The Warriors

A parody of The Avengers

Cast of characters

Iron Man- Princess Jasmine/Tiger Woman

Captain America- Fa Mulan/Dragon Woman

Bruce Banner/The Hulk- Alice Kingsleigh/Bandersnatch

Thor- Ariel

Loki- Maleficent

Black Widow- Jack Sparrow

Hawkeye- Kida

Erik Selvig- Mole

Nick Fury- King Fergus

Maria Hill- Captain Amelia

Phil Coulson- Baloo

The Chitauri- the Titans

The Other- Hades

Thanos- Chernabog

Chapter 1: Devil's Eye

Somewhere far away inside a deep, dark cave, a shadowy figure steps before a massive throne with an equally massive occupant seated before him, arms folded. The shadowy figure bows, then steps forwards into the light. He has yellow eyes, skin as grey as smoke, blue fire for hair, and sharp pointed teeth. And he wears flowing black and grey robes with a skull-shaped brooch holding them together. He is Hades, the Lord of the Dead.

Hades waves his hand, and a cloud of smoke billows from his sleeves. This smoke forms the shape of a huge red diamond, steaming with dark vapours.

"Hey, big guy," Hades says to the enthroned figure. "The Devil's Eye just activated. It's in the world of men, under guard by its top forces." He scoffs, zooming in on the smoke image to reveal the metal P.R.I.N.C.E.S.S facility floor on which the Devil's Eye lies. "Those schmucks want to use that little jewel's power, but our lady friend knows how to use its power far better than they ever can."

Hades turns to face a second figure, a tall woman with green skin, yellow eyes, wearing flowing black robes and a cowl that covers her twisted horns. She is Maleficent, one of the Dragon Witches.

Hades passes an 18th-century pirate broadsword into Maleficent's hands. Its broad, ridged blade is mostly gold, but silver towards the hilt, and the hand-guard is studded with black gemstones. It is the Sword of Triton, said to have once been wielded by Blackbeard the pirate.

"She's all set to lead us into battle," Hades continues, pointing behind him to the vast horde of Titans gathered, huge elemental Giants whose forms are indistinct in the darkness, but with very visible glowing eyes. "And as soon as she's in the world of men, our soldiers, the Titans, can go after her, and do what they do best."

Maleficent pulls out a gold staff with a green gemstone and strikes it on the ground, surrounding herself in green fire; when the fire goes out, she has already disappeared, teleporting herself away from this monstrous cave.

"She will conquer the kingdom of men, you'll conquer all the other kingdoms." Hades continues speaking to the big fellow in his throne. "And- you'll love this- the best part is, the humans can't do anything about it. They'll just sit back and we'll burn them."

The huge figure speaks for the first time. "GOOD," he says, in a demonically deep voice, then starts laughing unpleasantly. Hades joins in, then prompts the rest of the Titans to join in by waving like a conductor. Soon the whole cavern is echoing with evil laughter. After a few minutes, the scene then changes.

Nightfall at P.R.I.N.C.E.S.S'(Powerful Reconnaissance Institute for the Negotiation with/Counteraction against Evil Sadistic Sorts) Project: Voodoo facility, somewhere in the rainforests of Africa. The factory is in evacuation, and huge numbers of workers are busy packing up their supplies or running in alarm. King Louie is packing up his fire-starting equipment, Timon and Pumbaa are eating as many bugs as they can, and some idiot, naming no names, has enchanted several mops to start tidying up the floor. Outside the building, evacuation trucks are being moved out. Some of the agents, who are in fact animals, just run off into the rainforest.

Descending to the facility's outskirts is a huge military helicopter. Waiting for it on the landing pad is a large grey sloth bear with a brown nose, wearing a smart black suit and sunglasses. This is Agent Baloo. He waves the helicopter down, just as two people slowly emerge from it. One of them is a slender, agile woman with feline ears and nose, as well as short ginger hair and blue eyes with sea-green pupils. She wears a blue coat with white collar and gold cufflinks, and long black high-heeled boots. She is Agent Amelia Smollet.

The second figure is a huge, burly man with curly red hair, a large moustache and beard, and sharp blue eyes. He wears a tartan robe of grey, green and red, with a large brown belt, a brown sporran, and a small metal helmet on top of his head. To top it all off, he has a sturdy wooden peg leg and wears a massive cape made of black bear fur. He is King Fergus, the Director of P.R.I.N.C.E.S.S and the king of Dunbroch. Amelia and Fergus quickly walk over to Baloo.

