AN: This little tale is what I think Arthur would have done when he learned the story of Merlin and Freya. This takes place after the battle of Camlann in season 5 except in my story, Merlin was able to save Arthur's life before death could claim him. Hope you enjoy.

01: A Broken Heart

The sun shown down through the trees in slight spurts, lighting the forest floor as the large company of men on horseback leisurely made their way down a dirt path away from the great castle of Camelot. The party was led by none other than the King himself, Arthur Pendragon, who had finally accomplished restoring peace in the land between non-magic and magic folk alike five years from the time of the great battle of Camlann, the fight where Mordrid and the evil High Priestess Morgana had met their demise. In two days time the people of the land would come together to celebrate five years of peace.

Arthur glanced to his left at his best friend, Merlin, the Court Sorcerer, who had played a key role in establishing this peace. Though it had been several years, Arthur still could not believe that Merlin was the great prophesied sorcerer Emrys, a man who had been spoken of amongst all magic folk for centuries before his birth. When he'd first met Merlin, Arthur couldn't place his finger upon why he found him so intriguing. His first impression of him was that he was an idiot; a foolhardy servant who constantly messed up and floundered about barely managing to keep up with all the chores required of him. He thought him physically weak and skillfully inept but after that fateful day when Merlin had confessed who he truly was, Arthur's outlook changed dramatically.

Merlin wasn't the weak, simple, slightly ditzy servant he'd always thought. Sure, as they grew to know each other Arthur realized he cared deeply for Merlin, treating him as the younger brother he'd never had. But he'd never thought of him as an all-powerful sorcerer! Not in the slightest! When Gaius, the Court Physician, had told him of how others viewed Merlin, he couldn't believe his ears. Now, however, he had to laugh. He'd seen Merlin perform magic that left his jaw dangling to the ground. Not to mention the reality of all their previous adventures where he came to learn Merlin played a key role in ensuring not only his survival but all of Camelot's. No, his dear friend had come far and had impressed him beyond expectations. And yet Merlin never took any credit. Sure in jest he would sometimes bring up how he'd saved everyone but when it came down to serious situations, he never once demanded to be recognized for his efforts. He was humble, caring, and constantly putting his life on the line for others.

Arthur frowned as he stared at Merlin, who seemed lost in thought. "Merlin, if you keep frowning like that you're going to cause the little sun we have to disappear behind the clouds." He was trying to lighten the sorcerer's mood.

Merlin looked up at him and attempted to smile, "If that were the case I'd just magic the clouds away."

Several of the knights chuckled lightly behind them as Arthur rolled his eyes. "There you go again, relying on your magic to solve the problem."

"Well it's solved many of them in the past," Merlin replied cheekily.

Grinning secretly that he'd seemed to pull Merlin from his melancholy, Arthur hid his happiness by putting on a face of mock insult. "Please, Merlin, we managed to survive just fine without it before you stumbled into Camelot."

"A feat I wonder over many nights," Merlin muttered just loud enough for Arthur to hear.

Arthur frowned. "Merlin, what's going on inside that magic brain of yours? You've been gloomy since you found out we were making this little trip."

"I just don't see the point in taking a holiday today, that's all," Merlin answered.

"Come on, Merlin, you haven't had a day off in over a year," Sir Gwaine said, joining the conversation.

"There's been a lot to do!" Merlin countered, turning a little in his seat to stare back at the knights. "Do you know how difficult it is to keep the Druids in line sometimes?"

"I thought they were a peace loving people," Sir Percival said.

Merlin frowned. "Not as much as you'd think. Most of them in Camelot's boarders are peacekeepers but those in the neighboring kingdoms didn't have to unite in times of crisis. Many of them have had disagreements going back centuries. I've been up to my elbows having to convince them all to get along! They always get restless during the time of the Peace Festival."

"The woes of the great sorcerer Emrys," Gwaine said, grinning.

"Merlin, you're making it sound like you're trying to stop a war," Arthur commented.

Merlin grumbled, "It feels like it."

"Didn't you complain about this last year, Merlin?" Sir Leon asked, grinning widely as he caught Gwaine's eye.

"I think he did," Gwaine smirked.

"Yes, something along the lines of telling Arthur he was going to take a sleeping draft for the duration of the festival," Percival said.

