Chapter 1

Stoick sat at the table, missing his mouth with his spoon every time he brought food up to his lips. Hiccup frowned at him, "Dad? Are you okay?"

Stoick, seeming not to hear him, stared off into space, "Maybe the Buttholes...? Aye, they may be Buttholes but they would be powerful allies..." He muttered to himself.

"Oh for the love of Thor! Now his talking to himself..." Hiccup said despairingly, before standing up. "Dad!" He shouted, bringing the old man to suddenly become aware of his beard, covered in half-hearted attempts to feed himself moments before. Putting the spoon down Stoick pushed the bowl of stew away from him. "Dad." Repeated Hiccup, "Are you okay?"

Stoick sighed, "To tell you the truth son... No, I'm not. There have been tales and talks, of upcoming war... From outside the Archipelago, savages coming from far off lands, seeking territory... We have no allies left, no one to help us!"

Hiccup took on a confused frown, "Why not?" He asked.

"Well", Stoick began, "During the time of the dragon raids-"

"Dad, the was only four years ago!" Hiccup interrupted.

"The fighting was terrible," Stoick continued, ignoring his son, "Tempers were easily raised, all the Viking tribes once tried to unite against them but-" Stoick suddenly became embarrassed, his face flushed, "Well, Einar the Axeweilder head of the Murderous Tribe, well, he insulted my weight! And I-" Stoick swallowed nervously, eyeing Hiccup.

"Oh gods... Tell me you didn't start a riot!" Hiccup groaned.

"We...Well the point of this tale is to show you that since then the Viking tribes have always been every tribe for itself. But now..."

"But now you regret punching Einar?" Hiccup finished.

"Well..." Stoick said, contemplating, "I don't exactly regret doing that..."

Hiccup sighed, shaking his head, "And now, you want the Buttholes, or something, as an ally?"

"Oh, no, that's just what I call the Murderous Tribe, a pile of Buttholes. They may be skilled in the warrior category, but they are a bunch of arrogant, condescending, overbearing prats with god-complexes!" Stoick shouted, satisfied by what he had come up with.

Hiccup rose and took the bowl of food away from the fired up Hooligan, before taking his own and walking into the kitchen. "Yeah, we really need to work on your people skills..."

The next morning, Stoick got out of bed and came downstairs in his night gown, yawning. There at his table, sat all six of the dragon-riders looking at him expectantly, before realising that he was wearing a night dress and all burst out laughing.

"Hey! He's wearing a dress!" Said Ruffnut.

"Yeah, are you sure he isn't your mom in disguise?" Tuffnut asked Hiccup.

"Okay, okay, guys! Remember what we came here to do!" Hiccup said, silencing the laughs.

"Oh yeah," Said Tuffnut, "I don't remember..."

"Yeah me too..." Ruffnut agreed.

"Well duh. Of course we would both forget!" Tuffnut replied, "We're twins...?"

"Oh right..." Ruffnut drawled.

Astrid slapped a palm to her forehead, "Please tell me you remember the 'Twins Serve a Purpose' speech, because I really need to hear it right now." She muttered to Hiccup.

"Trust me," he whispered back, "I wish I did, I need to hear it right now too..."

"Oh, I've never heard that!" Tuffnut chipped in, "I've only ever heard the 'Twins Are Muttonheads' speech, which is also very good!"

"Okay! Remember we are here to help chief Stoick with his socialising skills, to gain an ally!" said Fishlegs, taking control of the situation.

Snotlout shivered and began sneezing, "Cab we 'urry dis alobg?" He asked, an he began sniffing uncontrollably. "By gold izn't gedding aby bedder!" On that note the whole group shifted to the other end of the bench, far away from the sniveling boy.

"Kids!" Stoick said, trying to catch their attention.

"What did he say?" Asked Astrid, repulsed by the grey complexion of the Viking in front of her.

"Hmm..." Fishlegs replied, "I think he said, 'Can we hurry this along? My cold isn't getting any-'"

"AAAAACHOOOO!" Snotlout interrupted.

"KIDS!" Stoick yelled. The kids were immediately silenced. "I don't need your help to become allies with Einar, I can do that myself! I'll be going next week anyway, so you won't have enough time to teach me these so-called 'People skills'. Also shouldn't you be worried about yourselves?"

"Why would we?" Asked Hiccup.

"Where are your dragons?" Retorted Stoick.

Hiccup stared at Stoick as if he were mad, "Dad, they're right-" he said before turning around to see that the dining hall consisted only of humans, "-here...oh gods!" He yelled before all six Dragon Riders jumped out of their seats, and ran out the large wooden doors.

"Kids..." Stoick muttered before turning to find some breakfast.

