their clothes, and cover themselves with a blanket. Grant lay down next to Leo before pulling the cover over himself, Buddy settled over both of their legs. Leo worried that perhaps he'd lose circulation but as Grant seemed okay with it and Buddy was an extra source of warmth, he guessed it wouldn't be worse than pins-and-needles.
Grant expected himself to take a while to fall asleep, especially with a stranger in the tent, however before long he'd dropped off, comforted, perhaps, by the younger boy's presence, by the fact that he wasn't alone.
Leo, on the other hand stayed awake, his eyes wide open and staring at the roof of the tent, trying to gauge the time from the levels of dim light seeping through the material. Wondering, if the Professor in charge of the University trip knew he was missing, it was likely, but there was a small chance he hadn't been told, wondering if they were actually going to bother to find him, wondering, if his mum had woken up yet, if she'd make her way downstairs in her pale green dressing-gown and would be sipping coffee at the table, wondering if the house felt empty without him or if she was just getting on with her day and valuing the peace and quiet.
At some point in the night Buddy got up off his dead, but presumably warm, legs and lay down beside him, licking the silent tears that streamed down Leo's face, Leo shook with the effort of not making any sound and buried his head into Buddy's fur. Perhaps, he thought, trying not to make any sound was pointless though, given that an amount of time earlier Grant had rolled over and nestled into Leo, who had been able to make out a slight smile on his face in the darkness, any movement he made was surely jostling the other boy anyway.
He had almost got ready to give up on sleep and was thinking about taking a walk to clear his head if he could manage to leave quietly enough when he felt Grant twitch beside him, Leo turned his head to the other side to get a better look at him, Grant felt the movement and grabbed on tighter to Leo, almost hard enough to hurt, his expression seemingly contorted in pain.
"Grant, Grant!" Leo shook him gently.
AoS
"Come on Buddy," Grant tells the dog, the day is light and sunny, he throws a stick into the distance and Buddy bounds away, out of sight.
The sky grows darker, Grant knows that it has to be foreshadowing, something bad is about to happen. It starts to rain, but suddenly the rain doesn't matter anymore when he hears the shout of a boy, Thomas.
He drops the deer he's carrying, conveniently cooked, but who's paying attention to details, and runs round the corner, he's back at the campsite in no time.
Someone's laying on the floor, but it's not Thomas, it's Leo, it makes sense. He's lying on the dusty, sun-baked ground, huddled in a ball, sobbing, screaming, begging for the man to stop, he has a gash on his leg, his hands and arms protect his face where he sports a nasty bruise over his right eye.
The man turns to face Ward. "You're not Christian." Grant states.
"What did I tell you about pointing out the obvious Son?" Garrett asks and Grant shivers. "You're never gonna get to be an Agent if you keep acting stupid."
Grant nods and looks over to where Leo has fallen, crying quietly, his injuries doubled since the last time Grant checked.
"Can't you see?" Garrett throws his arm around Grant's shoulders, gripping too tight to wriggle free from, he feels like the action is constricting his throat, strangling him, even though Garrett's fingers aren't even touching his neck. "He's making you weak, you'll go back to how you were; fragile, alone, broken, Grant, you know what you have to do with weaknesses – eradicate them."
With his saviour's ominous words Grant feels the cold metal of a gun being placed in his palm.
"Kill him and I might go easy on you," Garrett offers.
Grant is paralysed in fear, he can't, he has to, he can't, but Garrett is standing right there, he owes Garrett, he can't disobey Garrett, so… he has to.
He raises the Gun, it's the most awful weapon he has ever seen, and points it at Leo.
"Grant, Grant!" he screams in fear, Buddy is barking frantically.
Everything disappears. Wait, what? Did he kill Leo, no…yes?
AoS
Grant jolted awake, screaming in terror and lashing out at the nearest object, it yelled in pain and let him go. Disorientated, Grant looked around him in confusion, unable to process what was happening, and scrambled backwards to the corner of the tent, pressing himself into the material that was cold and damp with dew. He curled up into a ball and breathed unevenly, allowing the icy water now running down his hair and back to ground him.
