This was a short scene myself and a friend, Kathryn, wrote for the QMU Drama Society showcase about a year ago. I actually played Vader in the showcase. Anyway, thought I'd put this up, might get a few laughs. Many Star Wars puns.
Disclaimer: Star Wars and anything else you recognise in this play are the properties of their respective owners.
Palpatine is sitting on his chair and lord Vader comes in and kneels
Palpatine: lord Vader what news have you brought me?
Vader: …
Pal: (intimidatingly) this is most unlike you lord Vader, pray tell what has brought this (pause) silence upon you, (continues before Vader can speak) I hope for your sake it is nothing so small as to trouble the great leader and terror of the empire (looking at Vader) it better not be trivial for your sake.
Vader… my lord an integral part of the death stars system has been compromised
Pal: (leaning back steeples his fingers) this is grave news indeed, what exactly has been compromised?
Vader… my lord one of the facilities regarding the disposal of a certain waste has malfunctioned.
Pal: (angry) lord Vader why do you bring such trivial matters to me, this is not worthy of my time. I am most disappointed in you, I fear I may have to..
Vader: (interrupting) the toilets have backed up my lord.
Pal: (breaking character) oh damn not again, really?
Vader: yes my lord all over the floor
Pal: this is the third time today,
Vader: yes my lord
Pal: how can they be backed up for a third time, we just had them fixed? It's preposterous
Vader: (to himself) not as preposterous as an exhaust port the size of a photon torpedo built into the death star
Pal: what was that you said? Something about photon torpedoes?
Vader: nothing my lord
Pal: my expertise in armaments may be strong but I fear we need an expert in an altogether murkier field
Vader: what kind of expert my lord?
Pal: a master of the vile and nasty creations from the depths of sentinel bodies, we need…. A plumber
Vader: shall I call the regular man my lord?
Pal: force no he was the one who got us here
Vader: shall I find one my lord?
Pal: (noticing lord Vader still on knee) ….you're still on your knees? Rise just rise I can't deal with this at the moment, go get the galactic index
Vader rises stiffly rubbing his knees, Vader goes off stage comes back with yellow pages flicking through
Pal: anyone in the nearby?
Vader: the closest is one called Mario… but his description says will only take mushrooms as credit
Pal: good thing we own a mushroom world
Vader: Kashyyyk?
Pal: yes that planet with the walking doormats
Vader: his number is 330 000012
Pal pulls out old brick phone
Pal: (angry) Darth Plagueis's bane, no reception
Vader: must be your phone my lord it's an old model
Pal: nonsense it the newest one
Vader: 10 decades ago, this in the newest model
Vader pulls out black iphone
Vader: it even has holo net
Pal: (grumbling) you young people and your new gadgets
Vader hand phone to palpatine, palpatine frowns
Pal: blast this new technology it doesn't work (playing with phone)
Vader: what's wrong my lord? You have to press call
Pal: your damn phone needs me to do this insane challenge to get it to work
Vader:…challenge?
Pal; yes it seem like I have to make this bird creature fly through thin gaps..
Vader: that's flappy bird master
Pal: flappy bird, what's that?...it's rather addicting actually… (Frustrated) blast it hit a pipe
Vader: if you please my lord I'll call the plumber
Pal: fine
Hands Vader phone, Vader puts in number, hands phone back
Pal: good
Holds phone to ear and waits
…
Vader: is it ringing?
Pal: (annoyed) yes of course it is, its…ah he picked up, (speaking menacingly) this is the emperor of the galaxy there is a service I require from…what? (surprised/angry) Inconceivable?!
Vader: what is it my lord?
Pal: he's not in, it's an answering machine…I think…it says he's not there, he's…looking for a princess in a castle?
Vader: if it pleases you my lord, you can leave a message
Pal: no, now that I think of it a plumber chasing princesses with a mushroom obsession is not the one to solve our problem, if anything he will just make a mushroom farm in the mess. It's not worth it
Vader: what shall we do my lord?
Pal: who else is on the list?
Vader: there are a few more but they all seem to work for Mario or marked as 'extortionate'
Pal: the situation is getting worse if we don't find someone to fix this then the whole death star operation will…
Vader: (interrupting) my lord there is one other number
Pal: what does it say?
Vader: it belongs to an organic waste disposal manager
Pal: organic?
Vader: there's nothing else it says, one needs to phone them
Pal: then phone them
Vader puts the number into the phone
Pal: its ringing, wait its?...ah yes..(Menacingly) I am the emperor of the galaxy, I require your services. Your services are stated as organic waste disposal management?...yes...ah that's agreeable…yes that will do very well. I require several…where?...the death star in sector suspicious, in quadrant dangerous coordinates, 42,42,42. Yes?...tomorrow? Excellent. I await it with great anticipation. Ends call
Vader: the situation has been solved?
Pal: yes this man owns a Dianoga farm, they are bred to eat shit and generally deal with your waste so you don't have to.
Vader: once again your resourcefulness has proven to be inspirational…where will they live?
Pal: well after they have dealt with the toilets they can live in the garbage chutes, that way they will save us innumerable hours on waste disposal
Vader: brilliant my lord I see why you're the emperor
Pal: yes indeed
…
Vader: won't a creature in the garbage chute cause a problem if someone falls in?
Pal: of course not who in the whole galaxy would be mad enough to fall into a garbage chute?