"How serious is it?" Fergus asks in his stern Scottish voice, as he and his friends enter the facility. He lays a hand on Baloo's shoulder-a great improvement from the days when he used to kill bears.

"That's the problem, your Majesty," Baloo replies. "None of us know how serious."

They reach the facility floor and walk ahead, into the chemical substances section. The researchers, Imagineers, and other staff are busy packing the essential supplies before they move out.

"Ole Prof. Mole picked up energy bein' released from the Devil's Eye jus' four hours ago," Baloo informs them.

"What was Mole doin' wi' the Devil's Eye?" Fergus remarks incredulously. "We didnae gi' him permission tae test its capabilities!"

"And he wasn't testin' it," Baloo confirms. "He wasn't even with it at the time. It just did it itself."

They go down a spiral staircase. Fergus goes last, due to his peg leg.

"Are you telling us that the diamond turned itself on?" Amelia says sceptically in her English accent. "It's not made of mechanical parts, Baloo."

"Well, it's no' a normal diamond, either," Fergus replies. "How high are the energy levels now, Baloo?"

"They're high, and gettin' higher," Baloo confirms. "We decided to move out as soon as Mole told us he couldn't shut it down."

"How long will it be fer everyone tae get out o' here?" Fergus asks seriously.

"By the next thirty minutes, this place should be empty," Baloo replies.

"Ye need tae get 'em out quicker than that," Fergus firmly says.

"Your highness, it may be useless telling everyone to move out," Amelia points out as they descend the staircase.

"What dae ye want me tae do, Amelia, tell them tae take a wee nap?" Fergus asks sarcastically.

Amelia continues, shocked at Fergus' apparent unconcern for what could be a dangerous situation. "Sir, if we can't control the energy of that diamond, we might not be able to get far away enough to escape the energy."

Fergus ignores her and instructs a nearby agent, a red elephant called Agent Tantor, "Make sure all the tools fer the Second Plan are moved out."

Tantor nods nervously, then starts pushing a metal trolley away with his tusks.

"Is the Second Plan really important right now, sir?" Amelia hisses at Fergus.

Fergus turns to lay a hand on Amelia's shoulder. "Look, Amelia," he says quietly and firmly. "Until we find out how dangerous this whole thing is, we need tae behave as normal. Please move out every item related tae the Second Plan."

"Right away, your Highness," Amelia replies, forcing her tone to stay calm as she turns and walks off to help the people moving the weapons.

Fergus then points to two impressive guards, a gap-toothed Arabian called Razoul and a stern Native American called Kocoum. "You two, follow me," he says, and then walks off to the Chemical Containing Chamber.

Inside the chamber, the Devil's Eye is held in a special metal coil machine to try and restrain its dangerous energy. Behind it, inside a small protective booth, sits Professor Gaetan Moliére, better known as Mole.

"Alright, Professor Mole, tell me what's wrong," Fergus says to the emerging Professor Mole. Mole is a short, fat French man with a shaved face and a small black moustache. Mole is, at present, wearing olive brown fingerless gloves and black galoshes. He wears, in addition, a large grey overcoat with a red fur trim, and a peculiar mining helmet with a headlamp attached and two eye pieces like binoculars, which elongate for better long-distance vision.

"'Ello, Monsieur Fairgoose," Mole says, deliberately mispronouncing Fergus' name for a laugh.

Fergus brushes this off and asks him, "What do we know this jewel is doin'?"

"To put it clearly, Directeur," Mole replies, "I sink zat ze Devil's Eye, she is misbe'aving."

In time with his words, a blast of red energy shoots from the Devil's Eye, hitting one of the men scanning it, so that he falls over.

"Are ye havin' a laugh, Mole?" Fergus growls.

"Non, non, Directeur," Mole replies. "I am not 'aving a laugh. Ze Devil's Eye is both active and misbe'aving."

"Can ye no' just turn it off?" Fergus asks.

"No, Directeur, zis jewel produces its own energy. If we try to deactivate it, it will only turn on again. And if ze energy levels get any 'igher…"

"I'm well aware of what it does, Mole," Fergus says. "We set up this facility tae harness energy from beneath the ground."

Mole shakes his head. "Yet in spite of zat, we 'ave no means of 'arnessing ze Devil's Eye zat we know of, and we don't ezen know what 'er powers are. Now, at ze moment, she is releasing energy."

