I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING
Warning: The 'Panic' series, contains the following: Graphic Depictions of Self Harm/Self Mutilation, Thoughts of Suicide, Course Language, Anxiety, Rude Comments, Panic Disorder, and Panic Attacks. If any of these warnings seem triggering to you, I do not suggest that you read this story.
(I know that the ages are inaccurate, but I am making them like this for the story)
Dick (Nightwing): 21
Jason (Red Hood): 18
Tim (Red Robin): 15
Damian (Robin): 13
Note:If you came from my story 'Bat Bros', know that this chapter is almost exactly like my one-shot 'Panic', only I did make a lot of changes. Please read this even if you read the one shot in 'Bat Bros'.
I DO ACCEPT REQUESTS/SUGGESTIONS THAT ARE RELEVANT TO THIS STORY
Panic
Timothy Drake is not necessarily the 'secretive' type. Sure, he does have a secret identity and he does fight crime and he does live with other vigilantes, but that being said, he does keep some other secrets.
Some that he should have told someone about.
Some that should not have stayed secrets for so long.
And some that if told, could save his life.
For instance, when Tim was seven, he was diagnosed with 'Panic Disorder'. The doctors said that he inherited it, but Tim knew otherwise.
Janet and Jack Drake always expected a lot from Tim and he would meet those expectations, even if it caused anxiety. Massive amounts of anxiety can cause someone to develop 'Panic Disorder'.
It's his parent's fault.
Having 'Panic Disorder' leads to being more susceptible to panic attacks, meaning that if his parents ever pushed him too far and caused high levels of anxiety, Tim will have a panic attack.
Of course, having any kind of disorder made him appear 'flawed' in his parents' eyes.
'Why couldn't we have had a normal one, Jack?'
'I told you that you should have aborted him.'
'I didn't know he would turn out like this.'
So he had to stop it, he had to stop the panic attacks from happening. But how could he? His parents wouldn't let up on the pressure and so he always had anxiety. So, Tim did the only thing he could think of with his ridiculously clever brain:
He learned that he could post-pone that panic attack if he caused himself pain. It has to be self-inflicted otherwise, it won't work.
Years later, Tim still uses that 'method'. I mean, what kind of super hero could he be if he had panic attacks?
Tim learned that his attacks normally were not triggered by stress, but just by mere thoughts of his parents. After all, they are the cause for his disorder. He has been able to put off the attacks until he was alone. Making it so that none of his family members see him like that. No one has discovered his secret yet.
Then Jason just had to screw it up.
#####BREAK LINE#####
Tim sighed as he glanced at the Bat-Computer's clock.
'2:37'
He has been working on the edit of his most recent case's file for four hours now.
Tim thought about the many times he stayed up late for his parents. He subconsciously reached his right hand to his left wrist and dug his nails into the flesh. He would stay up late just to finish extra work. Tim used the mediation that he learned a couple of years back to calm his heart-rate.
In…
'Why did our son have to be broken?'
Out…
'How will he run a company like this?'
In…
'Timothy, you know how we feel about touching. I will get the belt if I have to.'
Out…
'Timothy! What have we told you about talking?'
In-
"Babybird, you down here?"
Shit.
"Ye-Yeah." Tim stuttered, still trying to slow his heart-rate.
Jason made his way to the bottom of the stairs and looked at the back of the chair, "You okay, Tim? You don't sound so good."
"W-What? Yeah. Yeah, I'm f-fine." Tim forced out. He could feel the anxiety starting to claw it's way into his heart, speeding it up again. 'Damn it, Jason! Go away!'
Jason started to make his way closer to the chair before a possibility came to mind, "Oh shit, are you watching porn?"
Tim, mid-panic attack, couldn't help but bleach over what Jason was assuming. "Wha-What? No! I-I'm-" Tim cut himself off in favor of digging his nails into his skin harder, hard enough to draw blood. He won't be able to stop the attack if Jason keeps talking to him and doesn't go away.
Jason raised an inquisitive eyebrow, even though Tim can't see it, "Okay," he drawled, "then what's wrong? Are you sick or something?" Jason stepped closer.
Tim tried to answer but his tongue was feeling like sand-paper at this point.
Thump
'Timothy, Janet and I will be gone for a few months. Make sure to read those books I gave you.'
THUMP
'You were bred to be my heir. Do not forget your purpose.'
THUMP!
'You might have been planned, but you are not wanted.'
Jason could hear Tim's breath speeding up and immediately grew worried.
"Babybird?" Jason spun the chair towards him and saw Tim hyperventilating and clutching his chest.
Fuck.
He took note of Tim's appearance and tried to figure out what was wrong.
Erratic heart-beat.
Chest pain.
Dilated pupils.
Three signs of a very bad panic attack.
FUCK
Jason quickly kneeled in front of his distraught little brother and held him by his shoulders.
"Tim. Babybird, I need you to look at me."
Two dilated blue pools of fear and anxiety met Jason's worried green eyes.
"Watch me breath and copy what I do, okay? Match my breathing." Jason started to breath slowly.
"Just like this. In…"
'Welcome to Wayne Manor, Tim. Hopefully you will call it home some day.'
"Out…"
'Hi, I'm Dick! You must be Timmy, my new little brother. I like you already.'
"In…"
'Why don't you talk? Eh, guess it doesn't matter. I'm Jason.'
"Out…"
'Welcome to the flock, Babybird.'
Once Tim's breathing was back to normal, Jason brought him into spine-crushing hug.
"I don't know what caused you to have a panic attack, but I want you to know that you're safe. You are with us and not your parents. As long as you are with me, and we are brothers, I won't let anything deathly bad happen to you." He whispered.
It was seven minutes later when Jason finally let go and Tim looked at the floor shamefully. Jason stared at him questioningly before remembering something.
"You knew you were getting an attack. That's why you avoided my questions.
Tim nodded and Jason sighed, "You get these often, don't you." It was more of a statement than a question but Tim nodded.
The oldest in the room ran a hand thought his white bangs in thought.
"Why didn't you tell anyone? We could have helped you."
Tim shook his head.
"No?" What do you mean 'no'?" Jason asked incredulously.
Tim gulped, "My-My parents said th-that-" He cut himself off with a choked sob before continuing, "That it w-was bad to sh-show weakness. T-To them, my disorder is a we-weakness." He finished.
Jason looked at him confusedly, "Wait, disorder?"
Tim blushed and nodded, "Panic Disorder." He whispered.
"Fuck. How could we not know about this?" Jason asked himself.
"I learned how to post-pone the attacks." Tim answered.
"How?" Jason asked, "The effects could be worse if you try to stop it."
Tim mutely showed Jason his bleeding wrists.
"Shit." Jason ran to the first aid kit and sat in front of Tim. He gently grabbed Tim's left wrist and wiped the blood off. "Why would you do this to yourself?" Jason asked once he saw the half moon nail marks.
Tim shrugged.
"You're gonna have to give me a better answer than that, Tim." Jason said.
Tim shrugged again, causing Jason to sigh.
"Babybird, You know that I can't let you hurt yourself." Tim nodded which Jason took as a sign to continue, "So if you ever feel the urge to do this or you know that you're going to have a panic attack, come to me. Please."
Tim looked into Jason's eyes as if looking for something. He must have found it because he nodded and tearfully hugged his big brother. Jason wrapped his arms around Tim and used one hand to rub comforting circles into Tim's back.
"It's okay."
Tim sobbed harder into Jason's chest.
"I'll protect you."
A/N: Yay! The first chapter of Stricken! I know that it's almost exactly the same as my one-shot in 'Bat Bros.' but I needed to add this as the first chapter. Please review and leave suggestions!