My hearfelt thanks to LMGoody, who put my sentences in a correct order - again!

Melody sat on her bed in her small quarters and looked at the stars. A few minutes ago, Destiny had dropped out of FTL and the young woman was curious where she had deposited them this time. Most times there was nothing new to see; but sometimes she could see a nebula or other planets. This time is was just the view of the stars in front of an endless black universe; at least on the side where her quarters were. She wondered if she should head to the observation deck and have a look at the other side. After a few moments she decided not to go, probably there would be many people there now and she prefered to be alone.

With a sigh, she grabbed her laptop and continued working. The calculations she had to do were complicated and she needed to be completely focused. She was a genius when it came to numbers and equations, just like Eli was, but she had some trouble focusing. She wasn't at it for long when her mind started to turn numbers into musical notes. However she tried, she couldn't stop it. She would just drift off hearing music in her head and forget about everything else. This had been going on since she was a child, the result of which earned her derision and a reputation as a "hopeless dreamer". As time passed, she shut herself away and let them believe they were right about her.

5 weeks earlier…

Eli was sitting beside Rush's bed. TJ and Dr. Charles had managed to treat his injuries, but he was still running a high fever and both couldn't say for sure if he would even survive the night. On the planet they had visited some days ago, TJ and Rush had been replaced by duplicates and Rush had been critically injured by two arrows when he and TJ had tried to escape from their captors. Fortunately, Eli had managed to dial back through the gate system when Destiny had dropped out of hyperspace. Colonel Young and his men were then able to return to the planet where TJ and Rush were. As quickly as possible, they brougt the injured scientist back to Destiny. Young and his team stayed behind temporarily to destroy the artifact that the inhabitants used to duplicate two of their "guests" for the purpose of raiding their ship and stealing their technology.

TJ had asked for a SGC physician upon arrival back on Destiny and Dr Charles had exchanged with Camile Wray within minutes. TJ had banished everyone but Chloe from the infirmary, leaving everyone else outside to wait. It had been very unnerving until finally after hours, the doors opened again and Eli's hopes for good news were bitterly disappointed. The night would bring the decision and the young man felt his heart sinking.

The young MIT dropout had sat beside his mentor, changed the wet clothes to get the fever down, and talking quietly to him, "I truly respect and have a great deal of regard for you. Maybe you don't have the best social skills but… and please don't take this wrong, well, you're my mentor and…", by now his voice was scarcely audible (as if Rush could have heard him) "…and like a father to me. You talk to me, work with me, encourage and push me and I think, sometimes, you even like me. But if you leave me now, you're no better than my real father. Please Rush, don't leave me. Don't leave us. We need you… I need you."

An hour earlier…

Eli was busily working at his station on the bridge. Dr. Rush was occupying the 'Kirk-chair' and the rest of his science team, Drs. Park, Volker and Mr. Brody were sitting to Eli's right. Actually the MIT dropout should have been working on some calculations for Rush, but although he was thinking of Rush's work order, he couldn't focus on the numbers.

It had been barely two weeks since the incident on the planet that had nearly killed Rush and the scientist was only now allowed back to work. Ever since, Eli had been haunted night by night and even during the last few days, day by day with the memories of how he had feared for Rush's life. About how he had refused to leave the infirmary in order to stay by him and mostly, how he had shared his deepest feelings and thoughts with him when he had been alone and the scientist was in a fever soaked delirium. He was relatively sure Rush couldn't have heard what he said, but since his recovery he sensed Rush watching him more often than usual. This was making him nervous. Of course he had meant every single word he had said, but it wasn't meant for anyone to hear, especially not Rush. Absentmindedly, he tapped with his pointer beside some buttons at the console until Dr. Park's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"I could use a break and it's time for lunch." Volker and Brody paused at once and Dale agreed with her saying, "Best idea yet. Rumor has it, Becker is serving fresh salad and the last pieces of meat."

Lisa smiled and asked, "Dr. Rush? Are you coming with us?"

Rush had been listening to the conversation but hadn't stopped working. Not even when he answered with a sigh, "No, I have work to do. But if you have to go, then go. Eli, before you skive off work too, I need these calculations of yours."

Park, Brody and Volker didn't hesitate any longer, stood up and went to the door.

"Eli, are you coming?", Volker asked, when the younger man made no move to rise.

"Go ahead, I'll catch you up in a minute", Eli said with a sigh, looking slightly jealous when the three scientists headed off to lunch.

Rush looked sharply at Eli, his eyes narrowed to slits. The young man quickly turned away and tried to focus on the Ancient equation. He heard the doors closing, then it became quiet. For a few moments he continued working until he realized that someone was standing behind him.

"Nearly done", he said hastily and tried to place his hand over the display so Rush couldn't see anything.

"You just began", the scientist stated dryly. Eli took his hand away and ran his fingers through his hair, "I know, I'm sorry, doc."

"You've been very inattentive the last few days", Rush replied.

Eli winced a bit under the criticism and felt his cheeks starting to burn. "Was short of sleep", he murmured, a flimsy excuse and hoped Rush wouldn't push any further.

"Really?", the Scot replied unmistakeably ironic. "Mr. Wallace, if you have a problem, you should perhaps have a talk with Lieutenant Johansen."

Eli's cheeks reddened even more and Rush sighed. He had noticed that Eli was embarrassed by his words, but a dash of cold water never hurt anyone. Now he was wondering though, if he had been a bit too harsh on him; knowing what Eli had told him when he had been in sickbay. But Rush had decided not to make any kind of friendships anymore. He would never get over the loss of Gloria, his wife. Dr. Perry was out of reach except for short visits to Destiny in another body. Eli, however, had subverted his imaginary wall. Even if Rush tried to convince himself that Eli was just another student, he couldn't deny his true feelings for him. He actually liked Eli and trusted him more than any other person on board, although his sometimes boyishness could be unnerving. The confession the young man had made had even contributed to lowering Rush's walls. He was determined to hide it as it wasn't in Eli's interest if Rush would start indulging him. That wasn't Rush's way.