"Chief the little animals are messing up all of my crops through the night! They trample on all of it!" A Viking citizen pleaded with Stoick.

"Samson, they're your kids! Maybe you should let them sleep inside your house at night!" Stoick sighed, exasparated.

"Ah, but they really are wee devils, they practically destroy the house!"

"Then... CONTROL THEM!" Stoick shouted, "Next!"

"Dad!" Hiccup burst in through the doors soaking wet.

"Hiccup! What happened to you?" Stoick said, slightly relieved that he would have to delay the long line of Vikings that had come to the great hall for Berk's Gripe Day.

"Oh, this? Nothing, well actually no, that's what I came to talk to you about! We found the dragons! They were all washing themselves in the lake. And... Well, they've all shrunk and become shriveled like raisins..." Hiccup explained, waiting to see Stoick's reaction, and was shocked to see a gleeful expression etched into his face. He jumped out of his Chief Chair and ran to the door.

Poking he head out of the door, Stoick shouted jubilantly, "Gripe Day is cancelled! Get back to your lousy lives already!" There was audible sound of sighs and groans, but eventually the lengthy queue dispersed, leaving a group of soaking wet teenagers panting on the steps.

"So... what you're telling me is that you found all your dragons in the lake," Stoick began.

"Yep." Said Astrid.

"And when you went over, the dragons got excited at the sight of you guys,"

"Yeah." Agreed Hiccup.

"And then Barf gassed up the lake,"

"Uh-huh." Said the twins, together.

"And then all the dragons breathed in the gas, fell unconscious..."

"Yeb..." Sniffed Snotlout.

"Slipped into the water, breathed their fire, heating up the water, the steam set the gas off and an explosion took place,"

"Yeah." Replied Fishlegs.

"And when you idiots dived in to save them, you found them at the bottom of the lake, shrunk to the size of Apples?!"

"Yes!" They said together.

"What the Hell where you 6 thinking?! Snoulout you've got a cold! Astrid, your father would've hunted me down if anything had happened to you! Fishlegs, I thought you were smarter than this! Twins, I would've expected no less!-"

"Score!" Said Tuffnut, fist-bumping Ruffnut.

"And Hiccup! You could've drowned! You can't swim! Overall…!" Shouted Stoick, as all the children flinched, bracing themselves for what was to come. "Thank Thor, you did what you did, when you did it! That gripe day showed me that boredom really can give you an early entry to Valhalla! You kids can take as much time as you need off of chores to put your dragons back to the way they were."

They all breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks Dad!" Hiccup shouted, as they all ran out of the great hall.

"You're welcome-!" Stoick began, as the large doors slammed shut, "-son…" He mumbled, before sighing and slouching in his chair.

The boat was being prepared for the voyage out, Stoick aboard, shouting commands, before his son ran up to him, "Dad! We found out that you just need to soak the dragons in cold water! Isn't that right, bud?" He said, stroking the Night Fury beside him on the head. Toothless gave a small gurgle, from back of his throat, in happiness, smiling. Suddenly Hiccup noticed the boat in front o him, "Hey, dad, what's the boat for?"

"Oh this?" Stoick said, "We're going to the Buttholes' tribe, to form the alliance, do you want to come?"

Hiccup stared at his father as if he were mad, "Dad, who's going to take care of the village and why aren't you going by dragon? It would take at least half as long!"

"Well" Stoick began, "Spitelout's been put in charge and them buttholes don't know we're this friendly with dragons and I'd like to keep it that way. So son, would you like to come?"

"Uhh, sure, but who would take care of Toothless?" Hiccup asked, eyeing his father.

Stoick scratched his beard, "I'm sure that the Dragon Riders would be more than happy to!"

Hiccup stared at Stoick. Was he pleading Hiccup to come? "Okay, but who's gonna take care of the Dragon Riders?" He said, raising an eyebrow, testing his father's patience.

"Urgh..." Stoick groaned, "I'm going to regret this..."

"CAW-CAW!" Squawked Tuffnut, cupping his hands around his mouth.

"CAW-CAW!"Squawked Ruffnut, cupping her hands around her mouth.

"Guys! Just because we're out at sea does NOT mean you two are seagulls!" Astrid shouted, her hands on her hips, before turning to face Fishlegs, who was attempting to hide a large walking, gronkcle-shaped, cloth-covered object. "And Fishlegs! Don't think I can't see you sneaking Meatlug out onto deck! Get her back below deck. Now!"

"Oh but Astrid she can stay in the dark! It isn't good for her complexion! Isn't that right girl?" Fishlegs cooed, hugging Meatlug's head.