"And Arthur agreed to it but made Gaius switch the draft for an aging potion that turned him into an old man for a week instead," Sir Elyan laughed while the others joined in.

Merlin frowned. "Worst week of my life," he grumbled. "Do you know how terrible it is being stuck in the body of an old man for that long?"

"I can't say I do, Merlin," Arthur said in good spirits, smirking.

"I could remedy that, you know," Merlin threatened.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Idle threats don't become you, Merlin. You've threatened the same thing on countless occasions and yet you never follow through."

"Only because I fear that old King Arthur would be a lot bossier than how you are now. I have enough chores to accomplish as it is."

The knights laughed while Arthur's smile deepened. Even though he had offered to relinquish Merlin's duties as his manservant, Merlin refused to allow anyone else to take his job. He said it was because he didn't trust others with the tasks but the reality was that as manservant, Merlin was able to be by Arthur's side more so than if he were simply the Court Sorcerer. Besides, now that he was able to freely practice his magic he could accomplish his duties in half the time – though most of the time he still did things by hand, to the bafflement of everyone in the kingdom. Arthur, however, knew that the true reason Merlin didn't use his magic for everything was that he wanted things to stay relatively the same as they had always been.

"So, where exactly are we going?" Merlin wondered for the fifth time.

Arthur grinned. "Merlin, why can't you simply just relax and enjoy the ride?"

"Because you lied in saying this was a matter of urgency," Merlin replied, annoyed. "Do you realize how many chores I still have to accomplish before the Peace Festival? I can't afford to take a day off!"

"I never thought I'd hear the day when Merlin complained about getting a day off!" Gwaine said while the other knights smirked. "You complain almost as much as a woman when it comes to the subject."

Merlin scowled while the others laughed openly. Arthur studied him in that moment. He had been right in following his wife's advice of kidnapping Merlin from the city for the day. Gwen had approached him last week in concern for Merlin, saying how she'd noticed his usual cheer had been replaced by a slight frown. Arthur had seen it too. Dark circles hung under Merlin's eyes and a sad frown pulled at the corners of his mouth. His blue eyes didn't hold their usual twinkle and he hadn't pulled a prank on any of the knights in the last four days. Something was definitely weighing at his best friend's mind and Arthur had a strange feeling it wasn't just the preparations for the Peace Festival.

Originally he had planned to take Merlin to the tavern and play the usual gambling games – outlawing magic of course to make the game fair – but Gwen had suggested that it might be better to take Merlin away from the city, to a discrete place.

"Merlin isn't like one of the knights, Arthur," she'd said. "He's told us before that he's of the Old Religion, magic itself. You need to take him to a magical place, somewhere that will be in his element."

And so Arthur had spoken to several druids in town and learned that since the Old Religion was basically the earth itself, the best place to take Merlin would be someplace away from the civilizations of men. When he'd explained what he wanted to do to the knights, all of them were fully supportive and desiring to come to cheer their friend but they weren't entirely sure what they were going to do in the forest all day. None of them had come up with a specific plan. In the end they decided it would be nice to simply relax somewhere where they could reminisce of old adventures and listen to Merlin reveal more tales. He'd told them many of them over the years but they still hadn't heard them all. Perhaps Merlin sharing more of his past would put him at ease?

They continued down the trail for a few more minutes before Arthur saw something glint out of the corner of his eye. Peering into the trees, he noticed a lake. Grinning, he realized this would be a great place to relax.

"Where are you going?" Merlin questioned when Arthur spurred his horse off the path into the woods.

"You'll just have to wait and see!" Arthur called over his shoulder.

He was pleased to hear Merlin grumbling before following him off into the trees, the knights doing the same. The trees soon thinned and the view spreading out before him was magnificent. Large mountains were in the background, their surfaces covered with tall pines and countless shrubbery. The forest outlined the whole lake, secluding it and making the air feel undisturbed. Arthur normally would have written it off after beholding the scene for a moment longer but he reminded himself that he was here for Merlin who always seemed to appreciate nature more than he.

Arthur hopped off his horse and tied the reins to a large tree branch. Noticing a large gathering of rocks, Arthur planted himself down, glad to be out of the saddle for a while. The other knights joined him without hesitation after tying their steeds but Merlin, whom they were all here for, stood still after having dismounted, his eyes focused on the lake.