Nevertheless, he now said " Eli, you're far more intelligent than the others and I rely on you helping me. And even if you don't believe it, I appreciate your work as well as I appreciate you...but please", he enunciated the last word, "do try to concentrate on your work again." After his little speech he went back to his chair and continued working.

Eli needed excatly two seconds to realize that his fears had become true. Rush had heard what Eli had told him in the infirmary. For a second, he felt sick to his stomach and more embarrassed than ever before in his life... and right now he wanted to be anywhere except here. Slowly he turned around in his chair and asked quietly, "You heard everything, didn't you?" He couldn't even look at the man, instead fumbling around with his console, waiting for an answer.

Rush closed his eyes for a moment and took a slow, deep breath, before looking at Eli and saying in a very low voice "Yes".

"You weren't supposed to hear that", Eli said quietly, "I'm sorry. Just-just forget it, okay?" He quickly stood up, grabbed his notes, and fled from the bridge. It didn't matter to him that he hadn't finished his calculations, he just needed to leave.

Rush didn't say anything and let him go. When the doors had closed behind Eli he leaned back in his chair, wiped a hand over his face, and stared at the ceiling for a long moment.

That wasn't supposed to happen, he thought and felt angry that he had obviously said something wrong. But he couldn't unsay it so he decided it would be best if he gave Eli some time to himself and treat him as if nothing had happened.

It was a welcome diversion when Destiny dropped out of hyperspace ten minutes later. Immediately, Young's voice came over the radio.

"Rush, come in." The scientiest quickly checked his console to look for viable gates and replied, "Yes Colonel, there are two gates in range. I'll meet you in the gateroom. Rush out."

He was just reaching to radio Eli when he changed his mind. The boy didn't have to be there all the time, although perhaps he already was. If he wasn't, they were capable of sending the kino without him. Rush grabbed his notepad (which had shrunked to a scarce few empty sheets) and headed to the gateroom.

When he arrived, he quickly checked for Eli to find he wasn't there. Young must have thought Eli had accompanied Rush and asked, "Where's Mr. Wallace?"

Rush shrugged his shoulders, but wishing to prevent Young from summoning him said, "He has some difficult calculations to do for me. He can join us later." Young nodded and Rush grabbed one of the kinos Eli always had deposited in the gateroom and dialed the first address. He sent the kino through and said (much to the joy of everyone else in hearing distance), "Abundant vegetation, mild climate, oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere, a lake nearby."

"Lt. Scott", the Colonel adressing his subordinate. "Assemble a team and check if it's really quite as scenic as Dr Rush says."

"Yes, Colonel", Scott replied and started to head out, only to have Young hold him back once more and say quietly, "And Lieutenant – if you meet some local inhabitants, think about our last encounter and stay alert. I don't want to lose any of my people again."

"Understood, Sir", Scott said and set off through the gate.

As soon as Eli had left the bridge, he went straight to his quarter to put away his notes and radio. He was far too troubled to concentrate on any calculations and just wanted to be alone. He threw both items onto his bed and left again, heading to a ship section which was uninhabited and off limits. A few weeks ago, he had discovered a small observation room with some really comfortable seating.

He headed for this room, closed the doors, rubbed his forehead, and sighed. The seats caught his eyes and he sank into a chair, his eyes fixed at the stars.

"Why can't I never just shut up?", he murmured to himself. He couldn't think about anything except how embarrassed he felt. Besides the fact that Rush had heard everything he had said, Eli realized that Rush apparantly wasn't very pleased that Eli saw him as a surrogate father. This realization brought another wave of shame and he hid his face behind his hands.

What am I supposed to do now?, he pored over and over the situation again. He thought about Rush, how he would handle this situation.

He's ignoring it, of course, he thought bitterly. On one hand, he was glad Rush wouldn't mention his confession and hopefully would simply forget it. On the other hand, he was hurt that Rush was going to ignore it. He had never talked about his past before. Even when Gen. O'Neill and Dr. Rush had paid him a visit that first time after he had broken the hidden code in the game and obatined a position in the Icarus project, they only knew his mother was ill, but no further details.

It was an act of faith, Eli had given Rush that night and he had chosen to ignore it. As much as he tried to convince himself it was for the best, he was deeply hurt and embarrassed. He would do everything possible to stay out of Rush's sight and more's the better, of everyones else's. His presence on the bridge or in the control interface room was out of question, but he could decide where he wanted to work as he could access data from both places. Yes, that was a possible solution. He knew he couldn't hide forever, but for now he was satisfied with the plan.

"Someday it'll all be water under the bridge", he tried to give himself some confidence. He decided to stay here for a while. Of course he had noticed that Destiny had stopped but he wouldn't go to the gateroom. Not yet; afterall what do they need him for, sending the kino through and telling the Colonel if the air is breathable…?

He snorted angrily. Completely unimportant, anyone can do that, he thought and suddenly got the feeling there was a wide gap between him and all the other people on board. He knew this feeling was foolish, but he couldn't stifle it. Despite all the adverse conditions, he liked being on Destiny. Right now though he wished he was back in his bed on earth and his mother was baking him some of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Eli sighed again. Idle wishes..he was here and had to deal with the situation. Maybe we'll be lucky and the Colonel will grant shore leave for us all, he hoped.

He learned sometime later that his wish would come true...