"Grant, are you okay?" Leo asked, he sounded frightened, like Grant felt.
"Yeah," he whispered, not trusting himself to talk any louder without giving away how much his voice was shaking.
"You know that's not true." Leo stated and Grant swallowed, letting people know when you were weak had never been permitted, he needed to show the kid that he could handle this. "C'mon, tell me about it," he crawled over to Grant and sat down beside him.
"It was nothing, I'm fine." Grant insisted and Leo rolled his eyes.
"My mum always says that you have to talk about a bad dream or it will scare you forever,"
Grant shook his head. "I'm not good at talking; I just want to go back to bed."
He got up and lay back down on the sleeping bag, drawing the blanket over him again and closing his eyes, Leo sighed and followed suit. "You know if you ever do want to talk…"
"You'll be there, I know," Grant offered him a half smile, surprised at his own words.
Leo fell asleep quickly, he was exhausted, even though wild thoughts ran through his head about what Grant could have been dreaming about and this time there was no one to snuggle against as the older boy kept as much distance as possible between the two of them.
Grant, on the other hand, took a while to fall back to sleep. He kept seeing Leo's face as he prepared to shoot him and had to keep opening his eyes to make sure that the boy was still safe and fast asleep beside him. Eventually though, he did lose consciousness, he'd had lots of trouble with dealing with nightmares and knew how to push the bad memories aside.
AoS
When they woke light was streaming through the waterproof material, casting a warm orange glow on them both. Buddy was scratching at the tent door, desperate to get out after being cooped up for so long and Grant reluctantly shuffled over to open it.
Blinking in the bright light he checked the position of the sun, his eyes widening when he saw how late it was.
"Leo, you need to get up." the aspiring scientist groaned in response. "I'll make breakfast but you need to be away as soon as possible. The nearest cabin with a phone is 15 miles away." Leo pulled the blanket further over his head at this news.
Grant sighed and went to go fetch the Tupperware containing deer that he had left under some rocks by the lake to remain cool. On his way back he collected some berries and some twigs that looked dry enough to start a small fire.
Just as he had managed to put some water on to boil he heard footsteps behind him.
"Finally!" Grant exclaimed. "I was just coming to-" he cut off in shock, struggling to find words. "…I thought…that you were Buddy, sir."
"Are you telling me you can't tell the difference between me and a dog, boy?" Garrett questioned.
"No…yes…" Grant fumbled with his words, seeing his nightmare more clearly than the other times it had replayed in his head. "…Only when I'm concentrating, you told me last time…that I needed to be able to block out distractions better…so, I've been practicing focusing really carefully, even on small tasks. I've been getting lots better…I just…didn't think that anyone would be around…I didn't think it would matter…I…"
"Stop making excuses, I thought I was training you to be the best?" demanded Garrett. "Or am I just wasting my time?"
"No sir!"
"You need to be able to focus on a mission, but you need to know if someone is behind you, ready to take you out. And you can't make excuses for your failures. Son, trying to explain your weaknesses won't get you anywhere when you're dead."
"I know, I'm sorry…"
"What have I told you about apologising?" Garrett exploded. "I thought I'd told you only the weak apologise, or plead, let other have that kind of hold over them. What has gotten into you?"
Grant tried not to flinch away, but Garrett was still a live wire, he still didn't know the extent of what Garrett would do when angered.
"I thought we'd agreed that you were going to stop acting so patheti…"
"Leave him alone," Leo stepped out of the tent, his voice ringing with determination and glaring furiously at Garrett, his fists balled at his sides.
In a matter of seconds, on instinct Grant had leapt in front of Leo and Garrett had drawn his gun. Grant could barely breathe, it couldn't happen like this, it couldn't, dreams weren't meant to come true, the worst scenario was never actually meant to play out.
"Ward," Garrett gritted his teeth and spoke icily. "Who is this?"
On that cliffhanger I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, and please review. I know it can be really difficult to know what to say but even one word would make my day!