Arthur grinned. "Well, what do you think, Merlin? This looks like a great place to relax for a while, wouldn't you say?"

The knights all looked over at the young warlock, grinning, but soon frowns pulled at their lips. Arthur frowned as well for the look on Merlin's face wasn't one of peace but of pain. Glancing at Gwaine, who mirrored the same concern Arthur was feeling, the king stood up and walked over to his manservant's side.

"Merlin?"

"Why did you choose this place?" Merlin whispered, his eyes on the lake.

Arthur looked around. "I figured you'd like it… do you not?"

Merlin licked his lips nervously, his eyes darting down to his shoes. "I don't mind it."

Arthur raised an eyebrow. Not knowing what else to do, he punched Merlin lightly in the arm. "Then cheer up!"

"Ow!" Merlin complained, rubbing the smart. "Why did you hit me?"

Arthur shrugged. "You look like you needed it. Now, come on, let's set up camp for a while."

Merlin blinked a few times before turning his eyes away from the lake. "Right," he muttered, following after Arthur and the others.

Merlin could not believe Arthur had brought him here. Of all places, this was the last he'd ever thought he'd end up. Though it had been years, his heart still hadn't managed to fill the hole that had been created since the death of Freya. Cursed to be a bastet, he'd met her in Camelot and rescued her only to watch her die several days later. Though the days had been short, he'd fallen deeply for her, more than he'd first thought. From the moment he saw her, he felt connected to her. He couldn't bear to leave her in that cage. He'd tried desperately to protect her, to make sure she remained safe from the man who'd captured her, but in the end he had failed and she had died.

He was going to run away with her, going so far as to forsake his destiny with Arthur to do so. He often wondered if that had been why she had been taken from him. He had a greater purpose, to serve at Arthur's side and unite the land of Albion. He'd wracked himself with guilt, convincing himself that she was dead because of him. He had seen her a couple of times since her death, she having become the Lady of the Lake, caring for Excalibur and helping him protect Arthur during a few dangerous situations but those small interludes, while a blessing, were also a curse. They opened the hole even more and Merlin had to fight back tears even now as the loneliness threatened to consume him.

Though magic had been restored to the land, though Arthur and the others accepted him for who he was, Merlin felt they could never fully understand the magical side of him. Not the way Freya had. She had been rejected by all people, feared for what she was. Now that it was known that he was Emrys, many in the magical community feared him. Others felt his was too sacred to be treated like a regular person – these people made him very uncomfortable. Merlin only wanted to be himself and though that was accomplished while with Arthur, Gwen, and the knights, they had their own lives, duties, and families to attend to; they couldn't always be with him. If Freya had lived, she would have been there when his friends were occupied.

But she was gone and he was alone.

He was touched that Arthur and the knights had taken the day to try to make him feel better, to cheer him up. He just found it ironic that the day they chose to do so was the day he'd lost Freya years ago. And they happened to stop at the very lake he'd taken her to the day she'd died. Merlin felt the Old Religion was laughing at him. Couldn't it see he was being tortured? It was hard enough having to watch his friends with their wives – even Gwaine had settled down with a woman!

Merlin was yanked from his thoughts by Gwaine who had nudged him with his shoulder. "So, Merlin, tell us a tale!"

"Yeah!" The others cheered.

Merlin raised an eyebrow. He found it interesting that they were so eager to hear his side of the story of the adventures he and Arthur had been on. "Alright," he muttered, "How about the one involving the Goblin that possessed Gaius?"

Arthur immediately stilled. "I don't think that's a good one to tell," he said hastily.

Elyan and Gwaine shared a grin. "Oh, come on, Arthur," Gwaine said. "I've never heard this story."

"I don't think it would be wise," Arthur said again.

Merlin smirked. "What, you don't want them to know how you turned into a –"

"MERLIN!" Arthur shouted, rounding on him.

Merlin laughed.

"Turned into what?" Gwaine said eagerly.

"No!" Arthur cried. "Not one word! Tell a different tale."

"But –"

"A different tale, Merlin! Or I'll have you muck out the stables without magic!"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Fine, how about the time you were enchanted to fall in love with the Lady Vivian?"