Astrid sighed, and, rolling her eyes, she crossed her arms and turned around to see Snotlout, soaking wet, screaming at two gleeful twins holding empty buckets.

"Urgh!" She groaned, frustrated and exhausted. She walked over to a barrel, presumably holding rum, and sat on it, next to a snickering Hiccup. "Oh, shut up!" She sighed, punching Hiccup in the arm. As expected Hiccup fell off the barrel. Complaining, he stood up and dusted himself off. "Seriously? What kind of man are you?" Astrid sighed, wistfully.

"The only one that will ever be able to have my pride and ego severely bruised and still love you anyway." He replied, frowning slightly, before he re-seating himself and laughed with his girlfriend.

Astrid stared out to sea as the sun began to set, painting the sky with streams of oranges, pinks and gold. Smiling softly, Astrid rested her head on Hiccup's shoulder. Hiccup, caught in the mood, rested his head on hers. Astrid closed her eyes in bliss, "Hiccup?"

"Mmm?" He replied.

"I love you..." She said, before opening her eyes and raising her head to catch Hiccup in a kiss. The kiss was soft, gentle and loving.

Meanwhile, further on deck a Gronckle was mounted on a snot-nosed Snotlout, with three blond Vikings laughing hysterically. Until Tuffnut stepped backwards and flipped off the boat. "Aahahaha! Your so stupid!" Ruffnut yelled.

"No I'm not! 'Cause technically I'm not a man-over board!" Said the muffled voice of Tuffnut, as he desperately clinged to the edge of the boat.

"Oh right..." Agreed Ruffnut. Fishlegs rolled his eyes.

A loud horn sounded, awaking the six young adults, until a large jolt of the ship shook them out of the cabin and onto the hard wooden floor of the cabin.

"Urgh..." Astrid groaned, pushing herself up, before placing a hand to her head, feeling the spot of an upcoming bruise.

Hiccup sat up, looking around, "Is everyone alright?" Murmurs of 'Uh-huh's, 'Yeah's and a 'Yeb' were heard. Hiccup stood up, "Okay, well, I'm going to go see what happened," He said, climbing the stairs. Opening the door, that led onto deck, he stuck his head out, "Dad? What happened?!" he shouted.

Stoick turned around, "Oh Hiccup! We've arrived on the Butt- uh Murderous Tribe's land. We need to go see the chief, I want to introduce you to him, prove that my son is better than his son…" He said, muttering the last part.

"I'm sorry, what?" Hiccup asked, raising an eyebrow.

Stoick avoided eye contact, "Uhh… Nothing…?"

Hiccup rolled his eyes, "Well, anyway, it's great that we've parked the boat! The dragons really need a stretch, especially Toothless. I think he gets gassy when he's couped up for too long… I'll just go get them."

"What? No! Hiccup? The Buh...uh… Murderers don't know about the dragons and us Hooligans, if they see the dragons in the sky, they're going to shoot them down. If they see them on land, they are going to kill and skin them. We can't let them know about Toothless and Stormfly and well, any of the dragons really…" Stoick said, scratching the back of his head in apology.

"Seriously?!" Hiccup shouted, "They are dragons Dad, and they have been couped up in that boat for almost two days, they will set fire to the ship unless they have their flying time!"

Stoick sighed, "Well alright, but keep 'em well hidden! And I think that Astrid should take Toothless out. You need to come with me and greet the chief!"

"Let me guess," Said Hiccup, exasperatedly, "You want to show me off to the chief, to prove I'm better than his son?" He asked, already imagining the reply he would get.

"Psh! What? No…!" Stoick said, putting an arm around Hiccup's shoulders and leading him off the boat.

"Einar the Axewielder, I am…" Stoick swallowed, seeming to struggle to find the right words, or rather, positive words at all.

"We are honoured to be in the presence of yourself and your tribe counsellors." Hiccup cut in, knowing that if his father had proceeded to speak one more word, the whole agreement of the alliance would be called off.

"And who, might you be, son?" Einar asked softly, his voice carrying a sharp edge to it, as he sat authoritatively on his high chair .

"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, the Heir to the Tribe of the Hairy Hooligans. I am son of chief Stoick the Vast." Hiccup replied, his voice unwavering as he unspokenly challenged Einar.

"Very well. We have children of your age, down amusing themselves in the valley. Go, make yourself acquainted. Now." His short sentences and soft voice, practically demanded silence and attention. Hiccup, unable to break the hold Einar's gaze had on his eyes, nodded and exited. "Now, Stoick the Vast. I believe we have business to discuss…"

"Hey! Hiccup!", Hiccup turned to see a very tired Astrid, panting as she climbed up the steep hill to meet with her boyfriend. "The dragons! After we flew, we landed next to the river to talk and then the dragons had a mishap and... Well they've shrunk again!" She said despairingly.