"What kind o' energy?"

"Magic," Mole replies. "Not dangerous energy, just small levels of magic."

Fergus grits his teeth. "Magic is dangerous, Mole. It turned me wife an' sons intae black bears. One other thing, where's Agent Kidagakash?"

Mole scoffs. "Ze Atlantean princess? She is in 'er pool of water, where else would she be?"

Inside a small observation platform very high up the chamber's wall, half-filled with water, Agent Kida sits with her pet lavadog, Obby. She is a slender woman with blue eyes, skin the colour of cocoa and shoulder-length white hair, and she wears a sarong outfit which is periwinkle blue with pink stripes. Her pet is a large purple animal like a cross between a whale and a salamander, with a long, flat muzzle and six legs, curled up in her lap as she sits in the water.

Fergus climbs slowly up to the tank and knocks on the glass to get Kida out. As she gets out and puts on a more formal robe, Kida picks up her weapon of choice, an Atlantean glaive with a curved head. Obby hops out after her.

"Ye know, the whole reason ye've got this job is so ye can keep a close eye on whatever's goin' on," Fergus reprimands her gently as they walk down to the floor level.

"I prefer to watch things from a safe distance, Fergus," Kida replies, on no formal terms since they are both of royal blood.

"Well, have ye seen anythin' that might trigger the jewel's magic?" Fergus asks her.

"King Fergus!" one of the Imagineers, a yellow bear in a red shirt, calls to the king. "The Devil's Eye is starting up again."

"No-one's touched the Devil's eye at any point," Kida replies. "And Mole would know better than to do so. After all, he loves dirty things, and that jewel is impeccably clean. If anyone has been testing the Devil's Eye out, it wasn't from this side."

"This side?" Fergus frowns.

"Yes," Kida agrees. "Just like the Heart of Atlantis is a doorway from under the sea to the surface world, the Devil's Eye is a doorway to beneath the ground. And you can open doors two ways."

As she says this, the Devil's Eye starts vibrating violently and steaming red. Mole's eye lenses narrow in shock, before he then staggers backwards, away from the magic gemstone. A violent gust of wind shoots through the massive bed of red mist now created, followed by a violent shaking sensation and blasts of lightning which dims the ceiling bulbs, until a blast of green fire shoots out of the gemstone and hits the floor. As the fire rears high into the air, an evil laughter can be heard in the heart of the fire. And then, the fire rushes into the air, as does the red mist, and something can be heard breathing heavily in the darkness.

It is Maleficent, wearing a more simplistic black cocktail dress. She wears no helmet, exposing her pointed ears, flowing black hair and twisted horns. Her red-lipped mouth gapes in a panting smile, and she curls her clawed fingers around the hilt of Triton's sword.

The guards slowly and cautiously approach Maleficent. They notice that her skin is faintly scaled, and she smells of both dragons and fishes. Beneath the waist, she has a small black tail with purple spiked fins.

Maleficent slowly straightens up, holding out the Sword of Triton.

"I beg yer pardon, madam," Fergus says to her. "But I must ask ye to drop yer sword."

Maleficent turns her head towards him, and then shoots green lightning at him and Kida. Kida quickly tackles him to the ground, and then it all gets chaotic.

The rest of the guards start firing at Maleficent, but she simply sweeps her arms out and deflects the bullets with a gust of telekinesis. Maleficent jumps from the platform and a pair of bat-like wings open from her shoulders as she glides forwards, throwing Razoul backwards against a wall and then felling Kocoum with a quick stroke of the sword. She next simply throws the sword like a boomerang, and it flies around the chamber, cutting down all the rest of the guards before then returning to her hand. Kida is the first to get up, preparing to throw her glaive at Maleficent, but the Dragon Witch simply uses her tail to grab the glaive and restrain it.

"My, what a bold spirit you show," Maleficent croons into Kida's ears as she reaches forwards and touches the princess' shoulder with her sword's hilt. Instantly, Kida's eyes turn from blue to venomous green. Now under Maleficent's power, she lowers her glaive to the floor. Maleficent then sweeps her sword in a neat arc, seizing control of several agent's minds.

Fergus quickly uses a pair of tongs to remove the Devil's Eye and put it back inside its container. He quietly attempts to leave, but when you are a massive, heavy, one-legged man, quiet is something very hard to be.