"Merlin," Arthur warned.

Seeing he was pushing his luck when it came to teasing, Merlin settled for telling them of the time he'd used magic to stop Sir Valiant from killing Arthur with a magical shield possessing poisonous snakes. The knights were a good audience and Merlin soon found himself sharing not one but several stories. There were rounds of laughter, gasps of surprise, questions about his magic and by the time the sun was well past noon, Merlin found himself very relaxed.

"So, we've heard countless tales but let's get down to a question that's been on everyone's mind for quite a while," Gwaine said.

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "What question might that be?"

"Well, we can't all help but notice that you're single, Merlin," Elyan said while the others nodded.

Merlin stiffened. "An honest observation."

Arthur narrowed his eyes. Merlin's once relaxed mood had drastically changed, the twinkle in his eye leaving immediately as he looked out towards the lake, his body shifting uncomfortably.

"Care to tell us why that is?" Percival prompted.

Merlin was quiet for a long time. The knights and Arthur shared looks. "Merlin?" Arthur questioned.

Merlin sighed. "Yes?"

Arthur didn't say anything, instead deciding to eye him with deep scrutiny. Merlin, under this intense stare, shifted uncomfortably. The knights didn't say anything, sensing that teasing him wasn't the best thing to do at the moment. Merlin let out a heavy sigh and played with the fire they had started, poking the coals with a stick. Arthur was becoming concerned now. Why did his best friend look so depressed?

"The person I love I can never be with," Merlin confessed.

The knights shared looks while Arthur frowned. "What do you mean?"

The knights leaned forward, wanting to hear the warlock's answer.

"She's dead," Merlin answered, his eyes on the flames.

The fire crackled for a while and the cheerful air dampened with considerable sadness as everyone in the company felt sympathy for the young sorcerer.

"We don't have to talk about it," Arthur said, sensing that this subject was very delicate; even though he was desperately curious. Who had Merlin loved? How had he had time to fall in love when he was busy doing everything he'd needed to do? Did Arthur know the woman?

Merlin shook his head. "No; you deserve to know. That way you can stop badgering me about settling down with someone."

The knights looked a little guilty. For the last couple months their latest fun had been trying to set Merlin up with someone.

Merlin kept his eyes on the fire as he began his tale. "Her name was Freya. Years ago, a bounty hunter came into town with a girl he'd captured. Gaius and I saw her chained in a cage. The second I saw her" – Merlin paused, shaking his head – "I felt something spark to life inside of me, something I've never felt before or since. I wanted to free her but Gaius said it was too risky; I couldn't do so without jeopardizing my own safety. But I couldn't get the image of her out of my head. I waited until Gaius was asleep, snuck out, and freed her while the bounty hunter was still in the tavern.

"I hid her in the underground catacombs and promised to get her food and water. I hated leaving her there in the dark but I couldn't shirk from my duties to Arthur. I confess," – he smirked – "I stole Arthur's food that morning to feed her."

Arthur suddenly remembered the time Merlin had acted strangely, calling him fat. At the time, the townspeople were being attacked by a creature Gaius had called a bastet. Wait… Arthur had seen the girl change into the creature… could she be…?!

"I took the food to Freya. She was surprised to see that I had come back. I realized that she considered herself a monster, saying that everywhere she went, she was cast away. I couldn't see why that was so. She had a kind soul, one that had been wounded by hurt and rejection for so long that she was convinced she was what people thought she was. I wanted to help her see how I saw her. She was so special." Merlin stopped, his voice thick with emotion.

Arthur couldn't help but wonder. He'd never seen this side of Merlin before. He waited, listening to every word he spoke, desperate to hear everything he had to say.

"The next two days, four people died and accounts were given of a beast with large black wings that looked like a panther. Gaius did some research and shared his suspicions with me that he believed the girl who had gone missing was a bastet. I hadn't told him I freed her nor that I was harboring her in the catacombs. I couldn't bring myself to. The second I learned what she was, I realized she would have to leave Camelot. She couldn't stay there; not when everyone was hunting for her.

"She told me that she used to live by a lake with mountains… I decided that I was going to run away with her. We'd go somewhere where we could be ourselves, away from people, where we wouldn't have to hide."