"Just soak them in cold water, like we did back at Berk" Hiccup replied as they began to climb down the steep hill. "No big deal"

"Yeah, but then I got an idea. What if we left the dragons like that until we got back to Berk? That way, they won't need to fly as much, eat as much, but sleep a lot more. It would make it easier for us!"Astrid suggested, waiting for a reaction from Hiccup.

"Huh, I guess so-ooaaaAAAAASTRID!" Hiccup began as he tripped and tumbled down the cliff, before being halted by a tree. "Ouch..." He muttered, rubbing his sore head. Straightening up, he froze. Below the hill was an enormous valley filled with purple, red, yellow and green plants all merged in together. "Astrid? Come look at this! Astri-!" Hiccup turned around to see Astrid right behind him.

"You called?" She said, raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah, yes, I did. Look, there. Uh yeah..." He said lamely.

Astrid rolled her eyes, "Well done Hiccup, you found the valley. The lake where the others are, is over there." She pointed to the left, where a large glistening pond was visible.

"Okay, but we're going to have to go down into the valley, to get there. How about it, m'lady?" Hiccup said, bowing and holding out a hand, for Astrid to take.

Astrid attempted to keep back her smile as she took the offered hand, "Of course, m'lord." The both began climbing down the second stage of the hill, toward the immense field of flowers, hand in hand.

Reaching the bottom of the hill, a group of teenagers were practicing their sword fighting. "What the heck? Kids here do this just for fun? Wow, the girls are just as muscly as the guys!" Astrid giggled. Hiccup shushed her as they edged around the large group in the direction of the lake.

Once they were out of the Murderous teenagers' earshot, they both burst out laughing. "Wow, do I feel sorry for your dad!" Astrid said, as their laughs died down.

Hiccup frowned, confused by what Astrid had said, "Why? What do you mean?" he asked, as they came to a halt.

Astrid stared at Hiccup, surprised that he genuinely had no idea what she had meant. "He's making an alliance, right?"

"Yeah, so?" Hiccup said, prompting her to continue.

"My dad told me that most alliances through tribes are mostly agreed, by chiefs, through-"

"'Ey guys! 'Urry ub! Duh Dwins are drivibg be bad!" Came a loud voice from the lake.

"That sounded like Snoutlout's germ-infested voice, we'd better go!" Astrid said, rolling her eyes as she began jogging toward the lake.

Hiccup stretched out his hand, "Wait, Astrid! Wait! You didn't finish-" But Astrid was already too far to hear him, "-What you were saying... Urgh... seriously?" Hiccup muttered, heading in the same direction as the young girl, to meet with his five friends.

"Hey, Hiccup. Hiccup! Come on, wake up already!"

Hiccup was jerked awake by Astrid's voice.

"Come on! It's sunset, we need to get back to the ship before your dad panics!" She said, pulling him up by his arm, "You know that was the fifth time I tried to wake you up. You sleep like an old granny Yak!" Astrid complained.

"Sorry for falling asleep!" Hiccup said, yawning.

Astrid began pulling him along, "The other Dragon Riders have already gone, and don't worry I have Toothless and Stormfly in my pouch."

"Astrid, slow down, Dad wont panic, and if he leaves without us, we can soak Toothless and Storm fly in cold water and fly them home. No one will see us if it's dark, we'll be fine!" Hiccup assured.

"No!"Astrid shouted, "I will not have Stormfly shot down and hunted by these Murderers. I'm pretty sure that they will live up to their tribe name!" Astrid released his hand and ran further ahead.

Hiccup sighed and began to run faster toward his father's boat.

On the boat Stoick seemed unusually silent as they set off, Hiccup and Astrid barely arriving in time.

"Dad...why...were we...there for...so long?" Hiccup asked, between breaths.

Stoick shifted his weight, nervously, "I, was uhm… Making arrangements...With Einar that is." Clearing his throat, Stoick avoided eye contact with his son.

"Dad! Tell me you didn't start a riot again!" Hiccup sighed, rolling his eyes.

Stoick, not seeming to hear him, turned his head, "Son, Come into my cabin, Astrid is welcome too."

The couple followed the chief below deck into his room, confused by what he was about to tell them.

"Sit, both of you." The two of them accepted the request and sat on the bed, "Hiccup, the only way to secure a good strong alliance is through marriage." Stoick began.

"What?" Hiccup whispered, "No. Wait. Dad, what do you mean? Are you getting married?"

"No, son. You are."

"What?!"

Next time on 'I think I'm Gonna Marry You'

"Astrid! Wait!"

...

"Who are you?"

...

"Heather?"