"Put the Devil's Eye back, King Fergus," Maleficent calls softly to him. "I will still have need of it for my work."

"This needn't get any more violent," Fergus says, holding up the suitcase in his arms.

"Yes it does," Maleficent replies coldly. "I've come too far to do this in any way which isn't violent. I'm Maleficent, of the kingdom of Atlantica, and I have come here on a brilliant quest."

"Sacré Bleu," Mole whispers, removing his helmet to reveal his eyes. "Maleficent…I 'ave 'eard of you… ze Mistress of all Evil… ze sister of Ariel."

Maleficent bares her teeth at the mention of Ariel.

Fergus continues as if Mole hadn't spoken. "Look, Maleficent, we dinnae want tae fight yer people."

Maleficent's expression is pure ice. "Neither does a worm want to fight against an angler's hook!"

"What are ye gonna do, use us tae catch fish?" Fergus is sarcastic, but inwardly he's really afraid what Maleficent's next action will be.

Maleficent then says, "I have come to set your people free."

"Free from what?" he doesn't believe a word of it.

"Freedom itself," Maleficent continues, walking over to Professor Mole. "Freedom is one of life's greatest falsehoods. As soon as you accept that…" she now touches Mole over the heart with her staff, which she has drawn from behind her back; his own eyes turn venomous green now. "You can find peace within yourself."

Fergus bares his teeth. "Aye, you say ye're a peaceful person, but teleportin' intae a highly-guarded secure facility an' killin'/brainwashin' my best agents looks more like a declaration o' war."

At this point, Kida interrupts in a toneless, robotic voice. "My lady, King Fergus is trying to distract you. Have you noticed the state of the portal?"

Professor Mole uses his binoculars to examine the swirling gauze of energy on the ceiling which is slowly starting to crackle with lightning. "Ze princess is right," he says in a similar voice to Kida. "Ze portal, she is getting unstable. Any moment now, she will collapse in on 'erself, and ze 'ole facility will collapse as well. King Fergus plans to bury us under a massive pile of rocks."

Fergus puts down the suitcase in a sarcastic expression of guilt and admits, "Aye, just like my lass Merida did tae Mor'du the Demon Bear."

Maleficent laughs scornfully. "Come, my pets. I fear we have outstayed our welcome."

And then everything goes sour. Kida pulls out her glaive and clips Fergus in the leg- his flesh leg- so that he falls to the ground with a cry of pain. Maleficent then rears up, her neck elongating, a whip-like finned tail growing from behind, her toenails growing into curved claws, and her whole skin rippling into black scales. She grows taller rapidly, and her face lengthens into a reptile muzzle with a forked tongue and curved teeth like a dinosaur. Now in her dragon form, Maleficent waits for Kida and the corrupted agents to climb onto her back(Kida is still holding Obby, since her pet won't leave her, even whilst she's turned evil), before then charging straight at the metal facility doors and smashing them open with her head. She picks up the Devil's Eye suitcase in her jaws before running off and leaving King Fergus behind.

At the entrance to the exiting tunnel, Kida and the corrupted PRINCESS agents start picking weapons. Maleficent is in her human form again. Agent Amelia watches them confusedly.

"We need vehicles, Captain," Kida says to Amelia as they climb into some PRINCESS jeeps with the emblem of Disney Castle upon them.

"Alright," Amelia says. "Who's that woman, though?" she indicates Maleficent, seated in the back of one of the trucks.

"She hasn't told us her name," is Kida's only reply before climbing into her own jeep.

As they start to leave, Fergus' voice comes through on Amelia's communicator. "Amelia, can ye hear me?"

Kida and Maleficent turn their heads towards Amelia, with dangerous expressions.

Back in the laboratory, Fergus is busy bandaging his injured leg with a first-aid kit. He continues, "Amelia, Kida's been brainwashed."

Immediately, Amelia reaches for her pistol, but Kida has already drawn a crossbow and starts firing at Amelia. Using her feline agility, Amelia jumps backwards and dodges, before firing back at Kida, but she is already out of range.

Fergus has got back to his feet, and has applied his wooden running foot so he can get out of the facility. "Stop Kida! She's takin' the Devil's Eye!"

Back in the containment chamber, the portal energy is getting dangerous violent.

Climbing into her own jeep, Amelia speeds off after Kida's truck across the tunnel. Numerous other PRINCESS jeeps join in the chase, firing bullets and arrows at Maleficent. Enraged, the Mistress of all evil turns around and shoots green fire from her mouth, instantly liquefying many of the trucks.