Arthur's mouth dropped open. After everything he'd learned from Merlin, he knew that Merlin's destiny was to serve him and help unite the land of Albion. Yet here Merlin was saying that he had almost run away with this woman he'd only just met. At first he thought him fickle. What kind of person runs off with someone they'd just met? Then again, when Arthur thought more about it, he realized that Merlin wasn't normal. Merlin was bound to something Arthur couldn't fully understand, a destiny that compelled him to do the things he did. The moment he met Merlin, Arthur felt a strange connection to him. Perhaps some other kind of strange connection was felt between Merlin and this girl? But if that were so, why had she died?

Merlin continued, "Freya and I had made all the plans to leave but she left the catacombs before I could get to her. She didn't want me to give up the current life I had even though that's what I wanted. She was discovered by the night patrol and then chased by Arthur and the knights. By the time I got to her, she had already transformed and had been backed into a corner. I feared she would be killed so I used magic to cause a stone statue to fall in front of her, giving her enough time to take flight and get away.

"I found her in the catacombs, still as a bastet. She didn't harm me though. In fact, as I stepped up to her and touched her head, I could see nothing but the girl I'd fallen in love with. I saw her kind, tortured soul behind those yellow eyes. I couldn't hate her. She transformed back into herself and confessed that she was cursed to become a bastet by a sorceress, forced to kill every night, even though that was the last thing that she wanted to do. Freya would never willingly harm anyone. She killed the sorceress's son out of self defense and in retaliation, she was cursed. It had been a mistake yet anger fueled by grief brought about a horrible life of misery and undeserved suffering.

"As a result of a wound she sustained, there was nothing I could do to save her…" – tears freely spilt from Merlin's eyes as he choked out – "I brought her to this lake. It was the only thing I could think of to give her in her final moments. Dying in my arms, s-she told me that I had given her something she'd thought she would never have again: love. She promised that she would repay me for granting this to her and then… she died. I made a boat out of magic, laid her inside, and pushed it into the lake before setting the body of fire. Freya became the Lady of the Lake, the one who guarded the sword Excalibur until the proper time to give it to you, Arthur. I also have seen her in vision once, when I was in need of help. Other than that, I have been haunted by memories, unable to be with her yet possessing a hole in my chest that won't go away. I know they say that people can move on, that they can find others to love after losing someone so special, but I feel there will never be another for me. I'm connected to Freya in a way I can't even explain and yet I will never be able to be with her in this life. I have a duty to fulfill and I will see that it is carried out no matter how hard it is sometimes to be alone while others are not.

"Please, don't misunderstand," he hastened to add with the utmost sincerity, "I'm not bitter in the slightest that each of you have found someone to love. I am quite happy for you. I simply hope that you will now understand why I prefer not to be pressured to find someone to be with when the someone I need to be with is unattainable."

And then Merlin left them, walking away from the camp to wander down to the lake's edge, no doubt to gather his emotions. Arthur had not been expecting this; neither had the knights, by the looks on their faces. Arthur sat there feeling numb. It was his fault. As Merlin had told his tale, Arthur realized that it was his fault Freya had died. He'd been the one to stab her! Even though he'd seen that she was a girl before she became the beast, he'd still attacked. Why? Honestly, at the time, he'd thought the form of the girl had been a trick. He didn't believe that she was really a person, just a magical creature that had been killing his people.

He hadn't seen her the way Merlin had.

And he felt like a complete and utter jerk.

"And I respected Merlin before I knew all that," Gwaine muttered, staring off at the sorcerer who had become a silent statue by the lake's shore.

"Yeah," Percival muttered. "I don't even know what to say."

"I was there," Leon muttered, disgusted with himself. "I was there the night that poor girl turned into the bastet."

"But you weren't the one to stab her," Arthur snarled, his anger at himself coming out in full force. "I killed her!"

"Arthur, you didn't know!" Elyan said, defending him.

"I saw her change into the beast!" Arthur countered. "I attacked her even though I'd seen she was a girl!"

"You thought the same thing the rest of the knights did," Leon said. "We thought she was the beast and nothing more. We went off what we knew from the bounty hunter and our previous encounters with magic."