Fergus finally charges out of the hallway, keeping himself covered to avoid falling pipes. One pipe falls on top of him, but he just snaps it in half and throws it away. Now a violent earthquake is shaking up the whole facility.

Meanwhile, Agent Baloo and some younger agents are running with silver briefcases of information. One agent, Agent Pinocchio, drops his own briefcase, and is about to pick it up.

"Leave it, little britches!" Baloo shouts, grabbing him by the shoulders. "Just take the bare necessities an' run!"

Back in the tunnel, Amelia's truck pulls up alongside Kida's truck. Kida, who has someone else driving the truck, turns to face Amelia and starts jabbing with her glaive. Amelia draws her sword and starts exchanging blows with Kida, both trying to push each other off the road.

Baloo, jumping onto a transport elephant, quickly shouts into his communicator, "You're free, King Fergie! Go!"

Fergus runs up onto the helicopter pad and throws himself at it headfirst. Just as he's about to fall short, he grabs the side of the helicopter and pulls himself into it. Then the surface pad collapses beneath him, but the helicopter, in spite of Fergus' added weight, flies away undamaged.

Back in the tunnels, Kida pulls out an Atlantean crystal and drives it into the engine port, making her truck increase in speed, and getting away from Amelia.

Minutes later, the energy from the Devil's Eye explodes inside the containment chamber, blowing outwards in streaks of purple lightning and red fire. Fergus watches from his helicopter as the whole facility collapses into the ground, and somewhere in Russia, a giant firebird feels the shockwaves and screeches furiously, mistaking them for a rival firebird.

The blast waves make the entrance tunnel start to collapse. Boulders fall down towards Amelia's jeep, but she jumps out of it at the last minute, flying forwards and grabbing Obby from Kida's truck before it escapes into the rainforest.

With a cry of anger, King Fergus pulls out his longbow and starts firing arrows at Maleficent's head repeatedly. Maleficent turns to look at him, then jumps from the truck with a roar, turning into a dragon again. As she flies upwards, a blast of fire shoots from her mouth into the glass windscreen, cracking it open and instantly killing the pilot inside. She then turns and flies off after Kida's truck, laughing scornfully.

As the helicopter falls towards the ground, Fergus jumps out of it and rolls on his shield to absorb the blow before getting up again just as the helicopter explodes from far behind him, and he is highlighted by the yellow fire. He then tries to run after Maleficent, shouting, "I'll get ye, ye filthy twisted dragon! This isnae over!" but she has already escaped.

Baloo's voice comes through the communicator. "Can you hear me, King Fergus?"

Fergus, after lowering his head towards the dead helicopter and murmuring a few words in Gaelic, then says to Baloo, "an evil dragon-woman's taken the Devil's Eye. I can hear ye, Baloo. She's just killed my pilot. Amelia?"

Amelia gets to her feet and brushes herself off before turning to face the huge pile-up of boulders. "We're in deep Orcus Galacticus snot, your Highness," she replies, her worn nerves and anger making her speak in uncouth pirate slang. "A good number of people are still under those boulders. I don't know how many survived."

Fergus quickly says to her, exhausted and angry with himself at letting the Devil's Eye fall into enemy hands, "Get your pirate friends down there, Amelia. Anyone who cannae dig fer survivors must go lookin' for that briefcase. Understood?"

"Understood, sir," Amelia agrees, before walking off to call in the crew of the R.L.S. Legacy.

Fergus next contacts Agent Baloo. "Agent Baloo, get back tae base. We're at war now. This is serious."

Agent Baloo, looking back sadly at the ruin of the PRINCESS facility, then asks the big question. "What are we gonna do now, sir?"

Fergus unrolls a small photo of his family: his wife Queen Elinor, his three small sons, Hamish, Hubert and Harris, and of course his daughter Merida. With a warm, teary smile, he presses the photo to his heart before then looking up into the sky with fierce determination.

"Maleficent wants tae fight. We're gonnae fight back," he replies.

To be continued…

Next chapter: the Warriors(minus Ariel, at the moment).

Please review if you like it. Flames will be used as mouthwash for Mushu. PS: Don't ask me to have Hercules play Thor instead of Ariel. Another fanfiction writer with a similar story already has that, and I'm not going to make this a complete rip-off of their story. Just sit back and enjoy the show.