"That doesn't change the fact that I killed the girl Merlin clearly loves!" Arthur snapped, leaping to his feet.

He couldn't believe what he'd done. It was his fault. And in his ignorance he had brought Merlin to the very place he'd laid the girl to rest! What had he been thinking?

A hand reached out and touched his shoulder but Arthur recoiled. He didn't want comfort. He didn't deserve it. Merlin was the greatest man he'd ever come to know. He deserved every happiness the world could offer and yet he'd been stripped of that. And it was because of him.

The hand settled on his shoulder again and Arthur turned around, ready to punch whoever dared try to comfort him when Merlin was the one in greater need. To his absolute shock and surprise, the hand belonged to none other than… "Merlin," he muttered.

Merlin looked at him with a serious expression on his face, his eyes burning with such intensity that Arthur couldn't look away even if he wanted to. "Arthur, I don't blame you for Freya's death," he said in solemn sincerity. "If you hadn't been the one to deliver the blow, something else would have happened to her to prevent me from leaving with her. I've had a lot of time to ponder over this. The Old Religion didn't want me to run away from my destiny. It saw a hindrance and removed it. This isn't your fault."

Arthur felt a surge of anger. "Why would the Old Religion inflict such pain upon you just to ensure you fulfilled your destiny? It isn't fair! You've done everything for it! You've accomplished what they wanted you to do! Would they reward you if I relieved you from your duties? Is that what this is?"

Merlin's face filled with anguish at these words. "Please never threaten to do such a thing," he begged.

Arthur was disgusted. Not at Merlin but at the Old Religion. It had done this to him; forced him to do its bidding. "It isn't fair for you to have to sacrifice so much without a reward, Merlin," Arthur said firmly. The last thing he wanted was to release Merlin from serving him not because he saw him as a tool but because he was his best friend. He didn't want to lose having him by his side. It was a selfish thought but, if it would bring Merlin greater happiness, Arthur would do it. He would let him go.

"Releasing me from your service wouldn't stop me from serving you," Merlin replied just as stubbornly. "I was born to serve you and I won't stop that."

Arthur frowned. "But –"

"Don't take away the one thing that I live for, Arthur," Merlin pled.

Arthur's scowl deepened as he studied the young sorcerer. Why was Merlin so happy being his personal servant? How could wading on someone day in and day out your entire life bring you happiness and fulfillment? Arthur couldn't understand it but Merlin had told him time and time again that he truly was perfectly content with being his manservant 'til the day he died. His sincerity was so heartfelt whenever he'd say this that Arthur didn't have the heart to rip him away from servitude.

Sighing, Arthur shook his head. "Fine… but that doesn't mean you have to be denied having a life full of happiness."

"My life if full of happiness," Merlin argued.

"But it isn't complete," Arthur rejoined.

Merlin opened his mouth to retort but no words came out. This was all the confirmation Arthur needed to know he was right. Though Merlin was happy, Arthur had seen some days when his cheerfulness was forced. He'd lost so much. His best friend from childhood had died, the girl he loved had been taken from him, and his father had passed away in his arms shortly after the two had met. Arthur wanted to scream.

Merlin brought Arthur back to the present by taking him by the shoulder. "My life may not be complete," he said, his blue eyes bearing into Arthur's, "but it is enough. Freya waits for me in Avalon and when the time comes, I'll see her again."

Arthur looked upon Merlin with pity and admiration. How could he find joy such as this after everything he'd been through? If Arthur had been him and lost Guinevere, he would have become a shell. Yet Merlin had pressed forward and continued to be the person he'd always been. The man was a riddle wrapped up in a mystery. Once again, Arthur was astounded by him. But, despite Merlin's words, he was still discomforted. Something about this whole situation seemed wrong. But what could he do to fix it? Freya was dead! But there had to be something he could do!

"We'd best be getting back," Merlin said suddenly, clapping Arthur on the shoulder, sending him one of his trademark smiles. "I know how irritable you are when you're hungry and I'd rather not face that today."

The ride back to Camelot was one of false cheer, the knights and Arthur trying to pretend that everything was fine like Merlin but the truth was that everyone was silently suffering, pondering over Merlin's tale and desperately wondering if there was any way to remedy his broken heart.

Chapter two to come soon. Reviews would be lovely! :)